lineart brush testings (Patreon)

yep, testing em out with our friendly neighborhood coyote here. i am once again feeling at odds with my lineart LOL so i'm testing out new brushes! first one is what i currently use... i have a definite personal favorite here heh. might give commissioners the option to try out this new brush??

BIG personal ramblings here about the process of art and my bi-yearly art crisis but:

i have never Really been a lineart guy, so to speak. not in the sense of "i don't like lined pieces" but that i don't usually use strict ultra crisp and clean lineart for my own personal art! even if you look at my current personal art- i use my sketchy style, have unkempt lines or hashed out shading. having a clean "lined" style was more something i... introduced as part of my commission offerings, as it was something that i DID want to get better at but also i went, well, that's what everyone else is doing, right??? that's what i gotta do! and i DID grow to really like some aspects of lineart, and i do think i've improved at it drastically from starting out haha. 

but i think from my improvement, i'm coming to terms or really trying to Discover what *i* want my art to look like. how i want my art to feel. i do look at my lined work and go "hell yes, this looks good. i'm very happy with it." but at the same time, i feel like i'm making art that isn't necessarily true to my own stylistic desires?

 one thing that ALWAYS sticks in my mind is "art that you enjoy looking at isn't necessarily the same art you'll enjoy creating" and man isn't that true. i love looking at tidy, crisp, fine lined work, with a ton of detail. i look at the above, the examples of these different brushes. i actually really do like how qamala's ad roughsketchbrush's pens LOOK... but from a 3rd person pov, i guess? in that i like looking at them, but i don't particularly like it as *my* work. both aesthetically, and how it felt to use to use the brushes to create.

ultimately... i know people follow and like My work for just that reason. it's my style and my desires, poured into a physical medium i can share. so why do i feel so pressured to try and fit myself into an arbitrary box!?!? it's hard to parse. i try and tell myself to loosen up when i draw, but catch myself fiddling over details that in my Personal work i wouldn't fiddle over, thinking "ah shit they're probably expecting more precision-" but are they!?!? 

the struggle i find myself in is that the more i "advertise" this clean tidy work, the more people who might find themselves interested in it, and follow me for that, but for the work that isn't Truly representative of my style, or what i want to be my style. so i dig myself deeper and deeper into this hole... where the people who were initially interested in my work for the more down and dirty stuff have already been long gone. but why do i think people can only like or want one style at a time??? hell i love a million different art styles! maybe my tweaks aren't even noticeable! why am i worried?

all this to say.... yargh. i just gotta get more confident in myself, i think! do what feels right. what feels good. thanks to those who have stuck around, and to those who are new, and to those whom have bowed out. each one of yas has made me what i am today, and for that i am thankful in my art journey.

if you made it this far well. thank you for reading my dumb little rant LOL