Wandering Warrior: Judge - Chapter 5 (Patreon)

Chapter 5

I woke up to the sound of someone hammering on my door.  Sitting up, I shouted for them to hold on.  They ignored me, and only pounded harder.  I fought free of the sheets and stumbled over to the door, ripping it open to see what was going on.

“See!  I told you, he runs around naked like a crazy person!”  The innkeeper was standing behind two men wearing a higher quality of armor than I had seen so far on this planet.  It was a mix of leather and lacquered steel plate, with chainmail protecting their joints.  The whole set was a pleasant shade of blue with gold highlights, with a golden hawk engraved on their chest plates over their hearts.  Both soldiers were cut from the same cloth, with chiseled, rugged jawlines designed to make any woman swoon.  “You better arrest him, before he grabs his weapon.  I saw him use it last night, and it has to be enchanted!  And he doesn’t even have a guild crest!  That means I get the guild bounty for turning in an imposter, right?”

One of the soldiers held up his hand to silence the innkeeper, and looked back at me, making sure to maintain eye contact.  Probably a good choice, considering my state of undress.  “Are you the traveler who assaulted the village Counselor yesterday, and illegally hunted three of the advanced undead, which resulted in the death of an innocent bystander and destruction of personal property?”  He was standing with his weight slightly forward, balanced on the balls of his feet, with his other hand resting on the hilt of the short sword hanging from his belt.  Two stripes below his chest emblem probably made him the higher-ranked of the two.  The other soldier had a halberd that was too long for the low ceiling of the hallway they were standing in, so he held it horizontally, pointed in the general direction of my chest.  These guys were no pushovers, and definitely came from a different group than the village guards.

I straightened up a bit, and gave a quick glare at the innkeeper, who took a flinching step backward.  I was definitely getting a refund.  I turned back to the soldiers.  “Do you mean, am I the traveler from distant lands who stopped the Counselor from cutting off the hand of a little boy, and then killed three vampires before they could murder everyone inside this establishment?  Yes, that would be me.”

The soldier with the halberd lowered his guard a little, and glanced over at his leader.  “None of that was in the report, Corporal.  Or what the innkeeper told us.”

“I’m aware, Private.”  The Corporal looked back at me.  “We’ll get to the bottom of this.  Why don’t you put some clothes on, and meet us in the common room.”  It definitely wasn’t phrased as a question.  He turned to the Private, and nodded at the innkeeper.  “Why don’t you pull him aside and ask some more pointed questions about what happened last night, while I speak to the suspect.”

“As you say.”  The Private turned around and wrapped a muscular arm around a suddenly white-faced innkeeper.  “Come with me, sir.  We have some things to discuss.  Is there a more private place where we can talk?”  The two walked out of sight, the innkeeper stuttering to answer as he dragged his feet.

“I’ll be waiting.”  The Corporal walked away, the whole time keeping his hand on the hilt of his sword.  Before he left the hallway, he turned back and looked at me.  “If I were you, I wouldn’t try running.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”  I gave him a flippant salute, and slammed my door.  Getting dressed took longer than normal, mostly because I was being an asshole and taking my time.  Intellectually, I knew it was a bad idea to insult the soldiers.  Viscerally, I didn’t care.  They had been rude.

Packing everything neatly took two tries before I had it just the way I wanted it.  The balance had to be just right if I wanted to avoid being sore at the end of the day.  Once I was ready, I put on my wrist gun, gloves, and strapped on my weapons.  I walked into the common room, using my staff like a walking stick.

“I was just about to come and check on you.”  The Corporal was behind the bar, pouring some tea for himself.  I noticed a lack of a second cup for myself.  So, I joined him around the counter and poured a mug of ale from the tap.  I didn’t like tea very much anyway.  At least the soldier waited until I had walked back around, dropped my pack, and sat down before he started in on the questions.  “I need you to tell me exactly what happened yesterday, from the moment you walked into town, until the time you laid down for bed.”  He leaned forward over the bar, intruding into my personal space.  “And don’t leave anything out.”

“First, I want to know who you are, and why I should even be listening to you.  Like I said earlier, I’m not from anywhere around here, and I don’t recognize your uniform.”  I took a drink and grimaced.  “Please tell me this is just another poor example of the region’s beer, and not the norm?”  The other towns I had been to so far had ale that was equally as bad as this one.

