Many of the Loudest Customers Are Little Shits (Patreon)

Over the course of my life-to-date, I have had interactions with customers as (to give a sampling) a food delivery driver, a movie theater ticket-taker, a Wizards of the Coast developer, a writer for IDA, a freelance game writer, a bank call center agent, a writer then co-owner of Super Genius Games, a Green Ronin developer, founder and publisher of Rogue Genius Games, a Paizo developer, briefly Editor-in-Chief of Evil Genius Games (no relation), and, of course, as the owner of this Patreon.

Those interactions showed me that the vast majority of those customers are great. Something like 98-99.5% were polite, reasonable, and patient. And they were very rarely loud. (A SMALL number were loud in very positive ways, which is always nice.)

But the tiny percentage of customers who were NOT great?! They represent a big chunk of the customers who were loud. Either actually yelling, or doing their best in text with bolds, all-caps, and hands-clapping emojis between every word. Using multiple means of contact to flood their complaints well before anything could reasonably be expected to be resolved. Making threats, insults, insinuations, and generally acting as if they thought the way to get customer service was to be as vile as possible.

For my own ease of reference, here are my most common responses to those specific little shits, genericized and generalized.

• When it's tough all over? That includes it being tough for most small operations, including a LOT of companies you THINK are bigger than they are. If you want your stuff, don't be one more reason it's easier for the small operation to declare bankruptcy than to fulfill things promised under VERY different circumstances.

• Special offers from companies do not have to be extended or altered because that would save you money. If you bought a product yesterday, and it goes on sale today, you are not owed the discount for your purchase.

• If you buy a non-consumable in one format, you are not owed any discount in a new format. Going to a movie in the theater doesn't get you a discount on a digital download.

• Just because other companies do things one way doesn't mean the company you are buying from needs to. Just because one ice cream vendor gives you a free scoop after ten purchases, that doesn't mean you deserve a free scoop from a different company that isn't offering that.

• Asking a company to spend extra time and effort to make sure you have ways to give them less money for more stuff is often asking it to cut its own throat. Take what is offered, or don't. Absolutely don't whine about it.