Kitsune Boogaloo Re-Write: Chapter 7 (Patreon)

Pov: elsewhere. 

For deities... the age of gods is over. The thoughts and belief that shaped them, empowered them, fueled their might is growing less as of late. 

Humanity grows more and more Cynical by the day. The vast majority refusing to believe in any form of supernatural. Atheism is becoming increasingly common to mundane men. 

Yet, deities aren't merely a result of stories. They are living, breathing, thinking men and woman who benefit from belief. They are people. As such, every now and then a new child will be born. 

But with the skepticism of the modern day, with the entire world at a person's fingertips with the invention of the computer, creation of legends. Of tales. Is a lot more difficult. 

In the past, you could tell a story about a new god in the greek pantheon who cursed an entire city to be struck by a ball of fire and erased... and people believed you. Fearing the might of the god of war or perhaps the god of fire. One who smote a city which insulted him. And as such, tales spread. 

But nowadays... with the divide between the supernatural and the mundane growing by the day... it's quite... difficult for a deity to... change their fate... to become more than a simple unspoken deity. 

To become powerful. 

It's even more difficult for a deity to become important in... Japan... the land of eight million deities. 

But. One deity refuses to fall into obscurity... 

A relatively younger god. One born at roughly the end of the cold war, a god that has grown up alongside technology and has adapted to it... and through it sees potential to allow her to TRULY rise! 

Within a ceaseless void, the sound of clattering keys heard, a sole figure is sitting alone in this void atop a small island. in between her hands is the source of the noise in question. 

A screen rests in front of her, a webcam dimly glowing as she speaks into a microphone. "You'll have to try a bit harder than that, Gumi." 

She has pinkish orange hair, pointed ears, dark eyes, and the most notable aspect would be her skin tone, which is a shade of pink, nearly purple, that is distinctively unnatural. 

A method said woman has found... to gain strength... is becoming an 'idol'. 

A virtual idol. 

A V-tuber as some call it. 

Play into a character, have lore, it's practically the same as what people did in the past!  

"Bah. I'll show you." A second voice calls out. Gumi, a shark youkai vtuber and one of her online friends alongside the text-to-speech vtuber, Yen, and the mouse youkai vtuber 'Cobalt Jerboa'. 

The youkai seem to be using the internet in a similar way to her, youkai also need belief to survive, after all, but she's not exactly sure what race 'Yen' is... she's relatively new to the friend group. She was doing her own thing and they kind of liked the cut of her jib and asked for a Collab. 

The elf-eared live streamer's gaze strays to the side, widening slightly as she sees a figure standing there. 

She does a small wave under her desk, illusionary text appearing. 'can it wait?' 

The figure shakes her head. 

"I... will be right back. Give me a sec." The girl notes as she mutes her microphone and steps away from the webcam. 

"Chronoa." 

 "Yes mother? What is it?" The young goddess tilts her head. 

"You are needed to mediate a conflict between the Youkai factions and the five principal clans." The black haired woman replies, she wears a loose-fitting purple kimono, her orange eyes burn like miniature stars. 

"Oh..." The smaller girl mutters. "Can it... wait?" 

"Oh, the meeting won't be for a few hours now. You are expected to be there by three." 

Chronoa's finds her gaze straying to an upside down grandfather clock that floats by within the void, idly noting she still has about three hours left. "I... see... why me?" 

"This is simultaneously a way to get your name out to the supernatural world at large and a way to show that we are taking this seriously. Sending arguably one of the stronger gods in the pantheon to oversee it." 

Being stronger than most of the eight million gods unnamed in legend... isn't that impressive. 

Some are gods of certain mountains. Others are gods of very specific small streams. Others gods of a specific store that sells masks. 

The strength of the 'kami' varies wildly, some barely scratching what is known as 'Medium Class' to the world at large, a level most clan devils easily reach by age twelve, while others begin reaching towards the top ten strongest in the world. 

"What has happened? exactly" Chronoa speaks slowly. 

"The principal clans apparently did something that caused that difficult woman to begin acting out again." The older woman sighs as she rubs her forehead tiredly. "She really likes being lazy, so perhaps the clans truly are in the wrong here." 

"W-Who?" The younger woman blinks slowly.  

