Dokeshi March: Chapter 42 (Patreon)

Chapter 42

They left the House Sunday building as the sun was beginning to disappear behind the peaks of the rooftops.  Grant was still having a few balance problems, but at least he was no longer dealing with the nausea and dizziness from before.

<Your health status is clear now, so you should be able to go back to full health soon.>  Grant checked his health status, and saw that he was already up to three hundred and sixty.  <As soon as you get back to full health, I want you to do one hundred pushups, one hundred situps, one hundred jumping jacks, and a long run.>

“What?  Why would you want me to do that?”  Grant was confused, considering he hadn’t needed to train in several days.

<Just because you have been too busy to train the past few days, doesn’t mean you get to slack off.>  Grant could only grin at the feisty sword spirit.  <Also, I want to make sure there are no lingering effects from the operation, and that much physical activity should be enough for me to identify any issues.>

“Huh.  That’s a good point.”  Grant tried stretching his joints as they were walking, getting a better idea of any problems he might be facing.  “I think I’m pretty good.”

<You still haven’t raised your blood pressure, heart rate, or respiration.  I want to be completely sure you are back to full strength before you have to fight again.>

“You!”  A shout from a group of uniformed soldiers hiding in an alley they just walked past echoed down the empty street.  “Come here and answer some questions!”

“It looks like I don’t have time to wait before I fight again, Sarge.”  Grant placed his hand on the hilt of his sword.  “I think these people wouldn’t be okay with giving me some time for a workout.”

“Oh my, aren’t these two just delicious.”  The massive bulk that came out of the shadows in front of Suki and Grant would have fit right in with the people of District January.  “Don’t worry, they won’t get far.”

“And just who are you supposed to be?”  Suki balled up her fists, without her gauntlets appearing.  “Why are you trying to keep us from getting out of this place?”

“Oh, you just gave yourself away, little Wielder.”  The giant man walked into the light, and his mask covered with hearts and bubbles became visible.  He was wearing a silk clown costume, and carried no visible weapons.  The only oddity was the chain wrapped around his waist like a belt.  “I’m… heehee… the Prime Vassal of Dokeshi March.  The one person in all of District March that everyone knows on sight.”  The largest scepter Grant had seen to date appeared in the enormous clown’s hand.  “My name… is Cuddles.”

“Well, this isn’t good.”  Suki’s gauntlets appeared in a flare of purple sparks, somehow appearing larger than they had in the past.  “I’ll handle the big one, and you deal with the guards.”

“Those aren’t just guards… heehee… those are Dicemen, the elite of the Dokeshi’s forces.”  The gem on the top of Cuddles’ scepter flared with a blue light.  “I don’t think just one of you can simply deal with them like you have the others.”

“It’s fine, Suki.  I can take them.”  Grant turned and started walking to their line.  “That overgrown clown doesn’t know what we are capable of doing.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that you are capable.  I just don’t think you will be able to fight all of them at once.  Especially… heehee… when I do this.”  Cuddles raised his scepter and declared a new rule in a surprisingly official tone.  “None of those present will use a lethal attack!”  A screen popped up in front of everyone, and Grant was shocked to read what it had to say.

Congratulations!  Since you are within the radius of the Prime Vassal’s scepter, you have been automatically included in the New Rule!

Rule #15943:  No lethal attacks can be used while fighting.

Since this Rule applies to everyone equally, including the Prime Vassal, no acceptance or oaths are necessary!  All turn-based combat will be adjusted.  This rule only applies while within the radius of the Prime Vassal.  Other side effects may include frustration, inability to execute those that deserve it, and near-death experiences.  Please ask the nearest Vassal if you have any questions.

“What?!”  Suki pounded her fists together, sending purple sparks shooting in an arc in front of her.  “You can’t just make up stupid rules like that!  We have to agree to your stupid deals before they start working!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, little Wielder!  Heehee… that might be the case for my weaker brothers and sisters, but not me!  Did you ever agree to the turn-based fighting system?  No?  That’s because the Dokeshi’s Wielded Weapon is powerful enough to enforce the rules, as long as they apply equally to everyone!  As the Prime Vassal, my weapon is closer in power to his than anyone else!”  Cuddles spun his scepter, and tapped the glowing gem on the chain wrapped around him like a belt.  “Now, how about we get things started?”

Grant wasn’t willing to just give up, so he rushed at the line of Dicemen that stretched from one end of the road to the other.  They were only one rank deep, meaning he should be able to get past them easily.

<The new rule is only that you can’t kill.  Remember your training.  You can use the back edge of your sword, or the side of the blade.>  Grant gave a sharp nod of agreement, only feeling a faint hint of pain from the cut on his head.  <You can also try for disabling wounds, or just remove a few limbs.  None of those would be immediately fatal.>

“Good idea, Sarge.  I would sure like to see these guys try fighting without all their hands and feet!”  Grant moved to the left side of the street, where there was more rubble to mess with their footing.  “Okay, now to lay down a beating on these jerks!”

Combat initiated

Action: Attack with weapon

Result: Dicemen bonus in effect, resulting in a reduction of damage by 30%.  22 blunt damage, opponent stunned for 45 seconds.

