Home Sweet Home - Ch.51 - Not A Joke (Patreon)

In the aftermath of Erin's big announcement I started looking into business management courses, but rather than taking another night-school program like she suggested I selected an online course instead. It meant I could go at my own pace, and work from the comfort of my own home. Which was nice since it meant I didn't need to worry about spending a few evenings a week on campus someplace.

So I was back in school again, at least metaphorically speaking. Another thing that changed was all those double-dates Jenna and I used to have with Erin and Sherry quickly tapered off. Which made sense, considering my boss wasn't drinking anymore now that she knew she was pregnant.

My girlfriend and I still got together with Erin and Sherry for Thanksgiving, and we were back there again for xmas too, but both were quieter events. In fact it almost felt like my boss and her wife spent that first year after Jenna's gift partying a little harder than usual and taking full advantage of their renewed youth and health. And now they'd got all that out of their systems, they were ready to settle back down and start a family.

There was no lack of parties in our lives though, thanks to Jenna's college friends. We were invited back to another werewolf halloween party at the end of October, then my girlfriend and I celebrated New Years Eve with Jay and Layla. In fact we even started going out on double-dates with my coworker and their wife, which was something I never would have expected based on what Jay was like before. We had a lot of fun though, with my catkin colleague and their catgirl wife.

As usual work slowed down as we got into the colder months, but unlike the previous year my boss decided not to bother with her regular winter vacation. Instead she and her wife were focused on getting their house ready for the baby, apparently they had a bunch of child-proofing going on while they converted one of their guest rooms into a nursery.

Things started getting busier for me in February, as that's when Jay decided to take their vacation. The feline enby and their wife spent two weeks at a Caribbean resort, and when they got back they happily told Erin and I all about it. They also told us about their first experience wearing a bikini, at Layla's suggestion of course. That story was accompanied by some blushes, but more smiles too. The wildest part was how much it didn't even surprise me any more. Not after seeing them dancing up a storm at New Years, in high heels and a sexy little black dress.

Work remained busy through March, after I completed my online course then started spending two days a week working directly with Erin on the admin functions. She quickly got me up to speed on all the specific details about running the real estate agency. Erin also took me to a meeting at the bank, to grant me signing authority and issue me company bank and credit cards. She even had me sign some paperwork for the government to make me an officer of the company, so I could handle any tax or licensing stuff that came up while Miss Rhodes was off on maternity leave.

Towards the end of the month we made sure the agency's website was updated, so clients would know Erin was away until April of next year. All those changes meant I was listed as the primary contact for any business inquiries, in addition to my usual duties as a real estate agent.

We ended March with a quiet little office party, both Jay and I took our boss out for lunch to celebrate her last day before she began her year off. Even though she wasn't due for another week or two she looked close to bursting, and I was positive she was looking forward to taking it easy at home until it was time.

And that's when things seemed to get really busy at work. I picked up four new clients in the first week of April, and had one open house that weekend and another one the following Wednesday. That was in addition to the other listings I'd already picked up through March, plus the half-dozen Erin passed on to me when she left. She gave as many to Jay as well, so it wasn't all on my plate.

By the end of the second week I'd made two more sales, including one to a lesbian couple who were surprisingly open about the fact that they were both vampires. The surprising part was neither of them looked anything like I'd have expected for the undead. In fact the only thing that seemed out of place was the dark sunglasses they both wore when I showed them the property, even though it was somewhat overcast that day.

I was just finalizing some of the paperwork for that sale first thing in the morning when Jay arrived in a very good mood. The catkin had a wide smile on their face as they hummed an up-beat tune. They were dressed somewhat casual, in a pair of tight leggings and a long loose colourful top.

"Hello Vikki!" they greeted me as they placed a cup of coffee on my desk. "How are you this fine Friday morning?"

I thanked them for the coffee then added, "I'm good thanks. You seem to be in an even better mood than usual this morning, is there something going on? Or are you just enjoying the nice spring weather?"

Their ears and tail were all standing up as they grinned, "It's April twelfth. This time last year Layla and I were in Niagara Falls, and she sprung those enchanted plushies on me. Basically it's our one year magic-anniversary for becoming catgirls!"

