My Own True Calling 59 - I Could Use the Comfort (Patreon)

It’s finally time. Talla has cleared us, and herself, for regular duties again. That’s not to say that we’re fully recovered—far from it—but we’re not active safety risks anymore. That means we can return to work on the ship, and more presently that I can choose my class upgrade.

I could have done it a lot sooner, but Talla recommended I wait until I was in a better state of mind, and I didn’t see any reason to argue. I have been looking forward to it, which is actually one of the factors Talla took into account when establishing my state of mind. I recovered faster than she did, but she wasn’t willing to vouch for me until she was confident in her own judgment.

It’s a little disturbing that the ship’s medics are jointly responsible for both the physical and mental health of the crew, but not nearly as disturbing as Talla’s explanation for that.

“Mental health isn’t really something non-mages think about,” she tells me. “Magical strain is less common among the general populace, and before tinctures it was considered to be a matter of personal discipline.”

I frown, glancing up from sewing a patch onto a sail. “You do realize that mental health isn’t just magical strain, right?”

“Of course,” she answers with a nod. “There are also magical creatures that can inflict psychological harm. They’re a known risk for rangers, which is part of why we have strict protocols around [Messages] and information security.”

My hands stop, and now I have to give her my full attention.

“No, I mean like—mental health is part of everyday life,” I explain. “Managing stress, avoiding and coping with trauma, that sort of thing? Does your knowledge of medicine just not acknowledge mental illness at all except as something magically induced?”

She cocks her head, considering the question. “No, it does. Or rather, I think something may have been lost in translation. What you’re describing isn’t medicine. It’s the domain of the church—spiritual guidance and counseling. I’m familiar with it, but your own Evelyn probably has more hands-on experience.”

I blink. “Eva? You’re a psychologist?”

“What in all Her names is that word?” Evelyn groans. “Probably not like you’re thinking. But it is part of a priestess’ training to recognize and soothe troubled minds.”

“There’s not a mind in here that isn’t troubled,” Maggie notes. “Seems like you’ve been slacking.”

“I’m growing to accept that I might not have been a very good priestess,” Eva admits. “But there’s no expert in this world or any other who could fix a mind as troubled as yours, Magdalena.”

“Damn straight!”

Setting aside their bickering, I return my attention to Talla.

“I feel like that’s a bit different from what I had in mind, but I suppose it’s better than nothing,” I sigh.

“Our world may be behind yours in certain ways, but if I’ve learned anything from the comparisons, it’s that knowledge is not a straight line.”

That’s true, I guess. While there are technologies and ideas that build and iterate on each other, science and technology aren’t something you can quantify. Our home is thousands of years behind on magical knowledge. Though in our defense, we have no way of detecting or observing it.

“Fair enough,” I concede. “By the way, would you be willing to advise me on my class upgrade?”

Talla blinks. “I thought you wanted to choose your advancements more independently.”

“We do, but we’ve never upgraded a class without fusion before, and I’d appreciate an outside perspective this time.”

“Neither have I,” she admits, “though I guess I’ve done plenty of reading on the subject. Have you looked at the options yet?”

I haven’t, so I take the opportunity to bring them up now.

[Tier 1 Guilty Avenger]**

You remember the dead you've left behind. One day you will join them, but not before extracting your price from those responsible.

Skill - Fueled by Regret: Dramatically increased attributes when acting against a previously victorious foe.

Skill - Feel No Pain: While focused, you will not be distracted by physical or mental harm.

Attribute bonuses: Resilience, Will.

Advancement: Claim vengeance over those who have hurt the ones you loved.

Uh...

“Nope!” Allie declares instantly. “No way!”

“What the fuck, Vi, how do you keep getting these?” Maggie jeers.

“I’d rather not answer that,” I mutter, embarrassed.

“Good, because it was rhetorical.”

Talla, at least, is more gentle in her observations.

“Classes based on strong emotions aren’t uncommon,” she assures me. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. In fact, it’s quite powerful—if limited.”

A global boost to attributes for any action against previous foes is nothing to scoff at, true. I wonder if Mira slapping us across the Ranger’s Guild counts as a defeat worth vengeance. No, these things are usually based on our own perception—just the fact that she’s in charge of the establishment responsible for Draga’s murder is more than enough, I bet.

So as long as we focus on opposing her, all of my attributes get boosted?

“That said,” Talla continues, “as a doctor, I hate skills like [Feel No Pain]. It leads people to overexert themselves constantly, and fight without regard for their own safety. You can’t notice your own injuries like that, which is likely to end up getting you killed.”

“The advancement condition is troublesome as well,” Evelyn notes. “Not only because it commits you to war against House Shaa and the inquisition—”

“I’m already—”

“Let me finish,” she interrupts. “But unless your conflict with them alone is sufficient to master the class, it requires more of your loved ones to be hurt before you can avenge them.”

She’s got a point there. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to be the one that ends the cycle of violence, but that class basically precludes it as an option unless I give up on it entirely.

“Let’s at least look at the other options,” Talla recommends.

I nod and move on to the next.

[Tier 1 Elite Ranger Trainee]**

A model recruit. You have practiced diligently to complete your training, and all that remains is to prove yourself as a paragon among your peers.

Skill - Practiced Perfection: Increased Power, Resilience, Awareness, and Ego when following your training.

Skill - Precision Strike: Once per day, make your attack unerringly land exactly where you want it to.

Attribute bonuses: Resilience, Will.

Advancement: Demonstrate your aptitude as a Ranger.

Talla gives me a sidelong glance. “Is that how you see yourself?”

I blush and shake my head. “No! I’m just trying to live up to Draga’s example.”