“I don’t drink, so I couldn’t tell you.”  I almost choked on the crappy beer, shocked to hear of a soldier on any planet that didn’t drink.  The Corporal waited for me to stop coughing before continuing.  “I’m Corporal Leedy, squad section leader of Blue Branch in the Western Wardens.”  He seemed shocked when my expression showed I clearly didn’t recognize the name.  “You have never heard of us?  The Western Wardens.  Tales of our deeds stretch from shore to shore in these lands!”

“Not from around here, remember?”  I shook my head, finishing off my ale and pouring the dregs on the sawdust-covered floor.  “I’m sure you’re important and everything, but that still doesn’t tell me why I have to listen to you.”

“We are the single most powerful branch of the Hunter’s Guild, funded jointly by three kingdoms, and tasked to keep order across all regions of the Untamed Lands from the Sea of Solitude to the banks of the Mighty Reka, the river that divides the continent.”  He looked at me skeptically.  “And you have never heard of us?”

“Nope.”  I shook my head, and stood up to go poke around in the kitchen to find something to eat.  Leedy followed me, leaving his tea on the bar.  I didn’t find anything immediately ready to eat, but a chunk of pork belly hanging from the pantry ceiling was calling my name.  “You want some bacon?”  I pulled it down, along with a pan that I put on top of the rack in the fireplace.  “It’s just as easy to fry up some for two as it is for one.”

“But, you aren’t lying.”  Leedy was shaking his head in disbelief, absolutely flabbergasted by my complete lack of knowledge.  “How is this even possible?  Did you grow up under a rock?”

“Yep, that’s exactly what happened.  Born and raised under a rock, until I grew tired of the scenery, and now I’m ready to explore.  Or - and I know this might be hard to believe - maybe you aren’t as big of a deal as you thought you were.  Now, do you want some bacon or not?”  I mean, come on man.  Prioritize your life already!  He still didn’t answer, so I used my folding pocket knife to slice the pork belly into ten thick strips, and placed them evenly throughout the pan.  They sizzled almost immediately, and my stomach rumbled in anticipation.  The ale might suck, but their bacon was on point.  I guess this world wasn’t a total loss.  “Now, I take it that you are tasked with enforcing local laws, protecting the people, and generally keeping the peace.  Would you say that neatly sums up your organization’s role?”

“I think that’s an accurate way to describe what the Western Wardens do, yes.”  Leedy seemed to snap out of it, finally getting back into his job as this world’s version of the police.  Well, considering they operated across borders, maybe they were more like the FBI.  Mentally raising his standing in my estimations, I decided to take him a little more seriously.

“Okay then, I agree to answering your questions, even though I’m still on the fence about ceding to your authority.”  I could tell that didn’t make him happy, so I kept talking before he could raise an argument.  “So, yesterday afternoon I came into town in time to see a man about to cut off the hand of a child.  He declared himself as the Counselor of the region, and demanded that I be killed when I interrupted him.”  The Corporal nodded along, clearly having heard this part of the story before.  Now, I hit him with the ol’ okey-doke.  “Obviously, I determined him to be a liar, since no true leader of the people would stoop so low as to needlessly hurt a child, and order the murder of an innocent traveler.  Since he was clearly some kind of criminal, I defeated his dastardly sidekicks and cut his hands off, to stop him from hurting children and innocents in the future.”  The Corporal’s mouth dropped open slightly, completely blindsided by the way I described events.  “Tell me, Corporal Leedy, did you find and apprehend the man already?  Or did he die from the wounds I inflicted?”

“Arrest him?”  Leedy winced, and all of a sudden he couldn’t look me in the eye.  “Actually, he survived, and is at the Healing House now.  I was ordered to arrest you for maiming the real Counselor, and I am to take you to stand trial at the nearest branch of the Hunter’s Guild as soon as possible.”  He was obviously ashamed after hearing how I saw events, and I almost felt bad for the man.  Almost.

“So, you are telling me that the man who tried to hurt a child is actually in charge around here?”  I shook my head as I flipped the bacon over, making sure it didn’t burn.  “Maybe I should have stayed under my rock, because where I’m from, you are arresting the wrong person.  I guess your job doesn’t include protecting children, then?  It’s okay to kill kids, but you have to leave the adults alone or you go to jail?  Maybe that’s why I haven’t heard of your group before.  Where I’m from, under that ‘rock’, you would be seen as cowards.  No, not cowards.  Accomplices, who encourage people to hurt the innocent when the fancy strikes them.”

“What?  No!”  Leedy was looking a lot less sure of himself now, and took a few retreating steps backward.  “It isn’t like that at all!  The Western Wardens protect everyone.  Especially children!”

