Gacha Harem King DXD Remastered Chapter 4 First Date (Patreon)

Houydou household

Friday morning in the Hyoudou household didn't start with an alarm clock, but with the rhythmic, frantic twitching of an ahoge brushing against Issei’s nose. The birds chirped outside and the sky was a taunting, peaceful blue, but inside, Issei was pinned to his futon by his alien girlfriend.

"Mmm... Darling, you’re dreaming about the reward again, aren't you?" Nyaruko chirped, her eyes snapping open with a terrifying energy. 

Issei groaned, his body still feeling like it had been through a car wash full of bricks. "Nyaruko... it’s 6:00 AM. My body is still not ready for today."

"Oh don’t be that way, Darling! You have already touched my boobs, you should have all the energy you need!" She countered, hugging his arm tighter. 

It was then that the door to the guest bedroom opened, revealing it to be Kaguya, who stood in purple silk pajamas given to her by Miki, looking down at the heap of limbs on the futon with disdain.

"Must you two be so loud at such an unrefined hour?" Kaguya asked, fanning herself lazily. "The sun has barely cleared the horizon, and already the air is thick with... whatever primitive pheromones you exude".

"Good morning to you too, Princess," Issei wheezed, trying to sit up. "Did you... did you sleep okay?"

"I am an immortal of the Moon, husband. 'Sleep' is a suggestion, not a requirement," Kaguya replied, though her eyes lingered on his left arm with a flicker of curiosity. "Though I must say, seeing you collapse into a heap of perverted triumph last night was... enlightening. In a tragic sort of way".

From the hallway, a smaller, colder voice cut through the room. "He’s still alive? Good. I had a whole set of drills planned for the morning." Evangeline leaned against the doorframe, her blue eyes scanning Issei’s depleted body. "Get up, you sack of pudding. Your hidden power might have awakened, but your body is still trash. If you think one lucky bit of power earns you a day of lounging, you’re even more delusional than I thought".

Issei's head hit the pillow again. "Evangeline, please... I can’t even feel my toes."

"That's because I'm sitting on them~!" Nyaruko giggled, shifting her weight. "But he does need his strength, Evangeline! He has to go to school later.”

Evangeline pinched the bridge of her nose, her expression one of pure, unadulterated mental fatigue. "Fine. Guess his parents won’t appreciate him missing class.”

Issei looked at the three women currently occupying his room, one obsessed, one unimpressed, and one purely exhausted. "I have a feeling," Issei muttered to himself, "that school is going to be the easiest part of my day".

Some things just didn’t change. After the eventful Thursday night where he, through the sheer power of perversion, managed to summon the red glove, Issei had earned a well deserved rest.

And with that success came... responsibilities. Like Nyaruko demanding he play with her boobs the moment they arrived home as promised.

—---------------------------------------

Last night, Hyoudou Residence, Guest Bedroom

The air in the guest bedroom was thick with the scent of Nyaruko and Issei’s scent as both stared at each other while sitting down on the futon.

“Okay, Nyaruko-chan, are you sure you’re okay with this?” Issei asked,  nervously as he was vibrating with a mix of terror and horniness as the silver-haired alien bounced excitedly on the edge of the futon, chest puffed up,

“Of course~!” Nyaruko beamed, her ahoge curling into a perfect heart shape. “You earned this, darling! My breasts are your reward for being so hardworking! Just please be gentle, they’re very sensitive to stimulation!”

“Holy crap, this is the best day ever,” Issei whispered, his trembling hands inches away from glory—

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

The door slammed open as Kaguya stood at the entrance, her red and pink silks billowing as if caught in a heroic wind, her eyes burning with righteous fury. “Issei Hyoudou! What in the name of the Lunar Court are you doing?!”

Issei let out a high-pitched shriek, scrambling backward until his head hit the headboard. “K-Kaguya! I was just—she promised—and I—!!”

“That is no excuse for fondling a woman’s chest!” She roared.Kaguya stepped into the room, the temperature dropping with every stride. “What kind of man are you?! What kind of husband?! You dare ogle another in the presence of your lawful wife?!”

“I’m a pervert! Plus Nyaruko-chan said I could—!” Issei shouted, waving his hands frantically as if it were a defense.

“I don’t care what that deranged, space-faring intruder told you!” Kaguya shouted, pointing a finger at his chest. “You are my husband now! And I refuse to allow you to rot your mind and soil my name with such vulgarity!” 

Nyaruko, meanwhile, pouted, clearly looking insulted and angry at being interrupted. She stood up, crossing her arms under her chest as if to enhance her "assets" to the Princess’s glare. “Excuse you, Moon Princess. I gave full consent! My darling deserves my affection! He summoned the big red glove exactly like you wanted and worked very hard, he earned the boob privileges!”

“You are not his wife!” Kaguya snapped, her aura flaring into a deep, regal purple.

“I’m Waifu #1 and his girlfriend! That’s a higher rank in most anime!” Nyaruko countered, her silver hair beginning to whip around her face.

“Well, I am the legal spouse, and I demand a higher standard of behavior from my so-called husband!”

“Oh yeah? Then prove it, you fossil!”

The two girls were soon nose-to-nose, their foreheads practically sparking as their auras clashed like storm clouds over the futon. The pressure in the room made the windows rattle in their frames.

Issei didn't wait for a winner. He began to slowly, agonizingly quietly, slither toward the door on his stomach, moving like a cartoon character escaping a bear trap. ‘I just wanted to touch some boobs,’ He thought, a single tear of frustration rolling down his cheek. ‘Instead, I’m going to be killed by the shockwaves of a jealous princess and a love-sick alien.’

—---------------------------------------------

Downstairs, Evangeline A.K. McDowell, clad in her black gothic dress, was sprawled lazily across the couch. One leg was draped carelessly over the armrest, a bag of chips in her hand and the TV remote in the other.

“Idiots,” She muttered, her red eyes fixed on the screen as the muffled sounds of Nyaruko and Kaguya vibrated through the floorboards. “Absolute, bottom-tier morons.” 

She was currently trying to focus on a nature documentary about Arctic wolves, creatures she found far more relatable than the screaming teenagers upstairs. She reached for the teacup Miki Hyoudou had prepared for her, taking a slow sip of the herbal brew.

“If I had known this was what freedom was like, I’d have transferred dimensions sooner.” She whispered to the empty room with boredom.

Miki Hyoudou, ever the gracious and strangely unflappable host, hummed a cheerful tune as she passed by the living room. She didn't seem at all bothered by the fact that a centuries-old vampire was eating her snacks or that her son was currently at the center of a domestic dispute. 

“Would you like anything else, Evangeline-chan?” Miki asked with a warm, maternal smile. “A refill on your tea? Or perhaps some fruit?” 

“More cookies, please.” Evangeline replied without looking away from the wolves on the screen. “The ones with the chocolate bits. And bring the whole tray this time.”

“Coming right up!” Miki chirped, her heels clicking toward the kitchen.

Evangeline then crunched on a chip, her gaze drifting toward the stairs for a split second as Issei’s muffled scream of “I just want a peaceful life!” drifted down.

