Kobold Isekai 3 (Patreon)

Still rolling with this. Not real sure where we're headed.

Kobold Isekai 1
Kobold Isekai 2

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After protecting the hoard from Liz’s army of dolls, the two played dress-up for a bit. Liz put on a cowboy outfit complete with a silver cap gun on her hip and a plastic star pinned to her vest. Kess settled on … more eclectic attire.

She started with a tie-dyed shirt that Liz had outgrown. Kess was fascinated by the purples, blues, and greens that dripped down like ichor on a dungeon wall, but yet the cloth was soft and dry to the touch. The white “happy face” printed on the front didn’t mean much to her.

None of Liz’s pants would fit over a tail, but she had a frilly pink skirt that Kess loved despite how Liz hated it.

Liz’s brother was sleeping over at a friend’s house, so they raided his closet too. He had a pair of football shoulder pads that made Kess feel like an adventurer, and a baseball bat that would make an excellent club.

They were just about to experiment with using Mom’s lipstick as war paint when she called them down to dinner.

“Can we have soda?” yelled Liz as the pair tromped down the stairs.

“No, but you can have milk, water, or lemonade…” said Mom before her words trailed off. Her eyes darted between the two girls, but they lingered longer on Kess than her own child. Eventually, she coughed a quiet, “What are you two wearing?”

“I went with ‘cowboy’,” said Liz, doing her best spin and curtsey, “but Kess couldn’t settle on a theme.”

Mom scooted closer to an open doorway and called for her husband without turning her head. “Honey? Hon? You should come in and meet Liz’s new friend, Kess. She’s a dragon.”

Calling her a dragon made Kess stick her chest out with pride. She raised the bat and gave a squeaky roar. Liz pulled her cap gun from its holster and fired in the air a few times. She was out of caps, but the gun still made metallic clacking sound with each shot.

“A dragon, eh?” asked Dad as he peeked in from the living room. His face blanched, and he stared for a long moment before recovering. “Did you two wash your hands?”

Liz and Kess shared a look. The human girl nodded “yes” while the kobold shook her head “no”.

Dad plucked the bat and revolver from their hands. He said, “I’ll hold these while you wash them again.”

Liz led her friend to a small bathroom and showed her how to operate the soap dispenser and faucet. The process seemed to take ages, and when they finally returned, they found Liz’s parents huddled in a hushed discussion.

The blonde girl ignored them and pulled two glasses from a cabinet. “The Shrek ones are the best,” she said, handing one to Kess. Then, in a funny voice, she added, “I’m an ogre!”

Kess stared at the picture printed on the glass. She’d never seen an ogre wearing a shirt before. She wondered where its ears were, and what were those weird things sticking out of its head? She had no idea.

Liz took a seat and Kess fumbled with slipping her tail out the back of the chair, but she worked it out eventually.

“I forgot Trevor was sleeping over,” said Mom, her voice strained, “so it’s a great time for you to join us, Kess.” She stabbed at a plate of steaks and deposited small ones in front of each of the girls before serving the larger two on the adults’ plates.

“Ogre steaks! Yay!” cheered Liz.

This made Kess frown hard. She hated eating ogre meat. It was the nastiest kind of meat she ever had.

“The buns are my favorite,” said Liz, grabbing one from a serving plate with her hand.

“You can have one bun,” admonished Dad.

Mom must have noticed the tragic expression on Kess’s face. She leaned closer and quietly explained, “It’s not ogre. They’re just sirloin.”

“Sir Loin?” asked Kess with a little more optimism. She watched as her friend sliced a tiny morsel from the steak with her fork and knife, then picked up her own utensils and did the same.

Time stood still as Kess chewed the meat. It was definitely not ogre. In fact, it was completely unlike anything she’d ever eaten before. It was salty and warm, tender but not squishy, and more delicious than anything she’d ever tasted in her life.

But in a moment, it was gone, and she stared at her empty fork in bewilderment. Did that just happen?

