Land of Wolves: Chapters 26-30 (Patreon)

Chapter 26

Caleb is avoiding me.

He leaves in the morning while I’m still sleeping, and he returns only hours after the sun has gone down and he can use the excuse of needing to go to bed to get out of conversation. It’s just as infuriating as it is heartbreaking, and I do my best not to scream when I step into the kitchen and realize today is the same.

I avoid looking outside at the wolf I know is lying in the snow, the animal watching me through the back window as I walk through the kitchen and open the fridge. It looks like Caleb ate the meal I left here for him, and I smile as I peer into the sink and see the dirty plate.

My actions are a little odd, I know that, but I can’t stop myself from opening the trash lid to see if he threw anything away.

It’s empty, not a speck of last night’s dinner to be found. That means he ate it all.

Good.

The kitchen is pretty clean, and I busy myself with the few dishes left from last night before making breakfast. Caleb and I used to eat together most mornings, and the quiet of the house feels wrong as I sit at the dining table by myself.

I still don’t have a phone or computer, and I stare at the wall opposite me as I mindlessly eat my bagel. What’s Caleb’s plan for me?

He can’t hold me prisoner in his home forever. Eventually I’m going to need something to do. The wolves outside don’t talk to me, and I’m growing antsy with boredom. I’ve been watching tv to pass the time, but I don’t particularly enjoy it.

I didn’t have a normal childhood, and it’s hard to relate to the characters on the screen. Their experiences are too different from mine.

I’m just putting my plate in the sink when I hear the front door open, and I jolt a bit in surprise before spinning to see who it is.

“Caleb!” I blurt as I round the corner of the kitchen.

He dips his chin in my direction before gesturing toward the two men who enter behind him. One of them is Cole, but I don’t recognize the other. He’s young and slim, maybe in his late teens, but he looks like a carbon copy of Cole.

I think somebody mentioned once that he had a younger brother. This must be him.

Neither look in my direction as they take off up the stairs.

“They’re helping you move. I found you an apartment near the center of town. It’s nice, and we’ve already furnished it for you,” Caleb explains.

What?

He mentioned wanting me to move out before, but I thought there’d be more discussion before it actually happened. Caleb looks uncomfortable, his posture awkward and tense. He usually wears suits to work, but today he’s dressed in a pair of blue slacks and a tucked-in button-up shirt.

His fingers twitch, drawing my attention, and I can’t help but let out an audible gasp as my eyes land on his hand.

His marking has darkened. What was once a white scar is now a light pink, the change subtle but most definitely there. My legs carry me forward, and without thinking, I grab his hand to get a better look.

Caleb lets me, but he pulls away when I move to touch the mark.

It’s changing so quickly. Mine took years to darken, and I foolishly hoped his would take months, if not years, as well.

“I want to stay here,” I admit.

Caleb’s chest expands as he sucks in a deep breath, and he steps back to put some space between us before shaking his head and stepping forward. He cups my cheeks, his thumbs brushing against my temples, before he ducks and brings his lips to mine.

The kiss is short and over with sooner than I’d like it to be, and I lift onto my toes to try and keep our mouths connected.

“I can’t, Ev,” he whispers, his eyes growing glassy. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”

My throat feels tight, and it takes everything in me not to cry out when he releases me altogether and turns toward the stairs. Cole and his brother come walking down with my clothes, and I hold my breath as I watch them leave the house and throw everything in the trunk of Caleb’s truck.

I’m glad it hasn’t snowed in a few days. Otherwise, everything would be wet.

The pair is back a minute later, and they head upstairs to get more of my thing while I stand in the doorway staring like a deer caught in headlights.

Caleb clears his throat, and I turn just as he grabs my coat from the rack and holds it out for me to take. My cheeks flush as I take it and slip it on, his silent display of care filling me with hope. Caleb still cares about me.

He still loves me.

I just need to prove that he can also trust me.

I fiddle with the zipper of my coat as he grabs his wallet and pulls out a card.

“Here. You can use this to buy anything you need.” My hand shakes as I take it from him. “Or want. You can use it for whatever.”

Caleb shoves his hands into the pockets of his pants, effectively hiding his mark from me. It’s not until it’s gone that I realize how frequently I was glancing down at it. It’s hard not to.

“How long will it take for it to turn black?” I ask.

Caleb shrugs. “A few months, maybe. I’m not exactly sure. This isn’t common among wolves.”

I’m not surprised to hear that. They cherish their mates.

“And you’ll take a new mate right away?” I’m asking questions I know will only hurt me, but I can’t bring myself to stop.

I’m a glutton for punishment, and I need to know.

Caleb looks more than a little uncomfortable, but I don’t back down. I want to know how much time I have to convince him I’m the woman he’s meant to be with.

“I’ll take a wife, not a mate. Wolves are only given one of those, and I’d never dishonor the mate bond by giving any other woman that title,” he informs.

He still hasn’t answered my question.

“And how long will you wait to take a wife?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. It’s hard for wolves to conceive with anybody but their true mate, so I don’t have the luxury of waiting. It’s likely my children will be born with an Alpha wolf, one strong enough to be an Alpha of Alphas, and it’s not in the pack’s best interest for me to wait long,” he admits.

So he’ll be taking a wife almost immediately.

I want to offer to carry his children, to serve his needs so he doesn’t need to take a wife, but I know he’d refuse and I don’t want to humiliate myself by asking. I’m sure Caleb wants a wife for more than just sex.

Before everything went to shit, he loved spending evenings cuddling with me on the couch. We’d play games and bicker about everything under the sun. He especially loved to pull me onto his lap and feed me desserts.

He loved the responsibility of caring for another being, and I’m sure those are things he will want with his wife.

Cole and his brother come back downstairs with more of my belongings, and the younger of the pair heads to the car while Cole pauses and turns toward Caleb.

“This is the last of it. You want us to take her to the apartment?” he asks.

He doesn’t look in my direction, the man pointedly ignoring my existence. I’m sure he’s not feeling any soft emotions toward me right now. He and Caleb are close, practically best friends, and given how Sash reacted, I’m sure being around me is hard for him.

He probably wants to rip my throat out just as she does.

“I’ll take her,” Caleb says.

Cole frowns, his eyes briefly flashing to mine. He makes no attempts to hide his disgust as he looks me over, his lip curling and back stiffening. Caleb straightens his spine, and Cole silently averts his gaze.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

A tense silence stretches before Cole dips his chin and leaves. He slams the door behind him for good measure, and I stare at the wood before shifting my attention to Caleb. He steps to the side and gestures for me to put on my boots before fishing my hat, gloves, and scarf out of the small entryway closet.

I’m so used to him sticking my hat on my head and wrapping my scarf around my neck that I’m almost surprised when he holds them out for me to take instead. I do my best not to cry as I accept them and bundle myself up.

“Let’s go,” he mumbles.

The walk to his truck is painful, and the short drive to the apartment he’s picked out for me is even worse. It’s only about ten minutes away, in the center of town. The brick building looks cozy from the outside, about three stories tall and covered in vine. The first floor is a cute pottery studio, and Caleb leads me to a black-painted door near the edge of the building. There’s a buzzer on the wall to the left of the door, and I scan the names listed in the glass box until I find mine.