"Or catkin, in my case," they hastily corrected themself. "We've got a fun night planned to celebrate. So yes, I'm in a fantastic mood! If you don't already have plans, maybe I can buy you lunch today?"

I smiled back at them, "That sounds great. And so does lunch, so I might just take you up on that offer."

"Alright! You've got a few hours to think about where you'd like to eat," they grinned.

Then with a flick of their tail they turned and headed into their own office to get started on their day. And it wasn't long before the happy humming resumed. That was maybe a tiny bit distracting, but it was also kind of cute. Mostly it was just nice to see them so happy, and I ended up smiling as I emailed the last few documents to the vampire lesbians and their lawyer.

In fact the rest of the morning passed by quickly accompanied by my happy catkin colleague's humming, and before I knew it it was nearly lunchtime. When Jay asked what I fancied I suggested we could pop into the Chinese restaurant next door, since it was close and fairly inexpensive. I was almost ready to go when I suddenly realized a potential client had just arrived in the office.

My eyes widened and a chill ran down my spine when I noticed the young woman, because I immediately recognized her. And this time I was positive she hadn't come through the door, she'd simply appeared next to it.

Cassandra Underwood looked exactly like I remembered, as though she hadn't changed a bit in the two years since I first met her. She had the same messy brown hair, the same oversized navy blue hoodie, and like before she was wearing dark green leggings and sneakers. I'd swear she hadn't aged in all that time either. Thanks to my girlfriend I knew this girl was in her second year of college, but she still looked like she belonged in high school. She could easily pass for a grade ten or grade eleven student.

The young Goddess smiled as she approached my desk, "Hello Miss Lawrence. I'm not sure if you remember me, but I was here two years ago to buy a house?"

"Of course I remember you ma'am," I replied as I tried to hide how nervous I was.

Part of me wanted to stand or bow or something, I felt like a goddess needed to be treated with extra respect. On the other hand I hadn't forgot what Erin said, about not letting on that we knew about the supernatural. And despite watching this teenage girl literally bring two people back from the dead after that accident, I wasn't sure if she wanted or expected to be treated any differently.

I was still trying to decide how to react when Jay emerged from their office, and the catkin obviously hadn't noticed the new arrival. They were just slinging their purse over one shoulder as they asked, "Are you all set now Vikki, or do you need another - Oh! Sorry, I didn't realize we had a visitor."

"It's Jay isn't it?" Cassandra asked my coworker. There was a friendly smile on the young goddess's face as they continued, "You look fantastic. I'm glad you and Layla are both happy with those plushies. You make an adorable couple."

The torty catkin looked confused, but their ears and tail all perked up at the compliments. Their head cocked to one side though as they replied, "We're very happy thank you. Sorry but have we met? I can't quite place you."

The teen girl smiled as she explained, "We've never met before, but I know you and your wife. My name's Cassandra Underwood. I'm also known as Kid Chaos, or more formally as the Goddess of Chaos. I'm the one who sent Layla the enchanted plushies. They're my creation, and I know everyone who uses them."

I found myself almost holding my breath at that point, while I stared wide-eyed at the young goddess. It was one thing hearing my girlfriend tell me what she was, or seeing her perform a miracle in front of me. But actually having her admit it so casually in normal conversation somehow made it seem even more real.

Meanwhile Jay seemed just as surprised. Their eyes widened while their ears folded back and their tail puffed up, then they blinked at the teenage deity. "You... You're the one who created the plushies? You're a goddess?!"

"That's right," Cassandra replied with about as much gravitas as if she were discussing the weather. "I'm glad you and Layla are enjoying them. Anyways I'm actually here to meet with Miss Lawrence, sorry if I'm interrupting something."

Jay shook their head, "No ma'am, it's my fault entirely. Sorry to interrupt your meeting."

"I'll just wait in my office Vikki," they added to me as they backed away. "Take your time."

With that my catkin coworker ducked through their door and out of sight, while Cassandra turned to face me again.