Afraid that she’d been mistaken, Kess repeated the process but with a slightly larger piece—and it was just as delicious as the first had been.

“This … is amazing,” whispered Kess.

“Why, thank—” Mom started to say, but the words evaporated when the kobold tipped back her head and began tearing large bites out of the steak that she held with both hands.

“All right!” said Liz, mimicking her friend, but she’d only managed two substantially smaller bites by the time Kess was licking meat juices from her hands.

The family fell to silence and Liz put her steak back down to take a sip of lemonade.

Not certain what to do, Kess lifted her own glass. She didn’t know what to expect, but she certainly hadn’t imagined something so cold, sweet, and tart! “Wow!” she nearly yelled before gulping down half the glass’s contents.

Mom put her hand over Kess’s. In a quiet voice, she said, “You’re going to get a stomach ache if you eat and drink so quick.”

The kobold nodded to the gentle reprimand, and Dad picked up one of the serving dishes. “Have some Brussels sprouts,” he said as he tried to spoon them onto his daughter’s plate.

“No! No! No!” said Liz, pushing the plate away.

“Try one,” he said with some frustration as he slipped a single sprout onto the plate.

“How about you?” he asked Kess as he spooned sprouts onto her empty plate.

“No!” hissed Liz to her friend. “Brussels sprouts are the worst!”

Everyone’s eyes were on the kobold, and she wanted to believe her friend, but everything else had been so delicious that she knew she’d regret it if she didn’t try the Brussels sprouts. She picked one up with her fingers and popped it in her mouth.

The thing tasted salty and smoky, earthy and hearty. Why was everything here so tasty? Why didn’t they get to eat things like this at home?

Kess grabbed the sprouts from her plate and shoved them all into her mouth at the same time. Just to be sure she hadn’t missed anything; she picked up her plate and licked it until no juices remained.

“So, um, Kess,” said Mom as she sliced her own steak, “Liz said you needed a ride home after dinner?”

When Liz nodded, the kobold did too.

“Where do you live, Kess?” asked Dad.

“At the bottom of The Quarry,” said Kess. “I found a nice hole in a cave wall. There’s a bunch of piercers in the cave though. But if you hug the wall instead of walking through the center of the chamber, they won’t bother you.”

Liz’s parents shared a look. “The quarry?” asked Dad. “That’s out on … old highway two-thirteen?”

“Did your parents drop you off here?” asked Mom.

Kess shook her head. She wasn’t sure who had dropped her off, but it hadn’t been her parents.

“But that’s … five, six miles from here?”

“At least,” confirmed Dad.

“Well, we’re glad you came over, but you really shouldn’t walk here from the quarry,” said Mom. “You’d have to cross the interstate.”

Kess had no idea what they meant, so she shrugged.

Before dinner ended, Kess got to try a roll and something Mom called “little red potatoes”. They were both amazing too, but in very different ways.

She tried something called an ice cream sandwich as well. It had been delicious too, but it gave her quite the headache for a minute after finishing it.

When everyone had finished eating, and the plates were in the dishwasher, all four of them loaded up into a blue Corolla. Kess had to slouch in the back seat so her tail fit, and Liz had to show her how to put on the seat belt.

It was getting dark outside, but Kess could see just fine—though she didn’t understand what she was seeing. There were so many homes! And they were all moving by so quickly. Before today Kess had never wandered too far from home, but she’d have remembered if she’d seen anything like this.

Soon, they pulled up on a gravel road until stopped by gates locked shut with a chain. “Looks like the quarry is closed for the night,” said Dad.

All four of them climbed from the car, and Liz’s parents stared at the kobold. “You live here?” asked Mom.

Kess shook her head. She had no idea what sort of place this was, but it was not The Quarry. None of it looked right, and it didn’t smell familiar either.

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Reviewer's link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jh4LkYNgsEi6TSAvZkaRcFMdjYrNEvVM33o5gdGBSZA/edit?usp=sharing

Thoughts?