you are not a perfectionist; you are just insecure (Patreon)

1.7

in the discussion surrounding writer's block and other challenges to Actually Writing, a dual-headed beast often bares its fangs:

Perfectionism and Procrastination

i
hate
both of these words.
not even the things they're describing-- just the usage of the words themselves.

they are such loaded terms and i sincerely believe that the words themselves have come to warp the entire set of discussions around them.

i also hate the things they actually mean... but let's focus on one thing at a time. for now, just the word Perfectionism:

It is such a self-aggrandizing word. When someone says they're being a perfectionist, it sounds like they're praising themselves. They am making it perfect, as if that is a thing that is possible. They are embodying perfection.
Even I, keenly aware of the vice that perfectionism is, still feel a twinge of backwards pride when I say "I'm being a perfectionist".

It's like if the word "crime" was instead call "good-deed".
I committed a crime? Nah, I committed a good-deed.
I'm a criminal? Nah, I'm a good-deed-ist.

It has been touted that a more accurate word for "perfectionism" would be "nitpicking."
I think this covers some of the acute use-cases, but it doesn't really get at the big picture behind it.
A lot of the time, it is not the small details that grate upon the chalkboard of "perfectionism" but the greater emotional condition behind fretting over a piece of work.

That condition is insecurity.

Ironically, calling it "perfectionism" is just feeding that insecurity.
It's indulging in the idea that a creative work ever can be perfect, or that it even should be. It's a little gentle caress to our egos, a soft whisper that we are good enough-- or that we can be good enough if we push a little harder-- rather than acknowledging the truth behind the issue:
that 'good enough' is a fake thing that is made up, doesn't exist, and that, much like Selene, we will run ourselves ragged chasing it.

c: so i sit off to the side and think about how society is a bit of a wreck. i think the flip side to perfectionism is the fact that everyone is super judgemental. judgement is everywhere. perfectionism is the idea that you can avoid it if you just something a certain way.