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Some Thoughts (Patreon)

Published:
2026-06-16 02:01:21
Imported:
2026-11

Content

After my psychiatric treatment at the end of last month and the beginning of this month, my hands have been shaking from the medication. Drawing even simple lines takes me forever now. I've been overwhelmed by this huge emptiness and the fear that I might not be able to paint anymore. I made a lot of AI videos trying to fill that desire — the urge to change how I look. But it didn't help. If anything, trying to use AI this way felt like a real destruction of creativity. It's going to be a very, very long time before the treatment is over... The good news is, by next month I'll finally be free from debt. And the shaking hasn't been as bad these past few days.

As for the AI videos I posted instead of regular updates — the only reason is that I wanted to express my thoughts on the topic of transformation. Please don't worry. AI will not replace MXL. After the brief obsession I had earlier this month, I've thought a lot about AI and where it really stands.

Comments

Rrrrrukas

It's really heartbreaking to hear you are in that state :( I understand that fear, the thought of losing the thing that brings us purpose is really frightening. I understand that you are doing your best to try and hold on to something. But hope you take things slow and wish you steady recovery, I really want to get to know you better ^^💖

Eevening

I hope really fast recovery as always! You know where to find me if u ever need to chat..

repenter

Not sure if it helps, but have you thought about doing short stories or skits in the meantime? One of the things I've liked about your work is the amount of depth of emotion and character you have in your short panels. Stories might help you keep concepts alive for you to come back to.

Sebastian

While it is terrible how you feel. I'm glad that you are seeking the right help and are moving forward in a productive way. Mental health, in comparison to most physical health issues, is a long journey that doesn't necessarily have an end in sight most of the time. But that doesn't mean things won't get better. As long as you hang in there, they will. And your community is behind you all the way.

l0x0ly

It's really been tough for you through all these hardships, teacher. We will always support you, keep going!

LimeMaide

as an artist that's suffered massive problems from necessary medications, i can understand the pain of being unable to draw much, if at all... i hope things can calm down for you soon. you've got this, i believe in you!

FrostRiver City

Thanks for the suggestion, it really means a lot. I've actually thought about it too — but lately I've been too exhausted to even come up with story ideas. Once I'm feeling a bit better, I'll give it a try. Thank you for always looking at my work so closely.

FrostRiver City

Thank you for your words — they really warmed my heart a little. That fear is truly hard to bear, but hearing someone say "I understand" feels like having someone by my side. I'll take it slow, and I hope I can get to know you better too. Thank you for being willing to come closer ^^

FrostRiver City

Thank you. Just knowing you said that makes me feel a little lighter. I'll remember it.

FrostRiver City

Thank you for saying that. When I read the line "your community is behind you all the way," I almost teared up. This road really does feel endless, but with words like that, I feel like I can keep going a little longer. Truly, thank you.

FrostRiver City

Thank you for telling me that, and for believing in me. I'll hold on a little longer.