It’s written in Caleb’s handwriting, and it looks like he wrote ‘Ev’ before changing his mind and adding in the ‘elyn’ after the fact. It hurts to see.

I’m in apartment 3B.

Caleb reaches into his pocket and hands over a small keychain. It holds a fob and two individual keys.

“The smaller one is for the mailbox,” he explains.

I nod, at a loss for words.

I wave the fob in front of the small scanner next to the door handle, and I wait until I hear the lock click before pulling open the door. Caleb follows behind, and I wrap my arms around myself as I walk down the hallway leading to the stairwell.

The mailboxes are built into the wall immediately to the right once you enter the building, and there’s only one thin hallway that leads to a set of stairs. At least it’s brightly lit.

“There are four units in this building. I didn’t want you living somewhere where many people have keys to access. I signed a year lease, but you can choose a different place once it’s up. I’ll continue to pay, so you don’t have to worry about rent,” Caleb says as I make my way up the stairs.

“Thank you.” My voice is quiet but still seems to echo down the hallway.

The second floor houses two doors, one on the left labeled 2A and one on the right labeled 2B. I continue to the third floor. 3B stares at me, taunting me, and I will my hand to stop shaking as I slip my key into the lock and push open the door.

Bright light smacks me in the face.

The apartment is beautiful, an open-concept space with giant windows and new appliances. The kitchen is large, and a sizable island opens to the main living area. Caleb wasn’t joking when he said he had it furnished, and I eye the comfortable-looking gray couch and rug he placed over the hardwood floors.

A tv is mounted into the wall opposite the couch, with pictures hung up around it. It looks like Caleb took a trip to Crate and Barrel and bought whatever was on display.

“Did you pick all this out yourself?” I ask.

Caleb clears his throat, and I peer over my shoulder just in time to see his cheeks turn pink.

“Yes. Do you like it?”

“I love it.” My voice cracks, a sound I’m growing used to, but neither of us addresses it.

The place is beautifully decorated, but I still don’t want to be here. I want to stay home with Caleb and pretend none of this ever happened. I want to go back to how things were.

There’s a short hallway to the right of the living room, between it and the kitchen, and I turn and head in that direction. If I stand still for too long, I’m going to cry. The door on the left opens to a bathroom, and I scan the walk-in shower and stocked shelves for a moment before turning and pushing open the door on the other side.

It’s a laundry room, just as stocked as the rest of the place.

The bedroom is last, and I find myself holding my breath as I step inside and look around. It’s a duplicate of the room I shared with Caleb, the green bedding almost identical. There’s a dresser and mirror across from the bed and a small set of doors I’m sure open to a closet.

“I’ll bring your things up,” Caleb says.

“I’ll help you.”

He waves me away, rejecting the offer before retreating down the hallway and out the front door. I listen to it slam shut, and the second I know I’m alone, I slap my hands over my mouth to muffle my sob. This isn’t want I want.

I allow myself only seconds to cry before walking into the bathroom to splash water on my face and stare menacingly at my reflection. I look like shit, my hair a mess and my cheeks splotchy. Cole probably got a kick out of seeing me look so pathetic.

I’m glad he and his brother didn’t bring me here.

Caleb enters and sets a few boxes on the floor just beyond the door before disappearing once more.

I don’t own many things. It only took Cole and his brother two trips, four total, to bring everything I own to Caleb’s truck.

A laptop and phone I didn’t notice before sit on the kitchen island, and I flip the phone over to see if it’s mine. The background is a photo of Caleb, confirming that it is.

I convinced him to get in the bath, telling him it would be a great way to de-stress after his long day. He was hesitant, but it didn’t take much coaxing to get him to climb into the tub. I loaded it with bubbles and promptly took a photo when he settled. The way he scowled at his knees sticking out of the water was too perfect not to. I wanted to capture the moment forever.

Caleb hated when I took the photo and hated even more when I made it my background. Anybody could look at my phone and see it, but he never once asked me to remove it. Instead, he waited until I was vulnerable in the shower and took a photo of me for revenge.

He then spent an hour downloading photo editing apps to blur out my intimate parts before making it his background.

I wonder if he’s changed it.

Caleb returns with another load, and I make myself busy carrying my things into the appropriate room. When he returns with my final things, I struggle not to panic.

“I’m going to leave now,” he says.

I rush to meet him at the door. I don’t know what to say, what to do, but panic overtakes me and I find myself launching myself at him. Caleb catches me easily, his arms wrapping around my waist as I slam my mouth against his.

He curses, his chest vibrating before he gives me a hard squeeze and sets me back on my feet. I can feel his reluctance to let me go.

“If I reverse the coloring of my mark, fixing our mate bond, will you promise to give us another try? One more chance?” I ask.

Caleb squeezes his eyes shut.

“It hasn’t been done,” he admits.

I don’t care.

“If it can darken, it can lighten. I will be a good mate to you, as I should’ve been from the beginning, and I’ll fix our bond. I’m your mate, and I’m going to prove to you and all the wolves that I deserve you. Our pairing is for a reason. We are one,” I ramble, uncaring if my words make me sound a little crazy.

Caleb’s always liked when I get a little crazy. He found it endearing and, usually, sexy. The wolves are territorial and primal, and they like when their mates can’t contain their aches. Caleb especially.

His wolf thrives off it.

Caleb doesn’t answer me, but I can tell by the loud vibrations emerging from his chest what the answer is. He wants that, even if he’s not ready to vocalize it.

Chapter 27

What’s the point of getting out of bed? I lay in a ball under my sheets, wishing for nothing more than to disappear. I have no mission, nothing to do, and no fucking friends.

My comforter is thick, and my warm breath fans over my knees as I let out a long sigh and curl up underneath them. The smell of my stink is becoming overbearing. I can handle a lot, thanks to my time with HPAW, and if it’s a lot for me to be around, that means it’s bad.

I slide my hand around until I find my phone.

The battery is low, but I still have a few hours of entertainment before it dies and I have no choice but to charge it. My movements are slow as I navigate my way to my photos. They’re almost all of Caleb, usually ones he didn’t realize were being taken, and the rest are of the both of us.

I debate texting him, a battle I’ve been having with myself since he brought me to this apartment three days ago, but I resist. He needs space.

Instead, I torture myself by looking through my photos and reliving our memories. This probably isn’t healthy, but I’ve never exactly been known for my great decisions.

My poor choices are what got us here in the first place.

I’m going to fix this, I just don’t know how. Caleb mentioned in passing a while ago that there’s a library here with a dedicated wolf section. I asked about a thousand times to go to it, but he blew me off every time.

It’s probably because there’s important information there.

Will he think I’m still trying to capture information for HPAW if I go there? It would look suspicious.

I purse my lips and glare at my phone. I could call and tell him my plan. I could ask if it’s okay for me to go there and read up on mate bonds. He already knows I intend to find a way to fix my marking, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I want to learn more about them.

My pulse races as I navigate to his contact and start the call.

Is he even going to answer?