Opponents remaining: 11

Actions: Please select one option from the following list

Attack: Lethal (not selectable), Non-lethal, Spell

Defend: With weapon, Without weapon

Run: Attempt escape

Grant was forced to select Defend: With weapon before the other eleven Dicemen could strike.  He dropped to one knee as a spearhead flashed through the space his neck had just been, and deflected another from hitting him in the face.

“Hey!  I thought the rules were supposed to apply to everyone!”  Grant rolled back from another trio of stabs from the Dicemen, and sprang back to his feet.  “Those would have been lethal!”

“Who said they were even trying to hit you?”  Cuddles and Suki had been feeling each other out, neither one fully committing to a solid strike.  “Perhaps, they were just trying to get you within range of me!  Heehee.”

The overly large clown tapped his chain belt again, and this time it unfurled itself from his prodigious waistline.  It burrowed underground like some kind of worm, sending dust and dirt flying.  As soon as it disappeared, Suki jumped back to stand next to Grant.  The place she had been standing immediately erupted as the chain shot out of the ground, missing her completely.

“This is bad.”  Suki jumped again, this time landing on an upside-down rain barrel near the edge of the road.  She motioned for Grant to do the same.  “Don’t stand on the ground!  Get somewhere higher!”

“I don’t think so!”  The Vassal raised his scepter again, this time with both hands.  “Everyone present will keep both feet on the ground at all times.”

Congratulations!  Since you are within the radius of the Prime Vassal’s scepter, you have been automatically included in the New Rule!

Rule #15944:  Both feet must always remain in contact with the earth.

Since this Rule applies to everyone equally, including the Prime Vassal, no acceptance or oaths are necessary!  All turn-based combat will be adjusted.  This rule only applies while within the radius of the Prime Vassal.  Other side effects may include problems dodging attacks, multiple toe injuries, and difficulty in walking, running, or climbing stairs.  Please ask the nearest Vassal if you have any questions.

Suki immediately dropped off the rain barrel onto the ground, her face red from straining against the new rule.

“Heehee, I knew you would love the new rule!  It should make things easier.”  The chains shot up from the ground and started wrapping around Suki’s calves.  Grant was able to dodge the first chain, but shuffling backward too far led him right into the spears of the Dicemen.  A sharp poke forced him to balance too far forward, and he was quickly wrapped around the legs.  “Easier for me, I should say.”

“You think this is enough to stop us?  We haven’t even begun to fight!”  Suki punched down at the chain wrapped around her right leg, shattering the first link her gauntlet impacted.  She started shuffling to get the Vassal within range of her fists, but another chain replaced the broken one.  This time, she was in a more awkward stance, almost doing the splits.  “Fight me, you coward!”

“There is a reason why they call me Cuddles, little Wielder.”  Another flare of his scepter, and the chains started crawling up their bodies, pulling down on Suki and Grant.  “I have an elemental spell that allows me to make my chains as heavy as I want.  Either you keep fighting them until their weight breaks your bones, or you lay down and cuddle with the ground.”

While Suki and Cuddles were talking, Grant had been shattering chains with the edge of his blade over and over, until he was able to shuffle away from the place where they had come out of the ground.

“Ha!  You can’t catch me, you stupid-”  Grant was cut off by a chain sneaking up behind him and wrapping itself around his throat.  He was jerked back onto his back, and quickly cocooned in the metal links controlled by Cuddles.

“You were saying?”  The clown shuffled over to Grant, who was wheezing as the weight of the chains kept increasing.  Suki was still refusing to buckle, but her knees were shaking, and sweat rolled down her face.  “I don’t think the two of you truly understand who you have been dealing with.”  Before Cuddles could monologue anymore, the sound of glass shattering caused him to look up.  “What’s this then?  You three, go and ensure we aren’t disturbed.”

Three of the Dicemen ran to see what the disturbance was, not bothering to hide now that their prey had been captured.  Which is why the mob had no problem identifying them when they rounded the corner.

“Look!  It’s another o’ them fancy guards!”

“Hey, they’s the ones that be guardin’ the Mad Jester’s clowns!  Follow ‘em!”

“Yeah!  Off wi’ the head o’ the system keepers!”

As the three men came spilling back out onto the street, the torch-wielding mob were right behind.  The spot that marked the range of Cuddles’ ridiculous rules was readily apparent when the whole mess of people suddenly had to start shuffling forward.  There was more than a little cursing as people stubbed toes and slid feet over shards of glass, but it wasn’t enough to stop the angry crowd.

“There ‘e is!  Kill ‘em!”

“Off wi’ their eggs!”

“Well, you two.  It looks like it might be time for me to retreat.  This group is interested in removing my eggs… heehee… I don’t truly know what that means, but I don’t intend to find out.”  Cuddles started shuffling away with his Dicemen Guards bringing up the rear.  The three that he had sent out as scouts were swallowed by the mob, who showed them no mercy.  Like some kind of monster, they paused long enough to deal with their ‘snack,’ before going right back to chasing down Cuddles.  The clown turned his masked face to meet Grant’s eyes before he shuffled out of earshot.  “Now I know what you look like, I will find you again soon.  You can run, you can hide, but the House Always Wins.”