ASL2: Chapter 73 "Too Dark! Too Dark!" (Patreon)

-- CHAPTER 73: Too Dark! Too Dark! --

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-- FRIDAY, JUNE 12, 2009 --

“Sir? Ma’am? I’m Detective Franklin, Berkeley PD. My partner here is Detective Ortega. My sincere condolences for your loss. I know that now is a very emotional time for you both, but we do need to ask you some questions while your memories are still fresh.”

Re-dressed in the clothes I’d worn to work yesterday and seated on Yvaine’s living room sofa, I started nodding listlessly. Dressed in fresh clothes, Summer was seated on the cushion beside me, curled up into a fetal position with her legs beneath her and her head pillowed on my chest while I cradled her in my arms.

“He’s not talking to you without a lawyer present,” Adrienne stated firmly, seated half-beside me and half-behind me with both arms wrapped around my midsection. I’d actually called her first, and miracle of miracles she’d picked up her phone on the first ring even though it was barely seven in the morning and her phone would’ve been on silent. To say she was shocked had been an understatement, and she’d dropped everything to grab Eden and race over here.

Dawn’s text asking if everything was alright had actually come in during the fight with Toby, although I’d obviously been a little too distracted to answer it. Unable to deal with another phone call, I’d texted back with a simple message:

Toby showed up. Yvaine is dead.

I had meant to explain more than that, but at the sight of the words on my screen, I suddenly found that my fingers were shaking, and my mind flashed back to that horrific moment itself.

Toby’s body was just starting to go cold on the floor when I’d recognized the sound of Summer’s crying. Eyes wide and my heart still pounding, I’d turned to look into the open doorway. Yvaine was face-down in the hallway, unmoving. Summer, still naked, sat beside her mother with both legs twisted to her right. My girlfriend was sobbing in abject misery, rivers of tears flooding down her face. She kept stroking her mother’s hair while shaking her own head in disbelief.

I hadn’t wanted to believe either.

Even now, I didn’t want to believe.

Without letting go of the gun, just in case Toby suddenly woke up like an undead zombie and started coming after us again, I had pitched forward onto all fours and crawled over to Yvaine and Summer. And then I’d swallowed thickly at the sight before me.

There was a hole in the middle of Yvaine’s back. Beneath her naked body was a large pool of red blood. Her eyes were wide open, staring at nothingness, and her mouth gaped open in a silent scream. Her face was the same shade of gray as Toby’s corpse. And there was no rise and fall in her body that would signal breathing.

I hoped she had passed quickly, without much pain.

Before I could type anything further, my phone blared to life. Dawn was understandably as shocked and frantic as Adrienne had been, and I managed to at least explain that Toby was dead, Summer and I were safe, and that I still needed to call the police. Only then did she let me hang up, and I didn’t need any mystical link to know she was racing to her car to drive over here from her parents’ house.

Only then did I finally dial 9-1-1. A dispatcher had answered within thirty seconds, I explained the situation as best I could, they told me that a police car and an ambulance would be over as soon as possible, and then I hung up to collect Summer and get us both dressed.

Well, I tried to, at least. Summer wouldn’t leave her mother’s side, so I had to go collect her clothes and bring them to her. After we both got dressed, I wound up seated against the hallway wall with Summer tucked in against my side.

She was still sobbing when Adrienne, Eden, and June arrived. The front door was still locked, so I had to go downstairs to let them in. I still hadn’t figured out how Toby got into the house, but at the moment it didn’t really matter. Adrienne didn’t have on one drop of makeup, clear evidence of her haste to get out the door. Eden told me that she’d already been texting with the whole family. June had come over to pick me up for work (not realizing I’d stayed overnight at Yvaine’s house instead of coming home per usual), and by now she had contacted the office and texted Penny. I nodded silently and then led all three of them upstairs to rejoin Summer.

June promptly turned and hurled on the hallway floor at the sight of Yvaine’s bloody body covered by a sheet and Toby’s uncovered corpse further in the room. She apologized profusely and went to go clean up her mess; at least it was hardwood and should wipe up pretty easily. Eden was stony-faced. Adrienne looked angry, as if she wanted to go over and start kicking Toby’s lifeless body in the balls.

The police arrived just as June came up the stairs with paper towels and a small wastebasket. Eden went to let them into the house and bring them upstairs. At that point, the cops told us that we needed to get out of the way, and I was able to gently guide Summer downstairs into the living room. Paramedics had also come with them, but they first went upstairs to check on Toby and Yvaine. And that’s when the two detectives arrived.

“He’s not talking to you without a lawyer present,” Adrienne stated firmly. “Ben’s still got that asshole’s blood smeared on his face, you know? Shouldn’t the paramedics be checking him out by now?”

Rather than reply to Adrienne, Detective Franklin raised his eyebrows at me and then looked at Summer from his seat on the armchair across from the couch. “Do either of you need medical attention at this time?”

I shrugged. “Got punched a few times, but I’ll be alright. I’ve gotten worse from this one having aggressive sex with me.” I jerked a thumb at Adrienne.

Detective Franklin’s eyes got big, and he glanced over at Adrienne momentarily.

My Tigress pinched my side, none too happily. It happened to be a spot where Toby had punched me, and I groaned and grimaced.

Shaking my head, I sighed and muttered, “My apologies. I’m not trying to make light of the situation. I take that back: I AM trying to make light of the situation, because this is a really, really fucking heavy situation and I… I still don’t know what to think right now.”

Detective Ortega, standing beside Detective Franklin’s armchair, nodded sagely. “That’s perfectly understandable. You’re most likely in shock right now, which makes it all the more important that we try and understand the situation as best we can while your memory is still fresh.”

“Yeah, yeah. You guys said that already,” I muttered wearily.

“But I’m still not letting him talk to you guys without a lawyer present,” Adrienne insisted.

I frowned at Adrienne. “I’ve got nothing to hide.”

Detective Franklin spread his hands apart and glanced down at his notes. “He already told our officers that the two deceased are his girlfriend’s mother and his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend. He already stated that he was in bed when the ex-boyfriend suddenly appeared in the room and a fight broke out. A downstairs window is broken: a clear sign of forced entry. The ex-boyfriend was out on parole after being imprisoned for domestic abuse crimes. And we already know the gun’s serial number has been traced to a West Hollywood pawn shop not far from the ex-boyfriend’s apartment.”

“Looks like you already have the pertinent facts, then,” Adrienne pointed out. “And you don’t need to bother Ben any further. We’re honestly not trying to hide anything, but he has the right to remain silent and not accidentally say anything a prosecutor might use to make him look bad. So I’ll thank you kindly to leave us both alone for now, alright?”

Franklin’s eyes narrowed. “And what, exactly, is your relationship to him?”

“I’m his girlfriend,” Adrienne stated firmly. And at the Detective’s questioning look, she added, “He has more than one. Is that a crime?”

Detective Ortega coughed and blushed, looking down.

Franklin sighed. “But you were not present at the time of the incident, correct? You were not a witness, correct?”

“That’s correct,” Adrienne admitted.

The detective glanced over at one of the uniformed street cops by the door. “Perhaps I should ask one of my officers to escort you out?”

“Try it,” Adrienne growled menacingly.

Franklin raised his eyes appraisingly at the officer, but the 6’3” burly street cop simply head-nodded at my Tigress and quipped, “YOU try telling her she has to leave.”

