H - 148: Best Big Sister Ever (Patreon)

In the end, they didn’t get any beef, and that turned out to be for the best.

At Vadaralshi’s suggestion, they instead grabbed a couple of ultragants. Well, she did; Kaln was literally just along for the ride. Vadaralshi described these as “game birds,” which he questioned. They were bigger than horses, with huge axehead-shaped beaks and talons rather reminiscent of a dragon’s. Despite being flightless, the flock chased after Vadaralshi after she snatched two, screeching furiously, until she reached the rim of the mountain plateau and swooped down away from the Highlands toward the Reaches.

Her idea proved right: the Hiiri of Riincroft, it turned out, were still eating dried beef from their previous visit over a month ago. In addition to their happiness at having friendly visitors, and at the new variety of free meat, they were ecstatic at being given so many feathers.

Kaln and Vadaralshi both got the VIP treatment and quickly found themselves ushered into comfortable environs—which were aided against the desert heat by steaming conjured ice. He was glad to see that Isabet was still here and apparently thriving, though she hadn’t been among those who came out to greet the Croft’s visitors.

And so Kaln, some time later, found himself ensconced in a kind of open alcove, a semi-cave three levels up that wasn’t deep but had a perfect view of Riincroft’s central open area, where Zhiiji and a handful of resident huntresses were belting out a cheerful work song as they plucked and sorted feathers from the two giant birds. After catching up with Elder Liiri, Naaren, and Maanet, Kaln finally found himself alone in a lavish nest of pillows, with a chilled carafe of fruit punch and a bowl of dried cactus pear slices. Vadaralshi had evidently been ushered to a similar spot out of his view to be fawned over.

As much as he loved chatting with people, a moment of quiet to catch his breath was also welcome. And besides…

The weight of the world did not change; he only gained a heightened awareness of it as her focus upon this spot heralded her presence. This was, after all, her domain. She was always here.

“You did come to visit, just like I asked!” Hii-Amat said, padding up from behind him to sit down upon the cushions at his side. “What a good lad.”

“How could I refuse such a reasonable ask? You know how much I lean on you.” He did so literally now, shifting his weight over to rest his shoulder against her furry bulk. The enormous fox was as warm as the subtle glow of her fur made it seem she should be—like sun soaking pleasantly into his bones, just a hair shy of too hot to be comfortable.

Hii-Amat grinned, leaning back against him to bump her head lightly on his temple. “And how’re the family?”

“Oh, they’re great,” Kaln said enthusiastically. “Everyone’s thriving! Especially the ladies, it’s like I’ve been seeing them come alive and remember who they are over the last few weeks. Tiavathyris is still very self-contained, but I can tell how much satisfaction she gets from working with soldiers again. Even if they’re barely soldiers—if anything, I think that makes it better. She gets to build her own army from scratch. Izayaroa has been working more, after the events I inadvertently kicked off she’s taking a more active role in the management of Rhivaak. A slightly and carefully more active one, she still believes it’s better for mortals to mostly govern themselves, but she’s been paying closer attention and making suggestions to her administrators, and frankly I think it does a world of good. It definitely does for her, but I believe Rhivaak is better off this way, too. As a Rhiva I can only approve, even if I’m not there to see the effects myself. But I do get to see her being happier and more fulfilled at home, and that’s a privilege I definitely appreciate. And you know, watching Emeralaphine get used to having people around has been surprising, but in a good way. There’s obviously a large part of her that likes people, despite what she claims; I can tell she gets a lot of personal satisfaction out of contributing useful things to our growing community. It’s just that she feels the need to deny it for whatever reason, and I’m honestly not sure how much of that is protecting herself from disappointment and how much is just her self-image. In any case, I’m not pushing at her, and being very careful not to let anyone else push her either. She’ll open up as much as she’s comfortable with, on whatever timetable she likes.”

“You know what happens to a butterfly if you help it out of its cocoon,” Hii-Amat agreed solemnly.

“Yeah. And when the butterfly is an ancient dragon and also my beloved spouse, the stakes are, ah…considerable.”

The goddess grinned and bobbed her head in agreement. She was clearly listening closely, her ears swiveled forward.

“I’ve been really glad to see the kids coming into their own, too,” Kaln continued. “I’ve been really impressed by Vanimax in particular. In hindsight it’s almost embarrassing it took me this long to figure out, but the main thing he really needed was responsibility. When I give him important things to do, he not only does them well but the accomplishment is so clearly what he’s been wanting all this time, even if he hadn’t figured it out. Nobody allowed him to be important before, and that’s a tough thing to live with, if you’ve got a dragon’s ego. Actually he’s off on an errand for me right now—well, actually, by now he’s probably done, but I did ask him to do a flyover of a destroyed village to check on its status for me. I think what I need to do is find or create a permanent job for him. And the tricky thing about that is it needs to be a real job, something important and with stakes. He’s definitely smart and versatile enough to handle it, and also he’d notice if I was trying to entertain him with busy work. That’s…kind of an issue, there just isn’t a lot I need done on an ongoing basis that requires the power of a dragon. But things do keep coming up where it helps, so we’re doing fine in the short term.