“Oh really?  Well, there’s a saying where I come from.  Actions speak louder than words.  And your actions?  They say that it’s okay to hurt children, and the people that protect them are the criminals.”  I pulled the pan off the fire, dropping it onto the bartop.  “Are we done here?  Because if you aren’t going to do your job and arrest the Counselor for hurting children, I am going to eat this, track him down, and cut off some more parts of him for assaulting young women.”  I leaned over the bar, looking for a fork so I could eat the bacon.  “You are free to join me, unless you don’t protect young women, either.  I understand if you have to follow the laws that only protect the people in power, of course.  Since that’s what your ‘guild’ seems to really do anyway.”

“You can’t- I mean, we don’t-!”  He sputtered, clearly overwhelmed by the truth bombs I was dropping on him.  “We do more than just protecting the people in power.  We help everyone!”

“Whatever you say, Leedy.  Pretty words, no substance, from what I can tell.  Now, how about you run off and see what your man found out from the innkeep, while I finish my breakfast.”  I had given up on finding a fork, and just used my fingers to pluck a strip of bacon from the pan.  It was hot, but I was willing to suffer minor grease burns for the crispy piece of delicious fat and meat.  “I won’t run off yet, I promise.”

The Corporal, so sure of himself before, walked off without saying anything.  I was being overly harsh, but this was part of what I had to do when I arrived at each new world.  Pointing out the hypocrisy and injustice in irrefutable terms to the people who actually enforced the laws was the first step in tearing down the system that perpetuated the problem.  It had taken some trial and error to figure it out, but that was the fastest way I had found.  People were people, no matter where you were.  Most of them wanted to do the right thing.  You just had to lift the veil that was blinding them to the truth.

“That wasn’t very nice.”  I almost jumped off my barstool when Jess spoke, and I spun to face her.

“Would you stop that!”  I pointed at the pan in front of me.  “I could have whacked you with that by reflex, and we would all be upset.  You would have a nasty headache, and I would waste perfectly good bacon!”

She looked over my shoulder, and reached over to snatch a piece.  I had made enough for two people, so I didn’t mind.  “That Warden is only trying to do his job, and you are giving him a hard time.”  Instead of taking just one piece of meat, she took three.  That was less okay.

“Am I giving him a hard time, or forcing him to see how twisted the values are that he fights for every day?”  I grabbed two slices of bacon this time, making sure I got a fair amount.  “I think I’m being very nice, when you look at it that way.”

“Sure, whatever you tell yourself.”  Jess fell silent, turning to look over the common room.  I let the silence settle.  It gave me time to finish eating.  “Were you serious about what you said?”  I cocked an eyebrow, not sure what she was referring to.  “About cutting off more parts of the Counselor.  Are you really going to do that?”

“Deadly serious.”  I nodded, gripping the hilt of my sword with the hand not covered in grease.  “That’s what I do, Jess.  I balance the scales.  When someone does something bad, I do something worse back to them, so they know not to do it again.  If they don’t learn that lesson the first time, I don’t give the bad people a second chance.”

“Is that why I can’t come with you?”  She turned back around to face me, her feet scuffling on the floor.  “Because you go after bad people?”

“One reason, yes.”  I stood up and walked back to the kitchen, so I could wash up at the stone sink I had seen.  Jess followed me, scooping up the rest of the bacon.  “There are a bunch more besides that one.”

“What if I want to hurt bad people, too?”  Her cat eyes flashed, catching the morning sunlight that streamed in from a narrow window above the sink.  “I saw what you did to those vampires last night.”  She lowered her voice, and leaned in to whisper conspiratorially.  “You used magic.”  Jess swallowed hard, clearly intimidated by the thought of someone using a kind of power she didn’t understand.  “Would you teach me?”

“I’m not a wizard, Jess.”  Technically, I wasn’t lying.  I was classified as a mage, after all.  “And even if I was, teaching a random serving girl I just met any form of magic would be crazy.”

Jess nodded, probably in a mixture of regret and relief.  “I understand.  I guess that does make sense.  You barely know me.  If you were going to teach anyone, you would need to make sure they were worthy of such a gift.”

“Exactly.  See, I knew you would understand.”  I finished washing my hands, and went to pick up my gear.  Leedy was taking too long, so I decided to just pop out for a minute to visit with the Counselor, and come right back.  The Wardens wouldn’t even notice I was gone.  Until they talked to the Counselor again, of course.  When he was speaking with a higher pitch, they were sure to notice something.