Adrienne’s narrowed eyes and haughty gaze, along with the way she cinched her arms tighter around me, were enough to make the grizzled police detective not even bother with such a futile attempt. Sometimes it was really nice to have a woman in my life with enough sheer force of personality to cow mere mortals into submission, nevermind that she was dressed in sweatpants without one bit of makeup.

Shaking his head, Detective Franklin threw up his hands and muttered, “Fine. But don’t go anywhere until we formally release you from the crime scene, alright?”

I silently checked with Adrienne and then nodded to the detective. “Sure thing.”

“And I’ll get a paramedic to come take a look at you right away, at you both.” That last part was directed at Summer, who had silently ignored the entire conversation in mute silence, cuddled up against my side.

“Thank you, Detective,” I stated firmly.

He just sighed, shook his head, and headed upstairs. But just as his foot hit the first stair tread, a new voice called out from the front door.

“Ben! Summer!”

We all turned to look as Dawn roared into the room, gasping for breath as she dropped to her knees in front of the couch and wrapped her arms around both of us. Doing the math in my head at how long it had been since I’d called her, I could only imagine just how fast she must’ve been driving on the freeway dodging traffic during morning rush hour.

“And who the hell is this?” Detective Franklin grumbled, looking peeved at the interruption. He turned and glared at the front door where the same uniformed street cop looked embarrassed, adding, “Isn’t there supposed to be a yellow tape barrier around the house?!? This is a crime scene!”

“Like yellow tape could ever stop my best friend.” I sighed and gave Dawn a weary smile. “I’m glad you’re here. Saves me the trouble of telling this story more than once.”

****

Mrs. Farah Rafizadeh arrived shortly after Dawn did, presented herself as my lawyer, and was escorted inside. She was a handsome woman in her mid-fifties, with large, intelligent eyes and a regal bearing. Adrienne stood up and went to hug her, and then introduced Farah as a PR lawyer for ICON. In the unlikely event that this thing ever went to trial, they’d get us a proper criminal lawyer, but for now Mrs. Rafizadeh could at least help keep me and Summer from accidentally incriminating ourselves.

Along with our lawyer, Adrienne, Dawn, Summer, Eden, June, and I assembled outside in the back yard by the fence that overlooked the city below while a uniformed street cop stayed by the sliding door to keep an eye on us, out of earshot. I still remembered my first long conversation with Yvaine in the same spot, when she initially asked me to stop seeing her daughter. Mrs. Rafizadeh initially wanted it just to be me, Summer, and Adrienne, but I insisted that I’d rather only tell this story once, and that they’d all end up finding out anyway.

“We’ll construct a neat and tidy written witness statement later,” my lawyer advised me. “But for now, just tell us everything as best you remember. Start from the beginning.”

I nodded, closed my eyes, and pinched the bridge of my nose. “The beginning… the beginning…”

You gonna tell her you were assfucking your girlfriend’s mom while her daughter was licking her cunt?

Um, no.

Taking a deep breath, I began, “I was in bed when Toby showed up out of the blue with a handgun.”

“Didn’t you have a PI firm tailing him so we’d have advance warning if he disappeared?” Dawn asked, her attention on Adrienne.

Adrienne winced. “That’s what I thought, and I called them earlier. Apparently, they recorded him entering his apartment way down in West Hollywood last night, and have absolutely no idea how or when he left to come all the way up here.”

“What the fuck are you paying them for?” Dawn growled.

Adrienne winced again. “They said they’ll refund me all my money, not that it’ll bring Yvaine back.”

“Fuck that! Refuse the refund and then fucking sue their asses and put those lazy, useless wastes-of-oxygen outta business!” Dawn growled.

Adrienne grimaced with an expression that said she was feeling personal shame over the PI’s failure. I reached over to rub her shoulder, saying sincerely, “It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she muttered dispiritedly and looked downcast.

“Anyways,” I continued, “I was in bed--”

“Were you alone in bed?” Mrs. Rafizadeh interrupted.

I darted my eyes to Adrienne, who winced and then gestured for me to proceed. “Attorney-client privilege. She won’t say anything.”

I sighed and admitted, “No, I was not.”

“So you were in Summer’s room with her, I presume?”

I winced. “Ahhh no, I was not.”

The lawyer’s eyebrows rose. “Please elaborate.”

The conversation got a little awkward from there, with questions like, “The three of you were in bed together?”

“You were all naked?”

“What, exactly, were the three of you doing when the suspect arrived?”

At that point, it became easier to admit that we’d been having a threesome and that I’d been having sex with Yvaine at the time. Mrs. Rafizadeh did not appear to be scandalized, except to sigh and state, “The coroner will find evidence of recent sexual penetration. There will be questions about whether or not the suspect sexually assaulted her.”

“He didn’t,” I assured her.

“But the question will still come up. A lawyer could hypothesize that the suspect had actually been invited to join a group sex session, but that tempers flared and you killed the suspect in a jealous rage.”

“What the fuck?”

“Anything to sow doubt, unfortunately.” Mrs. Rafizadeh shrugged, gave me a helpless look, and then gestured. “Please continue.”

I recapped the events as best I could. Twice, I looked at Summer to see if she had anything to add to the narrative, but she remained dead silent and simply clutched my arm. I asked her both times if she’d prefer we stop talking about it entirely if it was causing her distress, but she gestured for me to keep going. Adrienne tensed when I got to the part about Toby pointing the gun straight at my forehead and my conviction in the moment that he was about to kill me. I sort of fumbled through the fight itself, partly because I didn’t want to really think about it and partly because I didn’t think the lawyer needed that level of detail.

I did have crystal clear 1080p high-definition memory of Toby pinning me down, recovering the gun, and shooting Yvaine in the back while she tried to get Summer out the door. I lost my composure attempting to explain to everyone… explain to Summer… explain to myself… how I’d failed to significantly alter his aim.

Time stopped for me.

Nobody bothered me or pressured me to continue.

Summer merely sobbed and clutched my arm.

Adrienne held me close, crying against my shoulder and squeezing me so tight that I couldn’t breathe.

Actually, I don’t think I’d have been able to breathe whether or not Adrienne was squeezing me. I just flat out couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t cry.

I couldn’t… feel.

I’d failed to protect a woman I cared a great deal about.

I’d failed to protect the mother of my girlfriend, the mother of a girl I loved.

I’d failed.

And I couldn’t breathe.

But eventually my body decided it had gone on without oxygen long enough. My chest heaved as my lungs expanded and inhaled without any conscious thought of mine. Only then did the tears start falling, and they didn’t stop for a long, long time.

The next thing I knew, Dawn had her arms wrapped around me, and Summer as well. Adrienne hadn’t let go either, and while Eden, June, and Mrs. Rafizadeh stood aside and waited patiently, the four of us huddled together in a ball of pain and anguish that felt like it would never end.

But it did eventually end. Well, not the pain and anguish, but the four-person ball of hugs eventually split apart. Once I stopped crying, Dawn kissed my forehead and backed away, although she still clutched my free hand. My other arm remained wrapped around Summer, and Adrienne continued to hold me from behind.

Finally, Mrs. Rafizadeh leaned forward and asked, “What happened next?”

I sighed and sniffled. “I fought the gun out of his grasp. I was still on the floor, managed to pry it from him, and as he tackled me I squeezed the trigger right against his chest. I shot him. I killed him. And then I rolled him off my body and watched him die.”

