Chapter 492 – The Greatest Terror Raika Has Ever Experienced (Patreon)

Took longer than expected but this was one of the easiest and most fun 3k chapters I've written in a long time. Enjoy! Muahahahaha!

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“I’ve only had my child for three-hundred and seventeen years, but if anyone hurts them, I’ll kill everyone on this continent and then myself.”

–A record of the final days of the fallen nation Astraea, in the time before Empire

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“I trust you with all my heart. With my life, my well being, my plans, my home, my hearth. You are, at your deepest foundation, someone I profoundly respect and think the world of. So I need you to understand just how seriously I take this, and just how unbelievably uncomfortable I am, in asking this.”

“Master–”

“Just– just wait. One moment. I beg. Because this is very stressful in many different ways, and I knew it was coming! I did! But I still need a minute. And there are certain questions that must be asked. Most importantly; how are you feeling?”

“I… a bit confused. And… weirdly tired? And sort of… floaty, but not in a good way? Or a bad way. Mostly good, I think?”

“That’s lovely to hear. It fills my heart with song and my mind with a relief profound. Which does lead me to my next question. Did you use protection?”

He must have known it was coming. She wasn’t exactly obtuse about where the conversation was going.

Jin still spits tea out of his nose in a brief burst of coughing.

He sputters, and tries to respond with his sinuses still clogged, but she shakes her head and waves him off, offering him a cloth with which to wipe his face. 

“Master, you– I–”

“I assume you did!” she assures him, reaching across the table to pat him on the shoulder, shaking some more tea out of him with the act. “Like I said, I trust you very much, son. But also, this is the sort of thing that you shouldn’t play with, and I don’t take it lightly, and also, it’s really good to ask.”

Rai Jin takes a little time, breathing in and out until his airway is clear, then shaking his head. Once he’s somewhat recovered his prim and proper seating, he inhales deep, blows it out in one big breath, and then opens his eyes again to face her.

His expression immediately goes from calm and collected to annoyed as he looks at her.

“Mom.”

“Whaaaaat?”

“You don’t have to be smiling so wide about this.”

“I’m not! You’re just being really adorable right now!”

“I– ugh. There was… no need for anything of that nature, master. It was just… nice. Nothing happened.”

Raika frowns performatively, the panic in her already fading to mix with amusement and relief. “Nothing at all? Rai Jin, how can you claim to have inherited the mantle of this grandmaster’s techniques if nothing happened during such a clearly auspicious and relevant moment?”

He grumbles something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like “could use some restraint", which she politely decides to ignore, poking his arm instead. 

“I’m messing with you, kid. And as usual, all of my grand statements remain empirically true, because I am still very proud of you and trust you entirely to be wise and careful and also to trust me in case you need anything.”

“It’s not like it was a big deal or anything.”

She scoffs at that, animatedly waving at her wonderful stupid son. “It was probably a very big deal indeed to her! Or him, or them, or whoever it was. And it was obviously a big deal to you!”

He mumbles something again, and Raika actually stops herself this time, taking a second to analyze the chemistry and vibes coming off of him.

Right. She’s overwhelming him. Ok. 

She readjusts, taking a breath, artificially slowing her heartbeat and controlling the adrenal panic response running through her body.

“Alright. Alright. I’m cool. I’m fine. We’re having a perfectly normal, perfectly mature conversation.”

“Master.”

“My son, who has just reached an incredible milestone, requires care and quiet, as he is easily overwhelmed by the nuances of the human experience.”

“Mother.”

“The glare of the Cold Sun? No problem. Centuries-old superghosts killing each other in the sky above? Barely worth a glance. But here, in truth, is the greatest challenge of a young heart, the first steps of–”

“Mom.”

She laughs. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop.”

“...thank you.”

She nods, smiling much more calmly now that she’s no longer in panic-reactive mode at the news. “Of course. Sorry. Just… big milestone. And I worry about you, even when I know I don’t have to.”

“...I… I just… I worry too, master.”

“Sometimes too much for your own good,” she agrees. Still, she reaches over the table and ruffles her kid’s hair, letting loose some of the carefully organized hairs in his bun. “It’s alright. Talk to me.”

“Well I… it’s…”

He sighs. Takes a sip of his tea, and swallows it entirely this time. She can feel the adrenaline running through him, the fear, the desire not to be seen as lesser, the shame at what he views as a stupid decision, and more. But just like her, he takes in a long, slow breath, then lets it out, centering himself with that age-old training method. 

“It’s the same issues I had before, master,” he says. “That… that we talked about earlier. Seeing more, being stronger, faster. Worrying about hurting someone. About how it’s… not really fair, I think, to be with someone or give them ideas when we’re so far apart.”

She waits. If it was just that, she doesn’t think that he’d be so overwhelmed.

He proves her right by continuing on after that brief pause. 

“But I… I like her. And we talked for a while. And then… when things got late, she got close to me, and… and we kissed.”

The kid is blushing furiously now.

