Update 04/12/2019 (Patreon)

oh look, it's the date i snuck in at the end of my april fools' vid. neat!

so, my next video is "why you should read homestuck," and i'll be judicious here and say it's been delayed. i've had a stressful month, and the stress only promises to increase in the near future.

i'm moving to a new place in may! finally! i'm very excited for this, as you can imagine. but i'm less excited about everything that leads up to and immediately follows the move: organizing, packing, cleaning, transporting, unpacking, closing out utilities, opening up new ones, all of that nonsense. it's going to be an expensive process, but thanks to you i don't have to worry about that as much as i was expecting to!

and this is all happening as i've been struggling with some of the worst acute anxiety i've ever had. did i mention that i went to the hospital thinking i was dying like three weeks ago? i don't remember if i brought that up, but yes, it happened. i put a lot of pressure on myself to make the best show possible, but i have absolutely zero time-management skills on top of a whole grab-bag full of executive dysfunction. despite the fact that i've been planning to have this homestuck video out by today for months, i'm still alarmingly distant from the finish line. there's a million reasons why this is the case, but i won't list them. the short of it is: i have officially crossed the threshold from "youtube is a fun thing that pays some bills" to "this is literally my career."

and that's good! that's what i want! but it does mean a serious readjustment of how i utilize my time. that's what i'm working on at the moment.

well, if we're being really honest, what i'm working on at the moment is finally beating horizon: zero dawn. but that is actually a part of it! i haven't played a video game or watched a movie for fun in a really long time. i was feeling so tangled up in my brain that i couldn't get any work done on anything. i kept thinking, maybe if i cut this bit or shortened that section i could get it out on time! which just made the stress increase because even moving the goalposts closer didn't make the job easier.

thing is, there's a lot of dumb stuff in this video that i can do, but that i could have cut to finish it by today. i don't like doing that, though! it would be easy enough to just churn out video essays, but i want to play. if i'm not letting myself have fun, what's the point?

finally, i just forced myself to stop thinking about homestuck and play a mindless video game. which is what i've been doing the last couple days. and ya'll, i feel a lot better already. i desperately needed a mental reset.

so, here's the deal. i'm gonna try to have this video out by the end of april. part of the reason i wanted it out sooner is because my gf is visiting at the end of the month, and i don't want to work while she's here! but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

thank you as always for your patience and support! i'll have other announcements for you in the next couple weeks. take care of yourselves!