“Pheneraxa is kind of the same, but at the same time, not quite? I mean, she was technically the librarian before, but realistically all she did was sit around in there and read. Handling the Storyteller is clearly doing her a lot of good, though. Just like her brother, having genuinely important work to do and succeeding at it is great for her self-confidence, and you know, self-confidence is not the same as ego. All dragons have big egos; I didn’t realize it until all this started to unfold, but really, the main difference between my wives and their kids is who had the achievements to back up their bluster. It must be…pretty uncomfortable to have a big opinion of yourself but no actual reason for it.”

“To say the least,” Hii-Amat agreed solemnly.

Kaln nodded. “Raxa is like her mother. It’s gratifying to watch her come out of her shell, but I don’t want to risk pushing at her. It’s not that she has the same need to present herself as grumpy and standoffish, but she’s… Well, she is figuring out who she is. That shouldn’t be rushed.”

“In the end, it can’t be.”

“True, true. I don’t think she’ll be content manning the Storyteller forever, but for now I’m hoping it leads to her branching out more. Spreading her wings, you know. Already she’s off to Boisverd on an alleged diplomatic mission, though most of it involves hanging out with Percy.”

“Ah, yes,” the goddess cackled. “A pretty princess of one’s very own is a great motivator to shape up and improve!”

“Yeah,” Kaln said with less mirth. “I’m really hoping that goes well, too. She—that is, they both deserve some happiness.”

They watched quietly for a moment as, in the area below, Vadaralshi was now helping pluck giant birds in her smaller form. She’d emerged during Kaln’s previous spiel from the sheltered area where she’d been enjoying Hiiri hospitality, and now seemed to find this gruesome work much more fun than lazing about drinking punch.

Nobody had reacted to the presence of their goddess up in Kaln’s perch; he suspected they weren’t aware of it. He was not yet adept at sensing the purpose of divine workings as he could with dragon magic, but that was surely something easy enough for Hii-Amat to do. In truth, he didn’t know how rare or special an event it would be for them to have their goddess among them, but it was clear enough that she wasn’t interested in being seen at the moment.

“It’s taken me a while to figure this out,” he mused, “but Vadaralshi was the most put-together of them before I got here. She makes it hard to tell, everything’s always such a joke with her. And some of that’s just her personality, but I’m sure now that on some level she’s doing it on purpose. Masking her real capabilities. What I think makes the difference is she had tasks, and her mother’s trust. She was being trained to fight alongside mortal champions in overthrowing her father. And even with that goal off the table now… Ralshi has enough of a grasp on who she is that she just needs less…support, and development. I don’t want to neglect or take her for granted, but I think she needs me the least out of all of them.”

“There are a lot of ways to need somebody, you little goof,” the fox chuckled. “That down there is an ancient and powerful being fully capable of finding or creating her own way in the world with nobody’s help… And that’s a lass who doesn’t need her dad any the less because she’s only recently gotten one worthy of the title. There’s not necessarily any contradiction there. Don’t worry, if there’s one thing I can trust, it’s that you’ll do right by them. You’re a good egg, little brother. I’m really glad it was you who ended up stepping into Atraximos’s empty throne. Most people would’ve just made a fresh new kind of disaster.”

“I…remain cognizant of the risks,” Kaln said quietly. “My family are my foundation. Becoming a powerful person, a ruler… That does not come as naturally to me. I wouldn’t want to have to take this on without them. Or without you,” he added more lightly, nudging her with an elbow.

“Power messes people up,” Hii-Amat agreed frankly. “That’s why it’s so reassuring to hear you gush about your family like every proud papa and wife guy ever. You’ve got a good foundation there. Just gotta build on it, now.”

“I’m serious, though,” Kaln said, turning his head toward her and draping an arm around her. “There’s no overstating how much you’ve helped me, Hii-Amat. Your advice… I mean, even with Izayaroa’s perspective on rule, it was your warnings that got me through the diciest moments. Learning what it means, what it feels like, to have power. I… I could easily see myself getting carried away. That really hits you stronger than beer, what it feels like to see people kneel before you.”

“Good comparison,” she said, nodding. “Power is a drug. It’ll screw up your head if you don’t use it very carefully.”

