{New} The Tiger's Bourbon - Chapter 13: [Help Wanted] (Patreon)

AN: #1 of November. Hope you enjoy! It's a nice fat 17.1K chapter.

Beta'd by Plum

Chapter 13: [Help Wanted]

“Are you listening, Axel?” Luke slapped the bar, startling Axel, who'd been dozing off.

“Yeah.” Axel yawned wide, wiping the crust from his eye behind the bar while half-listening to Luke interrupt his morning. “Something, something, team.”

"You weren't listening at all!" Luke accused, with all the wrath of a golden retriever who'd had its favorite stick taken. "I'm serious, man. You gotta come on this hunt; we won't even be able to cook it without you. Nathan isn't great with fish."

“I’m not as adamant, but I agree with the idiot.” Sam sipped the coffee Axel slid her with a happy hum.

She mentioned something about the coffee he made just hitting right first thing in the morning, and Axel took that as enough of a compliment to pour her a cup.

“If we had you along, we’d either end up picking a fight with the meanest thing down in those caves or making off like bandits.” Sam took another sip and met Axel’s eyes. “Probably both.”

"I'm multi-talented." Axel shrugged, rolling his sore neck and trying to ignore his scratched-up back beneath his sleeveless hoodie. "When did you say it was?"

“Two months.” Luke leaned in on his elbow like he was trying to sell the idea. "Puffer Whale is a fish; it's your specialty."

“The fact that you think all fish is my specialty makes me all warm and tingly inside.” Axel pushed the guy’s face out of his personal space. “I was already planning on aiming for Puffer Whale.”

It was quite high on his list at that.

“You knew about it?” Sam asked in surprise. “We had to jump through hoops to get a tip this early. They won’t publicly announce the news until a month before it arrives.”

“Some guy at the market dropped it on me for doing them a favor.” Axel still didn’t know why Tom shared it, but he wasn’t complaining. “Yesterday. Although he wasn’t specific on the time.”

"How the hell is that fair?" Luke looked up in aggravation. "It took me years to build up the right connections."

Axel sipped his coffee and sent him a blank stare. “Get good.”

“You barely wore shoes and went into the Emerald Lagoon!” Luke puffed up, only to get pushed aside by Sam.

"Too early, Luke." The brunette rolled her eyes. "No one knows the exact date Puffer Whales appear; they follow some underwater current, but we know where they stop to breed, their historical data, and the IGO can predict the timing a month out.”

“So two months.” Axel concluded.

“That is not what she said.” Luke tried to butt in.

"Just about." Sam shrugged, keeping her hold on the guy's face. "Keep an eye on the news."

Axel tapped the bar with an idle finger as he thought it over. ‘I’m almost finished with the base menu, and the restaurant is pretty much set up. Only thing left is to find a reliable waitress.’

If there was one thing Axel truly disliked about his line of work, it was waiting tables. He knew the power of fan service was just as important as the quality of his food, so it had to be a waitress.

‘Two months should be enough time.’

A weight settled on his lap before Axel looked down to see his cat hop onto the bar, roll onto his back, and steam faintly as he yawned.

‘Lazy cat.’ Axel scratched behind Lucifer’s ears. “I’ll think about it.”

"Axel." Luke pushed back over, then had to dodge an errant paw swipe from Lucifer. "I need to finalize plans and strategies; the caves we have to pass through are a labyrinth, and it will take me a while to-."

"I'll come." Axel cut him off before he built up more steam, too tired to mess with him. "Two months. Puffer Whale. I needed a centerpiece for my menu anyway."

"Yes!" Luke pumped a fist. “We’re going to make so much money!”

“Dude, how big is this menu?” Sam raised an incredulous brow. “I’ve seen what you’ve been hunting these days.”

“Big enough.” Axel yawned as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. “I like variety in life.”

“Ya don’t say?” Tisha chose that moment to stroll through while adjusting her bandana, sea-green eyes shining with vitality.

“Morning.” Axel waved lazily, followed by Lucifer chirping a greeting.

“Morning, boys.” She leaned over the counter, kissed Axel once, and grabbed a piece of toast off a stack on the kitchen counter.

"Gotta run, work calls." She shoved the toast in her mouth, waved, and was halfway out the front door before anyone could say anything. “I’ll keep you updated, Axel!”

Luke blinked in confusion. "Wasn’t that-."

"Tisha." Axel responded with another yawn. "Business partner."

Luke’s brow twitched. "That's not how business partners work."

“Maybe you’re doing it wrong?” Axel offered.

Before Luke could fire back, the stairs creaked again.

Abby came down this time, still in her IGO uniform, hair half-done and damp from a shower, and crossed the room with the ease of someone who knew exactly where the coffee was, filling a metal thermos.

"Hey guys." Abby waved to the visitors as she created her caffeinated masterpiece, and they dumbly waved back. "Didn't know you were dropping by."

She finished her work, kissed a twitching Axel watching her murder coffee with sweetness on the cheek, stole the rest of his toast stack like a greedy chipmunk, and headed for the door.

“Gotta run.” She waved a second time and called over her shoulder. "You're out of the good creamer, Axel. See you Friday~."

The door shut.

Silence.

Luke's mouth opened and closed. “Am I doing it wrong?”

Sam responded by slapping him on the back of the head. "Idiot."

The gunner side-eyed Axel, sneakily reaching across to bump her fist against Axel’s without a word.

Luke rubbed the back of his head with a grumble. “...I have questions.”

“Don’t answer them.” Sam finished her drink and put the cup down on the bar. “Luke is an innocent flower.”

“Sam?!”

Axel just smirked and got up to take the cups to the sink, ignoring their following discussion.

By the time he looked back, the two hunters were gathering their things, Luke still visibly recalculating his understanding of the universe.

“We’ll contact you in a month with the exact date.” Sam dragged Luke to the door by his collar. “I gotta customize my gear for spelunking before the market price of everything spikes.”

“I still have questions.” Luke was thoroughly confounded.

"Shush." Sam tucked his head under her arm and waved as she pushed the door open. "See ya, Axel."

“Have fun.” Axel chuckled and waved back, surprising himself with the action.

The bell over the door fell silent, and the restaurant returned to stillness.

An imperceptible frown crossed his face, a feeling in his chest he wasn't sure how to verbalize yet, but it felt stifling all the same.

Axel looked around the place. The polished bar, the clean tables, the menu board ninety-five percent full by his side, and he felt the specific itch to do something.

And what better way to kill two months than to explore the multiverse and find himself a full-time employee?

"Alright, bud." He untied his apron and addressed his mighty partner. "We've got a door to abuse."

Lucifer lifted his head, ears twitching. "Rao?"

"Field research." Axel crossed his arms. "System, bring up the world travel feature.”

A system prompt immediately appeared before him.

[World Travel - Picture the world which you desire to go to among your active connections, and then open the door. Toggle off worlds to disable connection.

-         Earth {1674} (Offline)

-         Gourmet World {3487} (Online)

-         Random: 3 Shop Points

SP: 9]

Axel nodded at the familiar prompt.

He had turned off the connection to his home world to make sure no random person could break in while he explored the Gourmet World.  

“Do I need to access the terminal to use the Random function?” Axel asked.

[World Travel is a standalone feature, unlike shop perks, and may be purchased as long as the User is within the shop.]

Axel nodded at the simplicity. “I want to use the random door.”

Axel glanced at his current Shop Points, the total he had collected over months with occasional spending.

[World Travel – Random:

Price: 3 SP

Purchase? Yes/No] 

“Yes.”

The walls rumbled ever so slightly before a ding sound echoed in his ears, and Axel was taken off guard by a string of new notifications.

[New connection formed.

SP: 6]

[Horny World {2836} is now Online.]

[Achievement: User has attained three shop connections! +2 SP gained.]

[Achievement: User has purchased a connection to a new dimension for the first time! +1 Random Door Voucher awarded]

[Voucher is good for five full uses of the Random Door, discounting the SP cost to 1. Voucher expires in 7 days.]

[User is advised to make the most of this time and build more connections.]

Axel blinked at all the information, narrowing his eyes at the prompts. "Why does it feel like you want me to make connections?”

[User is a shop owner. Please run your shop.]

Axel huffed at the cheeky thing.

He just wanted to build the best menu he could before launching the official opening. It wasn’t that he just wanted to explore and try a bunch of new seafood.

No, sir.

“Alright, fair enough." Axel hopped over the bar, Lucifer jumping onto his shoulder, and headed for the door. "What’s with the world name?”

[Upon connection with a new world, the system scans dimensional data and quantifies the essence of the world within its title.]

“And you landed on ‘Horny’?” Axel shot the floating screen an odd look.

[Hn.]

Axel wasn't sure how to take that, so he turned to his partner. "Watch out for perverts; they have odd powers."

“Ro?” Lucifer tilted his head in question.

“No, perverts don’t taste good.” Axel shook his head. “And they don’t qualify for waitress status either. Can’t have them ruining appetites.”

Lucifer hissed at the very idea and curled up around his neck, half hiding in Axel’s hood.

Axel wore only sweats and a sleeveless hoodie, seeing no need to dress up when he was only going to take a quick look and see if he could find himself an employee.

‘Somewhere out there is the perfect waitress. How hard can it be to find one in the multiverse?’

Axel reached the door, guided his will to the new connection, and turned the handle before white light spilled from the cracks.

And along with it, a familiar scent that made Axel’s face immediately scrunch up.

000

Elsewhere, a young nun hurried to exit a homeless shelter. “I’m sorry, Dio, I really have to go.”

“That’s such a shame, Terra.” A handsome young man with gentle features and narrow eyes commented with a light laugh. “We were just getting to know each other.”

"Don't worry, I'll be back to volunteer on Tuesday." Terra smiled at the young man, her cheeks unable to hide the light flush at his friendly tone. "Stay out of trouble, mister. God may forgive, but it's up to us to be better."

Terra missed the way the young man flinched as she spoke of God, his narrow eyes momentarily curving into something else before they returned to friendly.

“Of course, of course.” Dio laughed and stopped at the door. “I wouldn’t want to offend a great Holy Maiden now.”

“You know I don’t like the title the Church gave me.” Terra wagged her finger and moved past, missing Dio’s hand move near her pocket and slip something in. “I’ll see you next week, Dio. But please try to hold down a job this time?”

“I’ll do my best, Sister.” Dio eye smiled and gestured to a nearby wall clock. “It’s five to noon; you don't want to miss Mass now.”

“Already?” Terra’s face paled before she hiked up her skirt just enough to reveal her sneakers. “Thanks, Dio!”

The nun rushed down the street, missing the hungry look in Dio’s eyes. “No, thank you… Sister.”

His lips curled into a sinister grin as he vanished in a flash of red light.

The homeless shelter was only a few blocks from the Church, and Sister Terra picked up the pace, her physical training kicking in as she vaulted over pedestrians and cars in her way.

‘I’m so late! Father is going to scold me again!’

The brunette raced down the street, hardly looking where she was going, and turned the last corner onto her block before nearly running headfirst into someone stepping out of an alleyway.

'Oh no!' Terra pivoted on the ball of her foot, ready to circle around, only for a towering circular iron plate to cover her vision and hurtle toward her face.

The air wasn't simply pushed aside; it was smashed through as the object instilled helplessness in her.

In the moment before contact, her brain only had the capability to process a single question.

‘Is that a frying pan?’

000

“Ow!”

Axel’s arm froze.

He blinked down at the young nun staring wide-eyed at his frying pan, a shiver running through her body as she sat on the sidewalk.

