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šŸ„ŗ (Patreon)

Published:
2021-04-11 01:15:42
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Trigger Warning: This post might be triggering to some ppl. If you suffer from depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts be aware Iā€™m about to talk about my current mental state and you might be triggered by what Iā€™m about to write.


Hi everyone!

Iā€™m really sorry I havenā€™t posted anything yesterday and today. I havenā€™t been feeling too well lately. The past 10 days have been rough. Reacting always helps and Iā€™ve been trying to focus on that but the last two days have been terrible!!

I feel my mood declining more and more everyday. I just want to sleep and crawl in my bed. Pills are not helping and I feel like I want to die.

I feel like no one needs me anymore. Josh is more independent everyday so I think he will be fine without me šŸ˜­

Iā€™m sorry to post this. Iā€™m sorry Iā€™m not reacting but I just canā€™t. I canā€™t focus. I tried reacting to OTH yesterday and I couldnā€™t focus enough to do the intro. I kept messing up and it just made me feel worse. So I stopped and went to bed šŸ„ŗ

If you guys have any advice it will be great to know how you guys handle this moments bc Idk what to do or who to talk to. I donā€™t want to worry my mom or anyone.

Iā€™m sorry again. I hope I feel better soon so I can get back to reacting and watching my favorite shows. Iā€™m so sorry šŸ˜ž

Comments

fry

your family and josh still needs you here juli! and trust me we all need you too iā€™m sure i can speak for a lot of us that watching your videos saved our life or made us feel less alone and like we had a friend to obsess over our favorite shows with. trust me you are needed!!!! the only advice i can give is to speak with your therapist and tell them how you feel but even putting it here and starting a conversation with us is a big start to wanting to feel better

Corey R Valeary

You are very much wanted and needed on this earth Juli Iā€™m sorry you feel like you donā€™t matter but trust me when I say that you do. You definitely do. Your supporters, your family and most importantly your son want and need you here so I hope you get and start to feel better. ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø

Drake Vinning

Hey Queen, Iā€™m so sorry you havenā€™t been feeling well and I truly understand. 2021 has not been any better than 2020. Iā€™ve been going through it too you just gotta keep your head up and keep going. You said you tried OTH and couldnā€™t finish maybe you should react to something more comedic like to cheer you up. I have been watching your ICARLY reactions and you are always busting a gut laughing which makes the scene even funnier!!šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

Anonymous

I know how horrible those thoughts are but believe me josh absolutely needs you it doesnā€™t matter how independent he may seem he needs you. Itā€™s hard to see it those thoughts consume you making you feel like thereā€™s no way out. I started journaling every bad thought every fear I wrote it all down then I tear those pages out and I burn them I repeat over and over in my head that Iā€™m wanted and needed and loved and that Iā€™m allowed to have bad days and Iā€™m allowed to let myself be sad when I need to but Iā€™m strong and those bad thoughts donā€™t define who i am. Itā€™s taken me a long time to get to that place and I still have bad days remind yourself that youā€™re human and reach out to people youā€™re not a burden to the people who love and care about you itā€™s ok to let them be there for you.

Danny Thomas

You can get through this I know you can. We all love and support you. Feel better !!!ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø

Shaun Stacy

Juli, girl, we love you. When I contemplated killing myself while grappling with coming out, a friend reminded me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The pandemic has absolutely had a negative effect on everyone, especially during lockdown. You must take care of yourself, go for a quick walk around the block, paint your nails, take a bubble bath, etc. Josh may be becoming more independent but a child will always need their mother. Celebrate those accomplishments with him. We're not going anywhere. Hugs ā¤.

Jessica Guillory

Hi Julie, I know you donā€™t feel strong right now but you are. Just reaching out on here shows your strength. You are very much needed to Josh ,your family, and this community. Iā€™m a mental health therapist. When you donā€™t feel like getting out that is the depression talking. Depression lies. The best thing you can do is fighting it by doing it anyway. ā€œActing as ifā€ holds a lot of merit. Please donā€™t give up. I recommend you talk to whoever provided your medication about it not working and a counselor. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me, always willing to talk to you. ā¤ļø

Anne M.