“Good luck with that, brat,” She said, her voice dripping with dark amusement.

—--------------------------------------

Nyaruko had taken to helping around the house. “Mom-in-law~! I did the dishes and vacuumed the living room! Look, I even dusted the family photos and gave your plants special alien nutrient juice!” She chirped, spinning around with a feather duster. 

Miki blinked, staring at her hibiscus, which was now glowing a faint, pulsating neon violet. “You… what?”

“Don’t worry! It’s totally harmless! Only a 2% chance of spontaneous sentience!” Nyaruko added with a thumbs-up.

Gorou sweatdropped, watching the plant's leaves twitch rhythmically, but he whispered to Miki, “She’s energetic, I’ll give her that. She’s kind of growing on me”. 

However, not all housework was done by hand. “Actual manual labor is beneath me, a royal princess.” Kaguya said coolly, standing in the center of the dining room. 

With a flick of her wrist, time, like a golden hourglass, seemed to flip itself upside down. The room shimmered, and with a silent flash, every dust particle and stain simply ceased to exist in the present moment. The table was spotless; the air smelled exactly like the lemon polish Miki had used the week before.

“House restored to its morning prime,” Kaguya declared smugly.

Issei, standing in the doorway with his breakfast, dropped his toast in awe. “That was… that was actually awesome.” 

Miki and Gorou clapped, genuinely impressed by the domestic miracle.

Even Nyaruko clapped, albeit reluctantly as she pouted, her ahoge drooped into a sullen zigzag. “Hmph! Show-off spoiled princess... using high-tier sorcery for dust bunnies is cheating!”

Kaguya basked in the parents' attention like a plant in the midday sun, her expression serene but insufferably smug. “Praise is expected to royalty,” She noted.

Issei noticed Nyaruko’s pout and leaned over, whispering, “Hey, knowing that you actually put in the effort to help mom cook makes the food taste way better, Nyaruko-chan .”

“Really? You mean it? You’re not just saying that so I don't take down the Princess?” She perked up immediately, her eyes shining. 

“Totally,” Issei said with a genuine smile.

She beamed and hugged him so tight his ribs made a small cracking sound, making Kaguya’s brow twitch as she bristled again.

From the couch, Evangeline rolled her eyes and turned up the volume on her game show. “If you all don't sit down and eat, I’m going to start eating all of the appetizers.”

Miki served the hot food while Nyaruko set the plates with surprising, high-speed efficiency, humming a strange alien lullaby that sounded like static and wind chimes. Kaguya sat with dignified grace, lifting her chopsticks with perfect etiquette, while Evangeline poked at her rice as if she were wondering if it would taste good.

Gorou chuckled, sipping his sake and looking around the crowded table. “Y’know, Miki, I never imagined I’d have three super-powered girls living under my roof… all fighting over my son.”

“I am not 'fighting,'” Evangeline corrected without looking up. “I’m simply supervising his development as he is now my student.”

“I’m not fighting either,” Nyaruko sang, leaning her head on Issei’s shoulder. “Because I’ve already won~!”

“...Blasphemy,” Kaguya whispered, her grip tightening on her chopsticks until they creaked.

‘Life had gotten weird fast,’ Issei thought, sitting between an eldritch alien officer, a time-bending moon princess, and a vampire witch. He looked at his parents, then at the glowing plant in the corner, and realized his "normal" life was officially a lost cause. 

—------------------------------------------

Friday, 11 of April, 2008

The end of the week couldn’t come quicker for Issei Hyoudou.

The Friday morning in Kuoh arrived with a relentless brightness that Issei found personally offensive. As the sunlight bathed the town, he stood before the school gates with great difficulty as his shoulders were slouched, his tie was crooked, and every muscle fiber was currently screaming in a dialect of pain invented by Evangeline. 

He hadn’t been through the gates for more than five minutes before the vultures began to circle.

“Oi! Issei!”

Two very familiar voices barreled toward him. Matsuda and Motohama arrived, both wild-eyed and dragging their backpacks behind them.

“Mister ‘I have a girlfriend now!’” Matsuda bellowed, his face a mask of tragic betrayal. 

“You better spill, you casanova! About every detail!” Motohama howled, frantically adjusting his foggy glasses as he leaned into Issei’s personal space. 

Issei barely had time to blink before the duo was flanking him, their eyes gleaming with a mix of envy and genuine confusion. 

“You’ve got to tell us more!” Matsuda begged, clutching Issei’s blazer. “We need details!”

“How did a degenerate like you get a girl before us?!” Motohama howled, adjusting his foggy glasses.

Despite his aching spine, Issei’s ego began to inflate. He leaned back, basking in the glorious jealousy of his peers. “Sorry, guys. Some things can’t be taught. It’s just natural charm. You either have it, or you don't.” 

“Lies! You casted a spell, didn’t you?!” Matsuda cried out, drawing looks from nearby students. “Did you sell your soul to a demon? Did you find a magic lamp?!”

“Something has to explain the miracle!” Motohama added, pointing a trembling finger.

Issei simply placed his arms behind his head, his smirk widening until it was borderline smug. “It’s not my fault I’ve ascended to greatness while you two are still playing in the dirt. Some of us were chosen by fate. Others… well, you can watch me from the sidelines.” The smugness practically radiated off him.

“You absolutely suck,” Motohama muttered, his soul visibly leaving his body.

“I envy you so much I could actually die. I’m dying right now,” Matsuda added, slumping over.

As if on cue, Aika Kiryuu strolled past them, her hands in her pockets and a razor-sharp grin on her face. “Well, well, if it isn’t Prince Pervert,” She chirped, looking Issei up and down. “How’s your totally real, definitely-not-hallucinated girlfriend? Did she disappear in a puff of smoke?” 

“She’s perfect, Aika. In fact, she’s beyond your comprehension,” Issei said proudly, standing as tall as his sore muscles allowed.

From a few feet away, Murayama and Katase paused their conversation to scoff in unison. 

“Uh-huh,” Katase said, her arms crossed tightly. “And what exactly does this 'perfect' girl see in you? You must’ve hypnotized her. Or bribed her. Or blackmailed her.”

“Maybe she’s just blind and mistook him for someone else,” Aika added with a wink.

Issei didn't care as he simply grinned, fueled by the memory of Nyaruko’s boobs. “Believe what you want. I’ve got a girlfriend, and you’ve got... well, you’ve got questions.” 

As they continued walking toward the lockers, Murayama leaned in and whispered to Katase, “You think it’s actually true? He’s acting way too confident for a hallucination.”

Katase shrugged, her eyes narrowing as they watched the trio move down the hall. “I doubt it will last. Girls like that eventually wake up. And when she does, the crash is going to be hilarious.”

—----------------------------------------

Night, Kuoh Park

The night air at Kuoh Park was thick with the scent of sweat and Issei’s absolute despair.

CLANG.

Issei crashed against a summoned magic wall for the tenth time, his vision swimming. Sweat dripped from his brow and soaking his dirt-stained gym clothes. On his left hand, Twice Critical glowed with a flickering, unstable light.