“Violet, he wasn’t...” she struggles to articulate herself for a moment, then sighs. “Draga was a good man, and a strong leader, but he was a fairly low ranking member of the guild. Hardly an ‘elite.’”

“Wasn’t that more of a political thing, though?” I argue. “Mira was actively trying to keep you down, and he was clanless.”

Not to mention male, which is supposed to be less of an obstacle in a combat-based profession, but I couldn’t help but notice that the guild leadership was still predominantly female.

Talla nods. “In part, yes. But for all that he was a good ranger, and respected, he wasn’t really...exceptional. Above average for his level, perhaps, but I have to admit to a bit of bias.”

That doesn’t feel right to me. But obviously I’m biased too, and I don’t have much to measure him against. Mira? Laughable. The only other leader we really met was Faarah, but she was the leader of the entire guild—that’s not a fair comparison.

“The class seems passable, at least,” I note.

Nothing objectionable, and it’s practically got an omniboost of its own—except for Will, unfortunately—and one that’s easier to activate to boot, albeit weaker. And I can already see how [Precision Strike] could be abused if I use it carefully. Will it work with our gun? Does it have any range limits? Plenty of possibilities.

“It’s a good baseline,” Talla agrees. “A clear and straightforward advancement on what your class already does. There’s almost always at least one option like that.”

One more option remains.

[Tier 1 Eidolon Chaser]**

What was lost can never be reclaimed, but perhaps by chasing after its idealized shade, you might one day feel an echo of its warmth.

Skill - Idealized Form: For a brief moment, you may channel the strength of your mentor, doubling all attributes up to a maximum of 276.

Skill - Field Maintenance: Replicate the fondly remembered effects of your mentor's [Basic Mending].

Attribute bonuses: Resilience, Will.

Advancement: Honor their memories.

“Okay, you’re definitely putting Draga on a pedestal, Vi,” Allison insists.

“Breaking news, water is wet,” Maggie drawls.

I cover my face and groan. Even the [World Engine] is agreeing with them. My face is on fire as I relay the details to Talla, who keeps a mercifully straight face throughout.

“That’s a very powerful class for its tier, but it’s uniquely limited,” she comments.

“How so?”

“That number—two hundred and seventy six—it’s very specific, don’t you think?” she asks. “It’s rare for skills to have a ceiling like that.”

“I did notice that,” I reply slowly. “Does it have some special significance?”

She cocks her head and scratches at her horns. “Er, not in general, no. But it’s probably the value of Draga’s highest attribute.”

I frown. “So it can’t exceed the strength of the person it’s mimicking? I suppose that’s fair.”

“No, it can,” Talla corrects me. “His highest attribute was Resilience, but his others weren’t so high. His Ego would have only been 30—the base value for tier five—but that skill will still raise it like anything else, to the same ceiling.”

“Okay...?” I reply hesitantly. Where is she going with this?

“It’s strong now, but what happens when your own attributes exceed that number?”

“Nothing, obviously,” I answer. “The skill would be useless.”

She nods. “It’s a class you’re meant to grow out of—an ideal you’re meant to reach and surpass. Draga wasn’t perfect, and nobody knew that better than him. He wouldn’t want you to chase his shadow—but rise above it.”

Her words hurt to hear, but I know that she’s right. Part of me still wants to take the class. It’s an enormous boost to our strength right now, even if it gets weaker over time. We can always upgrade it later.

“That’s all really cool and all,” Allie hedges, “but can I just point out one thing?”

“Of course,” I answer with a nod.

“Do you think [Field Maintenance] can fix our glasses?” she asks.

Right. I’d almost overlooked that, after focusing so intently on the first skill.

“Pretty convenient timing, isn’t it?” Maggie asks. “Almost like Engie’s trying to bribe us.”

“What reason could it possibly have for that?” Eva asks incredulously.

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence,” I tell them. “The mechanism often offers us what we need in the moment. When we were trapped underground, it gave us tools to find food and water, and to navigate underground.”

“No, we worked for those,” Maggie argues. “If we’re spending all of our time learning our way around and looking for food, then of course it’s going to give us skills to do that.”

“Maybe,” I hedge, “but I think it has a degree of benevolence. Whatever will is behind it, I think it recognizes our wants and needs and tries to meet them.”

“Of course it does,” Eva replies with an exasperated sigh. “It’s a gift from the Goddess. You’ve spent too long listening to Magdalena’s mad ramblings if you ever suspected otherwise.”

I shrug. “I’m skeptical by nature, but I think the evidence is on my side here.”

“I think so too,” Allie adds. “When I was making my spells, it felt like something adjacent to communication. The impression I got from the other side was that it wanted to help, but it has rules that bind it.”

Talla’s raises her eyebrows. “Really? I’ve heard of priestess classes that can commune with the [World Engine] before, but nothing with that kind of detail. The church teaches that the Divine Mechanism has no will of its own—only a reflection of the Goddess’ benevolence.”

“Well, when you have a theory that reconciles your friendly neighborhood glasses-fixer with the horrors we met at the convergence points, I’ll be eager to hear it,” Maggie grumbles. “Till then, I’m gonna keep assuming it hates us.”

Well, as interesting as that is. I think I’ve made my decision. With barely a thought, I feel the new class settle over me like a warm blanket. Maybe it won’t last forever, but for now? I could use the comfort.

[Violet: Tier 2 Human]

[Class Slot 1: Tier 2 Incandescent Souls]*** - Level 9/10

[Class Slot 2: Tier 1 Eidolon Chaser]** - Level 0/10

[Attributes]

Power: 63

Resilience: 73

Awareness: 63

Ego: 63

Will: 16

[Skills]

Inner Flames

Pyrothaumaturgy

Burning Innervation

Explosive Throw

Idealized Form

Field Maintenance