I'm so sorry you feel that way, Juli, I don't even know what to say... But just know that Josh will always need you. I'm 23 and I still need my mom almost everyday! Not in the same way, of course, but it's still there. A child will always need his parent, no matter the age. And you have so many people who love you! Take care of yourself, talk to someone, take all the time you need. We'll always be here to support you and we'll wait for you. You are the only thing that matters right now ā¤

Shaun Kemmer

I just want to say that even though Josh is getting more independant (and that's a good thing) a child will always need their mother.

Sara Peterson

I'm sorry you're struggling. Definitely try and get in contact with your doctor or counsellor. Apart from that, it's okay to feel those feelings. It's okay to not be in the right mood to react. It's okay to take a break. It's okay if you want to nap or cry or scream into a pillow. I promise you Josh still needs you. It might not feel like it, and yes, he will be getting more independent but he will always need you. I'm 31 and I still need my mom. It's just in different ways. But the need is still there. Maybe try finding a show that you wanna watch that's just for you, no reacting, nothing, like a comedy. Or watch a funny movie. There's no pressure to be 'on' because you aren't reacting, and it's not going to make your mood *worse*. If anything, it might just be a good distraction for a couple of hours. <3

Kai Miko

Hey Juli, Iā€™d say try being as gentle as you can with yourself. Iā€™ve been where you are before, itā€™s definitely not easy to get through, but taking care of yourself, even in very small ways is a good start. I learned at the start of the pandemic to think of little things like brushing your teeth, cooking a meal, or taking a shower as achievements when youā€™re in a difficult situation and that you should reward yourself for those achievements. If you wanna have some sweets or you wanna indulge in something you normally wouldnā€™t, maybe let yourself because it might help. Definitely talk to the doctor prescribing your medication and talking to a therapist can do wonders if youā€™re not already. Even talking to a trusted friend and expressing what youā€™re feeling might help. I really appreciate what you do. Much love ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø

Alexis

We love you so much Juli ā¤ļø. You are an amazing mom to josh so he needs you to be strong for for him and weā€™ll be strong for you. Sometimes we all feel alone and feel like life isnā€™t worth anything but it is. You were put on this earth to live a beautiful live and be there for Josh as he lives his. Just take it day by day and try to find things that make you laugh and smile and donā€™t worry about the reactions, your mental health is worth so much more. Sending you all my love Juli āœØā¤ļø

beti georgieva

I'm really sorry to hear that you have not been feeling well Juli. Please take care of yourself, you are needed and loved even if at times you don't think/feel so. We love and appreciate you ā¤ļø.

Chandler .

Your family will always need you, Juli! They love you! They need you in their lives. All the people who love watching you videos love you!

Sha9719

Hi love. Remember that there are resources out there, numbers you can call for help. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If you need someone to talk to, feel absolutely free to message me privately. And know that even if you feel like no one cares, they do. I know you don't want to worry your family but isolating yourself will only hurt you further. It's not easy at all to reach out but sometimes you need to go to the people who love you. But if you can't, remember that there are people here who care about you. Please reach out to me, I would love to talk to you about anything you need to get off your chest. And if you don't want to reach out to me, there are resources. I'll find them myself if you need me to. Love you, take care of yourself

Victoria Chinaka

hey love, i donā€™t have advice but just know that you matter and you are loved!! you are a light in everyoneā€™s life, donā€™t forget it!!