The phone rings, and I hold my breath as I bring it to my ear and wait.

Two rings come and go before I hear the line connect.

“Evelyn?” Caleb’s voice runs through me like honey.

Going days without hearing from or seeing him has been challenging, and I didn’t realize just how badly I’ve been aching until now. Muscles I didn’t even know I was tensing relax, and my eyes slip shut as a tear leaks out of the corner of my eye.

“Hey!” My voice cracks, embarrassing, and I clear my throat before continuing. “I wanted to ask if it’s okay for me to go to the library and read through the wolf books you told me were there. I want to see if I can find anything regarding my marking and how to lighten it.”

I spit the words out as quickly as possible, eager to speak them into existence before I get scared and chicken out.

My request is met with silence, and my palms grow sweaty as I wait. Is he going to say no?

“I don’t want you having access to our books, but I can let the librarian know you’re coming around and have her scan any pages on markings. You can read those,” Caleb says.

“Thank—“

“How do you plan to get there?” he interrupts.

That’s a good question. The wolves don’t exactly have a bus system. Everybody runs to where they need to be.

“I’ll walk.”

Caleb grunts, the noise full of displeasure. I never thought the day would come when I could read somebody’s mood by a curt grunt. I was so fucking stupid ever to try and kill Caleb.

“No. I’ll come by over lunch and drop off my truck. I have no use for it anymore.” That hurts. He only ever used it when he was taking me somewhere. “There’s a tracker in it, and I’ll be notified if you go anywhere beyond the border of my pack,” Caleb continues.

I hope he can’t hear how shaky my inhale is. A part of me wants to argue and say I don’t need it, but I do. It’s too cold for me to walk everywhere far, and I don’t want to be stuck within a two-hundred-foot radius of my apartment building for the rest of winter.

Especially if I’m to find a job and a place in the pack. Caleb treated me like a princess, never asking me to work or do anything beyond being his mate, but if I want to earn the pack’s respect, I need to become a contributing member.

No longer do I have the protection of being Caleb’s mate. That was my job before, but I need to find something new now.

I can be pitiful and play the ‘woe is me, I was brainwashed and had no free will’ card, but it would be a lie and everybody knows it. I may have been tricked, but I had the means and intelligence to form an opinion before following through with anything.

These wolves welcomed me with open arms and I betrayed them.

I chose to condemn an entire race before giving them the benefit of the doubt, and that’s on me. Being raised around bigotry isn’t an excuse. I’m an adult, and I should’ve known better than to blindly judge. Especially after seeing firsthand how these wolves lived.

They are good people, and deep down, I’ve always known that.

Caleb’s doing me a favor by not telling them how deep my betrayal went.

“Evelyn?” Caleb murmurs.

I clear my throat, fighting back the urge to plead.

“Yes?” I’m proud of myself for how strong my voice comes out.

“Are you crying?”

I wipe my cheeks as if he can somehow see them through the phone.

“No.”

Caleb sighs, and I pull my phone away from my mouth so he can’t hear my shaky breath. I don’t want to make him feel bad for his decisions. I understand why he’s putting this space between us, even if I hate it with every fiber of my being.

“I’ll be there in about an hour to drop off the car, okay?” he says.

An hour? Fuck!

“Great! See you soon!” My voice is high-pitched and bathed in panic, but I don’t have time to worry about that.

I smell like shit, and I’m sure the scent of my filth has spread through the entire apartment. The wolves have good sniffers, and I don’t want Caleb to think I’m incapable of being independent and caring for myself.

Even if I am.

He ends the call, and I plug my phone in before sprinting to the bathroom. This is the first time I’ve used it to shower, and I fiddle with the knobs before stripping and throwing myself under the still-cold spray.

I’m halfway done washing my body when it finally warms, and my teeth chatter as I roughly scrub my skin until it’s a light shade of pink. Perfect. My hair is next, and I wash it twice to ensure all the grease is out before conditioning the ends and grabbing a razor.

My legs are covered in a thousand little cuts by the time I finally get out of the shower, but at least my underarms are smooth. I wince as I slather some moisturizer over my razor burn and yank a brush through my hair.

I’d love to style it, but I have more important things to do than try to look perfect.

I head to my windows. They’re cold to the touch, and I shiver as I push them open and let the frigid air in. It’s the quickest way to air out the apartment and remove the scent of unwashed me. My skin is covered in goosebumps as I throw on a pair of leggings and a sweater, and I stick the thickest socks I own onto my feet before hurrying to make my bed.

The kitchen is next, and I almost slice my hand open with a knife as I rush to clean the room. I haven’t washed a dish in days, and the space is an absolute mess.

I should make a pot of coffee, too. Caleb loves it.

I get a pot brewing before running into the living room to grab and throw out all the empty bags of chips I’ve devoured. I worry the place will still smell like grease and body odor, and I keep the windows open until fifty-five minutes have passed and I’m pretty sure I’m getting frostbite from the cold.

My teeth chatter as I close the windows and kick up the heat.

There’s a knock on my door two minutes later. Caleb must have a spare apartment fob. I’m willing to bet he also has a spare key. It doesn’t bother me, and I’m admittedly glad he took it upon himself to ensure he could reach me in an emergency.

I pull open my door with a smile, and I hope Caleb can’t see my goosebumps as I step to the side and welcome him in.

“Do you want some coffee?” I ask, heading into the kitchen.

Caleb closes my door and looks around the place. He ignores my question as he heads toward the window and runs his hand along the edges.

“Is it always this cold in here?” he asks.

I shake my head.

“No. I opened the windows to air the apartment out,” I admit.

I was hoping he wouldn’t comment on it, but I should’ve known better than that. Caleb isn’t one to hold back his questions. He probably wouldn’t be such a good leader if he were shy.

His lips twitch as he walks into the kitchen, and he rests his forearms against the large island as I pour him a cup of coffee and hand it over.

“Thank you.”

His voice is low, and I can’t hide my shiver as I dip my chin and watch him take a sip. What are we supposed to talk about? I have so many things I want to say, but I know most of them won’t blow over well. If I had more than an hour to prepare, I would’ve better thought through all my talking points.

“Here is the key. I parked out front,” he says, fishing the keychain from his pocket.

He slides it across the counter, and I scramble to catch it before adding it to the ring with my apartment keys and building fob. I welcome the momentary distraction.

Caleb’s throat bobs as he drinks his coffee, and I can’t help but stare. He’s freshly shaven today, and the sight of his strong neck is awfully enticing. Caleb’s wearing one of my favorite suits today, too, the deep blue color complimenting his hair and eyes.

I could look at him for years and never grow bored.

His nostrils flare, and I clench my thighs together as his eyes lower to them. I’m sure he can smell my arousal, but I don’t want him to think I’m trying to sneak my way into his heart through sex. He’s made it clear he doesn’t like how I used his body before, and I refuse to let him think I’m trying to do that again.

Sex and intimacy are sacred to Caleb, and I fully intend to respect that.

Taking him in my mouth was a mistake I’m sure we both regret. It was an attempt to manipulate him, and I feel awful about it.

