I'm back! (Patreon)

I had a nice and restful vacation, saw family I'd not seen in decades, and had a wonderful time. Now, it's time to get back into the swing of things with a story no one wanted! Again!

You can blame my muse being inspired by the new sights and sensations - or my own silly self for not being able to log into my patreon page and see the poll That auto-posted. So... My muse and I combined to do our own thing, and here it is. Who here knows what an 'isekai' is? I've always been fascinated by them, so here you go!

Not with a whimper, but with a bang. I came to myself all at once with the realization that something was drastically wrong. Not a normal wrong like a 'were my keys always there?' situation or even a dangerously wrong like 'that guy in that alley looks like he wants to wear someone's skin' situation, but a full on 'did I sleep through an earthquake or something?' event.

For one, I didn't recognize where I was... not even a little bit. Oh, it was a grand cathedral, built in a style that seemed vaguely familiar. Yet the iconography and frescoes on the ceiling didn't match anything I knew, seeming to display pictures of many gods and even some demons. I didn't recognize any of them.

I did sort of get the sense that those depicted in the stain glass windows surrounding us were mortal saints, but they also didn't look like any I knew. This whole place had the appearance of a church, but there were no pews, it was standing room only.

The people standing around were cast in shadow, which made me realize there was blinding light all around us, and there was an us. We were in the center of this space, and surrounded by people who looked to have stepped directly out of a renaissance fair or a historical movie. Armor on some, rich looking clothes sporting styles fallen out of favor hundreds of years ago for others, hooded robes for still others.

A lot of hooded robes, actually, and spaced evenly around us. Was that a glow around their hands? Something... no, I had to be seeing things. A night like I just had would do that.

Mixed between the armored and armed figures and those in robes, were many other people all staring around, as if in the same boat as myself. I was on the fringes, and could see everyone else. All young, all dressed in clothes I knew or could recognize.

As for myself, looking down revealed slim hands attached to slim arms and a notable curve in my chest I didn't have before. I could even feel myself wearing a bra.

I was in a skirt. A blue one, and a white blouse that seemed to match the clothes of the nearest girl to me, who was likely Japanese and seemed to be cosplaying. My tiny feet were encased in small plastic looking shoes with a small heel; I managed to get up with only a few wobbles. Shifting from foot to foot would get me used to the new balance, I hoped.

Someone here had a sick sense of humor.

There was no pain or blood; was I in shock? No, something even weirder was going on. A large (in the corpulent sense) older man was stepping forward. He had a crown on his head, and he was stepping down from a raised throne. I needed to pay attention; those people around me - around us - seemed tense.

"Welcome, heroes all! No doubt you are... disoriented. Please allow me to answer those questions you may have before you ask them. First, you have all died."

The crowned jackass held up his hands as many of those next to me broke into one shout or another.

I could not shout. I didn't believe this man, but in a strange way, it checked out; this was a lot of trouble to go through for a prank, and I didn't have anything valuable worth lying about anyway. The slim hands, the slim body, the curves, the lack of visible scars or pain - something miraculous, something magical had happened. And not in the good way.

The crowned man lowered his hands, then smiled... then he started speaking over those shouting, as if they weren't talking at all. "You have all died upon your world, and we have plucked you from your moment of death, and bought you here for a chance at a new life.

Should you take that chance with us, we would all be most pleased. Should you wish to return home, however, that can also be arranged. Either path you take, you must of course repay us for the chance you are being given. To that end, There will soon hold an... event which will determine where you may best aid us in our time of desperate need. I am emperor Ulcide the fourth, the host of these proceedings."

Yeah, this was beyond disaster level unease. Assuming this wasn't some stupid joke, and why play such a prank at all? I couldn't see any cameras. Aside from that, though, what this man was saying was that no one would miss us and hint at slavery without outright calling it slavery.