“And it was… it was really nice. And strange. And I liked it a lot, I think, but it… well it was a lot, and it left me feeling kind of confused. And really wired, and then that had me feeling kind of overwhelmed, so I… pushed her back.”

“And she took that well, right?”

“I… she seemed disappointed?”

“Right, understandable, my son is a fine man, but I mean did she yell at you, or make you feel like you had to do something, or…?”

“No, no, she just seemed… confused. I think she sort of expected me to act one way, and then when I didn’t she was a bit lost. And I was very lost, so then we both just sort of… talked for a bit. That… that was nice too.”

Surely it is only the superhuman alkemy of her physique that stops her heart from exploding. 

Gods damnit, he’s just a good damn kid, the awkward little bastard.

“Well, it sounds like you had a good first kiss, then,” she says, an eyebrow raised questioningly to invite him to refute her.

“I… suppose?”

She smiles, then gets up, taking her time in her mortal shell to wander over to make them a fresh batch of tea. The batch they were drinking has long since gone cold, and it feels improper to drink the tea that Jin prepared for them rather than tea from her, the responsible and wise advice-giver in this scenario. 

She lets the silence sit in the space between them for a time, though she can’t help but infuse her actions with Intent. She might be leaving silence for thought and to give him some space to calm down, but her Intent transmits through every action that she is happy, and proud, and offering him comfort rather than judging. He probably doesn’t need it, but Intent being a language of perfect honesty leaves a lot of room for communication without as much pressure. 

A pinch of moss. A little bit of dried fruit peel. A hint of spice, mixed with the leaves of a local herb she’s taken up growing. 

The water hisses as it reaches the perfect temperature, and she lets it cool for a few seconds before she places the ingredients within, stirring the pot slightly to wake up the flavors. 

No Qi, no thousand-year ice water, no mystical fruits, just basic ingredients, blended carefully. 

She sets down two teacups before them, and pours Jin his cup first before filling her own. 

He stares at the tea suspiciously. Then at her. Then at the tea. 

And then he takes a sip.

His eyes go wide, and he coughs a bit.

“That! Ah. That… is good tea, master.”

She snorts, lifting her own cup to taste the blend. “Damn right it is. What, you think all the tea I drink is full of rocks and old swamp water?”

“I… didn’t know any of your tea had rocks in it. Or swamp water.”

She waves the comment off. “Whatever. I have a palate as refined as any thousand-year monk, and I can choose how I use it. Including to make novel tea combinations.”

“...thank you, master.”

She nods, the act as gentle as the beverage before him. “You’re welcome, my disciple. Now, drink. And then ask me what you wish to ask.”

He drinks obediently, savoring the flavors. She considers offering him some honey to sweeten the mix, but… he seems content with the flavors. He’s always been a bit of a weird kid like that, and growing up into a weird young man has not changed his lack of a sweet tooth. 

Eventually, he sets down an empty cup. She mirrors him with her own, then pours them both a second serving with a deeper, richer color than before.

Rai Jin picks up the cup gently, but, rather than taking another sip, he just holds it for a while. He warms his hands on the cup, and she lets the moment breathe.

“Is it alright?” he asks.

“Yes.”

He waits, seeming to expect more, but she offers no more clarification. It is alright, after all.

“Even if she’s… weaker than me?”

“Yes.”

“Even if we never see each other again, and this doesn’t become anything… more?”

“Yes.”

“Even if I leave for the war, and…”

She reaches across the table in her humble cabin and places her hand on Rai Jin’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to leave.”

His eyes go wide at that, first in shock, then in affront.

“Master, I will not sit idly by while so many others lose their lives! While you fight! While big sis and big bro and the Pack and my brother disciples risk their lives for a better world!”

“And that’s your choice.”

That makes him pause. Her lack of push-back against him seems to leave him a bit disoriented, but again, she doesn’t clarify. She will, if she has to, if she chooses to, but for now, the simpler it is, the easier it is to say.

Raika wants nothing more in the world than to try and make it better, except, perhaps, to see her loved ones safe. And Jin, more than any other, is her responsibility. Her family, her martial son, her adopted child, who she would murder and die and live for. 

But it is his choice.

She gives him a gentle squeeze before sitting back down on her side of the table.

The topic of the war is a heavy one, and, once breached, sits just as heavily in the space between them. But like any ore, it requires careful tapping to unearth properly, still obscured behind other weights. 

“I don’t want to hurt her,” Rai Jin eventually gets out.

“And I am immensely proud of you that that is one of your biggest concerns. But it is also ok to not want to be hurt.”

“I’m… I’m a cultivator. I’ve got–”

“You’ve got many things she doesn’t have. And yet, you are both people. Tell me, do you like this girl?”

“I… yes.”

“As a friend?”

“I think we could be.”

“As more?”

“...”

Raika shrugs. “Then step back. Tell her honestly and gently how you feel, with respect to her emotions as well as your own. Tell her you’re new at this, and that you don’t want to hurt her, and that you don’t think you want the same things as her.”