Caleb takes another sip of coffee, the silence between us growing awkward. We used to be so comfortable around one another, able to strike up a conversation like it was second nature, but it feels like that ability has vanished overnight.

“Thank you for letting me go to the library and read up on mate bonds,” I say.

Caleb dips his chin.

“I know this isn’t all your fault. I could’ve done a better job acclimating you to our culture, and I should’ve tried harder to tell you the truth between the wolves and humans,” he admits.

That feels good to hear. I know I hold most of the blame, but it’s nice to know Caleb acknowledges the fault he played in this, too.

“I’ve researched fixing the discoloration, but doing so is rare and information is scarce. It seems it’s possible to do until my mark is blackened, and after that, the change is permanent. I don’t—“ Caleb pauses and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve put some thought into it, and I can’t in good conscience take you back without informing the pack of your true crime and earning their approval. I can’t do that to my wolves.”

“Tell them the truth, then. The wolves cherish bonds, and when they see mine has lightened and how genuine I am in earning forgiveness, they’ll come to trust me,” I state.

Caleb looks hesitant, his eyes darting all along my face as he tries to read my expression. I hope he can see how earnest I am.

“I won’t do that to you. We can inform them if your mark lightens, but there’s no point in directing so much hatred toward you when we don’t even know if it can be done,” he finally decides. “I won’t condemn you to a life of misery. I want you to find a male and live a happy life, Evelyn.”

His words sting, but it’s nothing compared to the soul ache I feel as I realize how little he believes I can do this. He doesn’t trust me, and he doesn’t think I will be able to lighten my mark. He’s in for a rude awakening when he realizes I can and will.

“The only male I intend to have a life with is you.”

“Evelyn—“

“No. I don’t care if you don’t believe it. I’ll prove you wrong. I’ll prove everybody wrong.” I storm around the kitchen island and bring myself face to face with Caleb.

He licks his lips, his eyes portraying a thousand different emotions, but the most prominent one is pain. He’s hurting, and he can’t hide it from me.

I place a hand on his chest. His muscles flex under my touch, but he doesn’t pull away. I take a moment to feel him, missing his warmth and smell. Does he miss my touch, too, or has that urge vanished with the mate bond? I still can’t believe he no longer feels it.

“I can’t do this,” Caleb grunts, his voice tight as he grabs my wrist and pulls it away from his chest.

He rubs his thumb against the inside of my wrist as he releases me, and I can only manage a jerky nod as he steps around me and heads to the door.

“I called the library for you, and I was told the pages would be scanned today and will be ready for you tomorrow morning,” he says.

Caleb continues to the door and doesn’t look back before leaving. I can’t take my eyes off his back until he’s entirely out of sight.

Chapter 28

The warm gust of wind that hits my face as I push open the library doors feels amazing. The wind today is brutal, and the snowfall that started last night hasn’t let up. The snow is beautiful but cold as fuck.

I pull my coat tighter around myself as I look around the place.

The building is old, but it’s well-kept. I assume it was already used as the town library before the wolves took over, and it seems they repurposed it for themselves. Long shelves span the entirety of the room, and I can just barely make out tables and couches behind them.

To the left looks to be an office of sorts, and in front of it is a woman behind a checkout desk. She’s already looking at me, her expression hard.

She looks a bit older than me, maybe in her early thirties, and the scowl on her face looks misplaced. Her bright red sweater and snowman earrings scream happy, cheerful woman, but her expression screams pissed. I’m sure she’s head about the cheating, then.

I force my lips into a smile as I approach.

“Hey!” I chirp, eager to seem friendly. “Caleb said I could come here and read up on mate bonds.”

Her eyes travel to my exposed hands, and it takes everything in me not to flinch and hide them away. It’s no secret what happened to them, and I’d rather she take her fill of them now than spend the entire time I’m here trying to sneak peeks.

She doesn’t even try to hide her disgust.

“Yes, Alpha Caleb called and warned me. Come,” she says, standing and gesturing for me to follow.

Am I supposed to call him Alpha Caleb now? She practically spit the title at me. I know that’s how most people refer to him, but he always encouraged me to call him Caleb. I tried using the title once when we were in public, thinking it was polite, but everybody within hearing distance turned and looked at me like I was crazy.

Mates don’t refer to one another with titles.

But I guess I’m no longer his.

I clear my throat and follow the woman.

“What’s your name?” I ask.

She hesitates, clearly debating whether to answer, before turning her head and looking at me out of the corner of her eye.

“Mary.”

She doesn’t ask for my name, not that I’m surprised, and she leads me to a sitting area behind the library shelves. I try to ignore all the pointed glares I receive, and I stare at Mary’s heels as she orders me to sit at a small table in the center of the room. I’m sure she chose this spot on purpose, but I don’t make a fuss as I lower myself into the chair.

Scanned images already sit on the table, the pages stapled together so they don’t get out of order.

“Why has Alpha Caleb forbidden you from reading our texts?” she asks.

My pulse is pounding in my ears. I hadn’t considered how odd his request to scan the pages would look. There’s no reason for him to hide anything from me just because I cheated on him.

Mary taps her toe against the ground, waiting impatiently for my answer. I’m sure all the other wolves in the building are tuned into our conversation, too. Why wouldn’t they be? They’re probably wondering the same thing themselves.

How am I supposed to answer that?

Caleb says the wolves would hate me if they knew I was a member of HPAW. Cheating is despicable, but he’s confident they’ll eventually move past it. Being a part of the organization that has tortured and murdered so many of their kind is unforgivable.

If I want to win him back and prove I’m in this for the right reasons, Caleb’s made it clear he will have to tell them the truth before taking me back. If I were one of his wolves, I’d be pissed to have been lied to twice.

The first time was by omission and maybe forgivable because of the mate bond, but the second is a blatant mistruth.

“I was a member of HPAW, and Alpha Caleb doesn’t trust me,” I blurt.

Truth it is, then.

I take care to use his title and make it clear he’s limiting my knowledge due to a lack of trust. I don’t want his people to think he’s blind when it comes to me.

The room falls silent, all the chatter vanishing. I lick my lips and reach for one of the papers on the table, but Mary snatches it before I make contact.

“Is that why you cheated on him?” she hisses.

“I never cheated on Caleb. I tried to kill him, then I ran away.”

Mary’s eyes widen so far I’m surprised they don’t pop out of her head. Sweat trickles down my inner arm, the warmth from still being in my jacket coupled with my nerves making my underarms uncomfortably damp.

I hope the wolves can’t smell it.

Her mouth opens, and I wait to see if she asks anything else. I’ll tell the truth for just about anything, but I’ll lie if she asks how close I came to succeeding. I won’t embarrass Caleb by telling his people I slit his throat while he was sleeping and almost caused him to bleed out.

I feel so fucking uncomfortable, and my eyes betray me and begin filling with tears as I hold eye contact with Mary. The sheer disgust and hatred in her expression match precisely how I feel inside, and it takes everything in me not to appear too pitiful as I suck in a shaky breath and wipe at my cheeks.

I did this, and I intend to own up to it.

