blue (Patreon)

the past twenty four hours have been a fugue of blue screens, despair, and watching the machine-goddess i once loved slip through my fingers and into a pile of electrical scrap.

in other words my computer died.

i don't know what the issue is but i've been slowly locked out of more and more options. troubleshooting blue screened. repair options blue screened. system restore blue screened.

only thing i could do was reinstall windows.
which also blue screened.

right now i have probably several dozen fragments of partially-installed Windows systems, all of which have crashed during install. the OS is in pieces with my heart. no i won't stop being dramatic. 

all of my data has been deleted but fortunately i was able to back up most things related to development before it went down the drain. not all though. even now i'm remembering some graphics that wouldn't have been kept. 

i'm writing this post from my laptop. god bless having it, but it freezes at the drop of a hat and is not ideal for development since i tend to lose work frequently from those freezes. it also isn't strong enough to do many things. for the time being development updates and streams will be on halt. 

my computer is high end. not old. i take good care of it. there's no excuse for this to have happened. it's been slowly worsening for a few weeks-- but last night was a steep dive off a long cliff.
kersplat.

i still dont even know the cause. maybe corrupting hard drive but both drives crash. maybe faulty memory but i tested it. maybe software but it affects even cd boot. more importantly i dont know what i can do about it.  i don't know if i'll have to buy a new computer or what. this computer is great-- except it not working.

thanks for bearing with me. any suggestions are appreciated. i don't want to sit in this mess for long but i dont see a way out.