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S3E18.5: Beowulf (Patreon)

Published:
2024-05-02 10:35:41
Imported:
2026-06
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Beowulf is a 2007 American adult animated fantasy action film produced and directed by Robert Zemeckis, written by Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary, based on the Old English epic poem Beowulf, and featuring the voices of Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn, Brendan Gleeson, John Malkovich, Crispin Glover, Alison Lohman, and Angelina Jolie. The film depicts the rise and fall of the monsterfucker Beowulf after he travels to Denmark to fuck a monster. 

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FREE PALESTINE

Hey, Devon here. Give money to people crowdfunding for passage out of Rafah first and foremost, then purchase ESIMs, then donate to this link if you feel you need a big name attached to the fund to trust it.Please don't only donate money. You have to do other things now.https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donate

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A New place to listen!Our entire backlog has been ported over to youtube, and can be found here!-----

Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon!https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond

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WEB DESIGN ALERT 

Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/

 

Kill James Bond is hosted by November Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

Files

Comments

Matt Goddamn Foleyage

Beowulf (2007) is the only movie I can think of when people ask me what the worst movie I've ever seen is. This'll be great

Ros

Gotta love an ep that starts with a giggling fit!

Andrew Dunn

There deffo is Nordic chant TikTok. Kurtis Conner did a video of it

Andrew Dunn

The message I got from watching the Northman was "hold on to your wife, revenge is for morons" And that's from someone who loves bloody revenge action Punisher shit

BarFly

The breasty barmaid (or one of them anyway) is played by director Robert Zemeckis' wife Leslie, who is a burlesque performer and documentarian and has been in a lot of her husband's films.

The Curious Case of Caley V

Is “Salt-Beowulf” a thing? A guy whose butchered a fillet steak using an axe, wearing aviators and furs seasoning meat?

vercingix

Please round off Norse mini-season with 13th Warrior, I need to hear November talk about Antonio Banderas [Arabic]

Karl Childers

already stoked for the northman episode. robert eggers is a weird director! i like him

Tall Jeff

ᛞᚢᛞᛖᛊ ᚱᛟᚲᚲ

Christopher Woo

If there's gonna be a viking mini-bonus-season I feel like 13th Warrior has got to be in the queue.

Luke

Abby I sympathize so hard with the construction thing, I’ve been trying to get final papers written but the tenant below me moved out and the landlord has been doing the LOUDEST renovations downstairs for the last week

Robert Young

Not only are there a group of Viking swords signed Ulfberht, but when they started testing them recently, they found a bunch of them were counterfeit, made of inferior iron rather than steel. So even back then there were designer knockoffs.

Benjamin Simms

In Old English, -el indicates a tool (a handle is a tool you hold in your hand, a spindle is a tool that spins, a thimble is a tool you put on your thumb). This implies that Grendel is a tool for the purpose of grending.

Ben Schwabe

There's a Nordic chant outfit called Heilung that is kinda Riverdance for Norse Paganism. They have antlers on their mic stands, wear a lot of furs, etc... they tour internationally. Also Valhalla Rising for Viking Month! A movie that really makes you think about how hard it is to kill someone with your bare hands.

Emirenaexo

Their live shows are great to watch on YouTube when you're high as hell. Highly recommend.

Moonwatcher13

Minute 39 is what broke me: a solid 2 minutes of just the best lines trying to encourage monsterbreeding

Andrew Dunn

Also I know y'all are never gonna do books, but "A Feast Unknown" by Philip José Farmer is a 1960s X-rated hyperviolent/sexual/masculine novel about Tarzan (Jack the Ripper's son) and Doc Savage fighting each other. They have two different pork-sword fencing matches. Unironically. Seriously. They literally cross metaphorical "swords".

john rhys

It's actually theorized that it's onomatopeoia for a qern, he's a tool to grind

Benjamin Simms

Oh hey, that's cool! And actually educational haha

john rhys

Viking Mini Season? Raiders are like Robbers. Could y'all round that out with 13th Warrior (did they already do 13th Warrior?)

Noblese Oblahaj

Devon, how many werewolf stories you read. What secrets doth thine kindle hold

Skoloton

Hearing Abigal talk about daily life with monster girls gave me such whiplash. Good to know the hosts of the pod are also monster fuckers

Lay-Tex-Lips

I find this movie really interesting if only because it’s a result of a genuinely amazing director being consumed by his own obsessions. This is what Robert Zemeckis has dedicated nearly his whole 21st century career to, it’s really depressing.