“You say that like it’s simple, master.”

“It is simple. It’s not easy. It’s incredibly hard, and scary, and a damn challenge the first time you do it. When I did it, I used disregard as my weapon. I wore a mask and pretended I didn’t care about them, and hurt people more than I needed to to avoid being hurt. To avoid confronting a lack in myself, and the fears I had of losing them, or of hurting them even worse than harsh words could. I did that a lot, before I met Hisheng. You met him, once. In some ways, I did worse after, because I put so much of my well-being onto another’s shoulders, while depriving her of agency in our dynamic, I think. Since then, I’m still practicing this sort of thing, but perspective is useful for this sort of thing. It’s easier to see the right decisions when it’s not you having to make them.”

The speech leaves Rai Jin quiet for a moment. At last, he takes another sip from his tea, not-quite lukewarm, and he savors the taste. 

“You kissed a girl,” she tells him. “You liked it, but it was intense and confusing, as most first time experiences are. You’re coming at all this from a perspective built from respect and concern for her, and that’s the best you can do, so long as you’re also including concern for yourself.”

“I just don’t think it would work,” he admits with a shrug, looking exhausted.

“Work out how?” she asks instead of letting that assertion rest.

“I mean I… I don’t think I would want to marry her, and–”

“Boy, if you think this Raika would let you get married so quickly, you have sheep’s wool between your ears!”

“I mean long term!” he assures her. “I don’t think I want to marry her!”

“Nor should you! You just met her, and it’s not some political affair, so what reason would you have to want to marry someone you just met?”

“Thats– sure, ok, that’s fair, but I don’t think that I can properly court her!”

“This boy!” Raika groans, rolling her eyes. “If you can’t properly court her, who can? With your artistry and your kindness and your appreciation for all the little things in life and your honor and your good looks? You dare to say that you’re not good enough to come up with an idea for a good date? Or gifts? Or kindness?”

“Maybe I could, but I wouldn’t want to have– I mean. I…”

And this time, she finally lets him off the hook.

“Yeah, kid. You haven’t figured it out yet, and that’s fine. If you don’t want to court her, or sleep with her, or hold hands while watching the sunset, you don’t have to.”

What looks like relief washes through her son at those words. What smells like disappointment fills his soul.

“Buuuuut.”

He sighs, and she’s pretty sure he can already tell exactly what she’s going to say. 

“Buuuuuuut.”

“But I can?” he asks.

“If she wants it, and you want it, then yes. And not everything has to be forever for it to be good and worthwhile. Nothing has to be perfect for it to matter. If you love each other for a season and no longer, that doesn’t mean that season wasn’t worth that loss. If you try, and decide that you don’t love each other like that at all, that doesn’t make the attempt pointless, or unimportant, or cruel to either of you.”

“We come from different lives. Different worlds. I see a different world than she can, can shape it in ways she can’t, and I might leave soon, and I don’t know her very well, and I… I don’t know what I’m doing.”

She gets up from her side of the table and sits beside her son, wrapping her arm around him so his head rests on her shoulder.

“You are both here. Now. Respect her, and if she respects you, then just… talk. And go from there. If it works like you want, ok. If it doesn’t? Ok. If you don’t know what you want? It’s ok to try and find out.”

The distant sunset shines beautifully through her windows. The hanging plants decorating her home, built in the shape of the cabin inside her heart, make lovely shadows as a breeze blows gently through the house, and she smells the lake, the people, the distant fields and forests and all the many many things. 

Carefully, Raika takes this moment deep inside her mind, meditating to try and capture every single detail. Only when she’s absolutely certain she has all of it etched into her brain does she pass it over to Pillar, who crystallizes it into a perfect stasis for future recollection.

It’s one of those moments you never want to lose, and Raika has the privilege of being very good at holding onto those sorts of moments now. 

Eventually, Jin takes another sip of his tea, then lets his head fall back onto her shoulder with a “thunk”. 

“You are not so magical as to be an alien to her,” Raika tells her son. “Be kind. Be aware. Be respectful. And take your time. So long as you act on those principles, it’ll be ok.”

“...yes, master.”

“And if you do have sex, I have a bunch of herbs for contraception in here.”

“Master!”

Raika looks down at him, feigning shock. “What? Do you think you should be unprepared? Do you think she should be unprotected? This master of yours might be getting up in years, but I have enough people calling me an old hag without being a granny at my tender age!”

Rai Jin buries his face in his hands as his mother cackles, but behind them, she can see his smile as he laughs along with her. 

He’s a good kid. And what a milestone.

He’ll be alright. And they can talk about the heavier shit soon, some other time. For now, her son’s romance problems are terrifying enough to last at least a week of nightmares, especially when the rest of her starts yelling at her about how she was the one of them that got to be here for this part.

Sucks to suck, losers. When the right hand hesitates, the left hand grabs hold of victory! Mothering time! Muahahahaha!