"Yukari Yakumo. The strongest Youkai." 

Chronoa, the Shinto goddess of time- newly appointed- lets out a small squeak. "O-Oh." Yukari Yakumo... the youkai stronger than most gods. The youkai of boundaries. The boogiewoman of Japan due to her repeated showcasing that she lacks the patience for politics. "T-The one who caused a bit of an issue with the devils a few years ago?" 

"The very same." The other god nods once. 

"A-and I have to deal with her?" Chronoa whispers. 

"Do not worry, Chronoa." The girl's mother smiles. "She will not cause any harm to you. It wouldn't be in her best interest. Besides, she is quite reasonable more often than not. Your job is merely to cast judgement when it is brought to you." 

"A-Alright." She watches the woman smile warmly, then turn and walk away, disappearing from her divine realm with a small flash of fire. 

N-Now... she has a stream to finish. 

[Split] 

A low hum leaves my lips, as I stir a large pot of broth. The tips of my tails slowly brush back and forth against the floor absentmindedly. 

Honestly? I'd say I'm doing quite good. A normal tonkatsu ramen takes anywhere from twelve to sixteen hours to make. 

I've gotten it to a near completion in just under three. 

In the brief moments of downtime that cooking as given me... I've looked around some. 

The living room has a dent in the drywall like someone named 'Kyle' living here and a hole through the TV like someone shot it with an arrow. 

The couch looks practically lived on, stains here and there, and several paintings are tilted. 

The front door to the house is off its hinges, its cracked and folded as if it was the target of a cannon. 

My only reaction is 'damn, she lives like this?' 

Nah, I can't judge. I'd totally just lay around and be a couch potato all day if the world would stop trying to kill me... but then I suppose my strength would stagnate. 

The sheer natural energy of this place is... kind of breathtaking. Gathering energy just feels better. 

Whenever I meditated back in Kuoh, drawing in the nature energy of the natural world to recharge my ki, there was always this like... underlying... not quite rot but sort of like... a bad vibe. Like a bad smell or a shitty aftertaste. 

But I don't feel it here. 

Presumably because we're in a pocket dimension. 

I can hear the creak of wood elsewhere in the house, footsteps slowly approach. 

I doubt it's that woman again. She doesn't seem like the sort to walk around, merely relying on her portals to get from place to place. 

I glance in the vague direction of the footsteps and freeze. 

That's a lot of energy- holy fuck- 

Not even Yukari had that much... 

Which... 

Doesn't make sense... she was probably holding it all in. This person seems much less restrained. 

My breath catches as I turn off my life-sensing ability, I close my eyes briefly, returning to look at the broth, my fleshy hand comes up to gently touch my chest over my hammering heart. 

Nobody here will hurt me... I have to trust that Yukari would peel them alive... 

They probably know Yukari, casually walking into her home like that.  

A woman's voice calls out into the home. "Yukarin, I have compiled my observations of the principal clan armories and... you... aren't here... perfect... Oh?" 

The paper door leading to the living room slides open.  

A blonde woman pauses behind me, she stares blankly at me for a moment, eyes straying to my eyepatch and down to my robotic right hand, then to the stove and to what I am cooking. 

Realization seems to cross her features as I fully take in her appearance. 

She wears a white dress with purple cuffs and collar, an indigo tabard with a white print, white and blue footwear, and a light pink two-tailed hat with many tassels upon the tips. 

She has short blonde hair, is fairly tall and has eight large fluffy tails behind her back. In her arms is a clip board with a series of papers on it. 

"Are you... the one this is about?" She slowly asks.  

"I... guess?" I shrug weakly. "Unless there are any other kitsune the principal clans have crippled in the past month or so..." 

"I see. It is an incredible tragedy what happened to you... especially at such a young age, but you aren't the first Youkai to lose a limb to blades like this. Nor the first to lose an eye... but, it won't last. Yukari will fix your arm and eye after this. Youkai slaying weapons may resist healing, but ones that weak are easy to overcome... especially for a woman such as Yukari." 

"Huh... well... now I feel a little silly for making this arm, then." I mutter the joints of my prothetelic whirring and clicking. "That's a shame... Serafall paid so much for the metal it's made of... I really should do something nice for her." 