Gil the Gilded Dragon

November, as a Valkyrie, scoffing at (original Hunbot) (H)Unfredh: "Alfreds know muhammed (peace be upon him) is the way to go."

Ctolm [the t is silent]

If you're looking for the Beowulf trifecta there's always The 13th Warrior with Spy Kids 3-D's own Antonio Banderas

Gil the Gilded Dragon

There was this workaround in the Hanafi school that regarded khamr as strictly literal, that is to say grape (or date) wine alone. (OG 4Loko being malt-based would have been the stuff for poets to compose mystical lines)

Dan E

Beowulf enters the magical goon cave to pay-pig for his hot EEEEE-girl Angelina Jolie

shadowcb

All these jokes about Nordic chanting and I'm over here looking at the God of War reboot-quels going "they were cooking with that one"

God's Eepiest Soldier

movie i saw in freshman year of college that made me go "huh maybe neil gaiman is kind of full of shit"

Garra Wolfdog

Good episode! But I got a degree in ancient languages and a particular interest in Viking age literature and history, and boy do I have notes XD

Noblese Oblahaj

This is the most Crusader Kings ass comment I've read as of late

TawnyBee

Getting heatstroke just thinking about wearing a binder with any kind of leather.

have you heard the word of Maidens of the Fall?

Another translation I have heard of "Viking" is "pirate," no idea how accurate that is but it does kind of fit what they were, which was people doing things regarded as criminal, but they brushed up against the British and the Brits decided that was just all of Scandinavian culture.

Sándor Baja

As a third movie to the Norse season, I hope you do the 13th Warrior, which is a John McTiernan-Antonio Banderas flick as a “realistic” Beowulf. You will absolutely hatelove it!

God's Eepiest Soldier

seamus heaney's is probably the best one and also easy to find; michael alexander's is also easy to find but i have no strong feelings about it. roy liuzza's is probably better if you're looking for just word-to-word accuracy. some people recommend tolkien's but i really don't, it's very self-consciously archaic in a way that becomes grating. maria dahvana headley's got a lot of buzz but, like november said, some of her language choices fall very, very flat—some lines are excellent and some are just awful and schticky, and for me the schtick overwhelmed the good bits. what i will say in defense of headley is that she at least attempted to do with grendel's mother (and specifically the word aglæcwif, used to describe her) what emily wilson did in her translation of the odyssey with the enslaved housemaids who telemachus murders, i.e. address a vein of translators' unexamined misogyny.

God's Eepiest Soldier

yeah, and he is also doing it because the text of beowulf is itself archaic for the time it was written in (it'd be a little like someone writing today doing, like, a daniel defoe pastiche), but ol' j.r.r. was also…the type of guy that he was. (also as to your other question: beowulf is good! it's action-packed and moves along pretty briskly, but still leaves you with a lot of things to think about.)

Mitch T

Surprised nobody went for the "Grendan Gleeson" bit.

Foxing around.

November mentioing Halimede flat out hit me for six. What next Abby joking about "Wellness Checks".

B.E. Albert

this is the episode that got me on the patreon at last!! obsessed with how bad-good this movie is, and I'm always fascinated by movies that are so misogynistic they circle around to being like fucked up but kinda based? beowulf said "men are trash and women are the ones left standing in the rubble", they didn't mean to but its in there

Chloe Lynch

Valhalla Rising is absolutely a movie to cover on a non-gender specific boys night!

rolo

Have to agree with Nova that Seamus Heaney's translation is superior

Garra Wolfdog

lol, well, honestly, a lot of it is pretty deep-in-the-weeds pedantry; Old English isn't exactly my forte, but Old Norse is. So it's mainly areas where you stray into Old Norse that I feel I can properly comment. like saying "Vikingrs" as a plural of "Viking", when it should be "Víkingar". Similarly "Thralls" is an acceptable in modern English, but should really be "þrælar" also, the reference to "My Thanes" would been pretty off in those parts of the world at that time, and in context "My Drengar" would have fit a lot better. The pronunciation was a bit all over the place, but the language has 9 vowels and mutates between cases like crazy, so all in all, you did pretty good! Though mention of the Geats is kind of important. At one point you refer to them being"[Beowulf's] Geats" which would be a weird way to phrase it, as the Geats are group/clan and Beowulf is a Geat. More importantly though, The Geats are from the north of Sweden and Hrothgar is a Dane (with Heorot being way down south in the Danish islands). There's a cultural machismo that comes with that (the northerners being broadly thought of as being tougher and more rugged). Having a bunch of Geats swagger up to the mead hall looking for glory, would have been a blow to the 'manhood' of any Dane trying to look big an tough. The explicit reference to Fafnir, in the movie, was really interesting but probably went over the heads of most viewers. Fafnir is a significant character in the Völsung saga; a king who kills his father to get a cursed ring/gem and then goes mad with greed, amasses a fuckton of gold, and turns into a dragon to protect it all. He then gets killed by a hero, who is then also slain. The dragon slaying part of Beowulf is generally regarded as a retelling of that part of the Völsung Saga. So having the Fafnir's treasure pass from person to person and each owner turns into a horrible greed fuelled monster who dies, is a good choice. it also put this movie in the same cultural category as "What's Opera, Doc?" and "Django Unchained", oddly.