“Again,” Evangeline’s voice rang out, cold and sharp.

He staggered upright, panting, his muscles and legs shaking. “C-Can’t I… I don’t know… rest for a second?! My lungs burn!”

“You’ll get to rest when I see results, or when you lose consciousness,” She said simply, adjusting her black sleeves. “Preferably the former, but I’m flexible.” 

From her place near a magically manifested table, Kaguya sipped a cup of tea with serene amusement. “You only say that because you’re not the one punching those shields, vampire,” the Princess noted, the steam from her cup curling into the moonlit air. “It’s quite easy to be a taskmaster when your own skin isn't at risk.” 

“I could be punching him instead,” Evangeline offered flatly, her red eyes shifting toward the gasping teen. “It would certainly be more cathartic.”

“No, no! The shields are fine! The shields are great! I love the shields!” Issei wheezed, throwing his hands up in a panicked defensive gesture. 

Nearby, Nyaruko bounced in place in a full cheerleader outfit, complete with a pleated skirt and glittering pom-poms that appeared out of thin air.

“You got this, darling~! Go, go, Ise-kun! Just 300 more reps to go!” She cheered, her ahoge twirling like a propeller. 

Issei let out a pathetic whimper and collapsed face-first into the dirt. Twice Critical flickered out with a faint, metallic sigh of exhaustion.  “…Okay. I hate everything. Every single thing in this training,” He mumbled into the grass.

“Be glad you’re progressing at all,” Kaguya noted, standing up and smoothing her red and pink kimono. “From what we’ve observed during your... enthusiastic outbursts, the glove doubles your strength, defense, and speed. That’s quite the benefit for such a primitive, unrefined form.” 

“But,” Evangeline added, her arms folded tightly over her chest, “we’re sure that’s not all it does. There’s always more with these things that are hidden. Like sealed abilities, staged releases. It’s likely hiding a mountain of power that's being held back because of your lack of stamina.” 

Kaguya nodded solemnly. “Indeed. We believe you will need to grow significantly stronger—both in spirit and flesh—to access its true potential.”

“Why does every anime power-up come with a mandatory gym membership?” Issei muttered, rolling onto his back to stare at the stars. “Can't I just drink a potion or something?”

“Because only the worthy unlock their destiny,” Nyaruko chimed cheerfully, leaping over him to strike a pose. “Also, sweaty, determined muscular boys are 500% more attractive according to the latest intergalactic surveys~!” 

Kaguya glared at the alien. “Stop encouraging his hormonal tendencies. We are trying to forge a warrior.”

“I shall never stop! My love for my darling’s muscles is infinite!” 

Evangeline stepped forward again, her shadow looming over Issei. “Get back on your feet, you sack of pudding. We’ll test you again. I want to see you punch through stone.” She then created a magic circle and a pillar of stone rose from the ground.

Issei looked at the solid pillar and then back at the tiny, terrifying vampire. "...Can I just die instead? Is that an option on the table?" 

“No,” She replied instantly.

A moment later, the park was filled with the sound of running footsteps and Issei’s pained groans as he began to run away, his sore legs burning and the red glove flaring with a defiant, red light. 

—--------------------------------------

Saturday, 12 of April, 2008

The Saturday morning sun peeked through the curtains, casting golden streaks across Issei Hyoudou’s bedroom. The usual chaos of the household was momentarily muffled, replaced by the frantic thumping of Issei's heart. For once, his mind wasn’t filled with pure perversion; it was filled with pure, unadulterated panic as today was important.

Issei stood in front of his mirror, his fingers fumbling as he nervously adjusted the collar of his gray button-up shirt. He had traded his worn tracksuit for simple black slacks and clean shoes.

“Okay… breathe,” He told himself, attempting to smooth down his spiky brown hair, which seemed to be protesting the very idea. “You live with three girls now. And one of them, the most energetic one, is actually going on a date with you. A real date.”

He stared at his reflection, pointed a finger with a trembling confidence, and forced a grin. “You got this, future Harem King”.

—-----------------------------------------------

As Issei reached the bottom of the stairs, he stepped into the living room and froze. 

There, framed by the morning light at the front door, was Nyaruko. She wore a warm yellow sweater that hugged her figure and radiated cheer, paired with a short black skirt and sleek black leggings. Her silver hair was tied up in a loose side ponytail, her green eyes sparkled with excitement, and her ahoge twitched like a radar dish locking onto a target. 

Issei’s breath caught in his throat. ‘She’s… cute. Like, ridiculously cute. Why does it feel like she just got ten times more dangerous?’

“Darling!” Nyaruko greeted, spinning once with a playful pose. “Tada! What do you think? Am I date-worthy?”

“I—uh—you—YES. Extremely yes,” Issei stammered, his brain short-circuiting. 

She giggled, her smile widening into something genuinely sweet. “Good answer~! I knew my darling had impeccable taste!”

Before they could leave, however, a familiar voice chirped behind them.

“Oh, my baby boy’s first real date~!” Miki Hyoudou, apron still tied around her waist, peeked out holding a dish towel and a camera with the lens cap already off.

“Mom! Put the camera away!” Issei hissed.

“Make sure to be polite! Don’t stare at her chest for too long, okay? Or at least, try to be subtle about it,” Miki teased, her eyes twinkling.

“MOM!!” Issei barked, his face turning a shade of red that rivaled his Sacred Gear.

“Take her somewhere nice!” She added, wiping away a fake tear. “And don’t forget protection by which I mean your wallet, of course.”

Issei looked like he wanted to melt into the floorboards and never return. Nyaruko, however, just hummed, entirely unfazed. “Don't worry, Mom-in-law! I’ll take excellent care of him.”

As they turned to leave, Issei glanced toward the living room couch.

Evangeline lay sprawled across the cushions in a black silk nightgown, munching on a tray of cookies and staring intently at the TV. She was watching an anime that Issei couldn’t quite place, but it featured magical girls, a lot of suffering, and morally gray eldritch horrors that looked suspiciously like Nyaruko’s extended family.

“...Do you even like anime?” Issei asked, pausing.

“It’s entertaining,” She said flatly, her red eyes not moving from the screen. “The character development is surprisingly brutal for a children's show. Now leave. The climax arc just started and I want to see if the world actually ends.”

“...Fair enough,” Issei muttered.

Still, as he stepped onto the porch, a nagging thought itched in the back of his mind. He looked around the quiet garden and the hallway behind him. ‘Wait a second… where’s Kaguya?’

That question was answered exactly two minutes later.

Issei and Nyaruko stepped outside, hand-in-hand, walking down the street in a cheerful, rhythmic sync. The air was crisp, the skies were clear, and for a fleeting moment, the world felt peaceful. That peace lasted until Issei felt a slender, cool hand grasp his free right hand.

“...Huh?” He turned and nearly jumped out of his skin.