"Why us?!?" The shout came from a young man with more bravery than sense, to mouth off to authority without a single term of respect or flattery. I could see the supposed emperor's face tighten with the rage of it, as much as that small moon could tighten.

"Ah, of course. The perennial question, so common among you."

So he - they - had done this before. How often? How many?

"To answer, it is due to the heavens themselves, and the gods." The man gestured to the frescoes up above us. "We are limited in what we may do, and what we may learn. However, those of you are gifted by your... unique status. Having been gifted a life already, then pulled here from the firmament from another world, you are not subject to its laws. You may learn faster and become more, as a matter of course. Indeed, some of you may already be so. If you are curious, you may check with a simple word in the language of your birth."

Wait a minute - the language of my birth? Wasn't that what he was speaking?

No, no it wasn't. He was speaking common, a form of universal language, and how did I know that? how did that knowledge just pop into my head from nowhere? t wasn't English, or French, or any language I knew, but somehow, I both knew it and could speak it, if I wanted.

The alarm bells were at five, now.

Everyone else was already trying, muttering various words, making quite the cacophony under the portly emperor's fake benevolent gaze. There was serious calculation in those eyes.

Among the words I heard was "status". I managed to catch the look; that young man was seeing something. The small smile that bloomed gave away that it was something he liked.

Right. "Status."

My voice more than a little different; even expecting it, the change it was shocking.

Almost as shocking as the word actually doing something.

Something appeared before my eyes... a screen of sorts. It showed text in what looked to me like English. Magic, taking a form I was familiar with? Whatever, I could believe anything right now.

I caught myself massaging my throat - my adam's apple free throat - and stopped.

Let's see... my name... race, human/witch? Class witch? Which was it? How could a witch be both a race and a class? No in-depth description on either, but I did have racial bonuses. To charisma, wisdom, and dexterity stats. Why dexterity? I was no gamer, but I knew a few things, and shouldn't casters not have a dexterity over twenty points?

I didn't know, I didn't know the point value of what I was seeing. For all I knew, an intelligence stat as high as mine was below average, even if I didn't believe it. My intelligence stat was higher than my wisdom, which I apparently had a bonus in.

Level fifty was pretty self-explanatory, as was the list of skills I knew. Most of those skills were basic ones, such as math and languages. My hard-earned coding skills were represented as the math courses I took... but beyond all that were some new ones.

Ten points of nature lore? Eight points in golem creation? I wasn't Jewish. Staff proficiency, scythe proficiency, wilderness survival?

And the spells... I knew spells! Just thinking about them, seeing the names from the list, brought them to mind. Wind gust, evil eye, hex of clumsiness? These at least had descriptions, some information regarding their use. Heal looked pretty straightforward and useful.

"Ahem," I looked up at the sound as I was meant to, finding everyone else doing the same. Right at the rotund crowned man as he began again: "Now, you may be tempted to try some of what you see. However, those abilities you see can be very dangerous, and so the magic of this place will block all attempts."

So we were summoned here against our will, fed some lines, and see all this dangled in front of us, but are ultimately defenseless? Suspicious, very suspicious.

"Now, if you may be so kind as to state your names, classes, and levels, we can fit you to the places which need your help and fit your needs."

A man stepped forward, just into the light. Tall and blade thin, the older gentleman had an unfortunate hawkish nose set in a hatchet thin face. He also was wearing white robes and had a tall funny looking hat that looked vaguely religious somehow.

He had a an old pen in his hand, and a sheet... a scroll? In the other hand. A younger man also stepped up, bearing an inkwell on a pillow. Interesting.

"Usam. Warrior, level 20." There was always one in every crowd; someone who would bend the knee and give in to authority. Even clearly bad authority. The scribe guy dutifully wrote, somehow holding the single scroll steady enough to do so while applying the pressure to do so, a neat trick.

As there was always one, mob mentality also dictated if one of a mob broke, more would: "Jin, hero, level three."

There was much gasping and amazement over that one. A hero as a class, huh?

