babushcat (Patreon)

I'm a tired babushka rotting on a Saturday night

a simple babushcat inspired by hellocloudy's art. the contrast with some of the things I write it just funny to me lol

I was inspired to continue opening up to my audience by this video of a 50 year old Japanese man. 

It's probably not healthy to get too personal with your audience, but I like it when people are open and honest. Gets tiring pretending to be ok when really you feel like you're dying inside. I listened to a video recently of a neuroscientist talking about how long periods of isolation can cause brain damage, which I believe is true since solitary confinement is used as a torture tactic in prison and war, so yeah--looking forward to seeing my family again. Seeing people at the library [which I did but only for a few hours because the chairs hurt my back] or seeing them at the store once in a while just isn't enough, I'm going to have to try harder to get over my anxiety / fear of going out alone.

With the way many societies are developing / regressing, most of us probably feel tired. I'm lucky not to work a traditional job anymore, but my biggest problems are a lack of human connection, lack of sleep, and not exercising or eating healthy enough. I do eat a lot of protein and veggies, but sweets are my weakness / comfort food =( I found out some of my family members suffer from anemia, so I really need get over my anxiety about seeing a doctor for blood work. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm nutrient deficient. It's the cycle of feeling anxiety when I go out but slowly rotting if I stay home for too long that's doing the most harm, but I'm proud of myself for getting out at least once a week and trying to work / read in public spaces.---

I honestly thought I would lose way more patrons after the last SWFTD update, but surprised it's way less than last month. It's still a downward trajectory, but I think that's normal. I was watching a video about the game industry's obsession with infinite growth, and people made a good point about how that's just not possible. People are spending less money on indoor activities because they're not locked down anymore and things are returning to normal, though many currencies are losing their value. That downward trajectory isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just the numbers balancing out.. Or maybe that's just cope lol because other artists don't lose as much.

Of course I still want growth, but I'm happier not doing NSFW /safe stuff all of the time. I do enjoy making spicy / sweet content, but I also want variety and the chance to connect with people using my characters / story. I analyze and ponder difficult subjects all of the time and it feels good when I can express it through visuals and dialogue.