Kaguya stood beside him, holding his hand with zero shame. She was a vision of traditional elegance as she wore a flowing red kimono embroidered with delicate cherry blossoms, her hair adorned with subtle, shimmering clips. Her expression remained cool, her eyes half-lidded with a gaze of practiced superiority.

“Kaguya?!” Issei blurted, his heart doing a frantic tap-dance against his ribs.

“What are you doing here?!” Nyaruko demanded, her voice reaching a pitch that could likely shatter glass in the next neighborhood.

Kaguya raised her chin, her voice like silk over stone. “As his wife, I am simply claiming my rightful place beside my husband. Is this not our date?”

“You weren’t invited! This is my date with him!” Nyaruko snapped, her ahoge twitching with murderous intent.

Kaguya smiled sweetly and infuriatingly smugly. “Don’t be ridiculous. The first date should naturally go to the legal spouse. Not the extradimensional concubine.”

“Wha—CONCUBINE?! I’ll show you a extradimensional concubine, you arrogant moon gremlin!”

“I am a princess,” Kaguya corrected tonelessly.

“Then I hope the moon has good hospitals!”

Suddenly, the peaceful suburban street was filled with a crushing, rising aura of battle. The neighborhood went silent. A dog stopped barking. A child nearby dropped their juice box in slow motion. Even an old man watering his garden paused, his hose drenching his shoes as he squinted, confused as to why two beautiful girls were screaming about "concubines" and "space princesses".

“Those poor girls,” A female neighbor whispered from a window. “Fighting over that guy?”

“Maybe he’s a secret billionaire,” her husband suggested.

Issei panicked as the pressure peaked. “Girls—! Time out! TIME OUT!” He stepped between them, raising his hands like a referee. “Listen. Look. We’re in public! People are staring! We’re going to cause a scene that ends with us on the evening news!”

“You mean she is going to cause a scene,” Kaguya muttered, looking away.

“I’ll cause a meteor shower in her face!” Nyaruko growled, her fingers twitching toward summoning her hidden crowbar.

“ENOUGH,” Issei sighed as he wondered how he was going to calm the girls down. He then turned to Nyaruko and cupped her cheeks gently, forcing her to focus on him. Her furious expression softened as she blinked up at him. “Nyaruko… I know this was supposed to be our day. And I swear, it still is,” He said softly. “But if I don’t let her come along, she’ll either follow us and crash it anyway, or she'll just freeze time until we go on a date with her instead. It’s a lose-lose situation.”

Nyaruko pouted, her eyes welling with dramatic tears. “It’s not fair… I wanted a romantic date!”

“I know,” he said, rubbing his thumb against her cheek. “So how about this, today, we’ll go on our date together, just this once. But after this, I’ll take you on another real date. Just you and me. No princesses allowed. Deal?”

Nyaruko blinked… then a slow, radiant smile spread across her face, her cheeks tinted pink. “Okay~ You promise? No take-backsies even if the world is ending?”

“Promise.” Then Issei turned to Kaguya. She was looking quietly smug… until he fixed her with a serious, level gaze.

“But Kaguya. Don’t think you’re off the hook. This was Nyaruko’s day. I’m only letting you join because I care about both of you and I don't want anyone feeling left out. So if you want a real date... I’ll give you one later. Just us. Okay?”

Kaguya's cheeks flushed, eyes widening just slightly. “I-I didn’t… I mean… It’s not like I wanted to be part of your silly date in the first place, I simply thought it was boring at home and…” She turned her head away. “...Spending time with you isn’t the worst thing in the world.”

Kaguya's smugness evaporated instantly. Her cheeks flushed a deep crimson, and her eyes widened just a fraction. “I-I didn’t… I mean… It’s not like I wanted to be part of your silly date in the first place! I simply thought it was boring at home.” She turned her head away sharply, hiding her face behind her fan. “...But spending time with you isn’t the absolute worst thing in the world.”

Issei smiled, feeling a rare moment of control over his chaotic life. “Great. Then let's get going before the neighbors call the police.”

—-------------------------------------

Kuoh Town glowed under the soft light of the sun, painting the city in warm amber hues. The streets buzzed with life, couples wandered hand in hand, children chased each other near the park, and the scent of roasted chestnuts drifted from street vendors.

And in the middle of it all, Issei Hyoudou walked awkwardly down the sidewalk... with a girl clinging to each arm.

‘This is real. This is actually happening,’ he thought, still somewhat dazed. ‘I’m holding hands with two beautiful girls. One is an immortal moon princess. The other is a cosmic horror disguised as a girl. And neither of them has tried to kill me in the past hour. This might actually be the best day of my life.’

Nyaruko cheerfully skipped beside him, humming some bizarre, off-tune alien pop song. Her yellow sweater swayed with every bounce, her ahoge twitching with unrestrained joy. On the other side, Kaguya walked with perfect poise in her red kimono, head held high, as if she were being paraded through the imperial capital—though her eyes occasionally flicked to the glass windows of local shops in barely hidden curiosity.

—----------------------

Their first stop was a small but elegant sidewalk café.

The three of them sat beneath a parasol, with Issei sandwiched between his two dates. He nervously sipped his drink while Nyaruko munched on a parfait she insisted were "the closest thing to intergalactic frozen joy."

The three of them sat beneath a striped parasol, with Issei sandwiched between his two dates. He nervously sipped his iced coffee, feeling the heat of the sun and the two powerful entities flanking him. Nyaruko was busy making quick work of a towering parfait she insisted was "the closest thing to intergalactic frozen joy".

"Mmm! Darling, you have to try this!" Nyaruko chirped, waving a long spoon dangerously close to his nose. "The dairy-to-sugar ratio is perfectly calibrated to stimulate the pleasure centers of ninety percent of sentient carbon-based lifeforms! It’s like a supernova in my mouth!"

But the real surprise came when Kaguya, after scrutinizing the menu, ordered a simple strawberry shortcake.

She’d initially sniffed at the plate when the waiter set it down. “This is peasant food,” she remarked, her voice dripping with Lunar arrogance. “A mere sponge of flour and common berries. To think I have descended from the heavens for... this.”

Then she took a bite and her entire world shifted. “—!” The silver fork trembled in her hand. Her pupils dilated, and her small fan fell from her fingers, hitting the patio stones with a sharp clatter.

“Oh…” she whispered, her mouth still partially full of cream and cake. “Oh my goddess… this is divine. How does this primitive world contain such a balance of tartness and fluff? It’s... it’s an eternal instant of flavor!”

Issei blinked, leaning back slightly. “Uh, Kaguya? Are you okay? You’re kind of sparkling.”

She didn’t answer. She just began eating faster. One bite. Another. Then another. By the time she was halfway through the cake, her composure had all but disintegrated. Her cheeks were smudged with white whipped cream and a streak of strawberry glaze.

Issei chuckled, a genuine warmth bubbling up in his chest as he reached into his pocket. “Hold still for a second, Princess.”

“H-Huh?” Kaguya blinked, her eyes wide and her cheeks stuffed, looking more like a confused squirrel as Issei leaned forward with a napkin.