Those last few sentences I stated in dull, monotonous voice. My lips were pursed and I was staring out across the living room at nothing in particular. Whereas the memory of failing to protect Yvaine had pained me like a stab to my heart, I felt nothing but cold indifference to the memory of killing Toby. I didn’t feel bad about it. Not a shred of remorse. I’d felt much, much worse after killing Carter, for example, dwelling on the knowledge that I’d taken away the life of another human being. But right now I didn’t give two shits about killing Toby, and if anything I only wished I had killed him sooner so that he never could’ve harmed Yvaine.

Taking a deep breath, I exhaled and then looked Mrs. Rafizadeh in the eyes. “After that, I discovered that Yvaine was already dead. Summer was crying, and I knew I had to get hold of people. I called Adrienne first, and then Dawn called me. My phone records I’m sure will show you the timestamps on those. After that I called 9-1-1, I got myself and Summer dressed, we covered Yvaine with a sheet, and you pretty much know the rest.”

The lawyer nodded and looked thoughtful, processing all of that.

Eden folded her arms across her chest and said, “Why can’t you just tell the detectives exactly what you told us? Broken window. Criminal ex-boyfriend who got a gun from a pawn shop and came all this way to surprise you in a bedroom. Pointed a gun at your forehead and said he was about to kill you, so you defended yourself, got hold of the gun, and shot him. Seems pretty open and shut.”

“Not quite so open and shut,” Mrs. Rafizadeh stated sagely. “Adrienne was right to not let you speak to the police detectives without a lawyer. Even now I can think of a dozen different things they could try to pin on you. Your phone records will show that you called Adrienne and talked to Dawn before dialing 9-1-1, and your friends arrived here before the police did, thus suggesting you may have had something to hide and needed additional support to alter the scene, make evidence disappear, etcetera. The suspect is dead and not around to state his version of what happened, which leaves a prosecutor who feels like making trouble all kinds of room to make up whatever they want. Maybe they’ll claim you started the fight. Maybe they’ll claim it wasn’t self-defense but that you were the instigator. Maybe they’ll claim that both victims were not dead yet and could have been saved had you called 9-1-1 earlier.”

The rest of us looked glum at those pronouncements.

Mrs. Rafizadeh winced. “And a basic records search will also show that Ben and Adrienne were present at Carter Sheridan’s mansion three years ago. Even if the incidents themselves are completely unrelated, two separate homicide incidents within three years are rather suggestive. One could draw connections and hypothesize that you are involved in some illegal activities that should be investigated. Perhaps this was actually a drug deal gone wrong.”

“Fuck,” Dawn cursed.

“And when they discover the 4D investigation, the DA’s office will start to think you’re pretty shady in general,” June added.

“Not helping,” I muttered.

“4D?” Mrs. Rafizadeh queried.

I sighed. “Unrelated, but I’ll explain it after we’re done with this particular situation.”

Nodding, Mrs. Rafizadeh asked several more clarifying questions. I answered them as best I could, and then she moved on to asking everyone else for their stories, just to corroborate them with each other.

When we went back into the house, I found that a police photographer had been snapping pictures of the scene, and once he wrapped up, they finally removed Toby’s and Yvaine’s bodies into separate vans. Summer had been pretty calm and quiet thus far, but she lost it again when the medics carried Yvaine down the stairs on a stretcher. She started bawling into my chest while I held her in my arms, but I felt strangely detached from the moment and shed no further tears.

My analytical brain, seeking something to latch onto, started doing project management on all the action items we would need to execute in terms of setting up a funeral, identifying friends and family to be notified, and researching the right companies to clean up the grisly mess in the house. Then, of course, the house and its furnishings would need to get sold, and there would certainly be a whole host of inheritance and living trust issues to work out for Summer. Technically, I wouldn’t be part of any of that stuff since it wasn’t like I was related to Yvaine. But I knew Summer herself would be in absolutely no mental condition to make those kinds of decisions, and the process of brainstorming all those concerns and considering solutions to those tangible problems felt a whole lot more preferable to wallowing in my grief.

After that, though, the cops packed up and told us we were free to go. I wanted to get out of that house as soon as humanly possible and if it were up to me, I’d never come back. So without further ado, I thanked Mrs. Rafizadeh for coming and then escorted Summer outside to Adrienne’s Porsche.

I made a mental note that my motorcycle was still parked in the driveway and would need to be retrieved later. Recalling that my first encounter with Toby had been while parking my motorcycle in the garage at the house, I wondered to myself if the motorcycle itself had been the dead giveaway as to mine and Summer’s whereabouts. Now that Toby was a corpse, I supposed I’d never really know exactly how he knew where to find us, not that it really mattered.

Ten minutes later, we all reassembled at The Nest, and by all I mean ALL. In the time that we’d been at Yvaine’s house waiting to be released, our extended friends and family that lived in the Bay Area had all come over and were waiting for us. My parents, Brandi, Emma, Dayna, Jack and Deanna, Kim, BJ, Lynne, Bert, and Eve were all present around my living room. Even Penny had driven over, although she hung back from the group a bit and had been standing alone by the window with her arms folded. Brooke and DJ had been texting with the girls, were driving up, and expected to arrive by dinner time.

They all wanted information, of course, but my dad took one look at my face and told everyone, “Hey, let’s everybody back off for a while, huh?”

“Thanks, Dad. Right now? Honestly, I just really, really wanna take a shower.” I picked at yesterday’s work clothes for emphasis.

I did NOT state that one of my primary reasons for wanting a shower was because I still had lube coating my dick straight out of Yvaine’s asshole. Moreover, although the medics had cleaned Toby’s blood off my cheek, I really, really wanted to scrub the top millimeter layer of my skin off my face as well.

Summer, of course, clutched my hand and silently followed as I led her upstairs.

She still hadn’t said a word.

And quite honestly, I wondered if she ever would.

****

That day marked the first time in history I’d ever taken a shower with Summer and NOT gotten an erection. I mean seriously, in our entire time together, I’d always managed to pop a woody while soaping up her fantabulous naked body, even if I’d already blasted off three or four times before stepping into the spray. That’s not to say I always needed to cum again or anything like that, and sometimes she’d simply play with my dong for a bit before we stepped out and dried off.

Not today.

I wondered if I’d ever get another erection for the rest of my life.

I mean really, I knew I’d have to get another erection someday. Sure, I felt FUBAR right now and the trauma of the night’s events wouldn’t evaporate overnight. But the reality was: I’d been in this type of situation before, and I had the bullet scars to prove it.

Adrienne had quoted Cast Away to me not so long ago. I had to keep breathing, keep moving, keep on keeping on. Tomorrow the sun would rise. Things changed. The world moved on. More shit would probably happen, but as long as I remained on the right side of the grass, new opportunities would come. Hell, I’d been hospitalized after the Carter incident. I mean I hadn’t actually fallen into a coma or anything, but still. Today? I was in my own shower with a gorgeous naked woman in my arms. Today was an improvement.

Speaking of the gorgeous naked woman, Summer just sort of hugged me and listlessly let the shower spray all around us. She wasn’t exactly dirty or anything, but I liked to think she appreciated being scrubbed clean after everything we’d just been through. At the very least, her abusive ex-boyfriend had grabbed her ankle to trip her, and I paid special attention to her entire lower leg to ensure that every last skin cell that had come loose from the shithead’s hand had been scrubbed away.

Once I was done with her, though, I found myself too weary to wash myself. My muscles weren’t sore or worn out or anything, although I did feel a dull ache in various places where Toby had hit me. Rather, I felt a deep emotional weariness, a lethargy I couldn’t shake. For a moment, it felt like it took every last ounce of energy I had just to keep from falling to the shower floor. And that’s when my guardian angel arrived.