“It was a mistake. I was told many lies about the wolves, but I now realize I was wrong to believe them. I want to research marks to learn how I can reverse the blackening of mine,” I explain, answering questions she didn’t ask. “I will prove that I can be trusted, and restoring our bond is the first step.”

Mary seems to recover from her momentary shock as she scoffs and throws the papers back onto my table. She sneers, her pupils dilating as her anger pushes her wolf to the surface.

Fear zips through me, intense and overwhelming, and I fight every urge in my body that screams at me to find a weapon to protect myself with. My scramble will only provoke the wolf, and I’d rather not have my brain matter splattered onto the ground and my heart removed from my chest today.

Somebody approaches from my left and places a hand on Mary’s stomach. I turn toward them, surprised to see it’s Cole. He’s staring at me with an unreadable expression, and he slides his hand up Mary’s stomach before resting his palm over her chest.

The action looks intimate, but I know he means nothing by it.

He’d never do that to Sash, and after a few seconds, Mary shuts her eyes and relaxes her muscles. The touch must help to calm the wolves.

That’s a piece of information I would’ve once been overjoyed to learn. The small detail would surely be helpful for HPAW to know, and that realization makes me ache. Everything I did was for them, and I categorized every fucking thing I learned about the wolves as either helpful for HPAW or useless.

Mary turns and walks away without another word, and Cole sighs before lowering himself into the seat opposite me. I wait for him to say something, but he avoids eye contact as he pulls out his phone and begins typing.

What’s he even doing here? Is he reaching out to Caleb?

Did Caleb order him to monitor the library and ensure nothing happens to me?

I want to ask so fucking badly, but I already know he wouldn’t give me an answer. Instead, I shrug off my coat and pull out the few pens I shoved in the pocket earlier. I don’t have any paper, but I’ll use the back page of one of the scanned books.

I fully intend to be taking notes.

HPAW encouraged me to be well-educated, and I pride myself on my reading comprehension and note-taking. I feel eyes on me as I get to work, but they fade into the background after a few minutes.

The first page I read through doesn’t offer much helpful information. It discusses how each mated pair has unique identical markings and how the color represents the bond’s purity. I search for anything discussing what causes the color to change, but the text doesn’t go into that level of detail.

Instead, it talks about the history of markings and cuts off just as it begins telling a story of the first recorded marking pair. It seems Mary deemed that information inaccessible to me.

I set the pages aside and reach for another stapled bundle. These talk about the design of markings and how the vines and shapes signify different aspects of the pair’s souls. It’s fascinating, but not what I’m looking to learn about right now.

Cole crosses his arms over his chest and leans back in his chair. I glance up at him but quickly look away when I realize he’s still glaring at me. Should I say something to him? He probably doesn’t care to hear anything from me right now.

I refuse to feel bad for telling Mary the truth. It needed to be done.

I’m sure everybody will know what I said by the time I leave here today, but I’m prepared for the hatred. My actions led me here, and I’m ready to own up to them. I have to if I intend to earn back everybody’s trust.

The next series of pages is helpful, and I grab my pen and jot down some notes. It’s about time I find a section outlining what causes a bond to darken. Infidelity, abuse, lying, and abandonment are all expected, but there are a few I didn’t anticipate seeing. It seems taking drugs, unapproved masturbating, misuse of shared resources, and evoking fear have all been reported to cause marks to darken.

I write all this down, careful to keep my handwriting neat.

The text doesn’t say anything about reversing the darkening, but it briefly mentions that marks typically return to normal after months of peace within the bond.

That doesn’t help me any.

I don’t have months, and I especially don’t have months of peace. Caleb’s mark is darkening by the day, and I need to lighten mine before his has blackened. Fuck.

I assume if doing bad things darkened it, good things will lighten it. The only problem is that it will be hard to do when Caleb’s ignoring me. I know he doesn’t owe me his time, but it would make things so much easier if we were still living together and I could cook him his favorite meals and go out of my way to do things he enjoys.

Maybe I still can.

I have his car now. Nothing’s stopping me from making him dinner and dropping it off at his house.

Caleb loves when I cook for him, even when my meals are burnt and flavorless, and he’d appreciate that. The good action would lighten my mark.

Yes.

Now I need to think of a thousand more things I can do.

What else does Caleb care about? He loves his people, and maybe doing something good for them would help. But will the bond recognize my good actions if I only do them to win Caleb back? It’s smart, and I assume my good deeds won’t count if I do them for selfish reasons.

Fuck.

Anything good I do, even if I enjoy it, will be inherently selfish. I’ll be hoping that it benefits me the entire time, which is precisely the opposite of how Caleb feels about his people. He does his best to be selfless, putting their needs above himself.

I drop my forehead to the table, stressed beyond belief.

“Can I take these papers home with me?” I ask, turning to Cole.

He glances at them, his eyes darting over the pages I’m yet to read through. I know what he’s doing, and I hold my breath as I wait for him to determine whether or not to trust me with them. He doesn’t seem as shocked as I’d expect him to be after having just learned I’m a part of HPAW and tried to kill Caleb, and I narrow my eyes as I realize he probably already knew.

He and Caleb are close. If there’s anybody Caleb would tell the truth to, it’s him.

Sash clearly thinks it’s because I cheated on him, and I glance at his hand to see if the lie he helped tell his mate discolored his mark. It’s still white, and I can’t help but frown as my confusion grows. So he lied and it didn’t change?

I wish the rules for the marks were black and white. It would make this so much fucking easier.

“Not this one,” Cole eventually decides, stealing a page I haven’t gotten to yet. “But yes to the rest.”

I nod, pleased, and bundle them up. I need time to think, and it’s hard to concentrate on my research when so many angry people are glaring in my direction. Cole doesn’t move as I stand and put on my coat, and I dip my chin in his direction before bundling the papers in my hand and fishing the keys to Caleb’s truck out of my pocket.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

Cole frowns, his arms still crossed over his chest as he turns away. The dismissal hurts, and I clear my throat before heading to the front door. I’m glad I came here today, even if I was glared at and talked down to the entire time.

I’m also pretty sure Mary almost killed me, but that’s a minor detail I’m choosing not to dwell on.

Day one is always the worst. Things will get better from here. They have to.

Caleb’s truck is freezing, but I don’t bother waiting for it to warm as I put it in drive and make my way back to my apartment. I want so badly to head to Caleb’s home instead and curl up in our bed, but I know those actions wouldn’t be taken kindly.

Instead, I go home to my sad, lonely apartment and curl up on the couch with my scanned pages and sheet of notes.

Chapter 29

I’m pretty sure I’ve fried my brain.

I sit on my living room rug with paperwork scattered all around me, each page marked up so much that the original text is practically impossible to read. My back aches from being hunched over all afternoon, and I stand and lean back until I feel it cracks.

Momentary relief fills me, but the pain is back a second later.

Two whole days spent studying everything I could find about mate bonds, and not one piece of helpful information was to be found. A waste of fucking time.

Rubbing my eyes, I turn and look around my apartment.

I’ve been making a pointed effort to keep it clean after Caleb’s visit the other day, minus the mess that’s become the living room floor, and I suck in a deep breath before bundling up all the papers and setting them on the coffee table in a neat pile.