He gently wiped the corner of her lips, and her breath hitched. Her face turned a shade of red that rivaled the strawberries on her plate as she felt her heart flutter by the sudden, intimate closeness.

“There,” he said with a grin, pulling back. “All better. You were starting to look like a messy toddler.”

“Y-You dare treat royalty with such... with such casual familiarity...” She mumbled, her voice flustered and trailing off as her eyes softened significantly. “Hmph. I suppose I shall permit it... just this once.”

Nyaruko, watching the scene with puffed-out cheeks, shoved a massive spoonful of parfait into her mouth. "I can be messy too, Darling!" Nyaruko muffled through the ice cream, her eyes narrowed at Kaguya. "I have eighteen different ways to get sauce on my face! Observe!"

"Please don't," Issei sighed, though he couldn't stop smiling.

—----------------------------

The next stop was the local arcade. A chaotic symphony of synthesized music, flashing neon lights, and the frantic clicking of buttons. For Issei, it was a familiar sanctuary; for his companions, it was a new battlefield. It didn’t take long for Nyaruko to absolutely dominate the floor

“YES! Another high score!! The universe bows before the rhythm of the Crawling Chaos!!” She cheered, her ahoge spinning like a propeller as she stood atop the Dance Dance Explosion machine. “This one’s going in the Nyaruko Victory Vault for all eternity~!” 

“That's not even a real thing!” Issei laughed, leaning against a nearby racing game as he watched her strike a flamboyant victory pose. “And try not to break anything before the staff kicks us out!”

Kaguya, meanwhile, had been standing perfectly still in front of a glass-encased claw machine, her eyes narrowed with a cold, predatory focus.

“This primitive device... it dares to mock royalty,” She said, her voice dropping to a dangerous, icy whisper.

Issei walked over and stood beside her, noticing her empty palm. “You want to try it again, Princess? Or are you ready to admit defeat to a stuffed bear?”

Kaguya’s brow twitched. “Just hand me another coin, husband.”

A few minutes later, after five failed attempts and a tension rising that felt like it might crack the glass, Kaguya’s patience snapped. She didn't move, but the air around her rippled. For exactly half a second, the flow of the world stuttered—time flipped itself like a golden hourglass. When reality resumed, the claw had magically reset its path, gripped a bunny plush with impossible precision, and dropped it directly into the prize bin.

“Success,” She said, brushing her hair back and reclaiming her smug, regal composure. “A simple matter of correcting a flawed timeline.”

“CHEATER! That’s a high-tier foul!” Nyaruko cried out from across the aisle at the air hockey table. “Using chronomancy on a toy is against the intergalactic act of fair-play!”

“I prefer the term ‘intelligent application of resources,’” Kaguya replied, holding up the bunny plush she retrieved.

Issei let out a long, weary sigh. “I feel like I should care about the ethics of arcade gaming more. But honestly? Watching you break the laws of physics for a three hundred yen plushie is pretty impressive.”

The energy didn't stop there as they moved from station to station. Issei actually managed to beat Nyaruko at Whack-a-Mole—though only because she got distracted trying to kiss him mid-game, while Kaguya accidentally triggered the jackpot on a flashy slot machine.

“How childish,” the Princess remarked, watching the digital coins fountain across the screen with a faint, amused smile. “But I suppose the bright colors are... passably amusing.”

‘Life with them is a constant headache,’ Issei thought, watching Nyaruko try to climb inside a photo booth, ‘but I wouldn’t trade this Saturday for anything.’

—---------------------------------

As the sun dipped lower, painting the Kuoh skyline in shades of bruised purple and burning gold, they stopped at a cozy boutique tucked away from the main shopping thoroughfares. The moment the bells chimed over the door, Nyaruko’s eyes turned into literal sparkles.

“CLOTHES~! The ultimate armor for the battlefield of love!” She immediately dashed off toward a section filled with lace, frills, and ribbons.

Kaguya, however, remained rooted near the entrance, her arms folded into the sleeves of her kimono. She looked around with a gaze of icy detachment. “I have no need for more attire. This kimono is timeless, woven from fabrics that no longer exist in this millennia. Why should I trade eternity for... cotton?”

Issei looked at her, noticing how her eyes lingered just a second too long on a display of modern skirts. He gently tilted his head. “Come on, Kaguya. You’ve only got a couple of outfits at our house. If we’re going to be living together, you’ll need something more... walkable. Plus, I’d really like to see what you’d choose.”

“Hmph. If you insist on wasting your currency on such trivialities, I suppose I can humor you,” She said, though her pace was suspiciously brisk as she followed him toward the racks.

Twenty minutes later, Issei was relegated to the "waiting chair" outside the changing rooms, buried under a pile of shopping bags. The curtain to the first stall rustled, and Kaguya timidly emerged. The imperial princess had transformed: she wore a soft pink blouse with a delicate collar, a navy pleated skirt that reached just above her knees, and simple black flats.

She tugged at the hem of the skirt, her expression a mix of confusion and extreme vulnerability. “It’s… breezy. I feel dangerously exposed without three layers of silk and a hakama.”

Issei blinked, his mouth going slightly dry. The modern look highlighted a softer, more youthful side of her that the regal kimono usually hid. “You look… really cute, Kaguya. Seriously. It fits you perfectly.”

Kaguya froze. Her grip on the skirt tightened, and a deep, unmistakable flush crept from her neck all the way to the tips of her ears. “…Shut up,” She mumbled, looking at the floorboards as if they were the most interesting thing in the universe. “You have no eye for fashion. Your opinion is... noted, but irrelevant.”

Suddenly, the adjacent curtain was kicked open with enough force to rattle the hangers. Nyaruko emerged in a sparkling pink idol costume, complete with star-shaped hair accessories and a skirt that defied the laws of gravity. “DARLING~! The 'Crawl-Crawl-Sparkle-Star' has arrived! Should I perform a live concert for you right here?! The acoustics in this shop are surprisingly decent for an intergalactic debut!”

“I don’t think the world—or my eardrums—is ready for an eldritch idol debut, Nyaruko-chan,” Issei replied, a giant sweatdrop forming on the back of his head.

“Hmph,” Kaguya sniffed, finally regaining some of her composure. “At least the 'concubine' has found an outfit that matches her obnoxious personality.”

“Oh, you’re just mad because you look like a middle-schooler on a field trip!” Nyaruko shot back, sticking her tongue out.

Issei let out a tired but happy sigh as both started to argue again. ‘Training was easier than this,’ he thought, ‘but man, they look incredible.’

—-----------------------------

The sun dipped even lower behind Kuoh Town’s rooftops, casting long shadows across the quiet streets as the orange-and-purple sky deepened into a bruised indigo. 

In the quiet park by the fountain, the trio sat near the bubbling water, framed by trimmed hedges and empty benches. The spring breeze stirred the trees gently, their leaves rustling like a soft lullaby, while the steady trickle of the fountain provided a rhythmic backdrop to the evening.

