H - 78: This is How We Live (Patreon)

“I swear it worked before,” Kaln said, stifling his rising frustration.

“I believe you,” Tiavathyris assured him with a calm smile. “Relax for now, husband. It’s likely there was some greater significance surrounding your previous effort. What particular end were you trying to achieve at the time?”

Kaln released his hold on the divine power from within, with which he’d been attempting to repeat his previous feat. Izayaroa had just departed via magic with Percy; in Rhivkabat, they were farther away than Vadaralshi had been when he’d extended his senses toward her, and found them suddenly expanded by the effort. Now, he could gather only the vaguest sense that Izayaroa existed, completely without detail, and this time his power was not growing in response to him straining against its boundaries.

“I was just checking that she was okay,” he said, frowning. “It didn’t feel particularly significant at the time. I had no reason to think she wasn’t okay, it was just…due diligence.”

“Well, significance is subjective,” she mused. “I understand that Emeralaphine and Izayaroa gave you a brief explanation of bardic gods.”

Kaln sighed heavily.

“I shall take that for assent,” she said with a sympathetic grin.

“Please don’t tell me this is going to be more of that…”

“There are similar principles at play, but no, I don’t think so. Narrative is the result of stringing together perception-relevant phenomena in sequence, forming the grammar of a story. We are dealing, I believe, with much simpler building blocks—with individual events and perceptions. Moments of significance. Right now, you feel no acute concern or longing toward Izayaroa, I assume?”

“I…guess not,” he said slowly. “That sounds almost rude to her, but… I mean, she’s obviously fine and does not need supervision. She’s in her own center of power, and I have no reason to doubt she’ll be back.”

“Precisely,” Tiavathyris said, nodding. “There are no objective standards to consult for what is meaningful, but we can make educated guesses. In your case, husband…you have a caretaker personality, I have observed. Izayaroa obviously does not require your support right now. In the moment you flexed your power to check on Vadaralshi… You did say you had no reason to think she needed help, but there was some reason you felt the need to check on her, was there not?”

“Well…” Kaln kept his features even, and pushed aside the instinct to dissemble. Tiavathyris hated that above all else. “Just that I’d sent her into the upper atmosphere myself.”

“That’s a handy trick,” she said, smiling. “I could make excellent use of it, myself. Alas, conventional teleportation is far less trivial, and was never a strong suit of mine. Kaln, I infer a subtext that you were worried about my reaction.”

“Slightly,” he admitted. “I know that may be irrational—all three of you handle the kids more roughly than I do. But, well…”

“It is certainly not unwise to be cautious of a mother dragon’s ire,” she said gravely, but with a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “But no, I feel comfortably certain you would never harm my daughter, nor allow her to suffer harm you could prevent.”

Kaln thought about the cactopus, kept his expression even, and nodded silently.

“I have seen you making concerned expressions when one of them has earned and received a thump,” Tiavathyris added, smiling more broadly now. “Kaln, keep in mind you have never seen any of us raising children. All three of the drakes in this family are adults—nominally, at least. I know we have discussed their relative immaturity, but they are all of an age to have left home and started their own families by now if they wished. In fact it’s rather odd for three young dragons with such homebody tendencies to be congregated in one family, but there they are: my Vadaralshi is determined to learn as much as she can of what I have to teach her before my patience wears out, Vanimax adores his mother to an extent that is unusual for dragons, and I think Pheneraxa could only be tempted to move out by the prospect of an even greater library than Emeralaphine’s, of which there are few. The point is…they’re not children. Children are to be taught; to strike a child is pointless, it teaches them nothing but to distrust you. I think you would be touched to see how gentle Emeralaphine in particular is with hatchlings, even those not her own. These are adult dragons, who have an adult dragon’s tendency to test the boundaries of those in power over them. Those boundaries must then be reasserted.”

She paused, tilted her head to study him for a moment, and then smirked.

“Surely you did not think you were raising me when you pinned me to the floor, husband. I challenged your authority, and you asserted it, just as the head of a dragon household ought. This is how we live.”

“I see,” Kaln said. “Well, thank you for that reassurance, my lady wife. I confess it actually does put me a bit more at ease.”