All classes were not created equal, it seemed.

The dam was broken, it seemed.

"Kimiko, priestess, level ten."

"Oliver, mage, level five."

Some held out longer than others, but they all took their turn talking. None of the fifty present, even the highly sought after saintess class, had a level above twenty. Soon enough, the scribe, emperor, and expectant faces turned to me. It was time to test a theory.

"Isobel. Witch, level ten." Some murmurs from that, and they were clearly not the good kind. Some confusion showing as well, as if these people didn't know what to make of it. His rotundness actually let that plastic smile of his slip for a moment.

The only good news about all this was, no one had said their last names. While not giving out full names was pretty smart in this situation, (who knew what these people could do with them?) it also helped me avoid thinking up a last name. I was borrowing one from history, but it seemed disrespectful to use the woman's last name as well, and I sucked with names.

"Great and noble classes all," our larding host exclaimed. He didn't sound as if he believed a word of it, and he was looking right at me when he said it.

It was great to know where I stood, in a way. It was even better to know that I could lie and no one here would call me on it. Could they call me on it? Possibly - but if so then why stay silent?

No, they had enough power over us here, but they couldn't check on us because... because we were dampened magically? Something like that, I was sure.

The suspicious crew moved as a shadowy mass toward the emperor, some even going up a few of the stairs. Just far enough away to muffle any speech.

Scratch that, far enough away to be completely silent. Magic? Something else? I knew a thing or two about acoustics, and I should still be able to hear a little.

A step or two wasn't out of my ability now; all that shifting around had helped. Close enough, we could have our own counsel.

We needed it. We needed a plan; even without sound, the spacing and people themselves could tell me a little. Enough, anyway.

My whisper came out a little more sultry than I wanted; too much cat purr in it: "They are auctioning us."

"What?" Jin responded, loudly. The others nearby stopped looking at their invisible screens and started paying attention.

"Look at how that guy is in the center, scribbling. The others are talking at him, not to him, and he's writing it down. Taking orders. The others are waving those slips sometimes too."

It seemed everyone here had a grasp of common, which was good. My stupid voice didn't embarrass me that time either; seriously, what had I even done to get it to sound like that? No one would take me seriously doing that.

Some gasps and not a little cursing, as the reality sank in. Well, probable reality; I still wasn't beyond all this being one hell of a con or a fever dream. So far, it seemed to follow the trope - on the surface level at least.

"Like we're being chosen for teams in volleyball," one near me said. I think he gave his name as Russ."

There was no need to mention the lie thing; just because we appeared to be in the same situation, was any reason to trust any of them.

"What do we do? What can we do?"

Precious little, from what I saw. Should I step forward, or back? The raised nail gets hammered down... but on the other hand, these kids were kids. I wasn't exactly an adult by any stretch, but I was closer than these people looked.

Speaking of looks, I had no idea what I looked like anymore.

Whatever, no risk, no reward: "I don't know just yet. We're surrounded, and if these people are telling the truth, outgunned because whatever skills we have that make us valuable won't work here."

"It's true," Oliver said, his English accent coming through even with the different language, somehow. "I tried something the minute I realized I could, and it didn't work."

Which could also mean we were being gaslit like no one else, but if so then again, why go through all this?

"I'm sure that even if we all know how to fight, without weapons and armor, any sort of break for it will end badly," another kid said. I hadn't caught his name.

Even now, sharp eyes were watching us talk among ourselves. So far, there was no response, no shifting of those wardens around us, but they were edgy. Taut as an overtuned drum.

They were taking awhile; I could make use of the time. "Status."

Could I use any of this? Oh, hey... the upper right had a picture. She was even cute. Or that mix of delicate features that put a girl firmly in the cute and hot axis. If she had a pair of glasses, she'd pull off the hot librarian look with ease.

Was that the new me? I had half expected a green face with a large warty hag nose. either look would give me some problems, but those were an issue for future me.