Issei exhaled deeply, leaning back against the cool stone edge of the fountain, his muscles finally beginning to relax after the day’s frantic energy. On his right, Nyaruko lay sprawled across the bench with her head resting on his shoulder, humming a soft melody that vibrated through his arm. On his left, Kaguya sat perfectly upright, sipping a bottled green tea she had bought from a vending machine.

“Man… I never thought dates could be so exhausting,” Issei admitted, closing his eyes for a moment. “My brain is buzzing more than it does during math class.”

“To be fair,” Kaguya noted, lowering her bottle and brushing an imaginary speck of dust from her new pleated skirt, “it wasn’t your effort that made it exhausting. It was the sheer volume of chaotic energy emitted by the creature currently using you as a pillow.”

Nyaruko suddenly sat up, twirling in a quick circle with her arms raised like she was about to take flight. “This was the absolute best~! We ate, we played, we SHOPPED! Darling, can we do it again tomorrow? How about every day for the rest of eternity? Or at least until the heat death of the universe?”

Issei chuckled, though he felt a phantom pain in his back pocket. “If my wallet and my sanity survive, maybe. But let's aim for once a week first.”

For a rare, golden moment, the three of them shared a peaceful silence. The water splashed, and the scent of evening jasmine drifted through the air.

That peace shattered when Kaguya’s brow furrowed. She lowered her tea, her expression shifting from mild annoyance to a sharp focus.

“…Something is wrong,” she said, her voice dropping an octave.

Issei blinked, sitting up straighter wondering what was going on. “What is it? Did you see a bug or something?”

Kaguya’s sharp eyes scanned the perimeter of the park, her pupils dilating as she reached for the flow of time. “Look around you, husband. There is no one here. Not a single soul. The joggers, the families, the stray cats—they’ve all vanished. The air... it feels warped, as if the world has been folded over itself.”

Issei looked around, and a cold shiver ran down his spine. She was right. The path that was usually bustling with evening activity was now eerily deserted. Even the leaves had stopped rustling, hanging frozen in the stagnant air. The sky felt heavier, as if the gravity in the park had subtly increased.

“…This feels like Evangeline’s barrier,” Issei murmured, his left hand instinctively twitching as a faint red pressure began to leak from his soul.

“Except we didn’t put one up, and Evangeline is currently busy screaming at the television,” Nyaruko added, standing slowly. Her playful smile was long gone, replaced by the cold, predatory gaze. “Which means someone else went to the trouble of interrupting our date.” 

Then it happened.

FWIP—

A flash of pink light, a spear of pure energy, came whistling through the air, aimed directly at Issei’s chest.

“ISSEI!” Nyaruko screamed, her playful demeanor vanishing in a heartbeat.

But in one seamless motion, she ripped a red iron crowbar from thin air and swung it with incredible force, deflecting the light spear midair. The impact created a metallic clang that cracked the very atmosphere, causing the spear to burst into a thousand light fragments that scattered like dying fireflies.

The peaceful atmosphere of the date was officially dead.

A low, sharp tsk echoed from the darkening sky above. “Such a shame,” A female voice rang out, dripping with annoyance. “I really was hoping to finish this before dinner.”

Descending through the warped air with slow, deliberate flaps of two black-feathered wings was a woman in a revealing dominatrix black outfit, complete with leather straps and high heels. Her black hair flowed behind her, and her lips were curled into a sneer as another spear of light materialized in her palm.

Kaguya blinked once, then scoffed with the soul-deep disdain of a disappointed empress. “…You dare appear in public in such a state? Have you no shame, creature? You look like a harlot.”

Raynare sneered back, her eyes flashing with malice. “Spare me the lecture, you brat. You’re lucky I’m not in the mood to waste time.”

Nyaruko’s eye twitched, her crowbar humming with a dangerous, low-frequency vibration. “Who the hell is this bird-brained stripper, and why is she interrupting my romantic date?!”

Issei’s eyes widened, his heart hammering against his ribs as a cold realization dawned on him. “Wait… that face…” His mind flashed back to the shy, black-haired girl who had asked him out near the school gate just days ago. “Yuuma?!”

Raynare’s grin sharpened into something jagged and cruel. “Bingo”.

She touched down on the path, standing just a few meters away, her black wings folding behind her like a cloak. “Yuuma Amano was just a mask for the  pathetic little human,” She said, twirling the spear of light as if it were a baton. “The real me is Raynare, of the Fallen Angels. And I was sent here for one simple reason, to kill you”.

Kaguya’s eyes narrowed. “An assassination in a public park? What kind of low-class, gutter-dwelling villain are you? Your methods are as tacky as your wardrobe”.

“Please,” Raynare spat, gesturing to the eerie silence around them. “This space is under my total control. No one’s going to hear your screams, and no one is coming to save you”.

Issei took a step forward, his fists clenched so hard his knuckles turned white. “Why?! What did I ever do to you?! Is it because I rejected your confession?!”

Raynare snorted, a harsh, mocking sound. “Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not personal, kid. You just happened to be unlucky enough to possess a Sacred Gear, one powerful enough to be a potential nuisance. If you want to blame someone, blame the God who gave you that toy”.

“What the fuck is a Sacred Gear…?” Issei repeated,confused, wondering what she was talking about.

But Raynare didn’t answer. Her face twisted into a mask of pure malice as she hurled another spear of light, the pink energy humming with lethal intent.

But once again—CLANG!

Nyaruko was there, her red iron crowbar raised like a knight’s shield. The impact sent a shower of sparks cascading onto the pavement, but the alien didn't budge an inch. Her expression was now devoid of all her usual cheer, replaced by a cold, unsettling stillness.

Her silver hair shifted slightly over her face, hiding one eye in shadows.

“Every. Single. Time,” She said in a low, vibrating growl that seemed to resonate from the ground itself. “I finally got one good date with my darling, a real romance flag event and some winged weirdo shows up trying to ruin this magical moment!”

Raynare blinked, her wings fluttering in confusion. “What even are you?! No human should be able to touch light with a piece of scrap metal!”

She didn’t get to finish the sentence. Nyaruko had already closed the distance in a blur of silver. Raynare barely managed to bring her spear up to block the first swing, but the resulting shockwave shattered a nearby stone bench and sent a whirlwind of leaves flying in every direction.

“Wh-What the hell is this strength?!” Raynare shrieked, her arms trembling under the weight of the crowbar.

Nyaruko twirled her weapon with practiced ease, her green eyes glowing with a faint, eldritch light. “I’m done being interrupted. I’m done with the tropes. And I am definitely done with you!”

She struck again. Left. Right. An overhead swing followed that cracked the pavement like an eggshell where Raynare had stood only a millisecond before. Raynare was fast, but Nyaruko was moving with a fluid, terrifying speed that defied conventional physics.

Kaguya stepped calmly beside Issei, watching the one-sided demolition with interest. “She’s holding back,” Kaguya noted, her voice steady. “If she actually utilized her full strength, this entire town might not survive the first ten seconds of the encounter.”

Issei leaned away from a flying piece of asphalt. “That's… really not comforting, Kaguya!”

“Don’t worry, husband,” Kaguya replied, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “If she happens to level the park or a few city blocks, I shall simply rewind the time. It's a minor exertion.”

