Witch’s Tag Sale – Buyer Beware (Patreon)

A woman dressed in a black corset and wide brimmed witch lies on her metal lawn chair attempting to get some vitamin D. She is surrounded by an assortment of folding tables stacked with glass bottles and various sundries all around. She lets out a contented sigh as she closes her eyes, attempting to maybe catch a quick nap under the pleasant afternoon sun. The woman is so unaware that she doesn’t realize the two young men waltzing up to her until they get in between her and her sunlight, forcing her to open her eyes, seeing a rather buff, handsome young man and a smaller, portly young man. They appear to be customers.

The Witch: “Can I… Help you?”

Buff Man: “Oh, well my friend here, he’s looking for… Something to help him with the ladies.”

Portly Man: “Did you have to put it like that? But yeah, it’s true. I heard that you’re a witch that deals in potions and junk. So I was hoping you could help me out with a love potion to increase my chances…”

The Witch rolls her eyes at the Portly Man before sitting up and raising a finger as if to shush him.

The Witch: “First off, I’m currently not taking commissions on potions… ‘and junk.’ Secondly, do you realize how illegal love potions are?”

Portly Man: “Uh… Not really?”

The Witch: “First degree felony for drug trafficking punishable by up to 30 years in prison. And then there’s the law that states love potions are technically considered tools of sexual assault, it would be grossly irresponsible of me to create one. Even asking for one is punishable under the statutes of magical law… But I know you aren’t asking for that, now are you?”

The Portly Man gulps audibly.

Portly Man: “N-No Ma’am.”

The Witch: “Good boy.”

Buff Man: “I don’t mean to be a bother, but John really does need help. If you ever saw him trying to flirt, you’d know. He’s got no game.

John, The Portly Man: “Sh-shut up, Matt… I’m not that bad.”

Matt, The Buff Man: “Dude, you’re the one who was looking for what amounts to date rape magic.”

John, The Portly Man: “I mean, when you put it like that… That really sounds scummy…”

Matt turns to the Witch.

Matt, The Buff Man: “You see what I mean? He’s been my bro since we were kids, but if you could give him something to I dunno, help him improve himself, we’d be grateful.”

The Witch, after assessing the two for a moment, stands up and walks over to one of the tables, surveying the potions on them.

The Witch: “I think I might have something. Let me check… Lust Potion… No, that leaves a nasty rash. Dick Potion… No, that one takes inches off as a side effect… Muscle Potion… No, that also causes shrinkage… Cassanova Potion… Pity, I appear to be out…”

The Witch’s eyes light up as she picks up a wine colored potion and holds it aloft.

The Witch: “Ah! A True Love’s Visage Potion! This should do nicely!”

Matt, The Buff Man: “Wait, didn’t you say Love Potions were illegal?”

The Witch: “Love Potions are, yes. That’s because they subvert the agency of the person drinking it. This, however, is a True Love’s Visage Potion. Completely different.”

John, The Portly Man: “What does it do?”

The Witch: “Whoever drinks it willingly, turns into the form most pleasing to their soul mate.”

John, The Portly Man: “That’s… That’s perfect! This is exactly what I need to get in good with Stacey Tannenbaum!”

Matt, The Buff Man: “Whoa there, John. Are you sure about this? It sounds like it’s a pretty big change… And Stacey Tannenbaum, your soul mate? Isn’t she a wee bit out of your league… I mean, not to be rude, but she barely even knows your name.”

John, The Portly Man: “But don’t you see? She’s the only woman who’s ever treated me with any decency whatsoever. It was meant to be!”

Matt, The Buff Man: “I kind of doubt that.”

The Witch: “I can’t guarantee who your soul mate will be, or if you’ll like the form you get from it, only that you’ll take the form that they find most pleasing, whatever that will be.”

John, The Portly Man: “How much?”

The Witch pulls out a small stack of papers and a pen before placing them on the table in front of John.

The Witch: “$120, after you sign a contract.”

Matt, The Buff Man: “Now hold on a second, why does he need to sign a contract.”

The Witch: “It’s mostly an agreement that he’s taking the potion of his own free will and that he accepts the consequences of doing so. It also explains how he is entitled to a reversal potion under specific circumstances if he is unsatisfied with…”

John, The Portly Man: “Done.”

The Witch: “Uh, bwuh?”

John slams $120 in cold hard cash in front of the Witch.

John, The Portly Man: “And paid.”

The Witch: “You… You didn’t even read the contract…”

John, taking advantage of the Witch’s exasperation, snatches the potion from her hand and removes the stopper from the bottle.

John, The Portly Man: “Goodbye Fatass John, Hello Stacey’s Dream Date!”

John gulps the potion down in several gulps, much to the horror of Matt and the Witch.