Lisa Nap

Never apologize for having to put your mental health first, we will still be here when you feel the energy to come back. If you are able to please reach out to a support hotline or therapist to help you over this hump. šŸ™šŸ¾

Brian Jones

Iā€™m so sorry that youā€™ve been feeling bad Juli! Speaking as an adult I can tell you that I will always need my mother, no matter what age I am. Youā€™ve brought so much fun and happiness in my life from your reaction videos and I know from all these comments that so many others feel the same. Never doubt that you are a source of light and joy to others in this world. Keep talking to your doctor and therapist. They can help you. ā¤ļø

Egil HellĆ”

I am really sorry for what you are going through and I hope that you feel better soon

Trinity Gloria

we love youā¤ļøtake care of yourself right now!! ur mental health is so much more important than making sure u post on time. we understand completely if u need to take a break for a little for yourself! those thoughts are one of the toughest things to go through. remember you donā€™t have to be strong all the time! if u need to break down and let it all out, do that. it helps big time to find a moment alone and just let it all out. trust me!!! it may take time but you will get through this. we love you. youā€™re strong juli donā€™t ever forget that<3

Leora Nechama

Feel better. I've felt the same and I've been unable to focus lately to read/write papers and I'm in grad school. Definitely keep talking to your therapist and doctor. If you need to switch meds hopefully you can get them. We're here for you don't worry about not reacting enough just take care of yourself. Aromatherapy can help ground me/deal with anxiety sometimes. I usually keep an aromatherapy roll on in my purse I can rub on my wrist if I really need the help to stay present. If you like to listen to music when you feel down I can always recommend. And a little bit of dark chocolate for some endorphins never hurts. <3

Dominique Eugene

iā€™m praying for you Juli, as always, we love you so much and so does your son. He adores you and he still needs you. Donā€™t ever give up and donā€™t ever stop fighting love. Life is too precious to give up. You have people who love and need you in their lives donā€™t forget that. ā¤ļøā¤ļø Praying for a healthy and happy life for you.

AmyWonderland92

Hi Juli, So I've actually been feeling similar to you for a few months now so if I can help someone else get through it I'm happy to. Not sure if I can help you but if you want to talk feel free to message me any time. Sending all my love x

Natasha G

mental health is a top priority! The best thing for me is to have been validating my feelings, and try and accept them-but not live in them. Which is much harder than it might sound. Sending you much love and prayers.

Raven

Hi Juli, I've been in the same position before and currently dealing with postgrad depression and anxiety. But I just wanted to say that your videos bring extra joy to my days and I definitely need you ā™” Dont ever feel that you need to push past your struggles to post videos. Your wellness comes first. And while your videos bring me extra joy, just knowing that someone as funny & relatable as you is out there brings me joy as well! I'm still trying to find ways to cope as well but just want to say I hope you feel better!

Angel Flores

We love you Juli ā¤ļø please keep pushing through

Samantha J

You have always said that your family depends on you for a lot. It seemed like it was overwhelming. Now that Josh is becoming more independent, this may be a good thing. It should free up your time a little more. You don't have to constantly think about what everyone else needs and focus on your own. It is not selfish. Think of Josh doing things for himself proof that your parenting has worked. He is supposed to be able to grow in that way. You aided in that. I don't have kids, so I don't know much about the subject, but it would seem that a parent should hold on to who they were before the child came. If you give all, you have nothing left for yourself. Please think of this as a way to add more time for your needs. Your health issues are probably going to keep fluctuating for a while until you and your doctor can figure out the best methods to take. It may even be a while, but it will get straightened out. It will if you give it time. LOVE TO YOU.

Lily Cohen

I have been in the exact same position you are in right now. The best thing to do is to talk to the people you trust the most and tell them how youā€™re feeling. I know itā€™s difficult and you donā€™t want to worry people but the people who really care about you will be there for you. If you ever need to talk about anything, I am free and willing. My email is estar400@gmail.com. When I was feeling depressed the last few months I actually watched your videos so I didnā€™t feel so alone and you made me laugh so hard cause I related to everything you were saying. Know that you arenā€™t alone. Your family needs you as much as you need them. This might be hard to do right now but the thing that makes me feel better is to just sit outside in nature of some form or another and just take it in. Focus on your breath and try to focus on this very moment. Thinking of the past and potential futures will only hurt further. Just know that I LOVE YOU and I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE! Again feel free to contact me and Iā€™m more than happy to chat. Take care of yourself. šŸ’ššŸ’ššŸ’š