Garra Wolfdog

I'd also recomend seamus heaney's translation. some editions come with the original old english too (for some of the book anyway). His translation is inteligable to modern readers while still maintaining a lot of the qurks of the Old English.

Dana Himrich

I may despise this movie, but the joy you all had reviewing it was infectious! I'm so glad I'm able to subscribe to the Patreon again. I'm also really glad you're doing The Northman next, because there's a ton of fascinating stuff to unpack with that film. If you're looking for a better example of "film that takes a deconstructive approach to foundational English literature," I think The Green Knight would make for an excellent episode. Or any serious King Arthur movie, really. King Arthur is like the other classic example of British masculinity besides Bond.

Luca

So glad you're doing this and Northman in succession! Would you consider adding 1999's The 13th Warrior to this Norse series?

iaguz

watching bits of this on youtube after listening and it occurs to me the scene where Beowulf yells at the Frisian to kill him but he won't do it kinda reminds of the bit from Austin Powers 3 where Michael Caine is destroying that henchmen "do you know how many random henchmen I've killed? Look at you, you don't even have a nametag"

Cate Kneale

The year I spent attempting to learn Icelandic really made me appreciate November saying Víkingr.

-Kris-

Beowulf's son, shiny Handsome Squidward

Kobal Deux

I'm not sure that's a really accurate parallel either because pirates were outside of society/built their own parallel society for one thing ; and because that's pretty much all they did with their lives for a while was piracy or living off the plunder of piracy until it ran out and then it's back to piracy again. Whereas "going avikingr" was more of a thing you did for a little while when the crops were shit that year, or the trade was going meh or the fishing didn't really pan out - so you just went on an expedition to find some new land to settle in or take the shit you lack from someone else. Then you went back home to your regular life and forgot about it. Sometimes "sailing to trade" and "going viking" were kind of the same expedition as well, meant first and foremost to try and sell/exchange wares but if they don't want to buy (or sell the things you wanted), well, there's this here big ol' axe you've brought for, um, luck.

Ed

At what point during the Grending process can one birthday boy?

Saint Muerte

I'm so excited to hear the Northman episode

MeYouIt

The northman hype! Not my favorite Robert Eggers movie. But still super cool!

Jack Connell

Beowulf's boys getting ragdolled about is more accurate than you'd think. i checked out the making-of featurette - when shooting this with motion capture, they had Crispin Glover fighting off actual ragdolls to keep the proportions right.

Larketto

Pretty cool! I also want the gang to watch some anime for the bonus - the Wolf Brigade or the OG Ghost in the Shell (especially if you get to compare it with the source manga) are pretty good picks in terms of spy stuff, masculinity and femininity

Doogle

Kill James Billion Bonds

heffa

Ah, that's only because you haven't seen the 1999 Beowulf film, staring Christopher Lambert 🤣

heffa

Or failing that, perhaps another 1999 release, the Christopher Lambert Beowulf film 🤣

Australian Estuary Pirate

"Grent people grend people" is worth the Patreon subscription alone. Thankyou, Devon.

Australian Estuary Pirate

I came back to this one because I recently saw Nolan's Odyssey and while I did fairly enjoy it, the way they updated it to suit modern morality and literary themes reminded me a bit of this version of Beowulf. Just as grent people grend people, horse people become sea people. (Although I don't think the ancient Greeks would see themselves represented as enjoyably as the Norse would enjoy seeing how they're represented in this Beowuf. They'd be all "why should we feel guilt for the horrors of war? We love that shit (as long as we win.)") ("Grent people grend people" remains one of the greatest sentences of the 21st century.)