'Thankfully I stopped in time.' Axel wiped away a trace of imaginary sweat. 'I'm too high-strung from hunting for the last few months.'

He lowered his arm and coughed, casually hiding the frying pan behind his back. “Sorry about that, you startled me.”

“I startled you?” Sister Terra whispered, then shook her head to shake off the jitters as her face regained color. “You just tried to assault me!”

“You tried to assault me.” Axel countered shamelessly. “I was just standing here.”

“Wha?” Terra flipped to her feet. “You almost hit me with a frying pan! Who goes around swinging a frying pan in the first place?!”

“Chefs.” Axel puffed out his chest. “Daily exercise routine.”

Unbeknownst to Terra, swinging around kitchen utensils was, in fact, a daily exercise routine in the Gourmet World.

Terra was dumbfounded by the reply. “Listen here, you can’t just-.”

A bell tolled, cutting the nun off, and her eyes widened in shock. "Oh no! I'm late for Mass!" She shot Axel a glare. "This isn't over!"

She vaulted over his head, and Axel raised a brow as she headed straight into a big gothic church right outside the narrow alley his restaurant appeared in.

‘So, Nuns are athletic in this world?’ He scratched his head with the edge of his frying pan. “What do you think, bud? Waitress material?”

Lucifer stuck his head out of Axel's hood, sniffed the air, and sneezed.

“Hm, I’ll take that as a no.” Axel nodded, turning to look at the city around him with a frown. “And it just had to be this city.”

From the street signs to the pedestrians not giving a crap, to the countless yellow taxis, and the impossible-to-forget aroma, Axel knew he was back in New York City.

"Yeah, no." Axel took one good look at the place and immediately about-faced. “I am not paying a second round of property taxes.”

You could outrun a badger, but you couldn’t outrun the IRS.

Lucifer hopped down to the ground, and Axel paused in heading back into the alley. “What is it?”

The blue-furred feline stared down at a piece of paper it found and pawed at the odd smell coming from it. "Row."

“Odd how?” Axel walked back into the alley, feeling his partner return to his perch as Lucifer offered the paper. “Did that Nun drop this?”

Axel had only a moment to observe the red, multi-pointed star on its surface before his fingers touched the paper and mana was pulled from his body.

The red star rapidly glowed, exploding in a flash of red light as a figure appeared.

“Summoning me so soon, Terra?” A handsome young man popped out, naked from the waist up as demonic wings spread wide. “Right into the heart of the Church like I ask-!”

A resounding gong echoed, and the young man's voice fell silent.

“I don't think I like Horny World." Axel flipped his frying pan, pointing it down at the half-naked dude with devil wings. "See, Luc. That's a pervert."

“Uuuhhh.” The pervert groaned.

“Bad pervert.” Axel bent down and jabbed the guy in the neck with his knocking gun. “Sleep.”

Microscopic needles pierced right into the devil’s nerves, shocking him and sending him out like a light.

Lucifer nodded his fluffy head in approval, walked up to sniff the weird being, then proceeded to pee on it to establish dominance.

"Careful, some of them like that." Axel eyed up the guy's watch. "Damn, that's a Rolex.”

Axel slipped it off, then patted the guy's pockets and grabbed his wallet, easily finding a bottle of expensive-looking baby oil and a bunch of bills with weird symbols.

“The hell, this guy does drugs?" Axel eyed the weird vial, which seemed to have a moving snake in it, then shrugged and tossed it over his shoulder, hearing the glass shatter against the wall. "Drugs are bad; eat food instead."

He pocketed the bills, uncaring of what the ID card said, and dropped the wallet just as Lucifer finished his business.

"I think our work here is done." Axel gestured to the door, and Lucifer chirped in agreement; the two left the way they came, none the wiser.

Just an empty alley, a passed-out, half-naked guy with devil wings, and the gothic loli little girl who appeared above the broken glass vial and stared at the nearby door in confusion.

Only for said door, and the building connected to it, to waver and vanish, making her eyes widen ever so slightly. ‘Interesting.’

Her form faded like it was never there, uncaring for the passed-out young man.

A cold wind blew through the alley until, ten minutes later, a certain nun trudged up with a kindly smiling priest and a pair of bored exorcists.

“I’m telling you, that weird guy with the frying pan was right around here!” Terra tried to defend herself with her excuse for being late.

"Now, now, isn't it simply easier to admit your faults?" The priest chuckled fondly at the young Holy Maiden he was tasked with guarding.

One of the exorcists behind them sniffed at the air. “Does anyone else smell urine?”

The second exorcist sent him an odd look. “Mark, it’s the city. Everything smells like piss.”

"Yeah, but this is strong. Did that guy the Holy Maiden talk about piss on the Church?"

The priest frowned at the topic, focusing on the scent as he turned to the alley behind his Church before his gaze widened at what he found.

Terra noticed him pale and looked over, her brows shooting up in surprise at the familiar form. “Dio?” 

“Devil!” The priest yelled over her, immediately putting himself between the young woman and the fiend as he pulled a loaded shotgun from his robes. "Terra, get back! You two, move in!"

The exorcists fumbled in surprise before jumping forward with pistols armed with holy rounds, only to pause as they realized the devil was unconscious, the smell of piss coming from his pants.

The two looked at each other in confusion, then silently pressed forward to restrain the creature with mana-restraining cuffs and over a dozen holy seals.

“But that’s Dio!” Terra tried to speak up, her face full of naïve confusion. “He’s a nice guy from the nearby shelter.”

“That’s a devil, young lady.” The priest glared down at the abomination, idly noting the thick lump on the side of his head. “And I will know what it was doing here.”

"Uh, Father?" One of the exorcists called out, holding up a near-empty wallet and pulling out an ID card. "You might want to see this."

The priest took it and felt cold sweat drench his back. “Diodora Astaroth?”

A younger sibling of a Satan lay at his feet.  

The older man swallowed. “I… need to call this in.”

0000

"You little shit, you sent me back to that hellhole." Axel grumbled, glaring at the floating system screen. "Don't bring me back to New York City. In fact, don't bring me back to the US."

Other countries had their issues, but at least they offered him interesting food.

[Shifting the shop's location within Horny World {2836} will cost 1 SP.]

“Tsk, stingy.” Axel clicked his tongue. “Do it.”

[Purchase complete.

SP: 7]

The walls rumbled for a moment before the view outside the windows changed, showing his return to the Gourmet World.

[Shifting locations within a dimension requires more energy than initial integration. Time to completion: 14 days.]

“That’s outside of my Voucher limit.” Axel flicked the screen. “Can I try a new world?”

[Horny World {2836} is offline until completion. However, User is free to form new connections; the process within Horny World {2836} will continue in the background.]

“Good.” Axel tossed the Rolex he just gained up and down. “I’m hoping for something refreshing next time. Give me a new world.”

[Purchase complete.

SP:6]

A ding rang in his ears as the walls shook.

[Property Damage World {1298} is now online]

“And isn’t that a lovely name.” Axel hummed and turned to his napping partner. “Think this one will have our waitress?”

Lucifer yawned and tucked his head beneath a paw.

“Yeah, I’m hoping for something fun too.” Axel reached for the door handle.

Bright light shone through the cracks as Axel stepped out into a brand-new world.

“Get your fresh Jantons! Straight from Akane Resorts farms down south!”

“The hottest Holder items at Bills Booties!”

“Juicy Fanta Steak! Fanta City’s seasonal cattle is available for a limited time!”

Axel blocked the light with his hand, blinking to adjust as he was hit with a wave of sound, incomparable to the Gourmet Central Market, yet unmistakable all the same.

'Now this.' The shapes of a busy market appeared before him, and his lips quirked up. 'This, I can do.'

“Three Cannon Shrimp skewers for 150J!" A big man in a BBQ apron yelled from a nearby street stall, making Lucifer's eyes snap open in Axel's hood. “Buy six and-.”

“I’ll take six.” Axel responded.

“Dear saints!” The big guy jumped in his skin as two pairs of intense gazes were practically glued to a row of skewers roasting above a grill. “You almost gave me a heart attack, lad!”

“I smelled food.” Axel didn’t even glance at the guy, studying the new type of shrimp dripping with a sizzling coating of sauce and spice. "Gimme shrimp, old man."

“Row.” Lucifer chirped in agreement, trying to paw forward for the skewers atop Axel’s head, but was restrained by Axel’s experienced hand.

“Old man…” The man sweatdropped, then seemed to find the two’s focus amusing and guffawed. “Mages are an odd bunch, but I’ll take the compliment on my work.”

The guy wasted little time packaging six skewers. “Six for 250J, can’t beat those prices.”

Axel blinked, then finally turned to the guy, realizing the issue. "You got a card reader?”

“Card reader?” The big man frowned. “You mean a Bank of Ishgar card? I don’t got nothing that fancy.”

Axel raised a brow.

“One moment.” He held up a finger.

With zero fucks given for being in public, Axel reached into his Item Box, rummaged around for a moment, and pulled back a handful of pearls.

"This cover it?" Axel plopped a shiny pearl on the counter, making the big guy's eyes widen.

“Uh, is this real?” The stall owner didn’t seem overly skeptical after seeing Axel reach into space as he handed over the skewers with one hand, picked up the pearl, and held it up to the light with the other. “Saint’s, this is real!”

“Cool.” Axel mumbled, already munching on his second skewer. “Don’t drip sauce on me, Luc.”

"Ro." Lucifer savaged his poor skewer, the wood giving way to his fangs as he left no morsel to waste.

“Sir mage.” The big guy swallowed, nervously holding the pearl. “This is too much; I can’t give you change.”

“T’sfine." Axel mumbled with a full mouth, swallowed, and released a satisfied burp. "I find them randomly; keep it.”

“Randomly?” The stall owner exclaimed in surprise.

“Mn.” Axel nodded.

He found them all the time while hunting with Tisha, but shiny stones and minerals were worth less in the Gourmet World unless they were good for making food-related things.

Axel knew he could have returned to the shop and exchanged currency for the local world at his register, but he was already outside, and he had a small mountain of the pearls in his Item Box.

 “Old man, answer a question.” Axel tossed the empty skewers in the trash.

"By all means, Sir." The guy was smiling widely, ready to close up shop and rush to a pawn shop.

"I'm looking for a waitress." Axel pointed to the side, where his restaurant had appeared over a previously abandoned building in a large market square. "I'm opening a restaurant soon; any idea where I can find one?"

"A waitress?" The stall owner looked over in surprise, scratching his head and wondering when that old burned-down place got renovated. "Uh, it depends on what you need. If you need a basic lass, you could ask around easily. But if you're going to do mage stuff, you might need to post a job at the guild."

“Guild?” Axel didn’t even put the idea of a basic lass in mind; his restaurant was going to need someone with some oomph.

Lucifer pawed at his head, already sniffing something else, but Axel tried to be responsible and focus on their mission.

The stall owner stopped and stared at Axel in surprise. “Lad, do you even know where you are?”

“Property Damage World.” Axel responded without missing a beat.

"Property…" The big guy paused, then looked up and bellowed with laughter. "Ha! You're just pulling my head after all." The stall owner slapped the counter in humor, pointing a finger to the left side of the market. "Follow the east gate to the end; you'll reach the guild in ten minutes."

"Thanks." Axel waved and turned toward the east gate.

"Row!" Lucifer called, clinging to Axel's face.

“Swirling Tuna?!" Axel's eyes widened, and he rushed off to the north side of the market as if his life depended on it.

The stall owner left behind stared at the fading outline of the young man, then down at the pearl in his palm, and guffawed again. "Mages. You gotta love 'em!"

