Offcuts - Pt.4 - A New Normal (Patreon)

*** Club Luna Book 3, interlude 36; Sunday July 17, 2022 - shortly after Offcuts Pt.3 ***

=::= Sasha's PoV =::=

"I suppose the first thing I should mention is I've taken a new name for myself?" I began as I tried to get comfortable sitting on the edge of my bed.

Mother sat across from me on the chair by my small desk as she watched me with an intense look in her eyes. I knew she was happy to see me again, happy to have me back, but I couldn't help worrying how she was going to react when she realized just how far I'd actually fallen. 

For now she remained silent, she simply nodded for me to continue with my explanation.

I kept my voice calm and level as I told her, "I'm going by 'Sasha' now, that's how I'm known among the humans and all my friends. I picked it because it's very close to my old name, but it's more common and easier for people to spell and pronounce."

"I've also chosen a last name as well," I added. "Since I needed something to put on my new ID and other documents, and for college when I begin attending in the autumn. My full name is now Sasha Blakeley."

Mother remained quiet so I continued, "I picked Blakeley for the symbolism? As you know, 'blake' means black, and 'ley' refers to a woodland clearing. So I'm 'Sasha from a clearing in the dark woods'. The darkness being my exile, and the clearing being my salvation thanks to Cassandra."

"I understand that," my mother replied. "What I don't understand is... Well, almost everything else. Cassandra is a half-demon, she can't become a goddess. And something profound has happened to you. You feel very different. What worries me most is I can't sense your divinity at all."

I grimaced, "Yeah. It's a long story."

"I have all the time in the world Sasha," mother responded calmly. "Please indulge me."

"Ok," I sighed as I tried again to get comfortable while I organized my thoughts. 

It was hard though, with her sitting there staring at me. I couldn't help feeling a little frustrated with myself about that. I was seven hundred and thirty-five years old, yet she still made me feel little more than a child when she gave me that look. Even worse, I knew that no amount of sugar-coating would soften the blow of what I was about to tell her. She might not get angry or upset with me, but she was absolutely going to be disappointed. And that was the worst.

"So I guess I should begin at the beginning?" My voice was soft as I explained, "I wanted to topple the status quo, and my first step was to find a way to make myself immune to its machinations. I came up with a way to transfer my divine self into a demonic body. Then I'd still have access to all my chaos magic and divine immortality, but being embodied within a demonic shell would mean I couldn't be banished or exiled."

The way mother's eyes widened slightly told me she was probably horrified, but she'd likely already figured out where I was going with this story. She remained quiet though, so I kept talking.

"The catch was I needed to get myself exiled first so I could put my plan into action," I admitted while my cheeks coloured slightly. "I liken it to what the humans call vaccination? I needed a little exile up front, then I'd be forever immune afterwards. So I intentionally flaunted the status quo and ensured there'd be no option but to banish me from the mortal realm. Only things didn't go quite as planned after that..."

Over the next ten or fifteen minutes I quietly explained the basics of what was supposed to happen, how I enlisted Nina and Brian and what different roles they were meant to play. I glossed over the more technical aspects of the plan, since the actual magic and enchantments behind it were very complicated. And mother tended to tune me out when I got too excited and started babbling about my latest magical discoveries or inventions when I was younger, so I gradually learned not to bother her with my ramblings.

Then I got to the part where it all started going wrong, "The first setback was with Nina, although I don't blame her at all. The fault is entirely my own, I was too secretive and kept vital details from her. I also misled her on some very key points, and as a result instead of putting my plan into action immediately she dragged her feet for more than eighty years before she felt lonely enough to try and bring me back. And as my plan required eighteen years from start to finish, this meant I spent just over a century wasting away in isolation."

There was a troubled, almost upset expression on mother's face by that point. I wasn't sure if she was sad or angry or just very disappointed. She still had nothing to say though, so after a brief pause I went on with my story.

"The second setback was something I simply couldn't have anticipated," I stated. "There's no explanation for how or why it happened. I attributed it to pure serendipity, true chaos, as it is the only answer I can think of."

I continued, "The body Nina prepared for me should have been an empty vessel, the original human soul passed on during the transformative rituals. The only intelligence within should have been the tiny portion of myself I used to create the shard. That piece of my being would draw me back from exile when the final ritual was performed, but until that time it would have gone through the motions and acted more or less human."

"I didn't think it could convincingly act completely human," I added. "Which is why I instructed Brian to place the infant body with nonhuman parents. I assumed he'd pick people who were themselves avoiding close human contact, so they wouldn't know the child wasn't quite right and the child wouldn't be exposed to other humans who in turn might notice there was something unusual. I have no idea how the infant ended up with a pair of fallen angels, or that the child would attend school with other humans. That she should end up in one of your classes was even more improbable. However, that's not where things went wrong. Not exactly."

With another sigh I stated, "The body wasn't an empty vessel after all. Somehow Cassandra came to be. She existed, she stumbled onto magic and parts of my plan were executed early. She made friends, she learned to use magic for herself, and she figured out how to fight me when the time came. Meanwhile the shard within her had no idea how to respond to any of those developments. It could not follow the script I'd set because the situation was well outside anything I'd accounted for."

"Brian abducted Cassandra and attempted the ritual last December. I was drawn out of my exile and into my new demonic body, but to my shock I found it already occupied. Cassandra and I struggled, but she was better prepared while I'd been wasting away for a hundred years. It was the final blow. My divine nature flowed into the shard within her body as I'd intended, while the rest of me was rejected, tossed back out into exile. She became the new goddess of chaos, while I became nothing."