“Also not comforting!” Issei wheezed, clutching his head.

Meanwhile, Nyaruko had escalated the conflict. Her crowbar began glowing red-hot, and she started pulling various other questionable weapons from the hammerspace beneath her skirt: giant mallets, net launchers, and even a serrated buzzsaw umbrella.

Raynare was in a full-blown panic now, forced into the air and desperately dodging a barrage of absurd projectiles that seemed to track her movements. “This is insane! You’re insane! No one fights like this!” Raynare screamed, narrowly avoiding a flying mallet.

“YOU RUINED MY DATE!” Nyaruko shouted back, her voice echoing with the fury of the void as she launched another round of attacks.

Seeing that there was no possible way to win against the silver gremlin, Raynare beat her wings frantically, trying to spiral upward to escape into the clouds. 

But Nyaruko, seeing the bitch trying to escape, wasn't about to let her "interrupter" go that easily. “Leaving so soon? The climax isn't over yet!” Nyaruko yelled.

She coiled her legs and jumped with enough force a crater in the ground beneath her, soaring high above the Fallen Angel. With a roar of frustration, she brought her crowbar down in a massive, overhead arc.

The blow connected with a sickening thud, and Raynare was sent screaming back toward the earth like a fallen star. She crashed loudly into the center of the park, the force of the impact breaking the earth and creating a massive, smoking crater that sent dust billowing into the night sky.

The fight was over, and the silence that followed was deafening.

Raynare looked terrible; her once-proud black wings were tattered, her body was covered in deep bruises, and her face was scratched and smeared with dirt. She lay sprawled in the center of the crater like a broken doll, her light spears gone and her breathing ragged and shallow.

Standing over her with the crimson crowbar still smoking, Nyaruko stepped closer, a wild grin twitching at her lips. Her silver hair was tousled, and the bubbly joy she usually carried had morphed into something cold and predatory. “…That’s what you get,” She muttered, twirling the iron bar with effortless, terrifying grace. “Nobody ruins my first date and gets away with it! Any last words, featherbrain?” The look in Nyaruko's eyes promised nothing less than total annihilation. She took a heavy step forward, her shadow looming over the Fallen Angel, the crowbar rising for a final, crushing blow.

Next to Kaguya, Issei stared wide-eyed at the scene. ‘She's going to kill her. I mean… she tried to kill me. She was going to put a hole in my chest. But still…’ His fists clenched. ‘Killing someone, even a bird-stripper who tried to murder me, that’s not me. That’s not the kind of man I want to be. Besides… she has answers. About Sacred Gears. About this power. About why I was targeted.’

He looked at Raynare, who was weakly clawing at the dirt, and then at Nyaruko, who was ready to finish it. “Damn it!”

Without another thought, Issei triggered his Sacred Gear with a sharp, red flash. The green jewel on his left arm ignited, and he felt the familiar surge of power as his strength and speed doubled. His feet blurred against the pavement as he sprinted forward.

Just as Nyaruko began her downward swing, Issei appeared between them like a sudden gust of wind. “Wha, ISSEI?!” Nyaruko gasped, her eyes widening as she nearly took his head off.

And then, CRACK!

Issei’s fist, bolstered by the Twice Critical, connected squarely with Raynare’s temple. It wasn't a lethal strike meant to shatter her skull, but it carried enough force to slam her head back into the earth and knock her out cold.

Raynare was then slumped over, her eyes fluttering shut as she drifted into a deep unconsciousness. A fresh, dark bruise began blooming across her jaw where his knuckle had landed.

“…Darling?” Nyaruko asked, her voice a mix of confusion and slight betrayal. She lowered the crowbar, the red glow of the weapon fading. “Why’d you stop me? She was a second away from becoming a very flat pancake. She literally tried to turn you into a kabob!”

Issei stood there for a moment, his chest heaving and the red glove slowly fading from his hand. He scratched the back of his head, looking everywhere but at the unconscious woman. “I know,” he said, his voice a bit shaky. “And I’m not saying I forgive her. Not even close. But…” He looked down at Raynare’s limp form. “But if we kill her, we won't get any answers. I want to know who sent her. I want to know why this thing on my arm is such a big deal.”

Kaguya’s voice echoed through the clearing as she stepped toward them. “An admirable, if somewhat naive, sentiment, husband,” She noted, arching a regal brow. “But what happens if she wakes up and decides her second attempt should be more... explosive?”

Issei shrugged, a small, tired grin forming on his face. “Then Nyaruko beats her up again. Simple. Right, Nyaruko-chan?”

“Aw!” Nyaruko sang, her entire mood flipping back to sunshine in an instant. “You really do rely on me after all! You’re so dependent on your alien waifu, it’s adorable!” She retired the crowbar and leaped forward, giving him a crushing hug from behind and nuzzling her face into his back. “Even if you did totally cockblock my finishing move, I’ll forgive you because you looked so cool doing that dash!”

“Please… please don’t call it that,” Issei muttered, though he didn't pull away.

Suddenly, a voice echoed in the back of Issei’s mind, smooth, feminine, and unmistakably mechanical.

[Gacha Harem System Activated.]

[Victory Detected. Condition Met: You have successfully defeated a hostile enemy.] [Reward Granted: +1 Summon Roll.]

Issei blinked, his vision momentarily swimming as the digital text floated against the backdrop of the crater. ‘That’s new,’ He thought, his heart skipping a beat.

He glanced at the glowing screen that flickered into existence in front of his face, a semi-transparent interface visible only to him.

‘“Defeat an enemy, get a roll,” huh? That’s... kind of messed up. But also weirdly helpful? I guess?’ He dismissed the message with a sharp thought, deciding to worry about the implications later. For now, there were more pressing issues, like the broken, unconscious Fallen Angel lying in the dirt.

With a heavy sigh, Issei crouched down, gingerly sliding his arms under her. He grunted as he lifted Raynare into a bridal carry. She was significantly lighter than he expected, though her tattered wings twitched once against his forearm before going limp again.

“Alright,” He grunted, adjusting his grip. “We’re bringing her back to the house.”

“You’re actually going to carry that... thing home?” Kaguya asked, her arms crossed tightly over her new blouse as she watched with a look of profound distaste. “It is covered in soot and failure.”

“I can’t just leave her here, Kaguya. If a civilian wanders into the park and sees her like this, wings, leather, and all, they might get hurt,” Issei explained, his brow furrowing. “Besides, Evangeline would kill me if I let a source of information just bleed out in the grass.”

“A practical, if unrefined, point,” Kaguya admitted, tilting her head.

“You know, Darling,” Nyaruko said, skipping beside him with her hands behind her head, her ahoge swaying rhythmically, “this is usually the part in the anime where the main heroine gets incredibly jealous that her boyfriend is holding another girl in his arms.”

Issei looked over his shoulder, his face flushing slightly. “Wait, are you... you’re not jealous?”