00

“I’ll take three.”

Axel and Lucifer munched on fish stew with blissful expressions while a kind old woman clutched her new pearl.

"Bless you, young mage!"

00

“Is this real?!” A thin older man’s eyebrows shot up as he wiped off the shiny pearl.

"Mn." Axel barely responded, caught in a tug-of-war with Lucifer as they fought over smoked squid. "Eat your own!"

“Ro!” Lucifer demanded his tribute.

00

“Pearl kid, come here! I’ve got tender Rock Lizard!”

“Forget that, young man! You need granny’s pork fried rice special!”

“What pork? You’re the pork! Mage, come look at my selection of deli sandwiches!”

The market was ablaze with competition as Axel wandered around, throwing pearls at any new type of seafood he found.

“I think we’re good here, bud.” Axel held up a napkin, patting his stomach in satisfaction. “Could use a drink.”

Lucifer pressed his face into the napkin, wiped his cheek, and patted Axel's head in agreement.

The two strolled out of the east gate, ignoring the desperate calls around them.

They stepped onto a new street, with somewhat modern buildings on both sides of an inner-city river cutting through the middle.

"The ingredients were lacking." Axel formed a water toothpick and picked at his teeth. "Preparation was adequate."

Lucifer nodded in agreement, tilting his head to stare at a passing family whose kid pointed at the blue cat with an excited cheer.

"I think the Gourmet World ruined our taste buds." Axel noted with a hum. “I don’t think I’ve craved anything from back home since I got there.”

Even something as simple as a carrot was leagues ahead in flavor and texture compared to one back on Earth.

Arriving in a new world sparked curiosity about new types of seafood, but the trip through the market yielded unsatisfying results.

“We’ll have to check out the waters nearby when we get a chance.” Axel wouldn’t give up that easily, but if things turned out mundane, he’d throw in the towel and move on.

“Row.” Lucifer sagged, letting his arms hang off Axel’s head.

The flavors were a buzzkill for the cat.

“Yeah, but maybe their booze is good.” Axel offered with a trace of optimism. “We can ask at the guild place.”

That seemed to cheer the feline up a bit, his eyes gleaming with hope.

Their walk through the city was quaint, and Axel and Lucifer breathed in deep of the fresh air.

The buildings were clean; no cars or vehicles were on the well-maintained cobblestone streets; there were no scents of piss or smog, and the pedestrians wore modern clothing, yet for all of that, Axel couldn't help but get a medieval vibe from his surroundings.

A giant gothic church in the distance only improved that feeling.

‘Almost an old Europe feeling.’ Axel absently noted.

Soon the residential area tapered off, and Axel stepped out into a large clearing right before a big lake.

A large pagoda-style wooden building, domed off at the top, with a banner hanging above a pair of large doors, stood tall and proud.

“Hmmmmm." Axel audibly hummed. "Looks pretty guild-like to me."

“Reow?” Lucifer sniffed at the air. “Ro.”

“How does it smell like cat but not?” Axel asked in confusion as he walked, reaching for the door only for a shout to echo from within.

"NATSU, THAT WAS MY CAKE!"

Axel's eyes widened as he threw up a Serving Tray just before the doors slammed open, one staying shut from his barrier while a pink-haired teen flew out of the other, rolling along the ground with dazed eyes.

The downed guy met Axel’s gaze and raised a trembling hand. “R-run…!”

Axel raised a brow at the teenager before he felt a sudden pressure bearing down on his shoulders.

“How dare you run, Natsu!” A feminine, wrathful voice echoed from within, accompanied by ground-shaking stomps.

"But Erza! You punched him; he didn't run!" A high-pitched voice defended.

“Silence, Happy!”

“Nooooooooo!”

Axel watched blankly as a blue humanoid feline was launched out of the open door, colliding with the pinkette.

A round of cheers and jeers rose from within.

The stomps got closer, only for a thud to echo against the closed door, and Axel noted his barrier flickered slightly.

The laughter cut out with a dozen choking sounds.

'Oh?' Curious, Axel looked around the door and found a scarlet-haired young woman in full plate chest armor staring at the closed door, very close, close enough for her face to be directly up against the wood. ‘Must have a hard head.’

Deep brown eyes rolled Axel’s way, narrowed in a glare that promised death. “Were you standing behind this door?”

“No.” Axel blankly replied and presented an innocent Lucifer. “Twas my cat.”

“Ro?” Lucifer held a paw to his chest at the blatant betrayal.

The scarlet-haired woman paused for a moment on the cat before her fury returned with a vengeance. “HAPPY!”

An armored fist swung out.

“Ro!” Lucifer swung his paws in denial.

“Wait! Erza!” An old man called out from the bar, but he was too late to act before the fist struck, a burst of air exploding outward.

The scarlet-haired woman froze again, her eyes wide at the outline of a serving tray resisting her strike.

"This one isn't cut out for a waitress." Axel stated bluntly from behind his barrier, Lucifer protectively placed back on his shoulders where the feline was curled up, hissing at the redhead with exhales of hot steam. "Who stole your fish, woman?"

The redhead blinked, pulling her fist back in confusion. “You’re not Happy.”

“Well, I’d be happier with some ale.” Axel shot back easily.

A spit take echoed from the bar, where a brunette coughed up a beer and raised her bottle. “Damn straight, dude!”

“See, that’s the right energy.” Axel flicked a finger over that way. “I’m sitting over there.”

The guild seemed to wake up all at once, and half a dozen voices exclaimed.

“Holy shit, he just stopped Erza.”

“No, she paused her attack.”

"Didn't you see the flare of magic? That guy defended himself."

"I didn't see shit; are your eyes bad?"

“My eyes are fine! You wanna go?!”

The guild broke down into squabbles and friendly cheers in a matter of moments, and Axel was internally amused at how fast they moved on.

‘My kinda people.’ He nodded.

A cough from his side drew his gaze back to the redhead.

“I’m sorry!” The woman bowed her head at a ninety-degree angle. “I mistook you for my guildmate. Please hit me.”

Axel furrowed his brow at the reaction, pulled out his frying pan, and booped the woman on the back of the head. "I already denied you; no waitress offer, even if you apologize."

"Waitress?" Erza stood up, staring oddly at the frying pan for a moment before realizing it was a weapon and nodding in approval. "My name is Erza Scarlet. Are you here to join the guild? I would vouch for you."

It wasn’t every day that someone could block her.

“Nah, here to post a job.” Axel shook his head before throwing a thumb over at the open door. “You know that dude is getting away, right?”

Erza’s eyes widened. “That fiend!” She rushed toward the door, calling over her shoulder. “You can speak with Master Makarov at the bar.”

With a flash of light, Erza suddenly held a sword. "Natsu! Get back here and face justice for killing my strawberry cake!”

“AHhhh!” A scream echoed from the streets where the pink guy ran for his life, soon followed by a sliced-off rooftop as Erza chased after him.

Axel noted the destruction happening out there and nodded. ‘My system is truly wise.’

He sent the pink-haired dude a prayer to rest easy, then turned and walked to the bar.

"Nice block, kid!" A middle-aged man with a pompadour complimented him with a raised mug.

“Haven’t seen someone stop Erza like that in ages." A purple-haired middle-aged man at the same table laughed loudly and drank from his own mug. "Stick around for a drink or two."

“Man!” A towering giant of muscle threw his arms up. “Only a real man could stop Erza!”

“Elfman~.” A warm voice echoed from the bar, where a silver-haired bar maiden held a hand to her cheek, smiling kindly at the muscled man. “Choose your words carefully.”

The fire was directly snuffed from the guy as he shivered under a phantom trace of menace. “Sorry, Sis.”

Axel snorted and walked down the hall as odd individuals made a mess of things.

He made it to the bar in the back and found only a few people sitting around it.

The silver-haired bar maiden behind the counter smiled kindly at him; the brunette in a bikini top who cheered earlier seemed to be drinking from a barrel and giving him a side-eye; and a midget of an older man with a funny jester hat sat atop the bar, giving him a measuring look.

Axel took in all three and deduced who to address first.

“Excuse me.” Axel stepped up to the brunette. “Would you like to be the waitress at my restaurant?”

The brunette immediately spat out a mouthful of ale.

“Oh my.” The bar maiden tittered behind her hand.

“Bold.” The midget chuckled, highly amused by the new entry.

“Dude.” The brunette banged her chest to clear her airway. “Who the fuck walks up to someone and asks that?”

“Me.” Axel then proceeded to pick up the barrel she was drinking from, making a few nearby guild members choke. “This ale?”

“Of course it’s a-, HEY!” The woman’s face scrunched up in outrage as Axel tipped over her barrel and started drinking from it. “That was mine!”

"Rao!" Another voice of complaint came from Axel's shoulder, where Lucifer's claws flashed, poking a new hole in the barrel before he latched onto the leak like a leech.

“Ha! This one’s a riot.” The midget laughed himself silly. “Who are you, young man?”

“Axel.” Axel answered between deep gulps, slamming the empty barrel down with a burp. “Chef.”

“Ro.” Lucifer was still on the barrel, rolling across the bar top with his paws in the air with an identical burp.

“And Lucifer.” Axel translated. “Cat.”

“My, my.” The bar maiden didn’t waste a moment in reaching forward to run her hand through Lucifer’s fluffy head. “How adorable.”

“Rooow.” Lucifer purred and melted into her pets.

“What an interesting magical creature.” The midget ran a hand through a thick white mustache. “My name is Makarov, guild master. Welcome to Fairy Tail, Axel.”

"Fun place." Axel reached forward and shook the guy's hand, only to feel an iron grip clamp on his shoulder.

“Oi, jackass.” The brunette’s face promised pain. “No one drinks my booze.”

“It tasted like piss.” Axel blatantly insulted. “I expected more.”

“EXCUSE ME?!”

Another laugh echoed from the barmaid. "I told you to stop buying that cheap stuff, Cana.”

“You’re taking his side, Mira?!” Cana pointed at Axel in blame.

Mirajane Strauss only smiled and continued to pet the ball of fluff now resting in her arms.  

“If you’re going to drink, drink well.” Axel raised a finger and surprisingly lectured the woman. “Buying shit ale will only encourage them to make more, and no one wants that.”

“I like my shit ale, thank you very much!” Cana argued back, throwing her hands up in defeat. “Some dude drinks my shit and then bitches about it.”

“Honestly, fair.” Axel nodded, taking Cana off guard as he reached into his Item Box and pulled out a Sakeyashi fruit. “Here, you can try my stuff.” 

"Huh?" Cana caught the lantern-shaped fruit in surprise.

"Hoho." Makarov stared at the bit of magic with interest. "That wasn't requip magic."

"That felt more dimensional in nature." Mira idly commented, far more interested in playing keep-away with a bottle of ale from Lucifer's seeking paws. "Better to ask Erza.”

“HOLY SHIT.” Cana’s voice silenced the two as they stared in surprise at the young woman moaning aloud. “What the fuck did you give me?!”

“Taste.” Axel nodded his head proudly as she hugged the fruit like a sacred treasure. “Remember it.”

“Noooooo.” Cana fought a losing battle to treasure the booze, savaging the innards for all it was worth. “You are going to ruin me for my cheap shit.”

“So you admit it was cheap.” Axel plopped down on a bar stool. “And you never denied my offer.”

"Of course it's cheap. It's what I can afford in large quantities." Cana rolled her eyes, then shot him the stink eye. "I'm a full-time mage, dude. Who wants to be a waitress?"

Drops of water hit the bar as Mirajane sniffled.

