No Patreon chapter this Monday+ Casual's rambles (Patreon)
Content
As said at the end of the previous chapter, I will not be posting a chapter this Monday, October 25th.
This is so I can do a reassessment. There may be an update to the most recent chapter as well.
Secondly, for the rest of the week there will be no posts on public platforms (SB RR, QQ). This is both to give myself a break, and hopefully to get some more advanced chapters available.
And I guess I'll just ramble a bit here about my own thoughts. It might be a bit disjointed. it might not even make too much sense, but I think that's okay. I also really hope it doesn't come across as fishing for sympathy. Just me talking a bit. I don't want to make a habit of it, and come across as whiny.
The first thing I guess is expectations. For myself. People are, at the end of the day, paying for something. People are paying for may work. Maybe its irrational, but I don't think it is. I want to deliver to everybody who is giving me money for this. Again, I hate to sound like a broken record. Or maybe I don't say it enough. I know I've got my share of neurotic hang-ups about praise, but again, this is quite frankly insane to me. I never, in my entire life, thought that the Patreon would be as successful as it is. Its a passion, and something I love.. but sometimes passion isn't enough.
Writing is work. Sometimes my brain feels like its going to melt into mush and slide out my ears. When passion fails, and when all I want to do is go "I'll do it tomorrow" The thought of skimping out and not delivering on my "promise", to betray the people who are paying for my work, is what drives me onward. Onward to sit down at my computer, and iterate something 10, 20 times, the same scene over and over and over until I have something that I can be proud of. To just outright scrap scenes that don't work, to start the entire chapter again from scratch 2k words in. You guys see a bit of it sometimes, the people who help me edit see it a bit more. This has produced some absolutely fantastic scenes in my opinion. Hell, The Hearth chapter was one of those. It nearly didn't have the earth-chan portions, which at the end of the day, made that chapter. I wish to deliver to everybody a timely, quality piece that they can enjoy. I already dropped down to three times a week, and I don't want to drop down further.
Delivering something low quality, or betraying the trust, and time people have put into the story is absolutely abhorrent to me on a visceral level.
Then of course, is the other side. exhaustion and burn out. You've seen the chapters get later and later. I've certainly felt a bit tired, but I don't think I'm burning out. I know the end point to this volume. I really think people will like it, and hopefully I've got some twists and turns that people enjoy. Its a little bit "I'll rest when I'm done?" I don't know quite when things will be done on this volume, but I'll tell you now, I'm definitely going to take some time off after its done.
Its a pull in two directions. You need rest, but resting means you aren't delivering. The great conundrum of the age. I need more advanced chapters and a backlog, so that if anything happens I can still have posts, but I can't get that with the current pace, and if I drop the current pace it feels bad to me.
I a bit don't want to take more time off. I'm already down to 3 times a week, so taking any more time off feels lazy, and like I'm not working for the support I'm getting. But I do need some time off. Probably personal hangups again. Yeah, it sucks I'm tired, but other people don't get that excuse. They have to work even exhausted. I'm lucky enough that The number on the front page is that high. I can't start getting lazy, or take it for granted. Excuses are excuses, and I almost feel like they're unacceptable. I have to repay people for the trust they have, and for the support they're giving. Plenty of other authors write more than me. 2K an update could even be considered skimpy, but I also don't really want to pad out words, because thats just filler. You guys don't want filer, I don't want filler.... which is a bit strange because this is primarily Slice of Life, ha.
At the end of the day.... I dunno. I still have yet to find my limits. I don't think I'm approaching burnout, late chapters aside. I'll freely admit I still barely have a clue what I'm doing with patreon , and literature in general. I'm stressed out, but also largely content with my life. I've got hard times, and easy times. Feels like such a short while ago that I made the post about the Yun Ren chapter.
And well, thats just life, ain't it? At the end of the day, you guys deserve honesty. This is from me to you, largely unfiltered. I don't really have anything more to say.
So, Have a good day, everybody. Thanks for listening to my vent/ whatever this is.
I'll see you Wednesday!