Tiavathyris inclined her head. “More clarity on dragon habits is always of value, of course, but we were discussing something more particular. I advise you not to worry excessively over this; more opportunities will arise, and I do not plan to passively await them. Moments of personal significance abound in the martial pursuits. It is a path of constant progress, of plateaus and bottlenecks, and occasional breakthroughs. As you pursue these under my eyes and Emeralaphine’s, your power will inevitably advance, and we shall gain a greater understanding of how it does so. For now, husband, assume your stance, and we shall begin.”

***

He passed several hours of the morning with Tiavathyris, drilling and lightly sparring and generally, pleasantly tiring himself out. She politely declined to join him for lunch; Vanimax and Vadaralshi had both disappeared to go hunt or play or whatever they preferred to do with their time, and Emeralaphine was pretending to be asleep when he dropped by her lair to invite her. Kaln, attuned as he was to dragons, could plainly tell she was awake and embarrassed about how they’d spent the previous day; he decided to take the hint, leave her be, and lay plans for some targeted teasing later.

And so, after freshening up in the baths, he enjoyed a light lunch of Rhiva finger foods with Pheneraxa, whom Kaln suspected was never going to miss a meal now that Zhiiji had joined the staff. Well, it was fine. Something about sharing a meal with someone experiencing delicious new dishes for the first time made them taste even better.

After lunch he retired to the library to study Darashi, also with Pheneraxa. Well, the library was where she basically lived, after all; he was the interloper here, not that she seemed to mind. She stretched out as usual alongside the reference section in her larger form, levitating a book in front of her face to telekinetically turn the pages, while he arranged his collection of reference materials on one of the reading tables.

Darashi was not an extinct language, though the dialect in which the Phantom Legion’s regulation manual (the only explicit means of communication the Commander seemed to have) was written was quite archaic now. Fortunately Emeralaphine’s library did not disappoint; there was a surprising breadth of materials on classical Darashi to choose from. Those which provided translations did so with classical Nourid, not modern Vhii, but Kaln understood enough of that to get by.

He had at hand a dictionary, with a primer on grammar set aside to consult only if he got stuck. The Lord Scribe’s guidance still rang in his head even now, after all these years, and all that had happened between them.

Grammar only matters in academia, my boy. If you just want to understand people, get yourself a dictionary and start translating texts. Seeing the words in context will root them in your mind, and you’ll come to intuit their proper order as you go—naturally, the way children learn their own first language.

Kaln could almost feel his old mentor’s comforting hand on his shoulder as he hunched over the book of Darashi children’s fables, the simplest and most basic text Emeralaphine seemed to have in the language. The memory made him straighten in his seat and roll his shoulders uncomfortably.

It wasn’t that which caused him the most distraction, however. Pheneraxa, for once, was unwilling to just read in silence.

“It’s surprising how…uncomfortable it is,” the dragon was saying, eyes on her book. “I mean, not terribly… ‘Uncomfortable’ may not have been the right choice of word, actually. I just got…well, accustomed to the company.”

“Company can be addictive like that,” Kaln agreed, focusing still on his own texts.

“You know, I was almost annoyed at first,” Pheneraxa continued. “You know how startling it is to meet a human a fraction my age who knows more than I do? About anything?”

“That must have been quite disorienting.”

“Well, to be fair, I have the usual level of interest in astronomy—only the usual, I should say. It was downright revelatory to see what real passion for a subject looks like. At least, when it’s backed by a royal family’s ability to procure study materials. Though I have a feeling that even without that advantage, she would find a way to become an expert.”

“She does seem singularly focused, yes.”

“And smart! I mean, not just bookish, but clever. It’s just…it’s almost puzzling, at times. There are many areas in which Percy seems borderline hapless, but then she’ll suddenly make a connection that even I hadn’t noticed. I’ve rarely met anyone so insightful!”

Kaln couldn’t help smiling at that, though he remained focused on his book. “Without meaning any diminishment of Percy’s faculties… Well, you’ve rarely met anyone, period.”