“Wait, I didn’t mean it like that!” Cana slammed her palms down. “You know what I meant, Mira!”

“Cana is so mean.” Mira played it up and covered her face with Lucifer. “What’s wrong with being a waitress?”

Axel also looked at Cana like he was on Mira’s side.

"There's nothing wrong with it; you're having too much with this!" Cana pouted and threw the empty fruit shell at Axel's head. "And you, stop tagging along with her joke. You're not that cute."

“I’m adorable.” Axel tossed the shell up and down with a frown. “Don’t waste food.”

“But I drank it?” Cana hiccupped. “Damn good shit. You got any more?”

“Finish what I gave you first.” Water collected on Axel’s hand, flaring up in a bubble surrounding the fruit before Axel focused and the water compressed.

The fruit shell caved in, quickly turning to pulp; then Axel made the water swirl, grinding up the pulp and turning the bubble a deep pink.

With a gesture of his finger, the bubble floated over to the stunned brunette. “I don’t accept food wasters; my offer is retracted.”

Cana responded by dunking her head in the bubble.

“Oh wow.” Mirajane clapped, looking at Axel in a new light. “That would be wonderful for cutting down on food expenses.”

“Remarkable control.” Makarov praised, a brow raised in surprise. “That’s three magic styles now. You must have a fascinating hybrid Caster magic, young man.”

“It is.” Axel addressed Mirajane with an approving look. “Would you be interested in being a full-time waitress?”

“I am interested.” Mirajane tittered with a bright smile, making Makarov finally choke on his drink. “Unfortunately, my hands are full with my guild.”

“Fair enough.” Axel shrugged and didn’t press.

"Dude, where have you been all my life?" Cana wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, uncaring of her wet face. “If you have more, I might consider the offer.”

"The offer is gone." Axel turned away and pulled out a random one-star can of beer he bought from a vending machine for 100 yen. "Here."

“The hell kind of writing is this?” Cana cracked open the can, her body shivering at the taste. “HOW DOES BEER TASTE THIS GOOD?”

"Heh." Axel focused on the midget. "Hey, old man, I heard I can put up jobs here?"

“Of course.” Makarov nodded, his gaze sliding to Cana for a moment. “I’d help, but I’m a bit thirsty at the moment.”

The older man shook his empty mug with a helpless expression.

“Master!” Mirajane admonished, hands on her hips, having dropped Lucifer when the cat tried to wander off. "You can't just abuse the-."

"Here." Axel placed a six-pack on the counter, not missing a beat as he bribed his way forward. "I want a good spot for my flier."

“You got it, kid!” Makarov swiped the cans without a single ounce of shame. “I’ll make it an S-Class job.”

Mirajane stared flatly at the small man and made him sweat.

“Alright, alright, I’ll put it up in the center of the job board.” Makarov backtracked, hiding the beer in a small requip space of his own. “Fill out the details with Mira.”

He waved them off and hopped to the second floor in a single leap, seemingly running with his treasure before they could be confiscated.

“He’s supposed to be taking it easy.” Mirajane grumbled and shot Axel a glare that had fifty percent odds of intimidating a puppy. “You don’t feel any shame, do you?”

“Where do I sign?” Axel was already holding a pen.

Cana bust out laughing from the side, making Mirajane sigh in exasperation. “Why are you so much like us?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Axel stated firmly.

“Hey, whose cat is this?” A drunk Jet called out.

“It’s not Happy, right?” Droy replied in confusion.

"You're both mistaken." A petite, blue-haired teenager poked at the feline that appeared in the center of their table, sniffing at their food. "This is a tiger cub."

““Wait, what?”” Jet and Droy froze.

Lucifer sniffed something spicy and scrunched up his nose before an explosive, steamy sneeze sent the two male mages flying into another table.

“Knocking over a man’s food isn’t manly!” Elfman roared, throwing a punch that launched Droy into another table.

“I wasn’t ready, jackass!” Droy called back, only for his skin to shiver as a shirtless teen with black hair glared down at the sandwich decorating his skin.

“I was eating.” Gray Fullbuster looked up with a glare.

Droy’s eyes widened. 

Magic flared, and in moments nearly half the guild was pulled into an epic brawl.

Mirajane’s dry stare slid from the chaos to a straight-faced Axel.

“That wasn’t my cat.” Axel tapped the bar. “Gimme the form thingy. I want a waitress.”

Mirajane sighed.

000

“I’M ALIVE!” The guild doors burst open as Natsu Dragneel returned, the sky beyond a dark grey as evening fell.

“AYE!” Happy cheered atop his head. “Erza is scary!”

A mug flew through the air and nailed Natsu in the forehead.

“Ow!” Natsu’s body rocked back in surprise. “What the hell was that for?!”

“Shut up, flame brain!” Gray whisper shouted.

“You wanna go, popsicle?!” Natsu burst into flames, ready to brawl, only to get dogpiled by Elfman, Jet, and Droy. 

“Quick, restrain him!”

“Don’t let him run wild!”

“Man!”

“Oi!” Natsu struggled desperately, only to end up tied up with thick rope, chain, and an excessive use of duct tape. “What the fuck, guys?!”

"Shush." Gray slapped a piece of tape over Natsu's mouth, nodded to the others, and rushed back to their seats.

Happy watched everything without bothering to help his partner, looking out at the guildhall where everyone was unnaturally quiet, all turned in chairs facing the bar at the back with intense focus.

"Aye?" Happy scratched his head in confusion, stretched out a pair of wings, and floated over to someone to ask what was going on.

“Mn!” Natsu wiggled on the ground in defiance, proceeding to scrunch up like a worm and follow behind.

"Levy." Happy reached the blue-haired girl who was calmly writing in a notebook, seemingly enjoying the rare silence. "What's going on?"

"Hm? Oh, welcome back, Happy." Levy smiled as Happy dropped onto her table. "Everyone's excited over food."

“Food?” Happy blinked. “Fish?”

"Well, yes, actually." Levy giggled at the irony, considering Happy always asked for fish. "We had a visitor who turned out to be a scarily good chef."

 She pointed to the bar, where a section was covered in water.

“The guy tried some of the guild food, then exploded in a watery rage and stormed off into the kitchen.”

Just then, a crash sounded from behind the bar, where a door led to the kitchens. “WHO TAUGHT YOU TO STORE FISH LIKE THIS?!”

An enraged voice roared like a pissed-off tiger.

“Wah?” Happy shivered at the voice, then looked at the rest of the guild. “But why is everyone like this?”

“His food is really good.” Levy licked her lips, unbothered by the yell. “He’s taken over the kitchen and been pumping out all the meals for the dinner rush.”

Natsu’s eyes lit up, having made it to the table to listen in. The tape over his mouth melted as he yelled excitedly. “Good food?!”

A blur passed by as Jet launched over, speed magic enhancing his movements, and slapped a fresh piece of tape over Natsu’s mouth before speeding away.

“RHHH!” Natsu raged on the ground.

A barmaid carrying a stack of dishes rushed into the kitchen, her entry releasing a cloud of rich scents that spread through the guild and made every single mage stop and breathe it in like starving wolves.

“Don’t worry, Natsu.” Happy floated down and patted the Dragon Slayer’s head, his feline eyes glowing with fish symbols. “I’ll check on the food.”

The cat flew off toward the bar with a protesting Natsu trying to follow.

“Wait, Happy!” Levy tried to call from behind but got shushed by the others.

Surprisingly, no one got in his way as Happy flew over, passing Makarov, who sat on the bar top with the same focused look as the others.

Another crash rang out from the kitchen.

“I SAID DICE THE CARROTS! DOES THIS LOOK DICED TO YOU? WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO CUT A VEGETABLE?”

“I’m sorry!”

Happy’s ears twitched at Mirajane’s apologetic voice.

“Ehhh.” Happy hesitated by the door.

“Proceed forward at your own risk, child.” Makarov’s deep voice echoed from behind, the old man’s grave expression not glancing Happy’s way. “There is only war before you.”

"B-but." Happy's curiosity grew too strong, and he couldn't help but push the door open slightly, the rich, buttery fish scent pulling him forward.

The curious cat blinked, staring into the guild kitchen, which seemed to be having a storm pass through it.

A pair of civilian bar maidens stood to the side, the two young women completely focused as they munched on a platter of food set aside for them while they waited for more plates to be brought out.

The kitchen wasn’t large, but at the center was an odd quartet.

Cana sat on an unused counter, her lips twitching with laughter while another cat rested on her lap.

Pell, the civilian chef the guild had had since forever, sweated like a pig as the thin older man concentrated on cutting ingredients with more focus than Happy had ever seen from the chef.

“WHAT ARE YOU?”

Happy focused on the last two as a young man with wild black hair, held back in a bandana, stared at Mirajane with ocean-blue eyes narrowed in almost physical disappointment.

“I’m…” Mirajane looked down at the ground and mumbled.

“WHAT ARE YOU?” Axel repeated, holding the two sides of bread to Mirajane’s face.

"I'm an idiot sandwich!" Mirajane teared up, holding her hands to her face and looking away at a wrongly cut carrot on her cutting board.

“Do better or get out.” Axel tossed the bread on the counter with a heartless remark.

Happy frowned at the mean guy, but Cana cut him off with a loud laugh. "You gonna give up yet, Mira?"

"No!" Mirajane's tears vanished as if they were never there, the silver-haired woman wearing the fiercest expression Happy had seen from her in years. "I can do this!"

Mirajane returned to her cutting board with a vengeance, and Axel nodded his head in approval, turning to flip through six different pans cooking on the stove.

The smell alone that escaped drew Happy in like a siren’s call, and the cat couldn’t help but step forward into the gates of hell.

A plate was set on the counter with a cut piece of perfectly cooked salmon, and Happy fixed his eyes on it like a laser.

He snuck forward, trying to be quiet, only to be outed by one of his own.

“Ro!” A feline chirp echoed before Happy was tackled out of the air and pinned with a paw pressing on his back.

"Ah! Natsu! Help!" Happy yelled, his voice echoing from the kitchen and making the worm that was Natsu crawl faster.

“What is this?” Axel appeared above the pair of cats. “A stray cat in my kitchen?”

“Row.” Lucifer puffed out his chest proudly, showing off his catch.

Axel’s gaze glowed with violence, making Happy shiver in fear.

“Ah! Don’t eat me!” Happy shouted. “I’m not food!”

“That’s Happy.” Cana casually commented, sipping from a bottle Axel tossed her. “He’s a member of the guild.”

"Is that so?" Axel's violence vanished, flipping a switch in a moment back to dull. "Alright then, what's your order?"

"Huh?" Happy was taken off guard, but responded instinctively. "Fish?"

“Good order.” Axel nodded, followed by an approving Lucifer. “You’re added to the queue. Go sit on the side and have a snack while you wait.”

Happy was picked up by his scruff and tossed to Cana's side, bouncing in confusion before a grilled fish flew over and landed in his mouth.

The blue cat was thoroughly confused, but still bit down before his mind went into a trance as a giant grilled fish with opposable thumbs massaged him.

Happy melted then and there, purring up a storm while Cana chuckled at the display, seeing Axel return to the cooking pans with a focus that was terrifying to witness.

Mirajane and Pell themselves couldn't help but sneak peeks, watching his arms move with machine-like precision. 

"HAPPY!" The kitchen door burst open as a wiggling Natsu charged in like the world's angriest inchworm; the tape over his mouth burned through. "NO ONE EATS MY PARTNER!"

“Hm?” Axel’s hand froze, his head turning half over his shoulder to meet the pink-haired mage's eye.