Matt, The Buff Man: “John! What are you doing?!”

John, The Portly Man: “I’m taking control of my li-fe… Urgh… Oh, that hit different.”

John doubles over, clutching his stomach.

The Witch: “Oh, that started fast. Normally it takes a while to trace back to your soulmate…”

John contorting as bones can be heard crackling and flesh reshapes itself.

John, The Portly Man: “Eeeeerrrrrgh… It hurts…”

Matt, The Buff Man: “John! Oh God, what is that potion doing to you?!”

The Witch: “He’ll be fine, he’s just going through a transforma-”

John’s body starts taking a decidedly more feminine form.

The Witch: “…Tion. Oh, well that’s unexpected.”

Matt, The Buff Man: “You think?!”

John starts to grow large, buxom breasts with an ass to match.

John, The Portly Man?: “Eyaaaaaaaaaaaaahn… Why do I feel kinda good too?”

John’s ass balloons, tearing at the seams of his pants as he desperately tries to get out of them.

John, The Portly Man?: “Hnnnnnng… So tight…”

Matt, The Buff Man: “You have to stop this!”

The Witch: “Can’t. The spell has to run its course.”

Matt, The Buff Man: “And how long is that going to take?”

John squeezes his thighs together as his waist pulls inward.

John, The Portly Man: “Getting… Hard to… Breathe… Something’s… Pulling… Up… My crotch…”

An audible pop can be heard from John’s hips as his hands grasp at a newfound emptiness.

John, The Svelte Woman: “It… It’s gone!”

John falls to her knees as long blonde tresses cascade down her back and the front of her face.

Matt leaps to John’s side.

Matt, The Buff Man: “John! Are you okay?!”

John, The Svelte Woman: “I… I don’t know…”

John flips her hair back to reveal a stunning and beautiful face.

Matt, The Man Questioning His Sexuality: “Holy shit… You’re… Gorgeous!”

John, The Svelte Woman: “Wh- Really?”

The Witch hands John a hand mirror and allows her to drink in her good looks.

The Witch: “It appears so.”

John, The Svelte Woman: “But, I was supposed to turn into her ideal lover.”

The Witch: “A form your soul mate finds ideal.”

John, The Svelte Woman: “D-Do you know what that means?”

The Witch smiles kindly.

The Witch: “I have a feeling…”

John, The Very Dense Woman: “Stacey Tannenbaum’s a lesbian!”

The Witch: “I… Wait, what?”

John stands up abruptly, letting her boobs bounce on her chest.

John, The Boobed Wonder: “It all makes sense! Of course she wouldn’t be receptive to me as I was! I was totally the wrong sex!”

The Witch: “I think you might have a bit of tunnel vision…”

John of the Thunder Thighs: “But look at me now! I’m totally a catch! There’s no way I can strike out now!”

The Witch: “Huh… You seem to be taking the whole sex change rather well.”

John starts strutting to the car.

John, Bodacious Baddie: “C’mon, Matt! Destiny awaits!”

The Witch and Matt stand beside each other, dumbstruck.

Matt, Still Questioning His Sexuality: “Um… Miss Witch, why does my best friend look like my wet dream?”

The Witch crosses her arms and taps her chin with a finger.

The Witch: “Well, that would explain why the potion took effect immediately.”

Matt, Completely Gobsmacked: “Wh-What do you mean?”

The Witch: “The potion turns the user into their soul mate’s ideal form. The closer they are to the user, the faster the results of it will be. Considering her transformation was practically instantaneous, that just meant her soul mate was physically in her presence.”

Matt, Horrified At The Realization: “But that means…”

The Witch: “And before you misconstrue it, no, she is not my type. I’m a bit too heterosexual for that.”

Matt, Stumbling Over His Words: “But… He’s a guy…”

The Witch: “Who’s a woman in all her glory. I’m sure you two will be very happy.”

John, The Impatient Blonde: “Hey Matt! Are you coming or not?!”

The Witch: “Don’t worry, she’ll realize it in time.”

Matt staggers forward, unsure in what comes next but marches forward toward his future.

Matt, Resigned To His Fate: “C-Coming.”

The Witch stands with a soft smirk on her face as she watches John and Matt leave together. As soon as they are gone, a Black Cat, hops up onto a table next to the Witch and sits idly by, watching the customers drive away.

The Black Cat: “So, another happy customer?”

The Witch: “In time. I’m sure there will be some hiccups along the way, but nothing they can’t handle.”

The Black Cat: “The fat one seemed pretty thick in the head, and I don’t think the muscled one has the nerve.”

The Witch: “They’ll be fine.”

The Witch and the Black Cat pause for a moment.

The Black Cat: “You know she took the hand mirror without paying for it.”

The Witch’s expression becomes one of realization.

The Witch: “Sonuva…”