“You know what I mean,” she said testily, turning a page. “It’s just…pleasant. I could almost feel grateful to Vanimax for being such a vile buffoon, given how it’s turned out. But on second thought, no, that’s no credit to him. I simply think we’ve been extraordinarily fortunate! If we had to get stuck with some random princess, Percy is surely the best possible option.”

“Well, I haven’t met any of the competition, but I do find her presence a net positive.”

“Yes! Exactly!” She thumped her tail on the floor for emphasis, but very lightly; this was still a library. “Extraordinarily fortunate indeed. Boisverd’s loss is definitely our gain. Hrmph—when I think about that, I find myself wanting to fly there and give that family of hers a piece of my mind.”

“I strongly recommend you stay out of that,” Kaln warned, this time with more emphasis. “And not only because you’d be putting us in even more danger than Vanimax did. Family situations are always complicated, and Percy’s seems more so than most. She’s been adamant that her family never mistreated her, but it’s clear they didn’t know how to look after her the way she needs. If she isn’t sure where to assign fault, none of us are in a position to.”

Pheneraxa huffed irritably, ruffling the pages before her. “How hard would it have been to crack a book about variants? It’s not as if they didn’t have the resources.”

“This is an ongoing problem with a lot of Izayaroa’s scholarly initiatives. A lot of countries and religions are suspicious of her methods, and Vale states in particular are leery of anything that comes out of a dragon’s guidance. Just be a friend to Percy, she needs that a lot more than someone crashing headfirst into her business.”

“I suppose you’re right,” she grumbled. “It still steams me, though. But don’t worry, I’m not devoid of sensitivity or anything—I haven’t brought it up with her yet, and I won’t, unless she wants to talk about it first. We manage to have plenty of interesting conversations without getting into tricky territory.”

“I’m glad you’re getting along so well.”

“Her company is very soothing, even when we’re not having intellectually stimulating conversations! And I must say, it’s a surprising amount of fun to introduce someone with a keen mind to new experiences.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“I really enjoyed showing her the ancient city. And the library affords plenty of opportunities! She’s not interested in everything, but if anything that’s more fun. There are uncountable subjects of study in the universe and it’s become like a game, finding new books and topics that’ll catch her interest. Percy is so reserved most of the time, the unguarded happiness on her face is just absolutely delightful when she encounters something that lights that spark in her. Do you think she’d let me palpate her mammary glands?”

Kaln, fortunately, was positioned facing away from her; it gave him the long seconds he needed to fully control his expression. Raising his head fully, he very carefully marked his place and quietly closed the book. Then inhaled deeply, let the air out in as close to silence as he could manage, and only then finally twisted in his chair to give Pheneraxa his most bland, benign smile.

“And why would you want to do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said idly, still staring at her own book. “Lately I keep noticing the way they shift when she moves, even though those Vale dresses she wears seem designed to minimize that. It’s curious. For some reason I find myself thinking the texture must be intriguing.”

“You know,” he said calmly, so very calmly, “not to put too fine a point on it, but if you shift forms, you’ve got your own to play with.”

“That’s not the same,” Pheneraxa said dismissively.

“Really?” Kaln made his tone as serenely mild as he ever had in his life. “What makes the difference?”

The dragon cracked her jaws to answer, then hesitated. He saw her frown, and then narrow her eyes quizzically, and finally raise her face from the book to concentrate. Kaln sat there in patient silence, watching her expression as it went rapidly through a sequence of questions and realizations.

“I…oh,” she said in a suddenly awed tone. “Oh. This is a sexual thing!”

“Yes, Pheneraxa,” he said gravely. “Unless you are their doctor, tailor, or newborn infant, the urge to get your hands on someone’s boobs is probably sexual.”

“Oh, well that…that simply won’t do,” Pheneraxa said, now frowning in consternation and shaking her head. “No, not at all. She was promised explicitly that no such demands would be made of her as a condition of her residence here. Granted, we were all thinking of Vanimax at the time, but still. No, no, I just… Um, forget it.”

Don’t make fun of her. Don’t make fun of her. She’s trying to be considerate. This should be encouraged.

“Can you forget it, though?” he asked gently. “And just as important, is that really what you should do?”

She turned her head toward him directly now, scowling. “What are you getting at?”

