Go ahead. Leave your hat on. (Patreon)

I'm good at a lot of things...cooking, laying around in itchy lingerie, wearing hats, painting on rocks, fostering high-maintence dogs with health issues that end up staying here forever because I'm a foster failure (OK, maybe I'm not so good at that), swearing in multiple languages, writing, pattern recognition, aggressively maneuvering around terrible Florida drivers (fuckers are TRAVELING in the passing lane! ILLEGAL), rationalizing eating dark chocolate late at night (but...it's healthy!!), and a few other things I probably shouldn't mention here...

BUT...dealing with linens is not one of them.

How to fold a fitted sheet: Stand with feet apart. Sacrifice a goat. Trust the void. Distant screaming. Panic. Throw sheet into ocean.

If you suck at this too...you're not alone.

Ps. If you're the one who sent this super cool necklace from my Amazon wishlist...I looooove it. Thank you. It came without a sender slip and I never knew who the amazing and generous person was.

Xoxo.