I need to take a break before I lose my mind, but I haven’t the slightest idea of what to do.

With Caleb, my days were spent either keeping the house or wreaking havoc around his office, and my evenings were almost always spent cuddling on the couch in his arms. I loved it, and I don’t know what to do with my time when Caleb’s not around to fill it. I didn’t have any hobbies back in the HPAW facility, either. Most of my time was spent either training or researching the wolves.

I walk into my kitchen and peek inside my fridge.

I’m running out of food.

Caleb stocked the kitchen for me before I moved in, and I’m very quickly working through everything in here. The thought of going to the grocery store makes me shiver, though, and I’ve been avoiding it like the plague.

There’s only one within the pack, and Caleb always insisted he go with me. I don’t want to know what it feels like to go alone.

I’m also terrified of the looks I’m sure to receive. Word of the real reason Caleb and I have split has most certainly spread to the entire pack by now. Will any other wolves lose control when they see me? I’m pretty sure the librarian would have if it weren’t for Cole’s interference.

Fuck.

My life has become a giant mess.

I scan my fridge one last time before shutting the door and meandering back into my living room. I don’t want to read through this paperwork again. I’ve already gone through them three times in the desperate hope of finding anything that will help me fix the blackening of my damn bond.

Caleb wasn’t kidding when he said this isn’t something that happens with the wolves. It’s so incredibly rare that a bond gets to this point of ruin and even rarer that the pair then decides to try and repair what’s been broken.

I resist the urge to scream. I’m full of pent-up energy, and it’s making me restless and angsty.

It’s frigid out today, but there’s no new snow and the sidewalks are relatively clear of ice. I could go for a run. HPAW supplied me with an expansive indoor gym that I frequently used when feeling this way, and running has always been my favorite activity.

I wonder what my life would be like if HPAW had never found me. They captured me right before I reached the wolves’ territory, and I’m pretty sure the wolves would’ve taken me directly to Caleb once they saw the mark on my hand.

I know he was looking for me.

The wolves sent out notices that they were searching for a female with my mark. A sketch of Caleb’s hand had been made and distributed, and I knew immediately that I was his other half.

Would Caleb have been disappointed if I’d managed to find him during my daring escape? He was seventeen at the time, but I was only eleven. He probably would’ve been annoyed to have a mate so much younger than him.

I let out a dry laugh and shake my head.

He wouldn’t have cared. Caleb is a fucking angel, and I’m sure even as a teenager, he was sweet. He probably would’ve brought me in and become my best friend. Getting him to touch me when I grew older would’ve been a fucking nightmare, though.

I throw on some leggings before fishing a sweater out of my closet. It’s not the best material for running, but it’ll have to do. I pray it’s enough to keep me warm as I shove a hat on my head and slip on some gloves. My nose and cheeks will undoubtedly be cold, but there’s nothing I can do about that.

I’ll turn around and come back if I get too cold.

It was months before I was sent to the wolves that I last ran, and I can feel my lungs burning after only a couple hundred feet. Back at the HPAW facility, I ran upwards of ten miles a day, but I can tell I’ll be lucky to hit three today.

Still, it feels good, and my mind feels empty for the first time in days.

I cut right once I reach the end of the street, purposefully heading away from the center of town. I don’t want to risk running into anybody, but I realize my efforts are in vain when a small family steps out onto the sidewalk.

My throat feels dry, and I slow down a bit and stare at my feet as I approach. Maybe they won’t realize who I am. I avoid making eye contact as I pass, but I can tell they know it’s me by the sudden silence. Even the baby the man wears on his chest stops babbling.

I clench my jaw and push forward.

Every muscle in my body is pulled tight, and only once they’re behind me do I let myself relax. Well, relax as much as I can when I’m wound this tight. As much as I try not to, I can’t stop worrying about what Caleb’s people think when they see me.

Seeing the family has thrown me off, and I decide to cut my run short and just go around the block. It’s enough to get my heart racing which is all I wanted. I keep my head down as I turn right at the next street corner I reach.

Left foot, right foot. I can see my breath with each exhale, the water vapor spreading far as I pant into the air.

Just a few more minutes and I’ll be back in the safety of my apartment.

I know I need to go outside and face the wolves eventually, but I’m just not ready. Tomorrow, maybe. I can’t make amends if I hide inside my apartment forever, and tomorrow will be the day I finally go out and start searching for a job.

It’s an excellent place to start. Tomorrow.

I breathe out a sigh of relief when I spot my building. My hands are numb, and I speed up as the promise of warmth settles inside me. This run was fine, but now I want nothing more than to strip down and step into a hot shower.

My fingers and toes are numb, and I’m sure my nose could give Rudolph a run for his money.

Still, this run was a good decision.

My lungs ache as I round the final corner leading to the front steps of my building, but the second I step foot on the first stair, my axis tilts and I feel my legs slipping out from under me. I reach for the railing, but my fingers barely graze it before it’s out of my reach and my ass meets the ground.

“Fuck!” I hiss, my head slamming against the concrete.

I stare at the sky, my entire body aching, before propping myself on my elbows and looking around. I suppose I should at least be glad nobody was around to see that. Although after running into Cole at the library, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn Caleb has a wolf or two monitoring my every movement.

My tailbone stings, but it’s not anything I can’t handle. I’m not unfamiliar with pain. It wasn’t too long ago that I voluntarily chose to starve myself and have my ribs broken. I brought myself to the brink of death in some elaborate ploy to fool Caleb and bring down the wolves.

I shake my head, annoyed with myself and how stupid I was.

How long did it take Caleb to learn the truth about me? I doubt he knew it right away, but I’m also sure it didn’t take him long to figure it out. I’m willing to bet one of those HPAW men they found within my first few days here.

I was under the impression Caleb had them killed before they were able to extract any information, but I wouldn’t put it past him to have kept one alive for questioning.

Pain radiates down my skull as I push myself up to my feet and grab the hat that fell off my head during the fall.

I use the railing for stability, and I feel like a deer learning to walk for the first time as I fumble in my pocket for my key. I’m glad I didn’t accidentally land on it, and only once I’ve managed to unlock the building door and get my way inside do I tuck away my fear and feel the back of my head.

Fuck.

My skull is aching, and I pull my fingers way before huffing and realizing there’s blood. I pray it doesn’t seep into my sweatshirt as I make my way to my apartment and shove open the door.

I make it two steps inside before freezing, but Caleb quickly fills the remainder of the space between us.

He takes one look at me, his nostrils falling, before storming forward. I hardly have time to react as his hands find my head and pull it down so he can see. He doesn’t touch the wound, but I feel him moving around my hair to get a better view of it.

Still, even moving the strands aside hurts. I grab Caleb’s wrists to stop him before gently pulling his hands away from my head.

“What happened?” he asks.

“I fell.”

Caleb snorts and reaches for my head once more. “Obviously.”

I pull out of his reach, not wanting him to touch it.

“Then why’d you ask?”