“Of her?” Nyaruko scoffed, leaning in to poke Raynare’s bruised cheek with a finger. “Please. She looks like a mid-tier boss who was rejected from the 'Villainess with a Tragic Backstory' fan club. Her fashion sense alone is a crime against the multiverse.”

Kaguya smirked, a rare moment of genuine amusement lighting up her regal features. “For once, alien, I find myself in complete agreement with you. Her aura is as thin as her dignity.”

“Great, glad we’re all on the same page,” Issei muttered, beginning the long, awkward trek home. “Now let’s get out of here before the cops show up to investigate the 'gas leak' that caused a ten-foot crater.”

—---------------

The trio made their way out of the park, the air rippling like a disturbed pond as Kaguya, reversed the damages and then dispelled the barrier with a dismissive flick of her wrist. The real world returned in a sudden rush, the distant hum of traffic, the chirp of evening crickets, and the flickering glow of streetlights.

Now came the hard part: sneaking through a suburban neighborhood while carrying a half-naked, unconscious woman with tattered black wings.

“Act casual,” Issei hissed, his muscles tensing as he adjusted his grip on Raynare.

“I AM casual!” Nyaruko chirped. With a flourish, she produced a long, tan trench coat from the seemingly infinite space beneath her skirt and tossed it over their captive.

“You… you just keep a trench coat in your skirt?” Issei blinked, staring at the literal hammerspace.

“I keep a lot of things in there, Darling! You’d be surprised what fits in a four-dimensional pocket~!”

Kaguya sighed. “I am not explaining this to your neighbors if we are apprehended.”

The trek was a nerve-wracking game of stealth as they ducked into narrow alleyways, hugged the shadows of brick fences, and dove behind parked cars whenever headlights swept across the pavement. Every distant dog bark made Issei’s heart hammer against his ribs like a trapped bird.

Finally, after what felt like a covert military operation, the familiar silhouette of the Hyoudou residence appeared.

‘Please let Evangeline open the door,’ Issei prayed fervently as they reached the porch. ‘Please don’t let it be Mom. Please don’t let it be Dad. Please don’t let—’

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Kaguya took the initiative, rapping on the wood twice before Issei could even find his voice. The sound of rhythmic footsteps approached from within.

Click.

The door swung open to reveal Evangeline A.K. McDowell. She stood there holding a steaming cup of tea, her blonde hair tied in a loose, rare bun. Her blue eyes narrowed as they swept over the scene: a sweaty, panicking Issei, a mysterious bundle of leather and feathers, a grinning Nyaruko, and an unbothered Kaguya.

Evangeline took a long, silent sip of her tea, her expression unreadable. “…So,” She finally said, her voice as dry as desert air. “I take a single day off from babysitting you people, and you bring home a half-naked corpse with wings.”

“She’s not dead!” Issei whispered frantically, glancing at the quiet street behind him. “Just… very, very unconscious!”

Evangeline stepped aside with a weary sigh, as if this were a Tuesday occurrence. “Of course she is. Because a normal date would have been too much to ask for, wouldn't it?”

“Can you, uh…” Issei shifted the weight of the Fallen Angel, “keep my parents distracted? Just while we get her upstairs to my room?”

Evangeline stared at him for a beat, then slowly raised an eyebrow with a look of profound judgment. “Is this a sex thing?”

“NO!!”

Nyaruko let out a mischievous giggle, poking Issei in the ribs.

“Because I am a high-ranking witch, not a pimp,” Evangeline added flatly. “I’m not covering for you if you’ve developed some bizarre leather fetish”.

“I HAVEN'T!!”

Evangeline looked down at Raynare’s exposed outfit, at all the torn leather, straps, and thigh-high boots. “Could’ve fooled me,” she muttered.

“Evaaaa, please…” Issei groaned, his face burning.

She waved a hand lazily, already turning back toward the kitchen. “Fine. I’ll keep the parents occupied with some story. But you owe me, boy. And if this ends in a hostage situation, I’m leaving and moving back to Romania”. 

Done. Tell me what you think of the remastered version.

Host: Issei Hyoudou 

Title: Aspiring Harem King / The Dragon’s Vessel / "Darling" (Temporary) 

Current "Luck" Modifier: D-Rank (Slightly improved due to surviving the resonance scan)

—-----------------------------------------

Host Statistics

Vitality: 70/100 (Exhausted and confused from an interrupted date and a "victory" over a Fallen Angel) 

Mana/Energy: STIRRING (Sacred Gear: Boosted Gear discovered. While active, it remains in its base state due to the Host's abysmal stamina reserves).

Aura: Perverted, with a lingering emerald heat leaking from his left arm.

—-----------------------------------

The Summoned Harem (Current Roster)

1. NYARUKO (The Crawling Chaos)

Origin: Haiyore! Nyaruko-san

Class: Eldritch Alien Cop

Love Meter: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ (110% - Maximum Fixation / OBSESSIVE)

Specialty: Space-time manipulation, Close combat, Extreme physical affection.

Current Status: Riding a massive endorphin rush from the "Date" and Issei's physical contact; currently annoyed and hovering over the captive to ensure no further "interruptions" occur.

Note: Has officially declared war on "Interrupters" and "Bird-brained strippers."

2. KAGUYA HOURAISAN (The Eternal Princess)

Origin: Touhou Project

Class: Immortal Lunarian Aristocrat 

Love Meter: ❤️❤️🖤🖤🖤 (28% - GENUINE INTEREST) 

Specialty: Manipulation of the "Eternity and the Instant."

Current Status: Flustered but oddly satisfied. The strawberry shortcake and Issei’s "casual familiarity" in wiping her face have breached her royal detachment. 

Note: Now owns a bunny plush and a set of modern clothes; has begrudgingly accepted Issei as a "passably amusing" husband.

3. EVANGELINE A.K. McDOWELL (The Calamity Witch)

Origin: Mahou Sensei Negima! / UQ Holder!

Class: Shinso Vampire / Witch / Master of Ice

Love Meter: ❤️🖤🖤🖤🖤 (18% - AMUSED JUDGMENT) 

Specialty: High-tier Ice Magic, Puppet-mastery, Centuries of combat experience.

Current Status: Deeply judgmental of Issei’s "leather fetish" (Raynare) but curious about the source of the assassination attempt. She is currently acting as the domestic "Cleaner" to keep the Hyoudou parents oblivious. 

Note: Secretly impressed that the "sack of pudding" managed a tactical knockout; still plans to beat him into a paste for bringing home more "trash."

4. RAYNARE (The Fallen Interrupter) — [STATUS: UNBOUND / CAPTIVE]

Origin: Highschool DXD

Class: Low-Ranked Fallen Angel

Love Meter: 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 (-100% - UNCONSCIOUS)

Specialty: Low Light manipulation and Transformation Magic

Current Status: Critically injured and unconscious. Currently being hidden in Issei's room disguised in a tan trench coat.

Note: Issei’s first "Combat Reward"; currently serves as a source of information regarding the Fallen Angels and the Sacred Gear.

—---------------------------------

System Notification

Gacha Harem System: +1 Summon Roll available (Reward for defeating a hostile enemy).