“There’s the opposite risk, too,” he murmured. “I think I’m more prone to that. There was a period where I…just…dithered. I lost sight of my purpose and was starting to shrink into myself. Afraid of what it meant to be… Well. Tiavathyris helped me through that.”

“Your foundation,” Hii-Amat repeated with a grin.

“Exactly. But even so. I got through those important moments without fucking something up beyond repair because you told me exactly what to watch for. Thanks, Hii-Amat. You’re the best big sister ever.”

“Oh hohohoho!” she cackled. “You sly little fox, you definitely know what a girl likes to hear. I bet that comes in very handy with those wives of yours!”

“The trick is to be completely sincere,” Kaln said innocently. “I’m surrounded by people who’re sharp enough to spot a bullshitter. You can get away with as many compliments as you want if they’re accurate and you mean it!”

“All right then, since you did so well with your last lesson, big sis is here with the next one!” She bounded up, scampering in a full circle around him before settling back down, this time directly in front of and facing Kaln. “The next moment you’ll need to watch for. It may not be coming as quickly, but in the end, it comes for us all.”

“I’m listening,” he promised, setting aside his punch and straightening up.

Hii-Amat nodded. “The next moment in your journey into power that will risk undoing you is when you have people before you, within your grasp, and you are overcome by rage.”

Kaln frowned. “I…hm. I want to say I’m not prone to that, but…I guess we know better, don’t we? I spent a whole year and change in the grip of rage.”

“That was different,” she said seriously. “That was a grudge. That was you deliberately choosing to hold onto your anger long past the point when it was any use to you. Rage is something else—it just comes over you, when the circumstances align to create it. For someone like you, Kaln, it’s likely to be when you encounter a terrible injustice, something causing people to suffer. There are plenty of those in the world, unfortunately, and it’s only a matter of time before one lands at your feet. And that, little brother, is exactly what makes rage so dangerous for a powerful person, even a decent one. A grudge is never righteous; rage can be. But no matter how righteous the anger, what anger wants you to do usually isn’t, and unless you are forewarned and prepared, you can find yourself not realizing that until it’s too late. Remember: a beast lashes out. A leader remembers his values and acts with a plan.”

He nodded again, slowly, still frowning in thought as he digested that. Hii-Amat just watched him patiently. As much as she enjoyed banter, Kaln knew she approved of him taking the time to take this seriously.

And it was something to think about.

“I…think…you’re right,” Kaln said finally. “As usual. I’m not prone to outbursts like that. And… You’re exactly right, it is just a matter of time before I have to deal with something infuriatingly unjust, when I have the power to stop it. That…more than anything…seems like it could make me forget how carefully power must be wielded. Thanks, Hii-Amat. I wouldn’t have seen that coming, either.”

“Yeah, I sure didn’t, the first time,” she agreed. “Our situations are different, though.”

“If nothing else, I have you,” he said with a smile.

“And three very smart elder dragons,” she added, “even if their very large personalities can make them seem silly at times. As someone who had to claw her way up from nothing, you’d better take full advantage of your assets. I don’t wanna see you fumbling around trying to do this alone, you hear? Lean on those wives of yours for help. And never hesitate to come ask me if you need it.”

“I remember your rule,” he said, his smile widening. “Remember what you owe to the kindness of strangers. Make of your footsteps a path leading others to safety. The world only gets better if we make sure those who come after us don’t have to struggle the way we did.”

Grinning, she bounded up again, and this time ran around him twice, in the opposite direction. Just as suddenly she stopped in front of him again, seating herself with great dignity.

“Then since I have my favorite little brother here in a learning mood, here’s a lesson on godhood! You already know it’s often a bad idea for divine beings to give clear answers, as frustrating as that is for mortals.”

“Divinity carves grooves in creation,” Kaln said, nodding. “As a god, paying too much attention to something can forge a connection to it which you may want to avoid.”

“Especially if the thing on the other end of that connection is also a god! Very good, I knew you’d remember. There’s that library training coming in handy! Also, never forget it’s usually better for mortals if you give them guidance toward solving their own problems, not doing the work for them. You can really stunt someone’s development by taking away their struggles.”

He blinked. “It’s not that I don’t see the logic, but… How can you distinguish a good time to give a straight answer from when it’s better to let them struggle? It seems…”

“Vague? Yeah, the world broadly is. You’ll have to apply your best judgment, and make peace with the fact that you will inevitably err and need to make amends. But less often than you’re probably used to; deities have access to a much broader range of information. Enough theory, though! Let’s try on a hypothetical example. Say, just for the sake of argument, you have a mortal who is vexed and perplexed by something you absolutely cannot afford to drag into your own sphere. Another goddess, for example. Like, a small one, who walks around mostly avoiding people but acting real pompous with the few she does meet. Obviously, your mortal friend has a real need to understand who it is knocking on his door and what else she might be up to—but you have just as real a need not to draw her into your domain, to become a problem for your own mortal followers.”