The portrait was just a face, but a quick glance down for the rest revealed the dangerous truth; that either my body reflected my charisma stat, or my charisma stat had something to do with my body. I was an introvert, so it wasn't likely the status was saying I was a true leader of the masses.

Chicken or the egg, really. But not important right now, so what could I use?

Resistances? Resistance to: toxins, disease, hexes, necromancy, mind control, all at level three. Those were passive, there was nothing to invoke, and they seemed rather on point and very powerful.

No resistance to getting stabbed or shot though, and that was more important at the moment. I had a spell that could help; demon armor, a spell which promised to turn both blades and distance weapons, along with giving one some 'natural weapons' whatever those were. The usefulness of the spell was tied to the level of the caster.

I tried it; the whispered chant hung in the air like a wet fart, and nothing happened.

What even was that? It felt dark, maybe even a little evil. The language was demonic, and somehow I knew that.

I was sure some of these spells, some of these buffs, would be useful in this sort of situation if only I had been able to cast them ahead of time. That was what some of these descriptions were telling me, that the spells would last through zones of low or even no magic at all once cast.

The shadows were moving again, as was our wondrous and ball-shaped host. They were moving to the sides again, in clear groups. some of those watchers around us were also shifting, to better cover those groups.

The emperor took his old place near the throne before turning to us again. "Alright, I apologize for the delay, honored heroes! We have decided. When you hear your name, please follow the sound of the voice to the person who has called for you."

We'd definitely been sold.

Jin was called first, and as expected, he went. He walked to the largest group after they called his name... the group next to the emperor himself, who was wearing his very benevolent and very fake smile again, as if nothing had happened.

The status screen shimmered out; it didn't seem to last long if I wasn't focusing on it. I'd seen something about music there at the end, but now wasn't the time for that either. No matter how important music was. I was half surprised that I wasn't a bard, somehow. There were two in the current group, but neither were me.

More people called, and this time I took note of the names and tried to remember which group they were going to. Thus far, the lion's share of us were going to the empire's men, or what I was fairly sure were the empire's men, and they were doing something to everyone that walked up.

Another tall and thin robed man, looking more like a corpse than anything else, was grabbing each prospective hero as they walked up and laying a sheet or paper or parchment or vellum or something over their hand. I couldn't hear what was said, but something was, and when it was, the person invariably winced or gasped.

So something painful, and likely a way to stop betrayals with magic.

I hadn't been called yet; did I have any way at all to stop that from happening to me?

Not without resorting to the magic everyone here seemed to think I had but hadn't seen yet: I was as stuck as everyone else.

They sure were taking a long time to call me. It really was beginning to feel like getting picked last for teams in high school.

If it wasn't clearly slavery of a sort, I'd be downright miffed. Even so, grabbed from death and thrust inside a new body, all for this? The entire situation seemed beyond stupid.

"Isobel." Whoops, he'd called the name I used and I hadn't responded the first time. I looked to find the group the farthest from the throne, the farthest from the light, had called me.

I walked over as best I could, my gait having to move a bit more than I liked to avoid me spilling myself all over the floor, but it was rapidly beginning to feel natural. That dexterity, kicking in?

This close, I could see the man out front waiting for me. He wasn't thin and cadaverous, instead he looked more normal. Dare I say, average even. Even so, he had the sheet of parchment in his left hand and was holding out his other. "Your hand please."

The men flanking him, shields up and hands on swords, turned that polite request into an order. I gave my hand, looking back a moment.

Only two people were left in the circle now; I really had been last drafted.

The first word captured my attention; it was some kind of spell chant, and not one I recognized. The parchment was over my hand, showing a sort of stylized arrow design made of many lines that all seemed to join each other.

The man switched to common: "Will you, Isobel, swear to fight evil, to uphold the laws of the kingdom of Lemut, to follow the orders of all duly appointed authorities of said kingdom, and serve loyally until your services are no longer required?"

