A Long Overdue Explanation (Emotional) (Patreon)

Hello my darlings,

I hope you all are doing well.

I'm really not sure how to talk about this without making it weird and I'm trying my best to not pour my feelings out on the internet like it's my personal diary, but considering it's you and what I say and do does affect you, I thought it might be a good time to actually talk about how I've been feeling and all of the crazy changes I've been making to my platforms.

In short - I've lost a lot of confidence in my ability to make good content as Lune.

Now, I know, I know, kind of insane to say when I'm still posting consistently on not one, not two, but SEVERAL platforms, but that's the paradox, isn't it?

I've been making content as Lune for nearly six years now and it's been truly life changing. I genuinely would not be where I am today if it weren't for you and I'm truly so grateful for each and every single one of you. It truly makes me tear up even thinking about it because I can honestly say... I don't know where I would be without you.

That said, I'm not the same person I was when I first started posting as Lune and the platforms I'm posting onto have evolved just as much as I have, for better or worse. These last two years have been really difficult for me. With YouTube being horrendously unfair to me and several other asmrtists and my not so brilliant management of my platforms, it's a wonder that people are still willing to spend their hard earned money on my content. I truly am really sorry that I haven't been able to deliver the quality and quantity of content that you all are used to.

I guess you can say I'm "burned out" of making spicy romance audios, but that's not... entirely true. When you've done something enough times, it becomes second nature... almost like operating on autopilot. It becomes a job that you have to do and you can get through it without even thinking about it.

But lately, every time I go to make something as Lune, I get filled with this overwhelming sense of anxiety. I can't help but think that the next video I post on YouTube could be my last, that none of you guys will like what I'm posting or the direction I've been taking with my most recent videos. I can't help but get in my own way, to the point that even making a video makes me want to projectile vomit all over my desk.

And that's absolutely crazy, considering the fact that I'm able to post just fine on my other personas and channels! Like, I should be good at this by now. I shouldn't have to think about it this hard by now. I should be able to just vibe it out and make the content that makes me and you guys happy... but even writing this post is causing a huge wave of dread to wash over me.

This might be a strange thing to say, but I have never felt imposter syndrome or undeserving of what I have before in my life. I always knew that if I worked at something, then whatever the outcome was was mine by right, but lately, the imposter syndrome has been hitting. HARD. I'm not the same nonchalant, will throw down at the drop of a hat person anymore. The more my frontal lobe develops, the more anxious and scared and cautious and emotional I become and it's... it's been hard to come to terms with.

Anyhow, I'm working on it, I promise. I have a lovely support system who have been amazing at helping me navigate these feelings and hopefully by moving in a direction that is authentic to me and my lover girl heart, it will allow me to create content that's more thoughtful, has more depth, still cheeky, of course, and just overall aligns with who I am now at this stage of my life.

I love you all so much, thank you for sticking by me. I'll see you in my next video!

With love,Lune 💋

PS: I know, I know, no one wants to hear an influencer complain about their sad, miserable life, sitting at home /s, but lucky for me, I'm not an influencer. Just a weirdo lol