Health! And Life! And Love! (Patreon)

Hey y'all, I think it's important that I be transparent about how I'm feeling about creation on a day-to-day basis (within reason), so I figured that I'd just let you guys know about how I'm feeling.

I've been wanting to make YouTube videos for a living since I was eleven years old, but I always figured it was a pipe dream that would dissolve as I pursued other things. I've always been generally good at school, but when college came around I found myself chronically untalented at it. I can barely get in assignments, study, or feign curiosity for whatever I'm learning. I'm not sure what happened in the gap between high school and college that resulted in this, but I assume it was the Covid-19 pandemic (Google it if you haven't heard of it, it's kind of underground but I won't gatekeep).

The last few days I have been feeling my body and brain beg me for some sort of stability that I am struggling to offer it. I don't know how much of this is related to my videos, my inconsistent relationship with my antidepressants, or my mental illness but undeniably it is there. For this reason the next two or three videos will probably be a little bit less intense in terms of tone and research, just because I need to focus on making sure I'm not going to sleep at 7am. I look forward to making more content for the channel and for you all, I just think the sudden uptick in growth has overwhelmed me in a way I didn't think it would. 

I accumulated hundreds of thousands of TikTok followers without blinking, but YouTube is much more personal to me. I see YouTube videos as a sort of art form in the same way I see TV or movies- they can vary in quality, form, and genre, but in the end they're ultimately art. I want to hold true to that, and I think the easiest way for me to do that is to just make jokes and be genuine and try to maybe have a consistent schedule for at least breakfast and dinner. Of course I will discuss this more in my future videos- I value honesty and vulnerability more than I value mystique. If I ever stop talking about it, it's either because it has cleared up for the moment, or because I feel like I've stopped trusting my audience to handle the information. I trust you guys right now. I also trust you all to think critically and be your own people and engage in a unique way with the world around you. Ok. Go hug someone you love and drink some water. See you all for the video tonight :-)!