"Why... are you cooking exactly?" The woman questions. 

"Yukari said that she would craft an illusion over me to hide my true appearance during the meeting." 

"You... are aware that they likely know what you look like, right?" The fox woman blandly observes. 

"They might not." I protest. "Basically everyone who has come after me has either died or is going to die... so I'm just taking a gamble... besides, it's not like this hurts me to do, does it?" 

"If it works, they get off my back, if it doesn't, nothing changes. I’m not even for a moment going to consider that they’ll stop trying to kill me regardless of what they say today. I'm not that naive. At this point I’ve insulted them by not dying. And if they keep sending more and more people after me? I guess I’ll just keep fighting until I’ve killed them all."  

I return to the ramen. "Anyways, I've almost finished cooking. I managed to condense what should be a sixteen hour process into just three, and from what I've tasted, the broth is just as good as what Serafall got me from that fairly high quality restaurant that one time. Reasonably... all I need to do is cook the noodles, but I don't know when exactly that woman will be back... and I don't want it to get cold or anything like that" 

"Believe me. Yukarin will always be on time when food is involved. You needn't worry." The kitsune shakes her head. "Now... if you will excuse me, I should perhaps begin fixing the door... and the wall... and the television..." 

"Okay?" 

I look to the bubbling broth, deciding to take the woman's advice and finish up. 

[Split] 

'ladles of broth, let the noodles finish cooking in it... add chopped green onion, pieces of dried seaweed, then the pork belly.' I sit three filled bowls on the table, one for the gap woman, one for myself, and one for the kitsune if she wants it. 

I sit down, a long breath leaving my nose as I close my eyes briefly. 

Riiiip 

"Oh my, this smells lovely." A woman's voice echoes out. "You certainly have talent." 

That is when the eight-tailed fox walks into the room. "Yukarin. I have listed my observations of the principal clan armories." 

"Oh?" The blonde youkai hums falling into a seat at the table with a lazy grace. She has clearly perfected said maneuver over the course of hundreds of years. "And what of them?" 

"They are... as you expected." 

"Hrm." Yukari hums as she takes a pair of chopsticks and brings the noodles to her mouth. 

She abruptly pauses, looking down at the bowl as I take a bite of my own, shock briefly radiating from her as she blinks twice. 

She slurps up a long string of noodles, looking to me. 

"Oh my." She eventually speaks. "Not even a century old... and yet... your skill in cooking rivals my dear Ran's, here..." 

The kitsune sputters. "Wh- Yukarin! I trained really hard! You can't be saying that I've been so easily surpassed!" 

"..." 

"Have you ever considered becoming a Shikigami?" 

"YUKARI!" The kitsune pouts. 

"..." 

"What are the benefits of that... exactly?" I ponder, causing the older kitsune to turn to look at me, fire in her eyes as her boss seems to be getting a younger and more effective 'model'. 

"Vast and immediate power." The gap youkai admits. 

"..." 

I do like vast and immediate power... but... there's probably some downsides to this as well. "Pass. That kind of sounds like I'd be forced to do what you tell me and I value my freedom." 

"Hm. Shame." The woman mutters. 

"I don't like you trying to replace me, Yukarin." The eight-tailed woman pouts. 

"Now now, Ran. Jealousy doesn't suit you~" the blonde flippantly replies. 

There's a brief silence that descends on the table. 

"So..." Yukari begins after a moment. "Just how bad was it?" 

"I sincerely doubt they destroyed even a single weapon like they agreed. Or if they did, they replaced them almost immediately." 

"I see..." 

 "I'm... confused." I whisper. "Why... would they destroy their weapons?" 

The two women look to me, Yukari thinking for a moment before looking to her Shikigami. Seemingly prodding her to speak so she could eat more and because she couldn't be bothered. 

"Humanity and youkai have always been at odds... and they likely will always be at odds. It's in our very nature... the origin of youkai... is fear. Human fear. And we need said belief... said fear... to survive... or at least that was the case before." 

"As youkai are shaped by human belief... it has been a mission of numerous youkai to... change the way humanity views youkai... if you have watched any of that newfangled... anime... you could see what some of that entails. Kitsune have been arguably the youkai which has been changed the most by public perception... perhaps because of our general appearance and allure. The goal was to foster belief, while also fundamentally changing the nature of youkai to be less... violent." 