Caleb doesn’t have a response for that. He follows me into my bathroom, his hands clenching and unclenching by his sides every step of the way. It’s clear he’s fighting the urge to manhandle and pull me in whatever direction he wants.

I’m surprised by his concern. I thought he didn’t feel the bond anymore and would no longer care.

Why’s he even here? Probably to yell at me. I’m sure he’s unhappy I’ve told the truth about what happened between us, but I’m surprised he waited this long to come and say something. I was starting to think he wouldn’t.

“We should go to the hospital.” Caleb’s voice is tight as I peer into my bathroom mirror to see the damage.

It’s hard to see from this angle, and I turn left and right before grabbing a smaller hand mirror and using that to see the reflection in the large mirror. I grimace when I finally lock eyes on it, and Caleb leans in so close I can feel his breath on me as I move my hair out of the way to better evaluate the cut.

“Yes. Hospital,” he breathes.

I shake my head, refusing.

“It looks worse than it is,” I promise. “Head wounds always bleed more.”

I hate hospitals. I’ve spent more time in them than I’d care to admit, most visits a result of HPAW going too far in their training. I haven’t been since my ribs and lung healed, and I fully intend to keep it that way.

“Evelyn…” Caleb says, trailing off.

“Why do you even care?” I snap.

I regret the words the second they leave my mouth, but it’s too late to take them back. If I’m honest, I don’t even think I would if I could. I want to know why he cares. He doesn’t feel the bond anymore, so there’s no reason for him to.

Caleb frowns, and I look away before he can see my eyes grow wet.

“Why wouldn’t I care?” he challenges.

My laugh is dry and humorless, but I doubt I could make it sound genuine even if I tried. Why does he want to hear me say it?

“You don’t feel the bond,” I say.

I lean forward and pretend to be fully invested in my head so my words sound nonchalant. He knows damn well how awful I feel about this and how badly I want to make things better, but acting unfazed is the only way I’m going to get through this conversation without bursting into tears.

Caleb sucks in a shaky breath as I turn and glance at his mark. The color seems to be darkening with each passing day, and it’s fucking killing me. I reach for his hand, and for once, Caleb doesn’t pull away. He watches as I lift it to my eyes, desperate to see it close up.

The edges aren’t smudged like mine, and I can see the detailing as clear as day.

I’ve been reading up on what the lines mean and what they say about our souls, and I feel my eyes filling with tears as I trace the two intertwined vines that travel around his wrist. They are tightly coiled, so much so they almost look to be one thick line instead of two thin ones.

That’s supposed to symbolize our match. The closer they are, the better the pairing.

“I still love you, Evelyn, even if I no longer feel the bond. My feelings for you weren’t so surface level that they disappeared with it,” Caleb says, removing his hand from mine so he can bring them to my head. “We really should go to the hospital. You could have a concussion.”

I pull away. I don’t want to go.

“What do you know about concussions?” I ask.

Wolves don’t get them. Their brains heal so fast that even if they did, it wouldn’t last long enough to cause any issues.

“I had weekly meetings with the top pack doctors after I found you. They taught me a great deal about human health. I know all about concussions, Evelyn. Humans get them all the time,” Caleb says.

His words fill me with both warmth and agony. He’s a busy man, but he still took time out of his schedule to learn about human health. I can’t believe he never mentioned anything to me, either. Caleb loved nothing more than to come home from work and tell me everything interesting he learned that he thought I’d like.

My lips twitch. I suppose he probably didn’t find this information interesting. Horrifying, more like.

“I don’t have a concussion,” I assure him. “What are you doing here?”

Caleb shrugs and clears his throat.

“I came to see how you were doing and discuss how to move forward since you took it upon yourself to inform my people about your connection with HPAW.” He shoots me a sharp look, but I can tell there’s no malice behind it. He wants me to think he’s angry, but I can tell by his eyes that he’s secretly happy.

I’m pleased by it, but that feeling fades when an actual look of anger takes over his features.

“I knocked on your door only to realize it was unlocked. I was waiting inside your apartment and you had no idea. I could have been anybody, Evelyn. I could have hurt you!” he snaps.

I shake my head but stop when I realize all that does is make my temples pound.

“There are only four units in this building and you need a fob to get inside. I figured it was safe to leave it unlocked for thirty minutes,” I say.

Caleb walks behind me and pushes my chin to my chest. He keeps getting distracted by my head, and I frown when he leans over me and peers down at it.

“I’m fine!” I huff.

My words come out croaky, and I push blindly at his arm to move him out of the way in my mad dash to the toilet. Sudden nausea is a sign of a concussion, one I’m sure both Caleb and I are fully aware of, and I can practically feel his bitter victory as he carefully pulls my hair out of my face and waits for me to finish.

I wipe at my mouth, embarrassed he watched that happen. Caleb doesn’t bother trying to argue with me, not that I’d put up much of a fight now, as he leads me to my front door and helps me into my shoes and a thick coat.

“I still want to be mad at you, but I’ll wait until later to give you my lecture,” he decides.

He says it so genuinely I can’t help but crack a smile, my first real in what feels like weeks, before it erupts into a choked laugh. Caleb glances at me, his eyes shining before he swallows down his smile and pushes open my front door.

Chapter 30

People pointedly avoid looking in my direction as I walk through the hospital entrance with Caleb. I suppose it’s better than the glares, but it’s awkward nonetheless.

I pretend I don’t notice it, but I’m sure it’s obvious I do by the way my steps lose their rhythm and my walking grows stiff. The only person looking at me is a young girl, but her eyes are more on Caleb than me.

He seems to notice, too, if his wide grin is anything to go by. He lifts his arm not currently wrapped around my waist and gives her a slight wave. She goes red as a tomato before she squeals and turns to shove her face into her dad’s knees.

Caleb’s so good with children, and a deep rooted pain settles inside me as I watch him interact with the girl. I should’ve never asked him to cum in me. He’s never hidden his desire to have a large family, and I took full advantage of it.

It was selfish.

“We’re almost there,” Caleb breathes, patting my hip.

He’s been fretting over me like a mother sending her youngest child off to college the entire way to the hospital, but I can’t lie and say I don’t love the attention. He still cares for me, and his actions fill me with the hope that he will again.

“She fell and has a concussion,” Caleb says, skipping all pleasantries as we approach the reception desk.

The man behind the counter glances between Caleb and me, his lips pursed before he clears his throat and dips his chin. He’s not happy, but I can tell he’s trying not to be too outwardly aggressive toward me.

I’m sure I’d receive a much different reaction if I came here alone.

“I see. Head on down into room 106. I’ll let a doctor know you’re waiting,” he says, gesturing down the hallway to his right.

Well, that was easy.

Caleb walks so closely behind me that I can practically feel his breath on the back of my head. He’s probably waiting for me to collapse, and I force myself to keep my walking steady and strong as I find the room and step inside.

Only once Caleb and I are alone do I let my shoulders roll forward and my head drop.

I sit on the hospital bed and wince as the cheap plastic crinkles underneath me. I feel less than ideal, and I press my hands over my eyes to block out the bright fluorescent lighting.

Caleb flips the light switch when he notices, plunging us into darkness.

