Sculptor and Sculpture (Patreon)

It has been nine months since I decided to give more of my time, money, and effort into music. How can I describe the process?

An image comes to mind. Imagine you were a sculptor holding in his hand a block of wood - a draft of a sculpture. You have an idea of what it's supposed to look like. All you have to do is sit down, put in more hours, chisel away unnecessary parts to highlight all the important features, and voila! You've got yourself a masterpiece.

I feel like both sculptor and sculpture. As a sculptor, music is my block of wood. There are so many songs I have wanted to release, but unsure about how and when I should release them. I needed these nine months to sit down, chisel away the unnecessary parts to highlight all the important features.

More than writing new songs, I'm rewriting and revising the ones that are already existing. I'm smoothening the edges and making sure they all make sense when put together side by side. This is my craft, and I have no regrets pouring my hours, efforts, and finances into this. I plan to do so for many, many more months until I have in my hand the masterpiece I envision (or possibly even a masterpiece that is beyond what I originally envisioned).

At the same time, I feel like a block of wood in the hands of the Sculptor. If there's anything these past nine months taught me, it's that this block of wood needs more work than any song or album I have planned. The sculpting hurts. Unnecessary parts had to be chiseled away in order to highlight all the best features. In other words, in order to learn, I had to unlearn so many things.

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Complacency

One of the major things I had to unlearn was complacency when it comes to sound quality, particularly in the mixing and mastering stage of songs. That's a pretty big thing to ignore for a musician, and I'm ashamed that I overlooked this in the first place. I made the excuse that storytelling is more important than sound, when the truth is that both are equally important. The truth is, I could have exerted more effort and more time into the mixing and mastering process earlier on in my music career.

It's a painful thing to admit that I was complacent in this area, but it was the first step to growth. I have a different mindset now, and treat this part of the music-making with more respect. This brings me to my next (un)learning.

Self-reliance

Way back then, I used to think so highly of myself as a songwriter, and as a result became so possessive of my music. Without realizing it, I would think, "I write all the songs. I arrange the skeleton of the music. These are my songs, and only I know where I'm headed." When I gave the songs to the band, I had this idea that they were my songs, and they shouldn't ruin it. Instead of collaborators, I treated them as sessionists.

I'm happy to say that this issue with the band has long been resolved; however, I realized that the issue was still present in (you guessed it) mixing and mastering. Recently, I have been learning to collaborate better with my sound engineer. These are not just my songs that she should mix based on my faulty ear; these are her songs as well, and I need to trust her judgement when it comes to certain things.

I had to learn it the hard way, especially with this experimental solo EP. After she sent me the first versions of the track, I tried to give comments regarding how it could sound better and fit my vision, blah blah blah. After a month of telling her how to do her job and receiving the later versions, I was still unhappy with the tracks.

I couldn't understand why until I went back and gave the first versions a listen. When the last track stopped playing, I messaged my sound engineer right away and said, "Hello. My ears are stupid. I thought I knew what I wanted, but you already got the right sound from the start. Could we go back to the first versions you mixed and just polish those?" I suspect she was partly annoyed and partly flattered, but she assured me that she was more of the latter. Long story short, she mixed it the way she knew best, and it gives my heart more peace knowing that those are the versions you will be hearing.

Making music become so much easier and so much more fulfilling when I learned to collaborate with everyone I worked with.

Fear

There are so many other traits that had to be chiseled away from me, but this is the last thing I'll share. For the longest time, I have been dishonest with myself regarding what I wanted to do with my music career. I've known that this is what I wanted to do ever since I was three. My friends, family members, and even parents have been telling me to consider giving music my all. I always told them, "No, this is just a passion project," even if I knew that they were right.

I think what held me back from going all in with music was the fear of failure. If I told myself that this was just a passion project, then I might not be as disappointed if this music thing doesn't work out. If I don't go all in at full speed, then it wouldn't hurt so much if I hit a speed bump, or even a wall in this journey.

I guess that driving illustration is an extreme. I should go at the appropriate speed, for sure, and be mindful on the road. But if I drive at 5/kph, will I ever get to my destination? I need to learn to head towards my dreams within the speed limit - not too fast, and definitely not too slow.

I'm learning to let go of the fear, and to give music an honest shot. I'm learning so much about the business side, especially with this current collaboration with my music distributor that is helping me plan the EP release carefully. I'm learning to be patient with financial returns, because setting up a business really takes time. (Thank you for your support, patrons! It's helping me move forward.) I'm learning to approach my dreams realistically, keeping in mind the speed bumps and the possible dead ends I might face. I'm learning to pursue this thing for the long term.

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Nine months in, and I have so many learnings and unlearnings to be thankful for. I think that's it for this post. To end, let me share the lyrics of an upcoming song.

So lay out your blueprints and tables and plans

There is no fear when I'm safe in your hands

Take me and break me and make me again

All of the pieces are yours now to mend