Caitlyn Skiff

I don't really have any advise but I do want to say that I love you! and that I want you to know your mental health is more important than any reaction video. please take care of yourself! I hope you feel better soon!

thisismaria27

I am so glad that you decided to reach out to the patreon family too, not just me. Reaching out and talking about it with more people helped me too when I was going through it. Maybe when more people then just me tell you this, you will believe it. šŸ™ I know I already told you this, but Iā€˜m saying it again so that everyone here who struggles the same way you do takes it to heart: You matter. You are important. You are no burden. You are not invisible. And there will be a day where you feel joy again. So please fight to stay. Donā€™t listen to that voice in your head. You are here, you are you and that is enough.

Aparna

I wish I could string together some words that'll magically make you feel better, but thats just not the case. So I dont wanna be clichƩ, instead I want you to know that you are loved, cherished, and absolutely adored by those that are important to you. No matter how independent Josh gets, no matter how down you feel, you gotta know that you are not only needed but WANTED.

Anonymous

Hey Juli, I just want you to know that nobody will be better without. You matter just because your existance itself. Iā€™m glad that youā€™re honest and I hope that you prioritize your mental health. Focus on yourself and reach out for profesional help and do something that you like to do. Take baby steps and donā€™t be harsh on yourself. Hope you feel better soon.

SamTheMars

Hey, Juli. I know from what youā€™ve written that youā€™re not feeling good. Let me tell you a story. I remember when I was little, I had one of the best grandmas out there. She might have been an alcoholic for the grownups but to me she was just a fun, creative and a hero with a really big heart. Iā€™ve been where you are but I was about 12-14 years old when that hero of a grandmother died. I didnā€™t understand what I was going through. I started feeling worse over time, not knowing what I was going through. I started loosing friends and ate alone at lunch (calling my mother). Crying in the bathrooms for hours. Iā€™m not writing this to make you feel worse, Iā€™m writing this because I get it. I havenā€™t told a lot of people but I was recently diagnosed with depression. I have had anxiety for about 2 years now but depression was new. I thought that feeling like I was worth nothing was personality but in reality it was my depression. I started taking medication and it has worked for me. What Iā€™m trying to say to ease your mind a bit is that I would give anything to have my grandmother who died in 2012 and grandfather who died in 2019 her with me today. I would want them to have seen me graduate celebrate my 20th birthday in 10 days. Be there when/If I give birth to my kids, meet my little sister. Have them die when theyā€™re at least 100 years old so that I know that theyā€™ve lived a good and long life. But there is no such promises. But what I can promise you is that your Josh will need you for as long as he can have you. I know there are no magical words because if there were I wouldnā€™t even have considered medication. Right now Iā€™m just happy that Iā€™ve decided to follow your OTH reactions, (thatā€™s how I got here). And thatā€™s why Iā€™m going to tell you all of this. If I had known that I was depressed when I was younger and not believed that it was my personality, I believe it wouldnā€™t have gotten so deep. So my point is that Josh will always need you, just like I would have needed my grams but life doesnā€™t work like that, so take it from me who has been a Josh if you were to be gone then I would say ā€I will always need youā€.

Dove

Hi Juli, I hope you feel better soon. My only advice would be to continue seek professional help as it was what helped me get through the darkest period of my life. Also, to not be disincouraged if it doesn't work the first few times or if you have to change meds, that happens sometimes. If you feel up to it, try to have time to yourself for self care, which is very important. I recommend going to a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it's what has worked best for me to deal with intrusive thoughts. Depression and anxiety are horrible and there's ups and downs, and the downs are especially hard during Covid times. Receive a warm hug on my part.