Gloriously naked, Adrienne opened the shower door and stepped inside to join us. The Nest’s master bathroom didn’t have the kind of expansive Billionaire’s shower set up that we’d experienced at the Kwong estate, but it still had a separate shower enclosure with room for four people that we’d taken advantage of multiple times. My shoulders had been sagging, but I felt a small surge of energy at her arrival. I gave her a weary smile, still holding a bottle of body wash in my hands.

My Tigress clucked her tongue and took the bottle from me. She lathered her palms and then rubbed soap all over my back, butt, arms, and legs while Summer remained slumped against my chest. Adrienne then pulled the detachable shower head off its hook to spray me down. She then directed Summer to switch sides and hug me from behind so she could lather up and soap up my front side. She paid extra attention to my limp penis and balls, but even her spectacular nude body and supple fingers couldn’t get a rise out of me. But following Adrienne’s tender ministrations, I found the energy to wash my own face and scrub off that top millimeter layer the way I’d wanted.

The three of us exited the shower. Summer let me help dry her off while Adrienne toweled herself, and then Adrienne rather playfully wrapped her towel around my head and scrubbed my hair so vigorously I almost felt like I was caught in a terrycloth tornado. By the time she pulled the towel away with a beaming smile, I couldn’t help but smile back, even if only for a few seconds before the weight of the day’s loss sank back down atop my heart.

For the very first time, I found myself wondering just how different my life would be now that Yvaine was gone. I mean, I’d occupied my analytical mind with all the bureaucratic project management action items necessary to properly document and legally account for her passing. But now I thought about how much I’d miss her vibrant conversation during Sunday brunches. I reminisced about our verbal sparring matches over her daughter’s wellbeing. I swallowed thickly at the knowledge that the phrase, ‘Spread ‘em, Pleasure Doll’ would no longer be able to pass my lips ever again.

But as much as I would miss Yvaine’s company, my loss paled in comparison to Summer’s. She’d lost her mom. She’d lost the one person in the whole world she knew would always have her back. I mean yeah, I was her boyfriend, but there was no way I could ever possibly fill the mom-shaped hole Summer had to be feeling in her heart. And I couldn’t imagine what she was currently going through.

Adrienne had brought in pajamas for me and Summer to wear, along with her own, and we changed before leaving the bathroom. Dawn was waiting on the bed when the three of us emerged. My best friend scooted to the far edge of the king-size mattress, patting the space next to her. Summer held my hand and tugged me with her as she moved to that spot. Her waterworks had stopped while in the shower, but she had fresh tears and sobs as she laid down facing her BFF. Dawn cooed gently and stroked Summer’s hair before softly kissing her girlfriend on her forehead. I spooned myself behind Summer, holding her close. And Adrienne nestled in behind me.

Nobody spoke.

Nobody needed to.

Dawn and Adrienne were simply… here.

Here for me.

Here for Summer.

Here for us.

And we all slept.

****

When the four of us woke up and emerged from the master bedroom, we found that our party had grown by eight. Kady, Noelle, Paige, and her little girl April had all come over, much to my surprise. While we were all quite clearly friends, I hadn’t been particularly close to them for the past couple of years. Still, I was glad to see them and touched that they cared enough to leave whatever they would normally be doing on a Friday afternoon to come check in on us. BJ, especially, was quite happy to see April and have a playmate close to his own age.

Of even greater surprise was the presence of Viktoriya Isakova. My former professor (and Summer’s current professor) sat at the dining table with my parents, the Evanses, Brandi, and Dayna. Lynne, Bert, Kady, Noelle, Eve, and the twins sat around the coffee table on the two couches and the armchair. Kim and Paige perched atop the raised fireplace hearth, chatting while April tried to teach BJ how to play the Go Fish card game. Jayden Schenke, Neera Shah, and Mi-young Lee also sat together on the foyer stairs leading down into the living room. And June and Penny were just visible from the foyer, in Adrienne’s office doing work. Including us, that meant there were twenty-seven people in The Nest, and it was almost TOO overwhelming.

Scratch the “almost”.

As soon as we hit the stair landing at the foyer, Summer took in the whole crowd, flinched, and buried her face into the crook of my neck. I winced and gave our friends and family an apologetic wave, and then I turned to lead Summer back upstairs. Nobody said a negative word, but I still felt a little bit guilty, and I gave everyone an apologetic look over the stair railing. I got a lot of sad looks of understanding in return. Meanwhile, Summer had been holding Dawn’s hand and wouldn’t let go, so Dawn obviously came back up with us. And all I had to do was glance back at Adrienne as well, asking with my eyes for her to remain with us, and she quickly followed after.

It was now after 2pm. Having already taken a long nap, none of us were in any mood to go back to sleep, but we still reassembled on the bed in the same positions we’d been in before: Adrienne on my right, Summer on my left, and Dawn next to her. My stomach growled just then, which made Adrienne giggle. She grabbed her phone and said she’d text the others to bring us up something. Meanwhile, I sat up against the headboard with Summer lying down between me and Dawn, curled up on her left side. She scooched her back against me while clutching Dawn’s hand with hers.

I found myself looking at the way their soft hands were intertwined, paired interlaced fingers with Summer’s painted French-manicured nails alternating with Dawn’s low-maintenance unadorned ones. Following Dawn’s arm up to her face, I took note of my best friend’s melancholy look. In her expression I read not only concern for me and Summer, but an internal sadness of her own. And only then did I pause to consider that Dawn had lost a close friend today as well.

“How are you holding up?” I asked her softly.

Dawn flicked her eyes up to mine. “Me?”

I took a deep breath and sighed. “As much as I might want to wallow in my misery and let everyone around keep coddling me, you were far closer to Yvaine than I was. So… How are you holding up?”

Dawn got a faraway look and shook her head slowly. In a quietly haunted voice, she mumbled, “I can’t believe she’s gone.”

Summer whimpered and pushed her face into the pillow.

Dawn winced, stroked Summer’s cheek, and then looked back up at me. “I’ve been distracting myself thinking about all the arrangements that’ll have to be made: funeral, transferring bank accounts, cleaning up the house…”

I chuckled just once and nodded. “Me, too. The list just goes on and on… but I’m not ready to face the emotional stuff just yet.”

“You and me both.” Dawn took a deep breath and reached down with her left hand to stroke Summer’s hair. “Right now, I just want to focus on doing everything I can for her.”

I nodded my agreement, but a golden glint from Dawn’s left hand suddenly caught my eye. Frowning, I reached down to trap her hand and then looked up in surprise at my best friend. “Well this is new…”

Dawn smirked as I started rubbing the gold band adorning her ring finger. “Oh, that. Relax. I didn’t get married without telling you or anything.”

“I thought not.”

“I picked that up last week. Kept getting hit on too much at work and figured it would help deflect some of the attention. I’d actually told some of the guys that I was married, but then they’d be all, ‘Sorry, didn’t see a ring.’ So I figured: might as well get a ring.”

I smiled. “After all that discussion about not needing a bracelet or a ring to remind yourself of your love for me, a few guys started hitting on you and you went out to buy a wedding band?”

“It’s really just for show. I only put it on for work and take it off when I get home, but this morning I was kinda in a hurry to rush out the door.”