"And if I don't?"

"You will wait here in this very chamber until you will serve, or die of starvation."

Well. That was something. Even so, an oath made under duress was no true oath.

"Fine. I so swear."

"You must say the words."

I repeated the words he said, rolling my eyes the entire time. With a snap hiss, the parchment glowed, and my hand lit on fire. Once the man let go, I found myself the owner of a new tattoo.

At least the lines of it were clean.

"Come, stand over here," a new voice said, and the tattoo glowed as a compulsion kicked in.

It wasn't that strong; I thought maybe I could ignore it. But when in Rome... at least for now. I moved.

Now that I was fully away from the light, I could see everyone here - all five of them. The one who bid me stand next to him was a young man in rich clothes, just beginning to let himself go a bit. He had a sword belted to his waist and was dressed in dark clothes, with jewelry mainly of silver. at least, so far as I could tell.

He was also undressing me with his eyes, and he wasn't even trying to be subtle about it.

"Your level is good enough for some utility at least. Wait here quietly; we've others to see to."

I could talk, I felt. The chains were there, but they were wisps, mere necklace chain rather than thick steel. Was it supposed to be that way? I didn't think so. These people acted like the magical tattoo was... binding. I loved puns, especially bad ones.

The next one called over to us was Oliver, leaving one girl left in the center. Other groups had five or more of us with them; could this guy only afford three?

Oliver went through the same process I did, raising his eyebrow at the pain instead of giving a wince. When he was told to join the man at his other side, he did so without a word of complaint.

He hadn't even been told to be quiet.

The last one to be called wasn't called by us... so this guy didn't even have enough to pay for three of us. I wasn't sure whether to be pleased or insulted. Maybe I should just settle on both; after all, that was fewer people I had to focus on freeing, at least right away.

The girl was called by the group next to us, and once she was also sworn into slavery, the roly-poly emperor spoke again. "This event is now closed. Remember heroes, saving the lives of those around you is not just a calling; it is a job! Work hard and you will be rewarded! We will now adjourn so that you may become familiar with our world, its people, and your new role."

Barely was the stupid speech finished, the last word still echoing in the chamber, when the man who had bought us said: "Follow me, quietly."

He'd clearly done this before, and was used to mouthy Americans. Or, well, mouthy Japanese too, I suppose. It wasn't as if Americans were the only mouthy people on our planet.

He led us out the truly massive double doors and into a very large hall, made of stone cut very precisely and joined with a very small amount of mortar. A place for the medieval rich, unless I missed my guess.

There were people in robes outside, some carrying books and scrolls, others just walking to who knew where; they all pressed themselves against the wall as my would-be benefactor passed, bowing as they did so. It was reminiscent of a river's current, rippling along.

It didn't speak well for the people running things.

The hall opened up into a courtyard, with pruned shrubs, flowers, and marble looking statues of what might be religious figures. Or past heroes, given what I'd seen of this place so far. Maybe it was both? There were other buildings off to either side, following a slightly more mundane appearance, but all of them were of white marble or sheathed in it, and bore the unmistakable look of an ancient complex.

No, this wasn't a castle; I could look back as we left, down a path lined with more statues, ten feet ones, lining it. It was a temple, a clearly holy place. These people around us were priests or monks, with the occasional nun mixed in. Were there female monks? I feel like there were on our planet, but maybe not here.

It wasn't relevant just yet, I suppose.

"Can either of you ride a horse?" The man asked. the slight pressure eased, so he must have been talking to Oliver and I - he didn't make that clear, and it seemed as if he didn't need to.

I could lie, but it wouldn't be prudent of me. "I had lessons as a child, yet I do not remember them very well."

Oliver spoke up a minute later with a simple "no."

The man, our supposed owner, sighed. "Of course not. You lot always have some of the strangest skills and knowledge, yet practical things are often beyond you. Well, we will be riding. I will teach you as we go."