NO SKATEBOAR (Patreon)

I was walking around and was suddenly struck with inspiration (see photo).

"Nearly thirty years ago, the skateboarding scene changed forever with the arrival of the Skateboar. We still don't know where she came from or even what her real name was, but it was clear that there was no one else like her. She took on some of the most dangerous stunts in history like they were nothing. Her moves were so revolutionary that they are widely considered impossible to replicate. Everyone wanted to be the Skateboar, but the truth is, there was only one Skateboar. Then one day, just as soon as she appeared, the Skateboar was gone.

"She disappeared without a trace. Some say she died in a stunt, exploding in a fiery ball of propane. Others say she was abducted by beings from another galaxy who extracted her soul, trapping it in seven 'spirit gems' within the astral plane. There are even theories that she was taken out by government agents because her moves were too 'radical'. However, there are some pessimists out there who claim that she put away her board, got a nine-to-five job, married a smart, handsome young man and raised six beautiful children, all of whom she is very proud of, and that she lives next-door in her tidy, well-kept home and every holiday she brings each of her neighbors a box of cookies, and she even occasionally comes over to talk about things like how her second-eldest son is graduating from medical school this weekend and that the family's going on vacation next month to celebrate or how she sometimes considers taking up skating again but never does because it would just be such a hassle to dig her old board out of the garage, and besides, she's playing tennis with her friends at the book club later, so there's really no time, and then, when she's done chatting, she always waves and says something to the effect of 'hang loose, dude', and if you don't believe me, her full legal name is Margaret Hampton Hogswoggle and her address is 359 Cloudy Way, Colossal City, so go ask her yourself, jerk. But fortunately, claims like this are absurd and baseless.
Legends like the Skateboar can't die--they go down in a blaze of glory! Perhaps she's in hiding after some long-forgotten sex scandal. Or maybe she just overdosed in an alley somewhere. As any true fan of the Skateboar will tell you, if it turns out that this symbol of rebellion resigned to a mundane, yet happy, suburban life, then maybe this is one legend that is better off left dead.

"In any case, with no solid leads to her whereabouts, it seems that the world will never know the fate of the Skateboar."