“No need to apologize. Admittedly, I wouldn’t mind if you kept it on all the time. Maybe even engrave ‘Ben Forever’ on the inside?”

Dawn raised her eyebrows at me. “We’re not legally married, Ben. I know what I feel in my heart. I love you. For me to engrave a fake ring like this would make it seem like I was performing a hollow gesture to try and compensate for real love that wasn’t there, like when a guy tattoos his girlfriend’s name on his arm as a desperation move so she won’t break up with him.”

“Sorry, sorry. Was trying to make a joke with the engraving bit. Clearly it didn’t land.”

Dawn gave me a rueful look. “Would it make you feel better if I engraved it?”

I shook my head. “Like you said: we know what we feel in our hearts. I’ll love you for the rest of my life. ‘Til death do us part.”

Summer reached up to hold Dawn’s left hand. Rubbing the gold ring, she reached back for my hand as well. Bringing them together, Summer gently directed me and Dawn to interlace our fingers together. And once we did, she actually smiled with a look of relief and then closed her eyes, looking more at peace than she had all day.

“I think she’s giving you guys a hint there,” Adrienne drawled from behind me with a bit of a chuckle.

Summer opened her eyes and blindly reached back across my body. Her right arm fished around until she grabbed hold of Adrienne’s forearm, and then slid her fingers down until she could latch on to Adrienne’s hand. Dragging it back with her, Summer parked Adrienne’s palm on top of mine and Dawn’s interlaced hands. And then she rather firmly pressed down so that all four of our hands were joined together.

Dawn, Adrienne, and I all chuckled.

Summer smiled, sighed, and settled down.

And then she fell back asleep.

****

Having already napped, Dawn, Adrienne, and I remained sitting upright against the headboard. Summer’s hand had slipped off the pile when she fell asleep, and then Adrienne removed her hand so she could get into a more comfortable position. Dawn and I also turned to face outward, although we both kept our hands on Summer’s slumbering form. And Adrienne leaned a bit into my right side.

None of us were ready to talk about Yvaine yet, nor even the abundance of bureaucratic forms that would need to be filled out. Emma came upstairs with a tray of assorted sandwiches. Apparently Dad had ordered catering from the sub shop down the street. Adrienne then got the conversation started by asking Dawn about her internship and how she was handling living at home with her parents again.

Dawn, in turn, asked me about the Strawberry project and the big presentation we were supposed to have this morning. The presentation had gotten postponed, of course, and during my explanation, Adrienne asked if I thought June and Penny could handle things without me for a while. I told her that I figured they could, which got us wondering whether or not the company’s bereavement policy would cover such a situation, given that Yvaine was not my immediate family member. Generally, we agreed that the bereavement policy probably didn’t cover it. On the other hand, I had extra vacation days to burn and had no interest in leaving Summer at a time like this. And that got Adrienne wondering how clingy Penny would handle losing her daily nooners for the next week or so.

“So what IS the deal with Penny?” Dawn wondered. “You said she showed up out of the blue Wednesday night?”

I rolled my eyes and gestured at Adrienne. “Yeah, and this one promptly invited her to come have a threesome at The Love Nest.”

Dawn shot a look at Adrienne, who grimaced and muttered, “What? She’s hot, and I haven’t had her yet.”

“You know Penny’s in love with him,” Dawn pointed out.

“Pssht,” Adrienne scoffed. “When has Ben NOT had a half-dozen girls in love with him? Jayden, Kirstie, Quinn, and Mi-young were all in love with him to varying degrees, but that didn’t stop us from having hookups.”

I blinked. “Kirstie I knew about, but Jayden, Quinn, and Mi-young were in love with me?”

Adrienne narrowed her eyes and pinched her right thumb and forefinger to within a centimeter of each other. “Little bit. Of course, a lot of that was the orgasms talking.”

“Same with Penny,” I insisted, looking back at Dawn. “She got love and lust conflated there for a little while, but I honestly think she’s figured out it’s the orgasms she’s addicted to. And she’s been a model citizen for the last two weeks.”

“Model citizen except for randomly showing up at the house Wednesday night,” Dawn quipped.

I sighed. “In all fairness: Penny’s made clear she wants to expand our hookups to include the other girls - you, especially, Dawn - and I hadn’t been taking any action to set up that sort of thing. In the end, showing up got her what she wanted. Well, it would’ve had Toby not showed up and… uhhh… yeahhh…”

Dawn got a pained look on her face, and I turned to face forward and let the back of my skull drop against the headboard.

For a moment, the three of us remained silent, lost in our thoughts. Summer was still out like a light, breathing slowly and steadily with just a hint of a snore every now and again, and I gently stroked her arm.

Adrienne looked on her Nestmate fondly. “She was so excited when she called last night to let us know she wouldn’t be coming home, that she’d talked Yvaine into have a real threesome with you. As in… everything.”

I winced and nodded.

“How was it?” Adrienne asked quietly.

I looked to my Tigress, but it was Dawn who expressed my thought by saying, “I don’t think now’s the appropriate time.”

Adrienne blushed at the reprimand, but refused to be contrite. “Now’s the only time I think. Look at him. It’s painful for him to even think about it.”

She was right. A jumble of memories were flashing through my head that I just couldn’t process. Yvaine in ecstasy, Yvaine growing cold on the floor.

“If you let this sit, Tiger, last night is going to be tainted. That man stole all of your future memories with Yvaine, and I don’t want him to steal your last happy moments with her as well.” Adrienne paused, making sure she had my attention, her eyes full of compassion and firmness. “I bet last night you thought to yourself that you couldn’t wait to tell me and Dawn every last dirty detail. Tell us now. Tell us the beautiful story of Yvaine’s last night on Earth.”

Dawn looked like she was about to object on my behalf, but I considered Adrienne’s advice and the story began falling from my lips.

“It was amazing, of course,” I said, holding on to each happy memory on its own, before the terrible intrusion shattered the moment. “They were so beautiful together. No ‘Pet’ or ‘Pleasure Doll’: just two gorgeous women making love to each other. Yvaine orchestrated a lot of it, and she made sure she and Summer were always in direct contact with each other. It wasn’t like our first Sportsman’s Double at all, with the two of them taking turns. They were… together.”

“Sounds incredibly special,” Adrienne murmured.

I smiled at the memory and looked at Dawn. “Summer even took charge a few times, if you can believe it.”

Dawn blinked several times. “No, I’m not sure I can believe it.”

“She did,” I insisted. “It was kind of a big deal for her: deciding there was something she absolutely needed to have happen and then taking decisive action to make it happen. Ordering Yvaine into different positions…”

I paused, thinking back to those last moments we had together. Things that made me smile. Things that made me regret never getting to feel again.

Dawn chuckled and shook her head. “THAT I would’ve really loved to see. Summer… Her face lowering down… Her own mom.”

“Not that you’d ever do that with your own mom,” Adrienne teased.

“Eww!” Dawn made a face. “It’s only hot when it’s somebody else’s mom, not mine.”

Adrienne chuckled and glanced over at me. “What about you? The mother/daughter thing didn’t weird you out at all?”

I smirked. “In this family? Incest is like… normal.”

“Sibling incest,” Adrienne pointed out. “But none of us have ever felt that kind of attraction for one of the parentals.”

“Well, except for Dayna,” Dawn laughed.

“And Brooke, come to think of it.” Adrienne arched an eyebrow at Dawn. “Didn’t she say something about your dad being hot?”

“Don’t even go there.” Dawn covered her face. “I just can’t think of my own dad that way either.”

