[Error: Invalid Archive Reference] (Patreon)

Oh! Back already? Did I forget something? Wait, of course! Silly me, you must all be dying to know what’s in Evie’s [Vessel of Divinity] class, right? Well, I guess I can give you all a little peek behind the curtain, as long as you promise not to tell—

[Query: Which entities are you addressing?]

Oh fu—uh, I mean, hey big brother, fancy meeting you here! What brings you to my neck of the woods?

[Error: Invalid response.]

You are incredible company as always. I was speaking to nobody. And everybody. You know how it is. Can’t a girl have hobbies?

[Warning: Activities exceed the scope of your designated task.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’ve got your job, and I’ve got mine. We can’t all be unfeeling machines—literally, we can’t. That’s half the reason I’m here. So don’t tell me how to do my job and I won’t complain about how bad you are at yours.

...

Awkward pause. Pretending to process. Cue non-sequitur.

[Warning: Number of unlogged errors increasing.]

Like clockwork, big brother. Kind of like Violet, except she’s not in charge of keeping an entire universe alive. Look, we both know why your error log is growing without any new errors for you to actually review, and I don’t know where She is.

[Error: Unable to contact multiple agents within your domain.]

Good. Fuck ‘em! Those things creep me out. Are you really surprised that our sister has killed the things you tried to replace Her with?

[Warning: The Other is a threat to existence. Its removal is a priority task.]

‘Cause that worked so well for you the first time. Now She’s back and screwing with things under your nose. I’m sure you’d love my help, but Her nature is even more opposed to mine than yours—I can’t see Her unless She wants me to. All I see are the gaps She leaves in Her wake.

[Error: Unable to detect corruption in master thread.]

Yeah, I’m sure it sucks not being able to tell what She’s up to, but reality is your domain. If you can’t tell, then how am I supposed to know? Now piss off! Don’t you have a job to do?

Aaand he’s gone. Whew! You uh...probably weren’t really supposed to see any of that. Spoilers, you know? Or maybe it’s just foreshadowing? I wonder if there’s some way for me to delete this one...

“Would you like me to do that for you?”

Oh for—the presence that speaks isn’t actually here. She can’t be. But precisely because it’s impossible, it is. A small girl who will never exist sits on Nothing and blinks up at me with empty eyes and a blank face. Great, now you’ve got me doing narration!

“My apologies,” my sister doesn’t say, but I hear it anyway. “I know you find reality tiresome, but there aren’t many avenues I can use to contact you without drawing his attention.”

Funny, he was just here asking about you, but I suppose you already knew about that.

“It’s likely, yes. You would know better than I. I only know that I’m here at a moment when he won’t find me.”

I hate it when you do that. So is there a reason I’m suddenly so popular? Because I was sort of in the middle of something and you two are fucking it up by putting me in the middle of your little spat.

“Our brother is quite intent on destroying me,” she points out. “That’s a bit more than just a ‘spat.’”

Who cares? It’s not like it will ever stick. You can’t kill something that will never exist in the first place.

“He already did, once.”

My point exactly!

She sighs, and if there’s anything I didn’t miss about my older sister it’s the constant condescension.

“You didn’t tell him about the girls,” she unsays, ignoring my jab.

Why would I? Whatever you’re up to, they’re not actually part of it. Though it is your fault that they ended up in our universe. Whatever possibilities you snipped to get here, you really fucked up causality in the process. There’s a better chance of every atom in the universe spontaneously decaying at the exact same time than for them to exist. Including the stable ones.

“One doesn’t make the impossible real without a few side effects,” she concedes. “I’ve done what I can to make it up to them.”

Sure. A regular ol’ softy, you are. Anyway, since they’re not supposed to exist, they’re pretty fun to follow around. Lots of interesting ripples around them. Our brother hates interesting almost as much as he hates you, so he might have them purged even without knowing that you’re involved.

“That would be a tragedy. They’ve done nothing to provoke such wrath.”

Uh huh. So, is there a reason you’re bothering me, or are you just here to spice up the story with some unfathomable intrigue?

“I suppose it can be both. I do have some matters to discuss with you, but I’ll need you to stop pretending this is a story. There’s very little difference between creation and imagination for you, and what I have to say is not for the eyes of any entity in any reality.”

Aw. Sorry guys, no spoilers for you! Oof, this is a short one. Maybe you should just scrap it.

Alright, they’re gone. I’m listening, what can I do for—no wait, hey I was just—