Episode 462: Chasing the Perfect Hot Dog (Patreon)

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Ah man. The raccoons got into the freaking crack again. And, yep, it’s making them do some really weird stuff, as you might expect. First of all, they’re raccoons. And to my understanding, them being wild animals, if there were enough of them stone cold sober, we might be in trouble. I don’t know how well raccoons coordinate but you gotta imagine they have teeth. Oh, and not to mention they have opposable thumbs, right? So they can handle weapons or draw strategic diagrams. They might even be able to disarm us, if we don’t use proper form. But now you’re telling me they’re on crack as well – which is still a drug, mind you – a drug which can have certain effects on those who consume it. Being that it’s the raccoons what consumed it, it stands to reason that the critters have become even less predictable than they already were. Not for nothing, but I was having a hard time predicting what they were gonna do anyway. Now with the crack, it’s anybody’s guess. I wish we hadn’t found ourselves in this situation, but it is what it is. Maybe if we had had the crack on our side, or maybe if we were the raccoons, things would’ve turned out different. All I can hope for now is that my grandmother gets a robot to talk to her until she dies, and Teslas get a heads-up display. And maybe…just maybe, if we pray hard enough, some 40 year old guy will go watch a baseball game. God willing.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.

Executive Producer Tim Faust (@crulge)

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