Selfportraits (Patreon)

I don’t really know how to explain this, but over the past few days I’ve had some kind of revelation about… enjoyment.

I’ve spent my whole life rushing. From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed. I rush through brushing my teeth. I rush to put on all my anti-aging creams. I rush to get dressed so I can finally make breakfast… and then I rush through breakfast too. Then I rush to edit photos. Or photograph myself. Or photograph someone else… where, by the way, I’m also rushing to finish. And somehow that’s how my entire day goes. The only thing I don’t rush through is sleeping)))

The funny thing is… I could understand this if I were some incredibly busy businesswoman. You know, one meeting replacing another, deadlines on fire, picking the kids up from school, answering emails while simultaneously saving the world. But that’s not my life.

For the last six years I’ve intentionally built a life that gives me time. Time to simply exist. Time to plan my days in a way that allows me to enjoy them instead of constantly chasing them. And somehow… my brain still managed to invent reasons to hurry.

But over the last few days something has started gently hitting me over the head. In a nice way)))

Out of nowhere I’ve started taking longer baths… simply because I enjoy being there. Playing video games without feeling guilty… because I genuinely like them. Applying body lotion slower… because it actually feels nice. I’ve even started unloading the dishwasher slowly… because I’m doing it out of desire, not obligation. Which honestly feels like personal growth))) I’m not even rushing while writing this. I keep catching myself slowing my fingers down on the keyboard. As if my body is quietly saying, “There’s nowhere else you need to be.”

And I’ve realized something.

Things don’t become enjoyable because they’re extraordinary. Sometimes they become enjoyable simply because you stop rushing through them.

I don’t know where this came from. Maybe something in me finally relaxed. Maybe I’m finally arriving somewhere inside myself. Or maybe I’m just getting older))) Who knows. Maybe I’ll even stop getting annoyed at people who walk slowly on narrow sidewalks 😅 …We’ll see.

But honestly…

I really hope this never goes away