"Of course, not all youkai agree, but the vast majority desire a more peaceful relationship with humanity. And because of our attempts, youkai have steadily been growing more and more... human-like in appearance." 

"This leads us to an event that happened a little over eight and a half centuries ago. Three youkai leaders, you should know them as the original Daiyoukai, Tamamo no mae, Shuten-dōji, and Ōtakemaru, accepted a deal with the five principal clans. Those three youkai were by all means some of the most vicious youkai. Seeped in evil... yet, they allowed themselves to be sealed to create an opportunity for future generations to find peace." 

"They... Allowed themselves to be sealed?" I echo with a small blink. 

"Yes. Their demands were... simple... perhaps they were just tired of constantly fighting... or perhaps they cared deeply about a future peace between youkai and humanity. But. They dictated that the principal clans would cast aside their weapons specifically designed to slay youkai... and if in the future they needed to kill a feral one, they would have to result to other means, typically their Onmyōdō magics." 

"..." I blink twice. 

Yukai chooses this moment to speak up. "You should be made aware that the weapons the daiyoukai specified were to be destroyed were merely the weak ones. They didn't demand weapons of cultural importance to be eradicated... although they asked for the clans to refrain from using them... those lesser weapons, much like the ones which were used on you... were just needlessly cruel. They were too weak to work on most actual violent youkai- as they tend to be much stronger- so... they were simply weapons to slay children and peaceful youkai... and not even cleanly at that. I imagine you remember the weakness... the pain... the pins and needles?" 

"I see..." 

"Think of it as that... Geneva convention the humans have created. War crimes. The daiyoukai gave themselves up to stop the clans from stockpiling weapons that could very easily hurt a lot of innocent youkai. Such as humans agreeing to not to use poisons or disease in warfare." 

I still really don't get it... but... whatever. 

"So because they broke this agreement... and more specifically targeted me, a male kitsune which has only appeared like... four or five times in history... means they're basically fucked?" 

"You could... say that." The blonde woman's smile turns sharp. "Finish your food. The meeting will begin in twenty minutes... but you should know that it is good manners to arrive early." 

[Split] 

I am pulled through a large portal by the blonde woman at my side, the hairs on the back of my neck briefly raise before I calm myself. My hair is... pinkish sort of a salmon color? 

Huh. Alright. It appears Yukari did hide my appearance. I'm not sure about this color though... but judging by how her eyes are glinting as she looks over me, she seems to think she's doing something quite clever. 

Sitting before us is a woman that I don't' believe I can call 'human'. She has elf-like ears, her skin a shade just slightly too pink than a normal skin-tone. Then her sheer... presence... even without my senjutsu sensing active, she just radiates this feeling about her. She has a fairly large bust and long orange-ish hair. 

The feeling of sheer might, the weight in the air. She is powerful. 

We are in some sort of Japanese shrine, a red Torii gate stands behind us, I stiffen slightly as I can almost immediately feel some killing intent. My sole eye strays to were five figures in robes and kimonos stand on the opposite side of the shrine, facing us. All appearing to be human. More than likely the leaders of the five principal clans as there are five of them, and they seem to be color coded, one with a familiar symbol. 

Familiar in the sense that men wearing the exact same thing died at my hands when they attacked Serafall's manor. 

"Oh?" Yukari hums. "Is that little Chronoa! Oh my, you've grown! You're quite powerful now, aren't you, Goddess of time?"  

"Yukari." The goddess' lips thin slightly as she slowly crosses one leg over the other. 

A spectral watch appears in her hand as her eyes flick from our side to the human side. 

Standing behind me is a wide array of figures.  

The first being a woman who wears an orange tabard that goes down into a green dress, she has long blonde hair, much like Yukari, yellow eyes, and has a three-point hat atop her head. 

She is sat in a wheelchair, her hands steepled in front of her face she is silently glaring across the shrine towards the principal clan group. 

To my right is a woman with long purple hair that slowly turns into a golden brown as it continues downwards, she has a necklace made of large green beads and wears a kasa hat atop her head, her purple eyes look over me, a concerned frown on her face. 