"I had no idea what actually happened," I added. "I knew only that I'd been stripped of my power and utterly defeated. I assumed it was the work of some enemy, but there was nothing more I could do. Exiled and powerless, all that remained was to wait for the end."

Mother's face was paler than usual by that point, while her expression was almost unreadable. She hesitated a moment before asking softly, "Then what happened? How were you saved?"

"Cassandra came to my rescue," I replied with a little shrug. "She grew curious about me, she wanted to meet me for herself. Up until twenty days ago, all she knew of me was what you and Nina had told her. And she had reason to doubt both of your accounts. So she came to my heavenly realm. Although I suppose it's hers now, rather than mine. When she found me I was little more than a ghost, a collection of barely coherent memories. Cassandra used her power to stabilize me and give me form, then we talked. We shared knowledge and came to know each other. And she decided I was worthy of a second chance."

"Cassandra brought me back and conjured me this new body. She gave me a new chance, a new life. That was only twenty days ago, but the rest of her friends have already accepted me. As did her parents. They consider me part of Cassandra's family, due to the part I played in her creation. Nina too, although she is much closer to them than I. She is accepted as Cassandra's sister, while I am thought of as a cousin."

Some colour had returned to mother's face again, but she still looked deeply troubled. And her voice remained soft as she asked, "You are no longer a goddess at all? No longer immortal?"

"Correct," I sighed. "Thanks to my hubris, I have lost both my divinity and my immortality. Cassandra gave me her blessing along with this new body, but I am mortal now."

Mother asked, "Is there any way to restore you completely?"

"Not without sacrificing Cassandra," I replied quietly. Then I shook my head as I added, "And that is an option I won't even consider. She has been nothing but kind and understanding and forgiving, to both myself and Nina. My fate is entirely due to my own actions, I won't have anyone else suffer for my mistakes."

She looked troubled again so I tried to reassure her, "Anyways it's not so bad. I may be mortal, but I'm not human. Cassandra made me a cambion, so I have a longer life and access to demonic magic. And thanks to her blessing I can still use divine magic too. And of course I have my extensive knowledge of spells and enchantments. So who knows what the future may bring?"

Mother was silent for a few moments as she processed that. Then her next question actually surprised me. "Are you happy like this?"

I ended up thinking about it for a few seconds before I replied, "I'm very happy that I'm no longer fading away into oblivion in the isolation of my exile. I'm happy to be corporeal and once again on the mortal realm. I'm very happy to have been reunited with Nina, and that she's forgiven me. I'm just as happy to be friends with Cassandra, and to be part of Club Luna. And they've all been helping me adjust to things, catching me up on all that I missed over the past century, for which I'm grateful."

"The possibility of someday dying does trouble me," I admitted after a brief pause. "But if I'm careful I shouldn't have to worry about that for another two or three centuries. And that is plenty of time to make other arrangements or explore other options. My magic isn't as strong now as it once was, and that is frustrating. And finally, it seems that the world has changed more in the hundred years I was gone than it did in the previous six centuries when I was around. Despite my new friends' help, I fear that I may never truly catch up to this new modern world."

I paused again, then shrugged and sighed. "As they say, it is what it is. This is my new normal and I shall adapt."

My mother watched me for a few more seconds before nodding slowly. Then she surprised me once again by asking, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I honestly don't know yet mother," I admitted. Then I smiled as I added, "I appreciate the offer though."

She gave me a tentative smile in return. Then her expression shifted to curiosity as she lowered her voice and asked, "Do you know what happened to Kaylee? Based on her fuzzy ears and tails I assume Cassandra was involved somehow. But how did she become a demon? And why is she so small?"

My smile grew a little wider as I explained, "As a demonic goddess Cassandra can channel both divine and demonic energy. So I don't know for sure what exact mechanism she used, but my guess is she funnelled demonic energy through her divine chaos magic and into Kaylee's soul, converting it from fully human to mostly demon. That in turn led to her physical transformation. She lost access to the magic you taught her through Club Luna, but gained access to demonic magic instead. Which Cassandra and Nina have been teaching her."

"It's actually quite fascinating," I continued as I got more excited about the topic. "Cassandra and I haven't really discussed it yet, but I believe she'd make that option available to me as well if I were to ask for it? It would solve my mortality problem by making me fully demonic, and I'd also regain some of my lost magical strength. The trade-off is I'd no longer be able to cast divine magic at all. And of course I'd also be a demon, with all the advantages and limitations that come with their kind."

I smiled again as I added, "Still, I can't help but be a little curious about the process and what it might be like for me if I went through with it? I imagine if Cassandra did that for me I'd be the only person in history to have gone from a full goddess to a full demon. I'd be in an unique position to compare the two states, which might give me more insight into the nature of both gods and demons. Perhaps it could even lead to a whole new understanding of magic itself!"

A moment later I grimaced as I realized I'd been rambling, just like when I was an excitable child. I mumbled a quiet apology, "Sorry mother, I didn't mean to get carried away."

Except she didn't look bored or like she'd tuned me out. Instead she smiled, "That is indeed fascinating Sasha. I'm not sure how I feel about the possibility of my child becoming a true demon, but if that is your decision and it makes you happy then I'll do what I can to support you through it. And if there's anything I can do to help you, please let me know."

Her words left me feeling very happy, and I found myself smiling once again. "Thanks mom. I really appreciate it."

*** This chapter was brought to you courtesy of Camille, who commissioned it! ***