The goddess sat down in one of my guest chairs and gave me a relaxed smile as she explained, "I'm in the market for some more real estate, and since you did such a great job for me two years ago I figured you'd be the right person to talk to."

"O-of course," I nodded as I tried to forget who and what she was so I could focus on my job instead. "How can I help you?"

She leaned back in the guest chair and got comfortable, then as if it was the most normal thing in the world she replied "I want to buy a church."

"A...church?" I blinked at her, temporarily lost for words as I tried to wrap my head around the idea of a goddess buying a church.

Cassandra nodded, "That's right. I don't imagine they come up for sale very often, but I'm sure it must happen now and then?"

I must have been quiet for a little too long since she continued unprompted, "I mean like an older building? Something that's stopped being a church so they've put it up for sale? It doesn't have to be right in town, but I'd prefer if it wasn't too far away. Say, within twenty kilometres maybe?"

"I'd like something of a decent size too," she added, "Not some tiny one-room chapel kind of thing. And preferably in fairly good condition? I'm not interested in condemned buildings or places on the verge of collapse. I don't want something I'm going to have to rebuild from scratch, you lose all the authentic charm if you do that."

The goddess wrapped up her requirements, "Church yard or graveyard optional. Some land would be nice but isn't a prerequisite. And of course money is no object."

It took me another second or two to find my voice, not that it did me much good. I probably sounded incredibly foolish as I simply repeated the first thing she said, "You want to buy a church?"

"Former church," she clarified. "Sorry, I should have mentioned that. Not that I expect they'd sell active churches, but I'm not looking to buy a bunch of parishioners. And I don't want to kick anyone out if they're actively using the place for worship."

I was still having trouble getting my head past that first step, where an actual literal living goddess was sitting in a real estate office because she wanted to buy a church.

"Oh!" Cassandra suddenly exclaimed, then her expression shifted to a somewhat embarrassed smile. "Of course. You're right, it does sound exactly like the lead-up to a joke when you put it like that. Except I'm not joking."

She actually seemed to be talking to someone else, which she confirmed a moment later. "Sorry Miss Lawrence, my inner demon just explained why my request may seem a bit odd. I assure you I'm serious though, I want to buy a former church. If you can find me something that meets my requirements?"

I finally managed to snap myself out of that dumbfounded state, and at long last I was back in a real estate mindset. I reached for my laptop keyboard as I nodded, "Of course Miss Underwood. Let me see what sorts of listings are available right now."

The young goddess responded with another friendly smile, "You can call me Cassandra. And please don't worry about the whole 'goddess' thing. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Thank you ma'am," I replied. Then I corrected myself, "I mean, thank you Cassandra."

Sure enough there were about a dozen former churches available across the province, but none of them met all my client's requirements. There was only one within twenty kilometres of town, and it was a tiny one-room chapel in rough shape. The next nearest place was the right size, but the structure had been abandoned for too long and the building too far gone to salvage.

"It looks like the closest offering that meets your other requirements is just outside Walter's Falls," I told her. "That's up towards Meaford and Owen Sound."

Cassandra made a face and shook her head, "Too far. Some of my friends can't teleport, that's why I'd prefer someplace closer."

"Ah well," she sighed. "I'm not in a hurry for this, I can afford to wait a while. Perhaps you could keep an eye out for me though? I'll give you all my contact information, so if something comes on the market that meets my needs you can let me know?"

Then she added, "Or maybe put out some enquiries? If someone's got an old church that meets my requirements, maybe we can make them an offer?"

I nodded, "Yes of course! I don't know how often old churches come up for sale, but I'd be happy to let you know the moment I find one that fits."

That put a smile on the goddess' face, "Excellent! I've got to get back to classes now, so I'll leave you and Jay to enjoy your lunch."

** This chapter is brought to you courtesy of Meg, who commissioned it! **

** Note: for folks wondering about timeline stuff, this chapter takes place in April 2024. That's one year before the events in Beyond the Veil. It's also a couple months before the Mara epilogues & extras, before Lily & Eva are reunited, and before Team Chaos meet Team DLP. **