HNY (Patreon)

Recording is done. As I type, I breathe a sigh of relief.

Recording has been done for a month now, but it’s only now that I get to take it all in. Right after the sessions, the holidays started, and a string of holiday celebrations - dinners, parties, dinner parties - swept me up and distracted me from everything music-related. It’s not a bad thing! I missed the holidays. I missed spending Christmas and New Year with people I love.

(I don’t need to tell you about how much food I got to eat. I’m sure you were stuffed, too. Oh, but I will tell you about this new keyboard I got. Honestly, this blog is just an excuse for me to use this new toy. Thanks, Bryant.)

Now, I’m back to reality. Thankfully, it’s a reality I love. For those who missed the update, I’m balancing two worlds now: music and transcription. On the music side, I’m not earning too much yet. The lack of live gigs contributes to that; however, this situation turned out to be a blessing in disguise, since I need to come up with ways to keep my music alive should live gigs come to a halt. This situation is making me creative and resilient as an artist, so I’m thankful for this “music from home” setup. I know these learnings will benefit me in the long run.

Surprisingly, I got to earn a lot the past month from transcription. I work for two transcription companies as a freelancer, with one paying higher than the other. I enjoy the work, but I’m not passionate or crazy about it. It pays the bills. If it didn’t I don’t think I would do this. This situation reminds me of when I worked as a staff in church. It was a good first job, and I appreciate church workers more now. It’s an honorable and necessary job, but every day I worked there made me realize that I wasn’t meant for that kind of work. Not anymore.

At the start of the year, I was reminded of how much I loved music. It’s clearer now than ever before that this is my passion. Even if I’m not earning from it, I still write. I still collaborate. I still lead the band in terms of vision and direction. That’s one major learning last year: money doesn’t determine value or calling. I may be earning more from my other jobs, but that doesn’t mean that I should shift calling. It just means that I have to make some compromises with my time so that I can fulfill my calling. How can I make music if I’m not funded?

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Oh, but I long for the day when my music will sustain me. I’m glad that the music is already sustaining itself. I don’t need to shell out any money to produce songs, and that’s a huge blessing. I am grateful. And I guess that’s another major learning I had for last year: gratefulness is the key to happiness. I need to embrace where I am at the present.

Back when I worked at church, I had some very harsh words to say to God. I remember driving home on a weeknight and telling him that I didn’t like his plans for me. “Lord,” I said, “Your plans for me suck.” Pretty harsh words coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraced the job two years before. In 2017, I remembered telling God, “Use me for your purpose. If it’s in the church, then use me here.” But in 2019, there I was, sitting in the driver’s seat, telling God that I didn’t like where I was at in my career and in my life in general. How quickly the human heart forgets. That’s why we need to write down our thoughts, like I am doing now.

I knew, though, that God had plans for me. I wasn’t sure what they were exactly, but I knew they existed. I had the confidence to be honest to God because he already knows what’s in my heart. What’s the point in hiding behind false words? I forgot how I ended that rant, but I knew I ended with surrender.

It’s now 2022, and that part of my life made more sense. I can say that I wouldn’t be the person I am today, I wouldn’t make the art I’m making today, if it weren’t for those 3 years working in the ministry. For three years, I was preoccupied with the question, “How can I share my relationship with Christ, the best thing that ever happened to me, in a way that people can understand?” This question led me to where I am today, writing music that documents my faith and life in general, “seeing the world from someone else’s eyes” and sharing the view with people who would care to listen. Those 3 years in ministry made me the musician I am today.

That experience with God taught me something profound. Though I could not understand why certain things were happening at the time, it made perfect sense to me 3 years later. That means that things may not make sense to me now, but it will make sense to me at some point in the future. This is the basis of my gratefulness. I can be grateful for today, despite the confusion and challenges, because God is still in the process of writing my story. I don’t need to understand it now. I just need to keep on walking. (Cue Odyssey - TONEEJAY)

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Speaking of TONEEJAY, that’s another major learning I had for 2021: keep your friends close… and your enemies closer. Just kidding. I need to keep my friends close. Relationships are a MUST.

I need to keep Jan, Bryant, Joric, and Tita Modi close. We’re not just workmates. We shouldn’t just talk when there’s a gig coming up or a project we need to work on. I need to check up on them, and I need to let them check up on me. I need to spend time with them because they are my closest friends; I should treat them as such.

I need to take care of my relationship with my musician friends: Marilag bros, Kamara dudes, JxPfam, Munimen, Any Name’s Okay peeps, etc. There’s more to life than just music. Behind the music scene are real people with real needs. I need to check up on them, and let them check up on me.

I need to take care of my relationship with NON-MUSICIAN FRIENDS AND FAMILY. Last year, there was a part of me that was subconsciously dissociating with everyone who wasn’t in my music circles. I had to sit down and ask why that was. I believe it was because of pride. I didn’t want people to see the real me, but the image I wanted to project. I wanted to meet with them when I was successful in my field already, when I become a world-famous musician or something.

First of all, that might never happen. And second, even if it does, why would I prevent people I love from being part of the journey? Is it because I want to proclaim myself as self-made? That’s BS. Is it because they won’t understand my journey like my other musician friends would? Great, then that will give me the opportunity to explain it to them and connect with them, and even ask them about their journey in life. Is it because they know who I was before I was sure about who I wanted to be? As long as they don’t hold me back and put me in a box, why should that be a problem? It’s good to keep grounded and remember where I came from, so that I can appreciate my progress even more.

All that to say, nothing good will come out of dissociating with people I love just because they aren’t directly “useful” to my current calling. I need to keep them close just because they’re my friends and family - just because I love them, and I know they love me. This is a hard lesson for me to learn as an introvert, but I know that connecting with people will be good for me in the long run. It will be good for me in the sense that it will keep me human, not just a lonely hermit who thinks his calling is greater than people.

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These are some of the lessons I learned last year. Just wanted to write them down so I don’t forget, and to share them with you.

Happy New Year, everyone! Let’s all face 2022 together.

And oh yeah, about the recording. Listening party this January 28 Intimate Gig. :) See you there.