“Understand, when I ask you that, I’m raising a question I think you should consider for yourself, not trying to nudge you toward an answer,” he said, rising from his seat and ambling toward her.

“What’s to consider?”

“Well,” Kaln said with a smile, “the entire time I’ve been trying to study in here, I’ve instead been listening to you gush about Percy. And you know something? Until the subject of mammary glands was suddenly and disconcertingly brought up, you never even mentioned how pretty she is. So…this is not a superficial attraction you’re talking about, is it?”

Pheneraxa suddenly looked like she didn’t know what to do with her entire body, shifting awkwardly back and forth, lashing her tail, adjusting her wings out of sync. She tried to turn her head away from him and banged her nose on the bookshelves, then had to swiftly cast magic to keep any books from falling out.

“I know you’ve read enough poetry to have some idea what unrequited love feels like,” Kaln continued, coming to a stop just out of her arm’s reach. “I’m here to tell you, that won’t adequately prepare you for the real thing.”

“I…well…”

“Your own suffering obviously matters; I wouldn’t want to see you set yourself up for ongoing misery. It’s just as important to consider how Percy will be affected, though. It’s pretty disrespectful to hang around someone offering friendship when you actually want something else, something more. A real friend doesn’t harbor ulterior motives. Don’t you think Percy deserves a real friend?”

Pheneraxa lowered her head, hunching her shoulders and looking rather like a wet cat in the form of a huge dragon.

“There’s a counterpoint to that, though,” Kaln continued. “In our current situation there’s a power imbalance. You’re in a position of influence over Percy such that any suggestions or requests you put to her may have an unfair weight.”

“Wh—what is it you want me to do, then?” she exclaimed, lashing her tail against the ground. “If I can’t do either—”

“I told you,” Kaln said patiently. “I’m not trying to lead you in one direction or the other. I’m just saying, this is something you should think about, Raxa. Carefully. If anything, I don’t think there’s any crashing urgency to act. Just…keep in mind that Percy deserves to be treated with respect, and you deserve not to suffer unnecessary mental hardship. It’s going to be a bit of an odyssey to figure out what exactly that means for you, and how to thread the needle. I’m here for emotional support, but the one who has to do that work is you. Don’t be reckless, cowardly, or cruel; whatever action that leaves will be a start.”

“What if…” Pheneraxa avoided meeting his gaze, clearly having trouble speaking, but forcing herself to keep going nonetheless. “What if I…you know, um, ask her, and…and she’s not interested?”

“Then that’s going to hurt,” he said gently. “A lot. And it’ll be awkward between you for a while after. But both of those are problems that can be healed with time. Letting something unrequited and unspoken just linger in your head will never get better. It’s just a question of figuring out the right way to deal with it, so long as you pick a way. Ignoring it won’t work.”

She chanced a peek at him sidelong. “D-do you think she… I mean, um, what are my chances?”

“I really wish I could give you some guidance there,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t know. I consider myself a people person, but Percy is really hard to read. I do know she likes you. There’s no way it’s a coincidence she hangs out with you so much.”

“Like is vague,” the dragon grumbled. “That can mean a lot of mutually incompatible things.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Very true.”

Pheneraxa blew out a heavy sigh, folding her wings again. “I almost wish you hadn’t pushed at me, Kaln. It was…more comfortable, not…realizing.”

“Raxa, you’re way too smart not to have figured it out,” he said with a smile. “Pretty soon, I should think. Isn’t this better than having an awkward epiphany right in front of her? Mid-conversation?”

“I’m not a hundred percent sure she would notice. But…I take your point. I’ll think about it, Kaln. Thank you for the advice, but I still feel…well…” She shifted again, uncomfortably shuffling her talons and hunching her neck again. “I am…apprehensive.”

Kaln decided that was enough pushing. She understood what was important here; at this point, it was kinder to break the tension.

He stepped right up to her, reaching out to rest a hand upon her scales, and waited until she reluctantly shifted again to look down at him directly.

“Hi, Apprehensive,” he said, giving her his warmest, kindest, gentlest smile. “I’m Dad.”

The only warning he got was a half-second growl before her jaws closed on his head.