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Demon lord chapter 2 sketch p1-2 (Patreon)

Published:
2020-10-19 19:17:41
Edited:
2023-09-12 11:06:54
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Ok let's do this chapter 2  is finally begin!

Well if you found any mistake or have suggestion on dialouge feel free to post it in the comment.

Files

Comments

StarGazer

Love how the Demon Maid has a very playful flirty side to her.

Arthur Yeung

@ibenz009 So did Gilbert ever retain the same personality after being transformed? Or is it a new personality, but with the same memories?

T004

So Demonlord is more like Goddes of the dark now.

TheMotionHero

A little fix on the second page should say: “No...Please...Not that close...P-Please...What’s going to happen to me?...”

DaxJaden

Gilbert is one of my favorite characters and designs you've done. Glad to see them back in the first couple of pages for chapter 2 ( ◜‿◝ )♡

Nepisa

Love the sketch, a few things on page two: 1) You don't [recognize] this place? We are back at the demon lord[']s castle! (apostrophe makes more sense) 2) Well[,] a castle ruin to be exact. We really did a number on this place[,] huh[?] 3) [The Hero - no, our Goddess -] put you to sleep and [brought] us here (seems more fitting if Hero is his job description and not a name, also "brought" for "bring" the past) 4) So it's not a [nightmare]... Both [the Hero] and Gilbert are... 5) Is there [something] on my face? Perhaps[] you are enchanted by my new look? 6) No...[ ]Not that[...] please not that [close]. [What's] going to happen to me?

l3ad-1uck

Great work cleaning up the wording, however, I disagree with having the name be "the hero". Everyone has called him "Hero" up until now, it would break immersion while reading if that changed randomly in a later panel.

Nepisa

I suppose that's true. Depends on what kind of continuity is expected. If the parts stand on their own, then breaking the convention wouldn't be as bad. It's a personal thing - as a non-native speaker, it's a bit confusing for a second, because I read it as a name, rather than the role. I guess those parts (parts of 3, latter of 4) could be considered an artistic choice that can go either way.

CrazedGamma1721

I Really Hope The Girl Keeps Her Mind Intact With The Transformation And How She Learns To Deal With Being Transformed.

Arxynos

Ahh looks like Gilbert actually has emotion, I thought after she become slave she would act more like a robot slave with no emotion

A. H. W.

Is "Gilbert" still going to be called "Gilbert"? I like the new playful attitude, and the reveal of her standing on her head with the head-things is nice and helps highlight how much she's changed. That also implies they're strong--if Gilbert keeps doing the uncomfortably-close-personal-space thing, having a few of them wrap around Aria's head or limbs at some point and hug her tightly would be a good way to add menace while keeping the attitude. I also like that the servant here isn't just a mindless puppet. "Slaves" having some sense of personality and agency in service of their master/mistress makes them more interesting. Can't wait to see where this goes next!

MagicCobra911

Interesting start, I did not expect an immediate time skip, I wonder how much of that will be elaborated on? Gilbert sure is bubbly here I love it😁, it will especially be a great treat to see these first two pages colored!

Nightmare49

Oh this is good so far to me. First though i think that "Gelbert" She end up getting a new name. Renaming herself into something else by the Demon lord. Also i feel like she should forget her past life as a human. Lastly i feel like that Aria should end up as en emo/gothic like girl in mind as she is going to be a shade demon girl.

Benjamin Lawton

Agreed. Perhaps "Gillian", as the closest feminine equivalent?

Asani

"Gelbert" brings to mind 'gelding', which could be a plus or a minus depending.

Asani

And so it begins... with the usual aplomb!

Asani

Has been a day. I took what Nepisa had and threw in some additional suggestions for your consideration. () = optional [] = pick one 2.1 had => have (Are you alright? => How are you feeling?) 2.2.1 reconize => recognize Lord => Lord's 2.2.2 Or more precisely, the ruins of it. We really did a number on this place! 2.2.3 Hero, no, Goddess put you to sleep and had me bring you here. 2.3 So it wasn't a nightmare. Both Hero and Gilbert are... 2.4 They're [demons / monsters] now. I mustn't be fooled by the innocent looking maiden in front of me. 2.5.1 What is it, Aria? Something on my face? Or perhaps you find [this guise / my new form] enchanting? 2.5.2 No, please... stay back! What [is going to happen / are you going to do] to me?

Alexey Stratulat

And I like the name Hero. And I think the name Hero still suits the character.

Nepisa

I've thought about it a bit after what l3ad-luck said, and I think what's bugging me about using "hero" as a name is that it's usually used in a condescending tone from the villain ("So you've finally come, Hero."). However, in this case, the feeling is the opposite, for both Aria and Gilbert. But that's really complaining on a high level now.

Benjamin Lawton

Just out of curiosity: Do Gilbert's original eyes even still work at all? Or are they just ornamental now, and she's actually seeing through the "jewel" in the center of her forehead?

Asani

Just noticed Fembert leaning on part of her “hair” like a railing in the second page. I love seeing novel uses of non-human anatomy like that. Makes a character design feel so much more alive and fully realized!

Arthur Yeung

I think "Gilda" is more appropriate.

A. H. W.

If she's going to get a new name, it would be pretty easy to squeeze it in before the first line on page 2. Have her say "My Goddess calls me XXXX now" and then "You've been sleeping for quite some time", since the former corrects Aria.

Nightmare49

that would be a good way to have it go.

l3ad-1uck

I'm just happy that people care about this amazing work of art as much as I do! Thanks for coming together to discuss!

l3ad-1uck

Awesome feedforward!