Natsu froze with a sensation of death washing over him, ingrained in him from years spent around Erza.

Yet the Dragon Slayer didn't see Erza; he saw his partner munching on food and felt pure betrayal.

“HAP-!”

A gong rang out, and Natsu saw stars as Axel stood over his collapsed form with a frying pan. “No yelling in my kitchen. Knocking.”

Natsu was jabbed in the neck, paralyzed, and promptly kicked out the door with a final comment.

“Wait for your food.”

Natsu twitched on the ground.

The rest of the guild barely reacted, sending knowing glances at Natsu.

He wasn’t the first, but everyone was sure he was the last to question Axel’s dominion.

00

“Your guildmates don’t learn easily, do they?” Axel flipped through pans and dished plates like he was on fast-forward.

A bar maiden stepped forward, accepted the dishes with a hard look, took a fortifying breath, and rushed out the door to much erupting noise.

“I was next!”

“Like hell, I was up next!”

“Screw off, I’ve been waiting for two hours!”

The patiently silent guild erupted in war the moment she left.

“Natsu is hardheaded.” Cana cackled, the show she had been enjoying never losing its appeal.

“He’s a good child.” Mirajane chided, her gaze on her cutting board like the fiercest demon she had ever faced. “Learns through physical application.”

“That’s one way to say it.” Cana felt a weight on her lap and found a returning Lucifer rolling onto his back, looking curiously at Happy. “Want to make a friend, little one?”

“Ro.” Lucifer chirped, meeting Happy’s eyes and beginning a staring contest.

"I won't lose." Happy woke from his trance and immediately accepted the challenge.

“They have good appetites.” Axel went on, frowning at the state of the kitchen. “Why have you not maintained your tools, sous-chef?”

Pell winced at the question. “They, uh, have odd requests.”

“Natsu prefers his food on fire.” Mirajane giggled. “And he’s not even the weirdest one.”

"Has anyone even seen Mystogan eat?" Cana tilted her head in thought. "I know he takes food when he puts us all to sleep."

“Fish is best!” Happy added his two cents.

Axel took in their comments without much surprise, reaching up to rub a finger against the stove fan. “This ventilation vent is filthy.”

“Uh…” Pell, the only one equipped to answer, swallowed heavily. “It was good enough?”

“Good enough?” Axel turned on the man with a glare. “It’s greased all to hell. How do you expect proper ventilation? Do you know what kind of health concerns can arise if condensation drips?”

"Er…" Pell, a man three times Axel's age, shrank under the accusations. "I'm sorry, Chef."

“Don’t let it happen again.” Axel took hold of a bowl of water from the sink and controlled the water to go to town on scrubbing the gunk off so it wouldn't impact his food. "And never let me hear ‘good enough’ from your mouth again, or I’ll have you scrubbing pots for weeks.”

“Yes, Chef!” Pell responded firmly.

The man had completely surrendered to Axel's skill, slightly happy not to be in charge for once.

“Pull the stick out of your ass, man.” Cana tossed a bottle cap at Axel’s head. “Pell’s been here for years. Only chef we could find who didn't run for the hills.”

“No excuses!” Axel pointed a spatula at her. “Food is the essence of life! It’s the source of all health and growth, the fuel that promotes hundreds of biological processes we require daily, the master key to a long healthspan.” He pulled his hand back and ripped a water ball filled with black grease from the vents. “A chef is responsible for every meal that passes through their hands. No excuses.”

The listeners stopped at Axel's passionate speech, taking a moment to process it as Axel returned to flipping pans without another word.

Pell wiped at his eyes, feeling something he hadn’t in years as a fire was lit within his soul. "YES, CHEF!"

The older man went about preparing ingredients like a storm.

"That was oddly beautiful." Mirajane sent Axel a considering look from behind, an old, pained memory of hunger flashing behind her eyes.

“Damn, dude.” Cana whistled, entirely uncaring of the vibe Axel had going on. “You’re pretty hot when you get worked up.”

“Hn.” Axel ignored her.

“Was that a pun?” Mirajane smirked over. “Or a flirt?”

Cana sputtered for a moment and avoided Mirajane’s teasing eyes.

The dinner rush passed in a blur. Mirajane and Pell prepped ingredients, Axel cooked, and servers rapidly brought out dishes and brought in clean plates.

By the time they were done, Mirajane was exhausted. “Everyone was really fired up tonight.”

"You're not kidding." Cana handed over a towel and got a polite thank you. "Haven't seen those guys go this hard since our last attempt at a BBQ."

Mirajane shivered. “Don’t remind me of that. Erza got a little excited.”

“A little?” Cana snorted, hand on her hip as she looked over the side. “Those two are still going at it?”

“It’s a little cute, honestly.” Mirajane laughed.

The two listened in.

“You need to caramelize them in this order, or the sauce won’t come out well.”

“Yes, Chef.”

Axel explained to a far-too-studious Pell, who held a notepad and wrote without missing a beat.

The two young women chuckled.

“It is cute.” Cana noted, hopping off the counter now covered in empty bottles. “But I’ve waited long enough for a drinking partner.”

“You mean someone to pay for you to go wild.” Mirajane shot her a knowing look; they had seen Axel try to pay for a meal with an expensive pearl before he flipped out at the food and stormed the kitchen like an invading force.

“Do you have to be so direct?” Cana rolled her eyes, but didn’t deny her point. “Oi! Axel, are we going drinking or what?”

"Yeah, yeah." Axel waved over his shoulder and handed the spatula to Pell, handle first. “You’ll have to take it from here.”

The older man choked up as he took the cooking instrument. “Thank you, Chef.”

“Don’t thank me.” Axel patted Pell’s shoulder. “Just keep your kitchen clean.”

“It won’t happen again.” Pell pounded a fist over his heart. “On my honor.”

“Good.” Axel nodded, reaching up to untie his bandana and immediately cooling off. “Luc, we’re leaving.”

The mighty Tiger Cub was red-eyed, huffing steam as he stared with all his might.

“I. Won’t. Lose.” Happy was struggling just as much, his face twitching.

Axel sighed and reached into his Item Box, pulling out a piece of grilled Boneless Mackerel Pike from the Gourmet World and tossed it between the two cats.

It was the first piece of Gourmet World food Axel had used, and the scent alone made drool start flowing from Happy’s mouth.

Both blue cats' noses twitched, and they glanced down simultaneously, then back at each other, then their gazes narrowed.

“Ro.”

“Fish.”

Magic flashed, and steam burst out.

000

"You're kinda a dick, Luc." Axel chuckled at the cat curled around his neck, purring contentedly.

“Row.” Lucifer shrugged and munched on his fish.

“You don’t see the irony in that?” Cana laughed at his side.

The two walked through the late-evening streets of Magnolia.

"I'm a chef." Axel stated like it was an answer alone.

“Uhu.” Cana mocked a salute. “Yes, Chef.”

Axel flipped her off in response.

"Heh, you're fun." Cana elbowed him in amusement. "My third favorite bar is over there; come on, they got elementally enchanted liquor."

Axel’s eyes locked onto the building in question. “You had my attention at liquor.”

“But that was the last word?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck you, Axel.”

“Buy me a drink first.”

“You’re paying!”

The two butted heads while Lucifer happily munched on his thirty-second snack of the night. So far, the cat had dozed off, gotten scratches, ate a bunch of food, established dominance, and now he was getting to drink.

Lucifer liked this world.

000

“Hahaha!” Cana roared with laughter as she banged the bar top, spilling over empty glasses.

“Rao!” Lucifer rolled around in outrage, his fur puffed out like he was a cotton ball.

“Hmmm, not bad.” Axel took another sip, his black hair stretching out like he was an alien warrior powering up. “What did you call this one?”

“Electric Bungaloo, Sir.” The bartender was surprised by Axel’s calm. “The glass holds shards of a lightning lacrima, enhancing the flavor with a static charge.”

“So it’s not the liquid itself.” Axel eyed the cocktail with a considering look.

"Come on, man, where's the reaction I wanted to see?" Cana slapped him on the back with considerable force.

“What did you expect?” Axel raised a calm brow and kept sipping his drink.

“Screaming, panicking, and all around that.” Cana pointed at the roaring tiger cub, still outraged and making sure everyone knew it.

“You have an active imagination.” Axel finished his drink, placed it down, and proceeded to poke Cana in the side of the head. “Sharing is caring.”

“Wait, don’t-!” Cana’s hair puffed up, her gaze dry as she glared.

Axel smirked right before he was tackled.

000

"7!" The crowd cheered, loud music playing in the background.

“8!” Another cheer went up from the other side.

A current of flowing bodies swayed on the dance floor, a ball of blue fluff billowing steam as a drunk Lucifer spun in breakdancing styles to much applause.

“You can’t win, Axel.” Cana grinned confidently, raising another multi-colored Jello shot. “I’ve been playing this game for years.”

She downed the shot, grimacing at the flavor. “Eugh, why lime?”

“9!”

A long line of shot glasses sat atop a bar, the dim lighting making each one glow with faint traces of magic.

"Says the woman who drinks piss for fun." Axel snorted and took another shot to match her. "I've gotten drunk enough to hit an 8-ton shark in the nose with a frying pan."

He downed his own, blanking for a moment. “Did I just taste paper?”

“9!”

The crowd cheered for the duel of everything-flavored Jell-O shots.

“T-that’s bull.” Cana slurred slightly, leaning on the bar as she poked at Axel’s forehead. “Get better brrrags.”

"I still have the meat." Axel hiccupped, snapping his teeth at her finger until she pulled it away, laughing. "I'll make some later."

“D-deal.” Cana lifted her tenth shot with a sharp grin. “Loser pays.”

Axel simply stared her in the eyes and downed his tenth. “With pleasure.”

Cana paled with flushed cheeks.

000

“Woooo!” Cana swung an arm in the air, her body moving wildly at the beast of burden beneath her thighs.

"She's at it again." A bartender shook his head and checked his watch. "She might beat her record this time."

“Can that guy even last that long?” A watching civilian commented in shock.

“I’d have thrown up everything I had.” Another shook their head.

“Come on up, Axel!” Cana cheered from atop an enchanted mechanical bull, her legs clamped tight over the stirrup. “I’ll win back my money this time!”

“Hmmmm." Axel hummed loudly, blurry eyes fixed on the mechanical bull's face, which seemed to be forming a pitiful expression. "Waitress?"

It took him a moment to reject the applicant.

“Come’re!” Cana flung a card down, making the floor beneath Axel erupt like a bursting fountain, shooting him up onto the bull.

Muscle memory took over, and Axel kicked off a water step to land on his feet, one foot on the bull's head as he pointed forward grandly. "Onward."

The bartender chose that moment to kick up the bull to a setting called ‘Paint Mixer’.

Cana laughed wildly as Axel was sent flying into a wall.

000

“Stop them!” A Rune Knight shouted to his squad.

“It was jusss a bar foght!” Cana shouted back, throwing cards down and making skimpy girls in bikinis pop out, throwing themselves over the law enforcers. "And I was winnnning.”

“No, I was winning.” Axel ran at maximum speed with the brunette riding shotgun on his back, regardless of the fact that he was seeing triple and kept running into everything in their way. "You were drinking."

“Bitch, I was moral support.” Cana laughed, still holding a bottle she nabbed on the way out. “Go left.”

“Right.” Axel went up.

“Noooo~.” Cana giggled like a lunatic, drunkenly guiding Axel through the streets.

000

Sunlight peeked through the blinds, rays hitting a yawning Axel as he fumbled for his pants.

