I read the terrible Episode IX pitch where Rey is a robot (Patreon)

I read the terrible Episode IX pitch where Rey is a robot

It was imperative to me that I get this posted before Episode IX’s release date because I knew if anything from this treatment ended up happening it would be infinitely funnier if I had roasted the idea ahead of time. Also nobody tell him about this he's like 75 he won't benefit from feedback it will likely just make him sad. Click your favorite story beat from Alan Dean Foster’s upcoming Episode XI treatment: The film opens with a long funeral for Kylo Ren at which C-3PO gives a long, sentimental speech https://www.patreon.com/JennyNicholson Finn selects his second in command, secretary, and treasurer and Poe’s name doesn’t come up in the conversation for any of these jobs https://twitter.com/JennyENicholson Rose and Paige Tico are revealed to have a third heretofore unknown sister, who also explodes https://www.twitch.tv/progamerjenny The new Tico sister has a 20-minute onscreen funeral at which R2-D2 and BB-8 say a few words https://www.instagram.com/spider_jewel/ Luke comes back from the dead a second time, explaining that he simply had to exert twice as much Force power to do so, and they reattach his missing hand so that he can wield three lightsabers at once https://spiderjewel.tumblr.com/ Rey sobs https://www.facebook.com/JennyNicholsonVids/ Alan Dean Foster’s website, on which if you navigate to the “updates” page and scroll down long enough you will find his complete Episode IX treatment: https://www.alandeanfoster.com/ I called it a pitch in the title even though it’s just a hypothetical treatment because everyone understands what a pitch is but not everyone immediately understands what a treatment is, and also pitch has fewer characters.