Selfportraits (Patreon)

Shoot with Fujifilm GFX100RF 📷

Lately I haven’t been writing texts under my posts here.

Usually I do - and I know many of you actually like reading my thoughts. But these past weeks my sister came to visit, we’ve been traveling, spending time together, and I simply didn’t have the space to sit down with myself and write something real. Something that feels like a diary.

And during this time, when I was sharing only photos and not really sharing myself - I realized something.

For the past couple of months I’ve been feeling a kind of disappointment… or maybe sadness… about my posts. At first I thought it was about numbers. About likes. About getting less reaction from you, from my patrons. And that it made me sad.

But then I realized - it’s not that...

When I started this Patreon, it was meant to be a diary. I didn’t think much about whether people would like it or not. I just wanted to share my photos and my thoughts - and whoever resonates, stays.

And that’s what happened. But back then, my questions were directed inward. Who am I? Why am I like this? What do I feel? Now my questions are different. Now they are directed outward. To the world. Why does this work like this? Why do I feel this? Why do things happen this way?

After almost every post, I found myself waiting. Waiting for comments. Waiting for a conversation. Because I often ask you questions - and I genuinely care about your thoughts, your feelings, your experiences.

All this time I wasn’t sad because of what I write. I was sad because I didn’t receive the kind of response I was hoping for.

And I realized that when I don’t receive any response to those thoughts… it starts to feel strange. It starts to feel like I’m just talking into the void. Like I’m some kind of… I don’t know… a slightly dramatic city crazy person with a lot of thoughts and no witnesses 😅 Like I’m sitting on a balcony, asking existential questions into the air, and the air is just like - girl… that sounds like a you problem.

But when I read your comments, your reflections - something shifts. I feel grounded again. I feel like I’m not alone in these thoughts. Like this is real. Without that exchange, it sometimes feels like everything I write is just… imagined. I’m not saying this to ask you to comment more. This is not a request or a demand. This is just me sharing what’s been happening inside me.

If you don’t feel like writing - it’s okay. Truly. I don’t expect constant interaction. But if you do have something to say - please don’t hold back. And if you don’t feel comfortable commenting publicly, you can always write to me privately.

I’m really curious about how things live inside other people. How others experience the same thoughts. Because right now it’s just me and my brain… and we’re not always the most reliable duo)

P.S.

And I also want to say thank you to those of you who are always in conversation with me here. Alex Lippert, Antoni, Sendrock, Giacomo, RH foto, philm camera - I see you. I see how you share your thoughts, how you reflect, how you actually enter the dialogue with me - and it means a lot.

At the same time, I want to say thank you to everyone who writes even the simplest “beautiful photos” or “love this”. It really matters to me too. It makes me smile every time.

But those deeper conversations, those moments when you open up and respond not just to the images but to the thoughts behind them - those feel especially meaningful.

They make this space feel alive.

Thank you 🖤