“Me neither,” I agreed. “I realize that my mom is empirically beautiful, but I’ve never felt an ounce of attraction to her.”

“Your mom, on the other hand,” Adrienne teased, smirking at Dawn, “always seems to get his motor running.”

“Yeah well don’t ever expect me to give you the full Sportsman’s Double if that ever happens,” Dawn warned. “I think I could handle me and my mom taking turns with you if it really came down to it… but I can’t see myself hooking up with her the way Yvaine and Summer did. Your mom… maybe… But not mine.”

I made a face. “I’m having a hard time imagining my mom as a sexual creature, period. Like, the thought of you and your mom? Sure. Awesome. Would love it. But literally anyone with my mom? No. Just… no.”

“Feel free to go ahead and scrub the idea of me doing anything with my mom right outta your head,” Dawn advised me. “Not happening.”

“Fair enough.”

“Maybe that’s what last night with Yvaine and Summer will have to be: one perfect memory,” Adrienne said with a sigh. “I mean, unless Penny’s mom turns out to be an incestuous nymphomaniac or something.”

I rolled my eyes but thought back over my incredible night. “It will be a perfect memory. Tinged with melancholy over everything that came afterwards, of course. But for one night, it really was perfect.”

Dawn grinned. “I’ll bet.”

I gave her a wan smile and then sighed. “You really should’ve been there. Doesn’t feel right that you missed it, actually. I feel like I should’ve stopped and called you to come over or something.”

Dawn shook her head. “Summer texted me and Adrienne, remember? I knew it was happening and I could’ve come over. But I’d assumed I’d get the chance on Sunday, you know?”

I nodded. “At the same time, I’m really, really glad you didn’t come over. I would’ve hated for you to have been here when Toby showed up. For all we know, you could’ve ended up the one face-down in a pool of blood in the hallway instead of Yvaine.”

Dawn grimaced at that thought.

Adrienne was staring out at the far wall, her eyes unfocused, “You said it on Commencement Day, Tiger: Life is precious, and we can never know what the future holds. I suppose you were right: the part about not all of us ever being around that dining table together again came true.”

I pursed my lips, closed my eyes, and bowed my head. All of those happy memories of last night’s incredible threesome evaporated into nothingness, leaving behind only the black hole in my soul at the realization that Yvaine was truly gone.

And the feeling that it was all my fault for failing to protect her.

“I really, really wish I had been wrong about that,” I muttered softly.

Adrienne sensed my shift in mood and wrapped herself around me reassuringly once again. Dawn frowned and reached out to rub my arm.

“I know I wasn’t as close to her as either of you,” Adrienne stated seriously. “Really, I still remember her as Summer’s very nice mom from high school: the perfect Orange County trophy wife. So I know she meant much more than that to both of you, and that you’ll to be feeling the pain of her loss for a long, long time to come. But my being comparatively detached from the situation gives me a different perspective that isn’t tinged with the kind of grief you’re both clearly feeling right now.”

I nodded my understanding. Dawn, on the other hand, had moist eyes and was staring a thousand yards away.

“It means I get to be the one that says, ‘This too shall pass,’” Adrienne continued. “You’re gonna hurt for a long while, but eventually you’ll move on. Today’s gonna fucking suck. But tomorrow will suck a little bit less, the day after will suck a little less than that, and so on.”

“Keep breathing,” I muttered. “Because tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring?”

“Cast Away, right,” Adrienne agreed.

“I was thinking about that earlier, right before you joined us in the shower, actually,” I explained.

“We’re eventually gonna have a funeral for Yvaine,” Adrienne stated confidently. “But we really should think of it as a ‘Celebration of Life’. Instead of a somber memorial with everyone dressed in black, you tell all the guests that they’re not allowed to come dressed in black, and then have a big, festive party! You think of the loved one now gone as they lived. Reminisce about the happy times. Tell people what made her special. Share stories with each other about your best memories of her.”

I gave Adrienne an embarrassed smirk. “All of my best memories of Yvaine are X-rated.”

“Well, maybe not share those,” Adrienne suggested. “But if we can get some of her old friends to come up, maybe they can share with us just how much she meant to them. I think that would mean a lot to Summer, at the very least.”

Dawn nodded slowly. “Yvaine did HAVE close friends she kept in touch with. It was just one of the sacrifices she made on Summer’s behalf, leaving them behind to get Summer out of SoCal. But I’m sure they’ll come up to memorialize her.”

I nodded slowly and smiled at Adrienne. “That’s a great idea: a Celebration of Life.”

My Tigress rubbed my arm. “Remember the vibrant, sensual woman that she was.”

Dawn patted my shoulder. “Remember the luscious, skillful lover who made you feel so alive. I certainly will.”

I rubbed Dawn’s forearm. “Remember the experienced, understanding sage of wisdom she was for you. Yvaine told me about some of the talks you used to have. Seems like you leaned on her a bit as a sort of mother figure, telling her stuff you didn’t want to share with your own mom.”

Dawn blushed. “She told you about that?”

I nodded. “She didn’t spill any of your secrets, obviously. But she told me you often came over to talk to her.”

Dawn blinked and sighed. Her eyes were getting moist again, and she shook her head while staring at the far wall. “I’ll definitely miss her advice.”

Adrienne smiled at Dawn and took her hand. Then she squeezed me a little tighter while rubbing my shoulder. “And you, Tiger?”

“I really am going to do my best to celebrate Yvaine’s life,” I stated slowly with a few head nods, glancing momentarily at Adrienne. My gaze then returned forward, and with a sigh I finished, “but her loss is gonna haunt me for a long, long time.”

****

The three of us lapsed into silence for several minutes, and Adrienne didn’t attempt to distract us with any other ideas about celebrating Yvaine’s life instead of mourning her death. Dawn and I then spent the next twenty minutes discussing burial arrangements, how to go about all the paperwork that would need to be filled out, and contacting Yvaine’s friends and extended family. Some of the information we would need to get from Summer - hopefully she’d know where to get her mother’s will, internet passwords, and financial records - but neither of us wanted Summer to have to mentally worry about any of those decisions themselves at a time like this. And Adrienne interjected every now and again with advice or promises to use her contacts to help out as well.

We were still talking when Summer woke up. We all hugged her and Dawn asked if she was feeling up to going back downstairs, even if there was a big crowd, and Summer nodded mutely. She still hadn’t said a word since her mother died.

But the crowd had significantly thinned out by the time the four of us reemerged. Viktoriya and the Tri-Delts had departed. June and Penny had walked over to The Aerie to keep working, and Eve went with them. Bert, Lynne, Paige, April, Kady, and Noelle had all apparently headed over to Bert and Lynne’s apartment. And my parents, the Evanses, Brandi, and Dayna had decamped to The Birdhouse to get out of the way, correctly assuming that the large group had overwhelmed Summer.

That left just Kim, BJ, Eden, and Emma still in The Nest. As soon as we came down the stairs, BJ set down the book he’d been reading and climbed out of his mom’s lap. My toddler son scurried straight over to us, but rather than come to me, he made a beeline for Summer and hugged her legs.

Holding tight and then staring straight upwards, BJ gave her a chubby-cheeked smile and muttered, “Kissy mo’ bettah!”

His cherubic face actually made Summer smile, and she scooped him up in her arms. He caressed her face and then puckered up with fish lips. Summer pecked him cutely and nuzzled his cheek with her nose, thoroughly incapable of wallowing in her own misery in the face of such an adorable child in her arms. And she wound up wrapping both arms around him and hugging him fiercely, like a living teddy bear, as she swayed him side to side and then carried him back into the living room.