The final person at the table is a white haired woman wearing red and blue with a nurse's cap atop her head her eyes seem to scan my wounds briefly, causing her to let out a quiet sigh as she looks forwards again. 

"I believe that everyone is here."  the goddess notes. "Shall we start early?" 

"Yes. I am open to starting early." Yukari smiles brightly.  

"The sooner we are finished with this we can get onto more important things." One of the men on the other side of the shine scoffs. 

 "Very Well. Youkai factions. You have grievances that demand divine judgement?" Chronoa notes.  

"We do, Goddess of time." Yukari nods. "The one currently worthy of note is that the principal clans, specifically the kushihashi clan, has been targeting this poor boy for the past month. Sending everything they've got at him in order to slay him despite the fact that he is overall a peaceful youkai. One who clearly had incredible potential before suffering such a crippling injury." 

"We ordered no such thing!" The man in blue snaps. "Those men deserted our clan in disgrace. Stealing tools and weapons in order to perform an unauthorized Youkai extermination." 

"A fair point." Yukari notes. "I suppose there's no real way in confirming they were or were not still a part of your clan when they decided to attack. Though, I do think it is strange that two separate groups decided to desert your clan in such a short amount of time. But less about that for a moment, I suppose. Anything to add Okina" 

"Goddess Chronoa... I am worried about the security of the principal clans." The second blonde woman frowns deeply. "And I would like to propose immediate divine oversight." 

"As the last group of deserters abandoned the Kushihashi clan, they took something highly dangerous and unleashed it upon Kuoh town... devil territory." Okina lists humorlessly. "Territory which three devil heiresses go to school at. Including the little sister of the Satan Lucifer. It is likely that said action will cause another meeting such as this to happen shortly." 

"To explain the 'weapon' they used... it is truly sickening. They captured and weaponized an ultimate class Menreiki youkai to distract the current overseer and her peerage... then proceeded to infiltrate her manor in an attempt to kill this young kitsune here." 

"More than that." Yukari continues. "Is that this was no mere Menreiki." 

She waves a hand, reality ripples as she pulls the pink haired girl with a pumpkin skirt through a gap. 

"Please. Introduce yourself." 

The youkai does a small bow, her remaining mask floating over her head. "Hello. I have been given the name Kokoro." 

"Thank you, child." Yukari hums before sending her away again. "That is a Menreiki that can think, manifest, and even speak with just one mask." 

"They sealed that ultimate class youkai, then unleashed the remainder of her masks upon an innocent human town where all of said masks would be destroyed by the devil overseer. Which has resulted in her being permanently crippled. A second unique and irreplicable youkai that has been irreparably damaged and traumatized through their actions." 

"Which leads us back to my point." Okina continues. "Such a youkai could not have been captured by a few simple deserters. The subjugation of such a youkai would have required a large fighting force of exorcists along with perhaps even a few the inheritors of the Five Sacred Beasts... unless of course you would like to announce that most of your best have deserted you and did this action without your order." 

"That youkai was highly unstable!" The man in blue sputters. "A danger to entire cities! It was monstrously violent and could even possess those straying to close to its masks!" 

"I see." Okina mutters. "Even if that was the case, this means that youkai was captured and brought back to your clan. An ultimate class youkai that was then effortlessly stolen from your clan's compound seemingly without resistance. All sixty six masks which should have been under tremendous guard in preparation for its exorcism."  

"That. is the cause of my demand for divine oversight. You allowed an ultimate class youkai to be used as a weapon and caused an international incident in a town that has the younger siblings of both a Satan and the little sister of a woman known as 'The Living Blizzard'." 

There is a brief lull in the dispute, Chronoa glances between the two parties. "I am ready to pass judgement should that be everything." 

"Oh, heavens no!" Yukari smiles brightly. 

I stiffen as a tremendous pressure begins to exude from the woman. "There is one teensy little problem that I am having the slightest trouble wrapping my head around." 

"Did you all truly think your clans could back out of an ancient pact overseen by Amaterasu herself?" Yukari continues. "No... it appears I have been inactive for far too long as people seem to have forgotten that I am not one to anger." 

"This next part will be the five of you trying to convince me to not eradicate your clans down to the last man women and child. Let's begin!"