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Miko spider corruption p3-4 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-12-02 19:08:13
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

I'm back. I become a monk for a week.  

I apologize again for less post than usual last month. 

Anyway here another 2 page done. If you find any mistake feel free to post it in the comment.

Thank you again for another month of support!

Files

Comments

MagicCobra911

Nice art looks stunning as always, I will say though that the comment about the cockroach incident with Makoto is worded oddly. It should say something like “this is bad I haven’t seen her panick/freak out this much since I saw that cockroach crawl into her mouth…” God just typing that shakes me up a bit, I can’t stand roaches either😨! Also button right panel for the first page is stupid bug(s) you forgot to pluralize the word bug. Bottom left “I will tech (you) how a priestess should behave”. I also see one or two other instances where you missed pluralizing a word (s).

StarGazer

Looks so amazing!

TF-Wizard

These are recommendations, but I think they may help the flow and/or grammar a bit. Page 1, Panel 1: “Splendid, the human taints are being purged from your body.” -> Splendid! The taint of humanity is being purged from your form! Page 1, Panel 2: “As My As My Avater, You are not going to embarrass my name bwith your antic!” -> “As my avatar, you will not embarrass my name with your antics!! Page 1, Panel 4: “Crap! Crap! That the cockroach got into her mouth scream!” -> “Crap! Crap! She hasn’t screamed that hard since that cockroach got in her mouth!” “Dammit! Get out the way stupid bug!” -> Dammit! Get out of the way, you stupid bug!” Page 2, Panel 2: “Do not fret Kyo. The Ritual is a success.” -> Do not fret Kyo. The ritual was successful.” Page 3, Panel 3: “I am Yama-Hime, Avatar of the goddess who rule this mountain.” -> I am Yama-Hime, Avatar of the Goddess who Rules this mountain.

trigger_portal_cleanser

Format: Original quote ↴ Modified quote with [notes] ↴ Modified quote without notes. Notes shown in [square brackets] Multiple possible modifications shown in {curly brackets/braces} ――――――――――――――――――― “Splendid, the human taints are being purged from your body.” ↴ “Splendid, {your human taintedness [the taints are specific to her] is/the taints of humanity [the taint is of being human] are} being purged from your body.” ↴ “Splendid, {your human taintedness is/the taints of humanity are} being purged from your body.” “As my as my avatar, you are not going to embarrass my name with your antic!!” ↴ “As my avatar [remove duplicate], you {are not going to/shall not} [while the original is fine, it’s a bit long-winded, I’ve suggested an alternate phrase which is a bit more “natural”] {embarrass/slander} [again, “embarrass” is fine, but given the speaker is a goddess, the more formal “slander” may be better] my name with your antics!!” [antics is usually found pluralised] ↴ “As my avatar, you {are not going to/shall not} {embarrass/slander} my name with your antics!!” [antics is usually found pluralised] “What are you, my mom!?” [an argument could be made to split this into two clauses, i.e., “What are you? My mom!?”, but this is frankly fine] “I will teach how a proper priestess should behave! ↴ “I will teach you [dropped a “you” here] how a proper priestess should behave!” ↴ “I will teach you how a proper priestess should behave!” “Crap! Crap! That the cockroach got into her mouth. Scream!” ↴ “Crap! Crap! That [remove “the”] cockroach got into her mouth. {Wah/Aah/Aaa}! [No-one says “scream” to scream. ;P I’ve provided some alternatives, but given the context, you may also want to just replace it with an expletive (curse word)] [that all said, the sentence as a whole flows strangely. You may want to reconsider rephrasing this one] ↴ “Crap! Crap! That [remove “the”] cockroach got into her mouth. {Wah/Aah/Aaa}! “Dammit! Get out the way stupid bug!” ↴ “Dammit! Get out {of} [optional “of”, while technically wrong to exclude it, it’s commonly swallowed (not said) in speech anyway] the way, stupid bug!” [comma before and after addressing someone, yes, “stupid bugs” included] ↴ “Dammit! Get out {of} the way, stupid bug! “I’m here Mikoto! Do you hear me?” ↴ “I’m here, Mikoto! [comma] Can [“do” is grammatically fine, but questions like this are more commonly said with “can”] you hear me?” ↴ “I’m here, Mikoto! Can you hear me?” “Do not fret Kyo. The ritual is a success.” ↴ “Do not fret, Kyo. [comma] The ritual was [past tense, the ritual happened] a success.” ↴ “Do not fret, Kyo. The ritual was a success.” “I am Yame-Hime, avatar of the goddess who rule this mountain.” ↴ “I am Yame-Hime, avatar of the goddess who rules [strange grammar thing: if the sentence were “I rule this mountain”, then the lack of an “s” on “rules” would be fine, however, the given sentence actually changes the subject from “I” to “the goddess”, meaning instead of being in the first person, we are now third-person. And when the subject is third-person (singular), verbs have suffixes added. This is known as a “Simple Present”] this mountain.” ↴ “I am Yame-Hime, avatar of the goddess who rules this mountain.” “Hmmm… Where are your manners, mortal? Kneel, as a goddess stands before you.” ↴ “Oh? [normally, “hmm” is contemplative (that is, it is used when one is thinking), the context given makes it seem like that she is instead surprised, in which case “oh” makes more sense. If this is not the case, reject this suggestion] Where are your manners, moral? Kneel, as a goddess stands before you.” ↴ “Oh? Where are your manners, moral? Kneel, as a goddess stands before you.”

Jaegar Media

Great work as usual, I've been keeping up with the news lately. Nasty business with that drug bust. It wasn't just the monks the abbot too! Isn't there doctrine against taking drugs? Good to see that you're back though.

Jimmy Henriksen

Does a written story of this exist anywhere?