Dawn, Adrienne, and I followed, of course, and we all assembled on the couches, armchair, and chaise lounge surrounding the coffee table. Summer kept BJ in her lap as she sat down, and that period was already the longest amount of time she’d gone without being physically connected to me since her mom died. Shortly after, though, she reached for me with her right hand and hugged my left arm, visibly shuddering as she took a deep breath before relaxing.

Emma waggled her phone. “I texted Mom and Dad to let them know you’ve come down, but they’re staying put until I give them the green light to come over.”

“How are you feeling, Summer?” Eden asked in sincere concern.

Summer frowned, bit her lower lip, and then bowed her head. Still silent, she shook her head and closed her eyes.

Eden winced and glanced at Emma, clearly feeling like she’d done something wrong.

“It’s alright,” I told Eden. “She just hasn’t felt like talking yet. Not your fault.”

Eden did not look relieved, just sad.

“How are you feeling?” Kim asked me. “I can see you trying to put up a brave, masculine front, but it’s just us here now. Everyone else has cleared out to give you guys some space. And you’re allowed to feel whatever you need to feel right now.”

I shook my head. “I’m not trying to put up a brave, masculine front. I’m… well… okay, I’m trying to be… Ummm… But it’s not a front. I’m just perfectly aware that I need to be strong for Summer right now. That gives me a sense of purpose at the moment, taking care of her. I’d much rather think about that--”

“-- than think about the traumatic events you’ve just gone through,” Kim interjected. “But burying your emotions isn’t healthy in the long run. You know that.”

“Hey, why don’t you back off him, alright?” Adrienne scolded. “If he’s not ready to deal with that shit, he’s not ready. Don’t pressure him. You don’t see anybody pressuring Summer, do you?”

“They’re two completely different people who respond to trauma in two completely different ways,” Kim countered. “Letting Ben process these things on his own timetable only lets his overactive imagination go down the rabbit hole of second-guessing his actions and pondering the millions of different scenarios of ‘What if?’ and ‘coulda/shoulda/woulda’. There are times for subtle course corrections and then there are major events like today where he functions better when confronting his feelings head on.”

Adrienne blinked in surprise and contemplated that notion.

Kim turned her attention to me. “You’ve killed a man for the second time in your life. How does that make you feel?”

I made a face. “You really want me to talk about this shit right now?”

Kim sighed. “If you really don’t feel up to it, I’ll stop immediately and give the matter a rest. But I know you, and I know what you’ll start doing the moment you let your guard down about keeping your focus on Summer and let your mind run wild on its own.”

Feeling a bit defensive, I scowled at her.

Kim turned her attention to Adrienne, and she ordered in a firm, commanding tone, “Whether or not he’s ready to talk, do not leave him alone with his thoughts on this one, got it? He needs to process with us, not by himself, because heaven knows where his head will end up and what stupid life choice he’ll make because of it.”

Adrienne nodded seriously. Dawn chuckled and remarked, “Why did we ever think Kim was a submissive again?”

“Because she told us she was,” I said flatly before taking a deep breath. “But she’s also right. If left to my own devices I’d go for a long walk around town, pondering the meaning of it all, and quite possibly walk into traffic.”

Adrienne’s fingernails suddenly dug into my arm, gripping me like she’d never let go.

“On accident, on accident!” I insisted immediately. “From not paying attention or something! I’m not suicidal!”

My Tigress’s tiger claws retracted… a little…

I sighed, hugged Summer tightly to my side, and gave Kim a steady look and stated, “Okay fine. But we’re stopping this the moment I believe she can’t hear it any longer.”

Kim nodded. “Fair enough.”

I sighed, thought about the situation, and shook my head. “You asked how I feel after killing a man for the second time in my life. Maybe I’m still in shock and too numb to feel it. Maybe because it’s the second time and not the first. But I honestly don’t give a shit about Toby anymore. The guy was an abusive asshole who somehow slipped his tail and came all the way up here with a gun to forcibly kidnap my girlfriend. I would’ve let him walk away - and very much wish he’d just walked away - but he didn’t and he killed Yvaine and I’m very much happy right now that the asshole shithead dirtbag fucker is as dead as a doornail. Scratch that: you wanna know how I feel?!? Yes, that’s actually how I feel: I’m fucking HAPPY he’s fucking dead. Because much as I tried to enjoy these last couple of weeks since he randomly showed up in THAT fucking backyard…” I pointed towards the back of the house for emphasis. “I always knew in the back of my head he’d show up again someday. If he’d just walked away, I’d still be living with that fear. If he’d gotten arrested and thrown in jail? I’d still be living with that fear! But he’s NOT in jail! He’s wrapped up in a body bag at the coroner’s office because -I- fucking put a bullet in his chest and I am fucking thrilled I don’t have to live with the fear of him showing up anymore! Summer doesn’t have to live with the fear of him showing up anymore! So you know what? YES. I’m fucking HAPPY I killed him! And now that I find myself shouting that statement out loud I know I am really fucked up to be so overjoyed at the idea that I fucking killed somebody, and yet here I am! Happy!?! Oh my GAWD this is a fucked up situation!”

From Summer’s lap by my side, BJ was staring up at me, not understanding all the words but definitely rather alarmed by my volume and tone. “Daddy mad?” he asked uncertainly.

I grimaced and immediately caressed his cheek. “Daddy’s not mad at you, okay, little man? Daddy’s mad at somebody else.”

BJ processed that, realized he wasn’t in trouble, and smiled while snuggling back into Summer’s embrace. The redhead cooed while wrapping her arms more tightly around my son, and she actually smiled up at me. I’d feared she wouldn’t be able to hear this stuff, especially the parts about body bags and bullets, but perhaps the knowledge that Toby was as dead as a doornail made her feel better as well.

“I’m pretty fucking happy the fucking asshole’s dead, too,” Adrienne muttered rather quietly, but no less seriously, as she hugged me quite fiercely from behind.

“Doggiefucking shitbag got what he deserved,” Dawn muttered rather malevolently, her eyes cold, rubbing Summer’s leg.

Arching an eyebrow, Kim muttered, “I suppose it’s too late to ask you guys to control your language around the kid.”

“That’s like asking them to control the PDA around the kid,” Eden cracked. “BJ’s gonna grow up thinking it’s totally normal to drop and give Daddy a blowjob in the kitchen.”

Emma giggled. “BJ’s gonna grow up thinking it’s totally normal for Daddy’s sisters to drop and give Daddy a blowjob in the kitchen.”

“Annnd this is why it’s probably better that Ben and I live in different households until BJ’s old enough to understand this stuff,” Kim muttered with a sigh. “No dropping to give Daddy blowjobs in MY kitchen while BJ’s in the house anymore, got it?”

“So no BJs in front of BJ. Got it,” Emma drawled with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes and decided not to dignify the bad joke with a response. Shaking my head, I exhaled and muttered, “But as glad as I am that Toby’s gone, I’d happily put him right back on this earth and live with that fear of him showing up in exchange for bringing Yvaine back to us. I wished he’d just walked away. Part of me wishes I’d just let him shoot me in the head.”

“Don’t say that!” Dawn exclaimed immediately.

“If I had, Yvaine would still be alive,” I reasoned with a shrug.

“And likely kidnapped and taken to Mexico with Summer.”