On the bed behind him, Cana slept happily, snoring, her hair spread like a curtain.

‘Not a waitress.’ Axel grabbed his sleeveless hoodie from behind a chair and slipped it on. ‘But a fun drinking partner.’

He pulled a slip of paper with his restaurant name on it and left it on the nightstand before heading for the door.

There was a mission to complete, and only six days left to do it.

Axel paused once he stepped outside, wondering why he was feeling like he had forgotten something.

“Wait.” His shoulders felt light. “Where’s my cat?”

 00

“Ro?” Lucifer blinked, held up by his scruff by a pink-haired older woman in a cape with a deep-set frown.

"I hate humans." The older woman raised a broom in threat.

Lucifer pat his fluffy chest with a paw. “Reow.”

The woman narrowed her eyes and huffed, lowering the broom. "Cats are fine."

Lucifer was just relaxing when she spoke again.

“We need to make sure you’re not carrying any diseases.” She turned and carried Lucifer into a tree house. “Have you been properly spayed?”

“REOW!”

Lucifer didn’t like this world anymore.

0000

“That decrepit woman hits like a truck.” Axel grumbled as he stomped back into his restaurant, rubbing the lump on his head from the weird witch lady. “Is her broom made of lead or something?”

"Rao. Ro." Lucifer refused to leave Axel's hood, shivering as he wrapped his tail around Axel's neck.

"Yeah, yeah, we're leaving." Axel plopped down on his bar stool and sagged against the bar. “System, good job on naming this world.”

A system panel appeared before him.

[User’s wisdom statistic has increased.]

Axel flipped it the bird.

His gaze turned to his kitchen, debating his need for morning caffeine and groaning as his addiction had him rising to prepare one.

He set the beans to roast as he continued. “Go ahead and purchase the next world.”

[Purchase complete.

SP: 5]

The walls shook, and a new ding rang in his mind.

[Monster Menu World {99} Online.]

"Oh?" Axel's eyes lit up at the name. "Another food-related world?"

[In a manner of speaking.]

"Rare for you to comment." Axel noted, ground up the roasted beans, set the powder into the machine, and flicked it on.

[Hn.]

"Hn." Axel rolled his eyes and waited for his machine to finish pouring the brew.

Just then, the front door slammed open. “AXEL!”

Lucifer jumped at the shout, and Axel poked his head around the corner to see a red-eyed Abby standing there with wild hair.

"The fuck happened to you?" Axel barely asked before Abby charged him, blew past him into the kitchen, and snatched the freshly brewed mug of coffee.

“All-nighter.” Abby explained between chugs, not even pausing to consider the temperature. “Needed caffeine.”

Axel's brow twitched at multiple instances of injustice happening before him. "And you came here why?"

"You have the best stuff." Abby finished the mug with a soul-deep exhale. "Ah, that's the good shit."

She slotted the mug back and flicked the machine on with pure shamelessness.

Axel's eyes glowed as he stood behind her, his hand twitching toward the nearest frying pan. "Woman, you have five seconds to give me a reason not to introduce you to god.”

"Why would I want to meet Acacia?" Abby turned to him with a confused tilt. "My guild was running a freshly launched dungeon; it was a real slog. Hell, we're still going; I'm heading back in a minute."

Axel’s hand clamped down on her head, lifting the shorter woman up like a dangling kitten. “Wrong answer.”

“Oh, don’t be a baby.” Abby laughed and slapped his arm without an ounce of fear, dropping down and leaning in to steal a kiss. “Mn, you taste like someone new.”

"You have a very specific set of taste buds." Axel sighed and let her go. "I found a new drinking buddy."

"Hm, seems fun." Abby winked at him and turned back to the coffee machine as it finished. "Bring her around sometime."

"What am I? Your gigolo?"

“No, you’re a horny tiger.” Abby took the mug and tapped Axel on the nose. “A very fun one who shares my tastes in women.”

“And you call me horny.” Axel snorted and reached around her to replace the spent powder, flicking on a fresh brew. “Get your coffee and get out. I’m leaving in a few minutes.”

"Take a shower first." Abby patted his cheek and stepped around him, leaning in to give Lucifer some scratches. "You smell like sex and alcohol, you filthy animal."

“Yeah, yeah.” Axel flicked her ear and got a giggle from her as Abby headed for the door. “You interested in being a waitress?”

"Waitress?" Abby paused at the front door, her face contemplative before she flushed and sent Axel a smirk. "Didn't know you were into cosplay. Sure, I'll bring something next time."

Axel deadpanned as Abby left without another word, her caffeinated prize in hand and a pep in her step.

“That woman is too comfortable around me.” Axel grumbled.

“Rao?” Lucifer poked his head out and chirped.

“Nah, she's too troublesome to be a waitress." Axel filled the fresh mug, glaring at the door as if daring someone else to interrupt. "Gamer girls are built different."

Lucifer tilted his head in confusion, then shrugged and yawned as he returned to his hoodie nest.

Axel shook his head with a huff of amusement and turned to head upstairs.

He really did need a shower.

000

“Alright, new world.” Axel rubbed his head with a towel and dropped it on the bar. “Let’s see what Monster Menu has to offer.”

“Row!” Lucifer raised a paw as if to tell Axel to charge.

An expression of will had the door swap, and Axel opened it to find himself underground.

The hustle and bustle of a moving market sounded behind a slightly hidden alcove.

Axel walked out, followed the bend, slipped through a crack in the wall, and found himself in a market not filled with food, but adventurers.

He looked behind himself to see the crack he walked out of was one among many.

‘Huh, first time I opened up in a hidden spot.’ Axel mused.

With a shrug, he decided to wander around.

The area seemed to be a long underground hall, with sections on both sides where old coffins were stacked, though some had been cleared out for merchants of all kinds to sell their goods.

“Looking for a healer!” A man in full plate armor was shouting from one area. “We’ll be diving to the third floor, looking for a healer to join a full party!”

“Get your rope! Can’t explore the labyrinth without rope! It’s marked with scents to deter mimics!”

“Rations! Rations here! Two weeks' supply for twenty copper!”

Axel raised a brow at all the adventurer stuff around him.

Some were selling cold weapons.

Others had heavy packs of camping supplies.

A carpet had a bunch of herbs in vials.

Even odd stalls were showing off what looked like magic wands and staves.

'Did Abby curse me?' Axel grumbled, walking around with his hands in his pockets and an unhappy expression. 'Where the hell is the menu? All I see is boring non-food shit.'

“Ro.” Lucifer seemed to agree with Axel’s thoughts, quickly getting bored and dozing off.

‘Must be nice to sleep while I do all the walking.’ Axel made his way around, listening to the odd conversations.

“Did you hear? A Cockatrice nest was found in The Spire Forest. Better to avoid the southwest section for a while.”

“Another party vanished in The Golden Castle. I heard it was Treasure Insects. Damn, rookies.”

Axel hummed at the odd bits, not really interested in the weird-sounding monsters until he overheard something else.

"Careful around The Glowing Lake; it's Bladefish mating season. Damn things are a menace.”

Axel’s ear twitched before he vanished, only to reappear in front of the woman dressed up like some kind of witch.

“Where is this lake?” Axel asked calmly.

Very calmly.

"Ah!" The woman was startled, and her teammate immediately raised a war axe and stepped between them.

"What's your problem?!" The axe-wielder, with an ugly scar running down his face, glared.

"I'm hungry." Axel said simply, his eyes still locked on the woman, unconcerned by the weapon aimed at him. "Where is the lake with the fish?"

“Huh?” The witch blinked, holding her chest with one hand. “How do you not know where Bladefish are?”

“I’m new.” Axel waved a hand lazily. “Where fish?”

“A rookie?” The axe wielder scoffed and lowered his weapon. "It's alright, Reba, just another hothead."

“I can see that, Joro.” Reba shook her head and raised a staff as if to chide Axel. “You can’t just jump a lady like that.”

Axel blinked as if taking in that she was, in fact, a female. “Didn’t notice.”

On a second glance, Axel noticed her long, pointed ears and realized he might have met his first real-life elf.

The bluntly honest reply made the two pause; then Joro turned aside and spat out a laugh. “Ahahaha. You hear that, Reba?!”

“You little shit.” Reba growled with a fire in her eyes, her red hair beginning to float with specks of light as the temperature rose, the elf’s prior concern gone. "The Glowing Lake is on Floor 4. Now, I need to have a talk with my party member.”

“Hey now.” Joro backed up, making a real effort to restrain his laughter.

Axel nodded at the helpful information and shot the clearly intimidating elf with magic a considering look. “Interested in being a waitress?”

An elf waitress sounded like it would attract customers.

The two once more paused.

Joro’s face puffed up. “Bahahaha!”

A vein pulsed on Reba’s neck, the temperature soaring around her as she shook with a restrained spell. “No.”

“Alright then.” Axel nodded, pulled out the same business card left for Cana, and flicked it over. “Free drink on your first visit.”

Reba narrowed her eyes and snatched the card with a huff, her mana calming down. “You’re forgiven.”

“Hey now.” Joro reinserted himself. “Is that a party benefit?”

Axel looked the grizzled veteran in the eye. “No.” Then he turned and left, leaving a shell-shocked adventurer and a considering witch behind.

Reba chuckled and shook her head, flipping over the card before frowning. “What language is this?”

The distant Axel started walking faster.

00

"So, this is a dungeon, huh?" Axel looked around the vast forest.

A simple staircase led down from the market; he'd heard it was called the Melini Crypt, and it opened into a massive forest below.

Towering trees rose in all directions, the ceiling seemingly lit by something like sunlight, and wide wooden rope bridges connected the trees without railings.

Lucifer was awake now, lying across Axel's shoulders as he breathed in the fresh forest air. "Row."

“It is kind of nice, isn’t it?” Axel felt a warm breeze flow through his hair. “I wonder why they all sounded like this place was dangerous?”

Something stirred to their right, and Axel barely blinked before a heavy gong rang out, and a rabid squirrel-looking creature dropped, knocked out cold.

“Ro.” Lucifer shrugged as if to say he wasn’t sure.

Behind them, a passing adventurer party stopped to gape at the long trail of passed-out forest critters leading down Axel's path.

“I’m not a big fan of the lack of water.” Axel trudged along, enjoying the air with a casual air. “How do we get down to the fourth floor?”

Lucifer looked over the edge at the distant forest floor. He pointed a paw. “Ro?”

"Maybe?" Axel scratched his head. "Down seems right; let's see if any path leads down."

It took them an hour of random searching, occasionally interrupted by things Axel wasn't interested in, before they found a path.

Axel rarely hit hard enough to kill something he wasn't interested in, and he wasn't interested in most of them. However, he tossed the rare creature into his Item Box for later testing.

A loud screech echoed from nearby, and Axel paused. “Did that sound like a rooster?”

Lucifer shrugged, not knowing what a rooster sounded like.

“A rooster means chicken. Chicken means eggs.” Axel rubbed his chin. “I wonder if their eggs have a different taste?”

They took a detour, and Axel soon tracked down the sound.

“Huh, that’s a rooster alright.” Axel watched a party of adventurers fleeing for their lives.

“Row.” Lucifer pointed a paw at the snake.

“That is also a snake.” Axel admitted.

The adventurers ran his way, the weird five-foot-tall chicken-snake hybrid racing behind them like a feathered dinosaur.

“Run!” A warrior in the lead saw Axel standing there and screamed a warning. “Cockatrice!”

“No thanks.” Axel waved as the guy passed. “I’m into women.”