Kaln nodded earnestly. “And how would you resolve that?”

Hii-Amat grinned, rhythmically bouncing her fluffy tail against the floor. “There are some things it may be safe to say. Once you’re at a certain level, able to sense the shifting currents of divinity constantly, as easily as you control your own body, you’ll usually be able to tell what’s safe, and even predict the consequences of saying certain things—up to a point. But that’s advanced stuff! The basic trick is that you can reveal information your mortal friend doesn’t have, which isn’t directly tied to this other goddess, but can provide them a starting point—a path to figuring out what they need to know on their own, if they’re clever enough. I’m sort of taking it as given that you wouldn’t deign to associate with stupid people.”

He leaned forward. “For example…?”

The fox goddess’s toothy smile widened. “For instance—if you encounter an ancient being who invokes the oldest law of hospitality, but then reacts unpredictably to the obvious response, consider this: it’s easy to assume she’s talking in generalities, because hospitality and guest right are concepts that emerge in almost every culture that survives to leave a legacy, if only because everybody independently figures out that this is among the things you can’t really have a society without observing. It might be tempting to conclude your interloper is just a hypocrite who wants to hold others to certain standards she won’t meet herself. Or, it may be that there was once an enormous hegemonic power encompassing the entire area of her range, one which had specific laws and customs around the ancient value of hospitality. Those laws are probably still written down somewhere, and may provide some perspective on this entity’s behavior.”

Kaln’s breath caught; he stared past her at the sandstone canyon wall opposite, letting the sounds of work and singing below wash over him and forgetting even to play along with Hii-Amat’s little framing device.

“Valeri laws,” he whispered, thinking out loud. “And… The Cryptlands used to be the Empire’s capital. Could she just be…going home? But why? What would that even…”

“Sounds like a bunch of valid questions,” Hii-Amat said cheerfully. “Ah, if only you had access to a huge library and an expert on jurisprudence who was alive six hundred years ago!”

“If only,” Kaln repeated, forcing himself back into focus on the present moment. “I…holy shit. I wouldn’t even have thought to ask…”

“See?” she said smugly. “And this is why it works. You’ve still got your own work to do, and the absolute last thing I want is that critter coming to involve herself with my people. But you’re more than capable of the work, little brother. All it takes, sometimes, is a hint.”

He grinned. “Best big sister ever.”

“All right, enough, nobody likes a flatterer.” Even as she said it, though, she stood and circled him again, this time more slowly and close enough that her fur brushed him from all sides like the warmth of a desert sunset. Hii-Amat once again seated herself beside him, leaning against his shoulder. “I did tell you there are often true secrets it may be safe to reveal, even if the reasons why aren’t always clear. Sometimes, like if for example the other divine party has given away the game by using phrases like divine lineage, it’s safe to add some insight into what that means because you’re not the one forging that connection.”

“I interpreted that to mean she was another of the Entity’s…uh, projects.”

Hii-Amat turned her head to regard him seriously. “She was the first, Kaln. And as much as she avoids interacting with everyone else, she has made it a point to seek out every subsequent godling that silly shadow has raised up, to take their measure and determine how much of a ruckus they’re going to cause in what had been the ancient lands of Valereld. I told you before, the shadow is trying in its head-up-the-ass way to do good in the world; that’s exactly why it keeps failing. It only picks people for elevation if they’re the kind of person who would ultimately turn away from the path of revenge. This is why godlings have to be so careful. A careless apotheosis can trap you in exactly that kind of doom loop. The point is, you’re not even the first who had assembled some kind of organization by the time your eldest sister came knocking… But you are the first to so quickly occupy such a seat of power that even she couldn’t get close enough to speak to you without making compromises she was not willing to make. I can only imagine how much it would rattle someone like that, to come visit her newest little member of the family and find him surrounded by servants fully capable of staring down something like her without blinking.”

Kaln inhaled very slowly, and exhaled even more slowly, a centering exercise the Lord Scribe had taught him. “I really have got to get better at relating to other gods. Anessima and I are on good terms now—again, thanks to you—but I’m still persona non grata with the Nine and I don’t even know where to start with the other three major Vale deities…”

“Aha!” Hii-Amat grinned and let out another playful cackle. “Well now, when it comes to gods, you are uniquely positioned to begin establishing positive relations—in a way none of your predecessors have been.”

“What?” He turned to her, frowning incredulously. “Why would—how?”

“Ohh, I dunno if I should tell you,” she snickered. “This is gonna be another of those moments when you immediately start kicking yourself for not thinking of it first.”

Kaln sighed. “Figures. Well, I’m a big boy, I can take it. Hit me.”