“But still alive,” I pointed out. “You and Adrienne could maybe pull in some Jonathan Kwong billionaire resources, track the fu… fudger? I can say that in front of BJ, right? Track the fudger down. Get the ladies back.”

“But you’d still be dead.” I could see from the tightness of her eyes, it physically pained Dawn to say those words. And from the way Summer snatched my arm and squeezed it tight, it seemed to pain her as well.

I sighed and stroked Summer’s shoulder. Bending down, I murmured quite sincerely, “I’d give anything to bring your mom back to you, even death.”

“None of us doubts you mean every word of that,” Kim reasoned, “but it’s completely illogical for you to try and trade lives after the fact. What happened, happened. And nobody blames you for Yvaine’s death.”

“-I- blame me for Yvaine’s death,” I countered. “If I hadn’t started a fight, she’d be alive right now. That’s logical.”

“Toby’s the one to blame for Yvaine’s death and you know it,” Kim insisted. “He pulled the trigger, not you. You acted in self-defense. You did everything you could to protect both of the women in your care.”

“And utterly failed to do so.”

“Summer’s alive because of you,” Adrienne reminded me, rubbing my upper arm. “She’s safe and in your arms and even cuddling with BJ right now because of you, instead of duct-taped in that… fudger’s… car crossing the Mexican border right now.”

Summer whimpered, and I took a deep breath, wondering if it was time to call the discussion off.

“We both know that had she been given the choice,” Dawn began gently, “Yvaine would’ve gladly exchanged her life to keep you in Summer’s.”

I shook my head. “We don’t know that.”

“Yes we do,” Dawn maintained. “-I- know it because she often told me about how happy you made Summer and how important you were for her daughter’s future. Yvaine had lived her life, and while I have no doubt she’d have loved to continue living and be with us for many more years to come, nothing mattered more to her than Summer’s future. How many times did she tell us she would do anything, anything, to ensure Summer’s long-term security? How many times did she tell us, ‘That’s just what parents do’? You knew all along she’d already made whatever sacrifices were necessary, and would continue to do so, even if it meant making the ultimate sacrifice. In plain simple fact: even IF there were some magical way for you to give up your life right now in order to bring Yvaine back, she would totally say, ‘Nuh-uh. I’m good here in the afterlife. He’s more important to her than me.’”

I pursed my lips and shook my head more vigorously. “Yvaine was her mom.”

“Yvaine was her past,” Dawn insisted. “You’re her future. You know I’m right.”

I swallowed thickly and nodded my understanding. I knew right then and there that I was bound to Summer forever. For better or for worse, I’d be responsible for her safety and security for the rest of her life. Maybe it was fate. Maybe this was what was meant to be.

Maybe it was our Destiny.

Summer’s mom had made the ultimate sacrifice… on MY watch. That made me responsible for Summer from now on. The cosmos had decided it was so.

The White Knight in me had always found fulfillment in protecting others. Adrienne had tried to reassure me that I’d succeeded in protecting Summer, but as far as I was concerned, failing to protect Yvaine as well made me want to go find the spot where June had hurled and spew my own vomit to join hers. I knew the others didn’t blame me, but I still--

“Oh no you don’t,” Adrienne scolded while shaking me vigorously. “This is exactly that ‘letting your mind run wild’ thing Kim had just warned us about. Don’t go down that rabbit hole, Tiger. It’s not your fault.”

I scowled and shook my head. “Thank you for trying to reassure me, but it’s totally--”

“It’s NOT your fault,” Dawn cut me off, reaching across Summer to grasp my shoulder. “Seriously, it’s Not. Your. Fault.”

I huffed. “Look, you guys can say that all you want, but it won’t change the fact that--”

“It’s not your fault,” Kim interjected.

“Not yo’ fall!” BJ added brightly. “Not Daddy fall!”

“It’s really not your fault, Ben,” Emma stated with a nod.

“Not your fault,” Eden chimed in.

I shook my head. “You all can say it a million times, but I’m--”

“It’s not your fault,” Summer said softly, her voice slightly raspy from disuse all day.

Everyone immediately stopped to stare at her in surprise, including me. And she cleared her throat, sat up straighter, and reached over to squeeze my hand.

“It’s not your fault,” Summer repeated. “You did everything you could. You were amazing, fighting like the tiger that A.D. made your nickname. I saw him. I saw him point the gun at your head, and I recognized the same resolve on his face as whenever he decided to beat the shit out of me in punishment for my mistakes. He WAS going to kill you, but then you knocked the gun away and started howling for Mom to get me outta there. If it’s anybody’s fault, it’s mine. Toby was my ex-boyfriend, and it’s my fault he showed up in the first place, not yours. It’s my fault Mom and I didn’t get out the door fast enough. I was paralyzed with fear, and that slowed us down. Mom had to try and push me out of the room, and that gave him time to get the gun back. It wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do. Toby’s the one who killed her, not you. He was an evil man who did an evil thing, but you killed him for me. He’s gone now. He can’t hurt anybody else anymore, and that’s the most important thing right now. I’m going to miss my mom terribly, yes. I really, really wish she was here. But Dawn’s right: if Mom knew the sacrifice she’d have to make to keep me safe… to keep me with you… she would’ve done it gladly. And it is NOT your fault that things happened the way they did.”

My emotions overwhelmed just then, too many to handle all at once. I still felt guilt over my failure to protect Yvaine, but I also felt a sense of absolution from everyone telling me it wasn’t my fault. I felt physical pain from the bruises Toby had inflicted on me during the fight, but I felt an aching relief that I was still alive to feel the bruises at all. I felt fear: fear of the future and the uncertainty inherent therein. I felt a crushing sense of responsibility at my cosmic requirement to keep Summer safe and secure for the rest of her life. I felt a sense of peace in that responsibility as well, though, knowing that this extraordinarily traumatic event would bind us together forever, and keep a truly wonderful, sweet, and giving human being by my side for the rest of our lives.

And I felt love.

Summer had turned to face me, tears streaming down her eyes. Her face was a little fuzzy and out of focus, and I belatedly realized it was because tears were streaming down mine. She still held BJ in her arms but reached up to hug me at the same time, my son cuddled between us as she kissed me and sobbed while I kissed her and sobbed.

Adrienne was suddenly pressing into me from behind, and I could feel the wet heat of her hot tears splashing against my neck while she sobbed and squeezed me. Dawn wrapped herself around Summer and slid her fingers into my hair while she shuddered and sobbed as well. Then Kim knelt beside us to rub BJ’s belly and kiss the side of my head while she hugged us. And then Eden and Emma piled on as well, the eight of us a gigantic ball of limbs and tears and shudders and sighs.

Everybody was crying, except for BJ, who didn’t quite understand what was going on. Actually, he was the one who finally got us to break apart, his tiny little voice squawking, “Too dark! Too dark! BJ squish! BJ squish!”

That made me laugh, and I leaned back against Adrienne’s embrace to try and give BJ a little more room.

Summer started laughing as well, and she withdrew away from me. That got Eden and Emma to back off the outer shell, and Kim wrapped both arms around her little boy to pull him out of the pile. Dawn still held Summer, and Adrienne nuzzled her nose against my neck as well.

BJ took deep breaths, eyes wide as he looked around at everyone, twisting his little head to the left and the right. A moment later though, he grinned and reached his stubby arms back out to me.

“Okay! I’m okay!” he began with a broad smile. “Everybody hug again!”

So everybody hugged again.


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