The warrior almost tripped over his feet, throwing up a middle finger as he ran. “Fuck you!”

His party was quick to escape.

“I said I was straight.” Axel shook his head and reached out with a hand.

Water gathered in his palm, coalescing into a large ball.

The Cockatrice screeched, spotting him and puffing itself up to seem larger.

“You move too much." Axel swiped his arm out, the water deforming into a whip that connected with the creature's neck. "Get over here."

The Cockatrice screeched again, this time in panic as it was dragged down by the water whip.

The moment its head got low enough, water exploded from Axel's feet, and he boosted himself forward with a frying pan in hand, swinging with full force.

A heavy gong rang out, and the rooster's head dropped, its brain smashed in.

The running adventurer party turned at the sound and fell flat, yet they only ended up running faster, thinking Axel was the monster.

“This thing is barely a Capture Level 3.” Axel scoffed at the downed monster, experienced enough to already grade it based on the Gourmet World standards. “Probably not worth the effort to hunt, but I want those eggs.”

A hiss rang out beside him, and Axel looked over to see the snake's head glaring at him, fangs stretched wide as it lunged.

“ROW!” Lucifer mightily roared and launched forward in an explosion of steam, tackling the surprised snake and blowing a thick steam cloud right down its gullet.

The snake spasmed in pain, its eyes rolling up as it fell backward.

“Reoooowww!” Lucifer roared atop its defeated body.

“Capture Level 2.” Axel casually downgraded it. “Don’t bite raw snake, bud. It probably has venom or something.”

Lucifer spat out the taste in his mouth after taking a curious bite.

“Hm… what parts of this are edible?” Axel frowned at the lack of response from his Aquatic Butchering skill. “It’s not aquatic. This is why it’s annoying hunting land-based stuff.”

Axel was too lazy to be studious. The Gourmet World alone had tens of thousands of species, and each world added more.

He’d rather just explore, hunt, cook, and eat.

The Cockatrice was eventually thrown into his Item Box, the creature not weighing all that much.

[Item Box has reached lvl 14!] 

“Oh, nice.” Axel threw the area where the bird died a mental thumbs-up. "That pushes my weight limit to 800 pounds."

He would try to cut down on carried weight when he butchered the bird.

His skills had slowed down in their leveling once they crossed into double digits, especially because he was hunting weaker creatures.

However, Axel wasn’t truly bothered, as he was only in it for the food.

They followed the tracks to find the beast's nest, only for Axel to frown as there weren't any eggs. "Did it not lay eggs? What a fraud of a chicken."

“Ro.” Lucifer was off to the side, pointing at a set of footprints.

“Hm?” Axel walked over and saw them leading deeper into the trees. His eyes narrowed. “A thief, huh? Let’s see who has the balls to steal from me.”

Lucifer hissed. It wasn’t fair if they weren’t the ones stealing stuff.

Their journey through the trees didn’t last long, and soon Axel sniffed the air, smelling the familiar scent of burning wood and cooking food.

He pushed into a clearing and blinked at the odd sight of a short, thick-statured person sitting by a fire with a very large wok set above the flames.

Thick, dark black hair ran down from a helm with two intimidating horns poking above their head.

Axel glanced at the cooking, then back at the figure. "Waitress?"

The figure stirred, turning to glance at Axel and showing off a face set into a full helm, with a thick black beard stretching down to his chest.

It was hard to imagine a manlier figure than this.

"Not a waitress." Axel shook his head in disappointment, walked over, and took a seat by the campfire without an ounce of shame.

The short, stocky man didn't say a word in protest.

He looked at Axel.

Axel looked back.

Lucifer joined the staring contest above Axel’s head.

Bubbles rose from the wok, and the three broke eye contact to look down at the bubbling water, where a trio of extra-large egg yolks was being poached.

The fire crackled, and neither moved for a long moment.

Then the short man lifted a ladle and dipped it into the water, carefully and expertly picking up one of the poached eggs.

Axel hummed and stared at the egg, noting it was perfectly poached, the center still a nice liquid gold shining through the cooked white membrane.

The short man placed the eggs on a plate, then reached into a pack and pulled out a loaf of very fluffy bread and a sharp knife.

Axel nodded his head at the gleam of the kitchen knife, the blade properly and lovingly maintained.

Three thick slices were soon cut out, slightly toasted over the flames, and placed on the plates. The man carefully adjusted the large eggs over each slice, then turned back to the wok.

He prepared to lift it to toss out the water, but Axel simply waved.

The water within the wok rose up and flung off into the dirt.

The short man frowned for a moment, then nodded in gratitude and reached into his pack.

A few bottles and ingredients were pulled out, each one seemingly gathered from the area around them, and added to the heated wok to create an aromatic sauce that was ladled over each slice of bread.

A simple incision had the egg yolks running over the mixture.

The short man made a sound of pleasure, picked up two plates, set one on a free log, and handed the other to Axel.

Axel took it without a word, gazing at the food with appreciation, while Lucifer jumped down to approach the plate set out for him.

The cook seemed happy with Axel’s acceptance and sat down as well.

Then the three dug in.

‘It’s not Gourmet World level.’ Axel closed his eyes and savored the flavor. ‘But the perfect preparation makes each flavor stand out and intertwine like a concert of flavors.’

By the time he opened his eyes, Axel’s plate was clean.

“Your passion is a gift.” Axel looked at the short man. “Axel. Aquatic Chef.”

Lucifer chirped.

“And Lucifer, my partner.”

The short man blinked and bowed his head in gratitude. "Senshi. Wandering Chef and Dwarf. Thank you for distracting the Cockatrice.”

“Meh.” Axel waved it away. “I was annoyed at first, but I doubt I could have prepared an egg I’ve never seen before that well. You must know the area well.”

“I’ve been living here for a decade.” Senshi ran a hand through his beard. “My dream is to learn how to cook every monster that lives here and share that knowledge with the world.”

“A noble dream.” Axel gave him a respectful nod. “Do you know what part of a Cockatrice is edible?”

“I do.” Senshi admitted freely. “Did you hunt it?”

"I did." Axel casually opened his Item Box and pulled out the giant chicken. "It's a pain carrying it around like this. I'm better at aquatic stuff."

“I see.” Senshi made no comment on the storage method, already standing and looking over the monster. “Everything important is intact. Well done.”

The Dwarf grabbed a large double-bladed axe, far better maintained than the veteran Axel had seen earlier, and stepped forward to begin butchering.

No verbal communication was needed; the two chefs moved in sync as they began butchering the beast.

"You don't want the wings; too little meat."

“The legs are good for stock after roasting.”

"The snake's venom petrifies on contact; careful not to touch it."

The Dwarf expertly explained each part as they worked, and soon they had the monster butchered into working parts.

“Thanks.” Axel patted the guy on the shoulder. “Take half the ingredients.”

He wasn't shy about sharing a land-based creature.

“Are you sure?” Senshi blinked in surprise.

"Yeah." Axel started throwing a few interesting pieces into his Item Box.

Senshi didn't stand on ceremony, quickly pulling out wrapping materials and sacks as he packed the edible pieces into his pack.

They finished quickly and glanced at each other again.

“I’m looking for The Glowing Lake.” Axel commented.

“Hm. Good aquatic creatures.” Senshi replied.

"I could use a guide." Axel pointed at where they butchered the Cockatrice. "I'm not familiar with what's edible around here."

“That’s a shame.” Senshi furrowed his brow. “Very well, I shall guide you.”

“Cool, I’ll treat you to a meal once we get there.” Axel stated.

The two looked at each other and nodded once more, completely at ease with the simple agreement to adventure together.

Lucifer had been watching the whole time and shrugged, not understanding complicated stuff and assuming the hairy guy was coming along for the ride.

They quickly put out the fire, and Senshi hefted his pack.

“I could carry that if you want?” Axel offered. His Item Box had plenty of room after butchering the rooster.

"No thanks." Senshi held up a palm. "I prefer not to use magic."

“Oh?” Axel looked at him curiously as the Dwarf gestured to a path. “Why?”

"Every time you do something the easy way, it dulls your skill for doing it." Senshi said simply without judgment. "Convenient and simple ain't the same."

Axel followed behind and scratched his chin. “I can respect that. But I’m not really interested in skills unrelated to my passions.”

“Perfectly fair.” Senshi adjusted his pack and cut a path through the foliage. “Do what is best for you.”

“Mn.”

The two fell into an easy silence.

00

The Spire Forest passed quickly, the Dwarf easily guiding Axel to the path to the next floor.

“Floor 3 is the Golden Castle.” Senshi was explaining as they descended the stairs. “A bunch of haunted corridors and chambers filled with ghosts and ambush predators.”

Axel raised a frying pan. “I have my pan.”

“Ro.” Lucifer raised his claws.

“Aye, we’ll be fine.” Senshi raised his axe.

The three were on the same page.

What could go wrong?

00

A gong rang out, and a skeleton collapsed with a dented skull.

“Undead aren’t food.” Axel frowned at the remains.

“But they are decent fertilizer.” Senshi rummaged through the bones and pulled out one in better condition, slipping it into his pack.

“What about the rest?” Axel pointed at the approaching hoard.

“I have enough.” Senshi raised a palm, indicating his stance.

The two nodded, took a step in the opposite direction, and booked it.

00

"These are bugs?" Axel kicked a fallen treasure chest full of gems and gold coins.

“Yep, Treasure Insects.” Senshi picked up each coin and threw them in a sack. “They make a lovely jam, and stir-frying the coins gives them a nice crunch.”

“I gotta see this.” Axel looked interested.

Soon they were sitting around a fire, and Senshi was explaining.

"For the pearl necklace, pull off all the legs; the texture ain't great if you leave them on."

The Dwarf handed Axel one, showing where to pull, and the two quickly prepared and wrapped them around skewers and then began roasting them.

“I see.” Axel nodded.

“Heat up some oil in a pan and give the coin bugs a good fry, stomach side down.”

Senshi stirred them around with a wooden spatula.

"Add a bit of salt and make sure the oil covers them evenly, and they're ready."

He poured them into a bowl, straining the excess oil.

“Hm.” Axel nodded.

“For the tiara and the rest of the larva gems, throw them in a pot and boil them with water. Then pour them into a jar.”

Senshi capped off the jar, revealing a glittering jam of sparkling gems seen through the glass.

“Uhu.” Axel nodded.

"It's ready." Senshi waved to the plated meal, and the watching Axel and Lucifer gave the food skeptical looks before taking the plunge.

They bit down, and their eyes widened.

00

“To make proper holy water, we’ll need to mix precious minerals, wine, salt, and herbs, all cooked over a steadily burning candle.” Senshi calmly explained.

Axel’s brow twitched as he pointed at the bowl. “You just combined Treasure Insects, ale, sugar, a random leaf, and dried monster guts.”

Senshi shrugged.

“Row!” Lucifer was running around like a maniac, frightened by the ghosts covering this part of the dungeon floor.

Contact with the ghosts apparently drained mana, and they were extremely cold to the touch.

Lucifer’s steam was their nemesis, and the ghosts seemed especially bothered by the cat.

“Hang in there, bud.” Axel cheered from the side, showing no interest in stepping in.

How were ghosts supposed to be an ingredient?

“I’ll handle this.” Senshi tightened a rope around the jar filled with his creative holy water and swung it like a ball on a chain.

The Dwarf rushed forward and threw the bottle at the ghosts, making them gasp and fade on contact.

"Fuck, that worked?" Axel scratched his head, idly blasting an approaching ghost with a wide spray of high-pressure water that made it disintegrate. "Well, whatever works."

He stuck his hands in his pockets and casually followed behind the acrobatic Dwarf.

By the time they reached the end of the ghost area, Senshi was looking at his holy water jar with interest.

“What is it?” Axel looked over when the Dwarf stopped.

“Hm.” Senshi stuck his finger in the jar, scooped out something, and tried it. “It’s become a sorbet.”

“Oh?” Axel raised a brow.

Soon the three were walking down the halls with bowls of sorbet, calmly eating the cold treat.

00

“Grah!” A deadly Ghoul rose from a grave, baring vicious fangs at the approaching chefs and cat.

“Hm.” Axel looked at Senshi.

“Not edible.” The Dwarf shook his head.

Axel nodded and walked forward, flicking up a Serving Tray when the Ghoul tried to swipe at him, then grasped its shoulder and pushed it back into the dirt.

“Go to sleep.” Axel jabbed it in the neck with his knocking gun. “Knocking.”

The Ghoul froze, overcome by the technological prowess of the Gourmet World, and Axel easily pushed it back underground.

“Rest in pieces.” Axel cleaned off his hands and returned to the two.

“Well done.” Senshi nodded in approval.

00

"Fuck that painting." A vein pulsed on Axel's forehead. "Why won't it let me eat!"

“I keep telling you.” Senshi scratched his helmeted head. “The food in Living Paintings isn’t real.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Axel stood up. “Lucifer, let’s kill them all!”

“Row!” Lucifer agreed.

Senshi sighed and manned the ropes, ready to pull them out.

00

“So, that’s a mimic?” Axel calmly observed the treasure chest.

“Should be a fully mature one.” Senshi nodded, preparing his axe.

Lucifer hopped down and wandered closer with open curiosity, only for the chest to crack open, revealing gleaming, sharp teeth that tried to snap at him.

“REO!”

Lucifer burst away with a cloud of steam, just in time for a jet of water to cut through the chest's head.

“You said it was a crustacean?" Axel's eyes gleamed as he lowered his finger.

"It is." Senshi stared at Axel's hand for a moment, then shrugged and stepped forward. "We need to remove its shell."

Soon they had a big blue lobster-like creature peeled from the chest, and a crackling fire going.

“Clean it off, then stick it in a pan of boiling water with some salt.” Senshi placed the lid on the pot. “And then wait.”

The Dwarf plopped down on a seat.

Axel sat opposite him.

Lucifer looked between them.

The Dwarf stared at a wall.

Axel stared at a different wall.

Lucifer saw neither was looking and snuck forward toward the pot. He reached a paw toward the lid.

“No.” Senshi didn’t look.

Lucifer hissed and waited a moment before trying again.

“No.” Axel didn’t look.

Lucifer growled at them both and lunged forward to tackle the lid. 

“Now.” Senshi pulled the lid, and the cat was bathed in an explosion of steam that only made him close his eyes in bliss as the rich scent washed over him.

A beautifully red mix of a crab and lobster lay before them, and with little effort the meat slipped from the carapace.

Axel and Lucifer gorged themselves, and Senshi laughed freely at their appetite.

00

“And this daikon came from an insect?” Senshi bit on the daikon, his eyes lighting up at the explosion of hydrating flavor.

“Spiteful little shits.” Axel commented with a glint of viciousness. “Beetles that grow daikon horns. You can pick them off and eat them directly.”

“Marvelous.” Senshi finished his piece. “This Emerald Lagoon sounds lovely.”

“It’s a great place to get fish.” Axel nodded. “If you stop by my restaurant, I can let you try sashimi from an Emerald Great Leg. It’s top-quality.”

“I would be honored.” Senshi easily agreed.

The two had quickly bonded on their trip down into the dungeon; their love for food and cooking made it easy to get to know one another.

They found the staircase and headed down.

“And here we go.” Senshi patted his stomach as they reached the exit. “Floor 4, The Glowing Lake.”

The two stepped out onto the new floor, and Axel took in the large lake at the center of the wide-open area, noting a few walkways on each side of the lake.

“Now this.” Axel and Lucifer grinned excitedly. “I can work with.”

“Yes, you seem to have a high-water affinity.” Senshi nodded, preparing to help Axel catch his prize. “I’d advise caution. Bladefish mating season is right now, so the other species in the area might-.”

Senshi paused at the sound of a splash and turned to his side, finding a discarded hoodie.

“Hm.” The Dwarf turned back to the lake, the surface beginning to shake as if something was stirring up trouble beneath.

He didn't comment further, simply walked over to a nice-looking rock, broke out his fishing rod, stuck on some bait, and cast it into the water.

And then he stared ahead blankly and waited.

00

“Did I ask for your opinion?” Axel held a Merman by the neck, a reinforced fishing net slung over his shoulder and filled with Bladefish.

The Merman, a somewhat humanoid monster with a fish head and kelp hair, gurgled angrily.

"Axel!" Senshi's call from the shore made Axel turn from where he stood on the water's surface. "They are inedible, but their kelp makes good stock."

"Thanks!" Axel waved back and gave the suddenly paling fish monster a sharp grin. "You heard the Dwarf."

The Merman struggled fiercely.

00

“Good net.” Senshi tugged on Axel’s fishing net. “It didn’t tear even a little from the Bladefish.”

Bladefish were a large fish with a crescent-shaped blade sticking out where fins would be, typically making them hard to catch without hitting them with a spell or blade.

"I have a good supplier." Axel commented as he borrowed Senshi's large wok to cook a stew, the kelp floating with diced fish meat creating a wonderful aroma. "You can have that one."

Tisha could get just about anything hunting-related for oceanic needs, as long as Axel could pay.

And Gourmet World standards for hunting were set for creatures far stronger than what Axel had seen so far in the dungeon.

“I’ll use it well.” Senshi gave Axel a thankful nod, folded up the net, and then sat and watched patiently as Axel cooked.

He offered no advice this time, finding it far more interesting to watch Axel perform everything with frightening accuracy, even though it was his first time seeing the ingredients.

Each fish was butchered to near perfection, and if there was a single error, Senshi watched Axel adjust in seconds to never make the same mistake twice.

The stew was expertly prepared, and Senshi wasn't fully sure what Axel pulled from his storage, but it carried an aroma that greatly whetted his appetite.

“Order up.” Axel placed a few dishes on a large stone they were using for a table.

A bowl of steaming kelp and fish stew.

A plate of gleaming sashimi cut thin enough to gleam translucently in the light.

And fire-roasted fillets seasoned and dripping with a light sauce.

"Enjoy." Axel sent the Dwarf a nod that was quickly returned.

From one chef to another, there was no greater gift.

Senshi’s heart felt warm as he ate another’s heartfelt cooking for the first time in a long while.

The stew had a thick flavor that danced on his tongue, the fish chunks offering the perfect hearty pairing.

The sashimi's flavor was maximized, and the soy sauce and wasabi dip paired like a match made in heaven.

The fire-roasted fillets fell apart at the touch, melting in his mouth with a storm of flavors that took his breath away.

Soon the plates were cleaned, and Senshi wiped away a tear. “Magnificent.” He glanced at Axel. “You have a fierce passion.”

The tables were turned as Senshi read Axel’s intent in his food, feeling the depths of Axel’s love for his work.

“Good food, cooking, adventure, and everything in between.” Axel grinned. “What else do we need in life?”

“Here, here.” Senshi offered a hand. “It was an honor traveling with you, Axel.”

“Likewise, my friend.” Axel skipped the hand and grabbed the Dwarf’s forearm, giving him a proper shake. “If you ever need a hand, feel free to stop by.”

“I’ll be sure to come by once you are open.” Senshi smiled.

Axel had shared the general location of the restaurant’s door. As much as he could, anyway, but the Dwarf seemed to get the idea.

“It shouldn’t be more than three months at most.” Axel hummed. “I could end up opening in a month as well, but if you come knocking and I’m free, you can still find me.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.” Senshi nodded. “What will you do next?”

“I’ll continue my journey.” Axel scratched Lucifer’s chin, the feline draped over his shoulder. “This trip took two days, and I have something I have to do before the week is up.”

The first two worlds took a day, and Monster Menu World took another two.

‘I’ve only got four days left to use the other three slots on the Voucher.’ Axel mused.

“I wish you luck.” Senshi picked up the wok and carried it to the water, dumping the leftover dregs in the lake. “You were searching for something, no?”

“Yeah.” Axel rose with a stretch. “I wanted to see if I could find a-.”

The two men turned to find a rippling ball of water rising from the lake, their faces reflecting in the water’s surface.

Senshi’s eyes widened. “Undine.”

“Waitress?” Axel finished his sentence with a curious tilt.

Water exploded from the Undine.

Chapter End.

Chapter 14 Teaser:

“Waitress?” Axel held up a black cat with golden eyes.

“Meow.” A masculine voice responded flatly, distinctly un-catlike.

“Hm, not a waitress.” Axel put the clearly male cat back on the fence and turned to the candy shop beside where his shop had appeared.

The sign out front was written in Japanese, but Axel got the feeling the name wasn’t important.

"Been a while since I've seen a legitimate candy shop." Axel scratched his chin and stepped forward. "I wonder if anything is homemade."

Axel pushed aside the Japanese sliding door and entered.

“Oho.” A voice echoed from behind the cashier, and shaded eyes stared at Axel beneath a green-and-white striped bucket hat. "Interesting visitors have arrived."

The man was the epitome of sketchy, and he made an active effort to play up the persona as he fanned himself with a folding fan.

Axel met the man’s gaze without backing down. “I have come for candy.”

The intensity rose a notch.

“I have much candy.” The shopkeeper countered.

The intensity rose another notch.

"Homemade?" Axel challenged, taking a step forward.

Sparks flew between the two men.

"I do make homemade candy." The shopkeeper confirmed, tipping his hat forward.

The two faced off.

Axel reached into his pocket.

The shopkeeper tensed, the folding fan in his hand pausing.

A handful of shiny pearls were placed on the counter.

“I have much gold.” Axel stated directly.

The shopkeeper stared down at the pearls for a long moment, his folding fan snapping shut.

“I have much candy.” The shopkeeper looked up and smiled brightly, bright blond hair framing a handsome sunny face. “Welcome to Urahara Shōten!” His blue eyes flashed with interest. “I’d love to get to know my new neighbor.”

"Cool." Axel was already on the side of the store. "Which candy is homemade?"

Kisuke Urahara sweatdropped.

Teaser End.

AN: Hope you enjoyed! Lots of fun stuff happening this time.

Fair note: The world of Toriko has insanely high power scaling. Axel's Kuriboh frying pans and knocking gun are meant to work on crazy strong stuff. I think it was said that a CL1 could require 10 veterans with shotguns to take down. And CL5 would need a tank. These rankings vary a lot by what ingredient/environment is in question, but still, crazy stuff. And that's before taking into account Axel's system.

Axel exploring the multiverse and:

• Interrupts a dastardly devil plot. Mugs said devil. Accidentally summons an audience with a dragon god of loli's. And skedaddles. Where will his shop appear next in Horny World?

• Dives headfirst into a world he was meant to be born into. Commandeers the kitchen and takes charge. Puts an idiot sandwich in their place. Conquers a guild through their stomachs. Has a legendary bar crawl. And had to rescue his partner for a terrifying fate of becoming an older woman's cat.

• Becomes best bros with a stoic dwarf, trading their knowledge of the culinary arts and having a grand adventure of much lacking intensity.

Next time: Axel explores the last 3 worlds and finds his first waitress! Who could it be?