“I didn’t realize I’d need to supply you with a helmet.” He breaks the silence. “I’ll make sure to buy you one immediately.”

I remove my hands from my eyes and shoot him the angriest glare I can muster. That’s not funny. Caleb’s shoulders shake as he holds back laughter, and I hate that I’m in too much pain to enjoy it. I want to, but the pressure in my skull and my increasing nausea doesn’t leave much room for positive feelings.

The door is pushed open, and I turn to watch the doctor enter. It’s the same one I met when I was having my issue with my ribs, and he shoots me a friendly smile before stepping inside. It’s the first time in days I haven’t been glared at in contempt, and it feels good.

The doctor glances at the light switch before grimacing and turning toward Caleb.

“I need to turn on the light to look at her head. I can smell blood,” he says.

I place my hands back over my eyes and tilt my head down as he flicks it on and approaches. Fingertips touch the back of my head before moving my hair to the side, and I resist the urge to flinch as the action makes the injury sting.

“The cut isn’t too bad. You don’t need stitches, but you’ll need to be gentle for the next few days while it heals. You’re fine to wash your hair and get it wet, but keep the showers quick,” he eventually decides.

He asks several questions about my symptoms, most of which Caleb takes upon himself to answer for me, before agreeing that I likely have a mild concussion. He doesn’t seem too concerned about it, but his patience is unwavering as Caleb launches into about a thousand questions regarding everything I can and cannot do.

Most of them are common sense, and I tune him out as the throbbing in my head worsens.

This isn’t how today was supposed to go. I’m supposed to prove to Caleb and the wolves that I’m genuine, not getting hurt and acting like some pathetic damsel in distress. I bet everybody will think I’ve done this on purpose in some sad ploy to get Caleb back.

I wish they were right. It’d be much less embarrassing.

“Come on, Ev,” Caleb mutters, grabbing my elbow.

I remove my hands from my eyes and look up. Blood rushes through my ears as he helps me down from the hospital bed, and I hold his forearm for dear life as the action makes my stomach roll.

Fuck. I refuse to be sick again.

“Are you okay?” Caleb asks, his voice low.

“Peachy.” My voice is rougher than I’d like it to be, and I take a moment to compose myself before making my way to the door.

Caleb says nothing about the way I use his forearm to keep my balance, but I’m sure it’s evident by how much weight I’m putting on it. Thankfully the hospital is relatively empty, probably because the wolves never injure themselves to the extent of needing to go to one. We only pass a few before reaching the truck.

Caleb drove me here, and I make my way to the passenger seat and struggle to formulate a thought as he takes me back to my apartment.

“Thank you for helping me,” I whisper as we approach my building.

Caleb hums. “I’ll never abandon you, Evelyn,” he says, jumping out of the truck and rounding the front.

He pulls open my door and helps me down, his movements slow and cautious. I’m surprised by how much outward care he’s showing me, but I don’t say anything for fear it’ll cause him to pull away.

I remain silent as he leads me upstairs to my apartment, and I linger awkwardly in my doorway until he shoos me into the bathroom to shower and clean up. I’m still covered in sweat and blood, two things I’m sure aren’t the most appealing.

Especially when you’ve got such enhanced senses.

Caleb follows me into the bathroom and leans against the sink.

“In case you feel faint,” he says, answering my unspoken question.

“You don’t have to do all of this.” The words feel like acid on my tongue, but I force myself to say them anyway. “I know you’re trying to put distance between us.”

Caleb purses his lips and glances to the side. It looks like he’s fighting with himself, but he doesn’t end up saying anything. All he offers is a slight shrug before turning away to give me privacy to undress.

I strip and step into the shower. The warm water feels good, and I quickly wash before tentatively dipping my head under the stream to clean out my cut. It stings, and I hold back a wince as I run my fingers through my hair and get out all the blood.

The shampoo burns, and I avoid getting any in my cut as best I can as I clean the strands of hair surrounding it. I’m glad I didn’t need stitches.

“You okay in there?” Caleb asks.

“Yeah,” I sigh, deciding to call it.

This is good enough, and I’ll wait until the cut has scabbed over before going in and washing again.

Caleb peers at me out of the corner of his eye as I turn off the shower and step out. I can tell he wants to see my head, and I wrap a towel around myself before stepping into his line of sight so he can investigate.

Almost immediately I feel him prodding me, his fingers gentle as they push my wet hair out of the way so he can better see my cut.

“It doesn’t look too bad when it’s all cleaned up,” he admits. “The doctor says you should rest and take it easy for the next few days. Cole will be over shortly with my computer.”

It takes a few seconds for his words to register.

“What?”

Is he planning on staying here? I thought he’d bring me back, maybe hang out for an hour or two, then leave. I don’t need a babysitter, and I don’t want his pity. I want Caleb to be around me because he wants to be, not because he feels obligated to.

“You don’t need to do that,” I assure him.

Caleb looks confused as he follows me into my bedroom. He sits on the edge of my bed as I step into my closet to get changed, the man looking a bit comical as he grabs one of my decorative pillows and hugs it to his chest.

“I know that, but I want to. Despite everything that’s happened between us, I don’t want to see you hurt. Even if we can’t be together—” he practically chokes out those last words, “—I’m still here to take care of you.”

He’s giving me mixed signals. One day he can’t even stand looking at me, and the next he’s insisting on nursing me back to health over a tiny scrape and a minor concussion. I get dressed in silence, and when I finally leave my closet, it’s only to discover Caleb’s gone.

I glance around my room, my eyes lingering on the pillow he was holding before I step into my living room. He’s standing by my table looking over all my research. I wish I knew what he was thinking as he reads over all the little notes and comments I’ve made in the margins. There are a lot.

“You’re thorough,” he eventually says.

I nod. “The subject is important to me.”

Caleb shuts his eyes and sucks in a deep breath. He looks exhausted at this moment, like he’s holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wish I knew what to say to make it better, but I’m starting to fear there isn’t anything I can.

We’re in a truly shitty situation.

I want to ask him to take me back, to put his blind trust in me and let me prove I’m honest when I say I love him, but I know he can’t.

This isn’t an issue between only him and me. Our relationship affects all the wolves. Caleb isn’t just some random man, and being with him makes me the female Alpha. That’s a serious title, one he was more than willing to give me before, but I’ve broken that trust.

“Have you found anything?” he asks.

“Not really,” I admit. “The bonds seem pretty subjective to the couple. What applies to one doesn’t apply to the other. It’s annoying.”

Caleb laughs, the noise loud and throaty, before he dips his chin in agreement.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard somebody call a bond annoying before,” he chuckles.

I shrug, happy he’s finding amusement in my words. It allows me to pretend everything is okay and back to normal for a brief second. Only for a fleeting moment, though. Reality crashes down on me like a cartoon piano, and it takes everything in me not to let my pain show as I straighten my spine and step toward the couch.

Caleb’s smile falls as he watches me sit.

“You made a list of all the things I like.” He turns the sheet he holds in my direction.

“I was trying to think of good things I could do to reverse the coloring of your bond. I assumed if doing bad things darkened it, doing things you enjoy would lighten it.” My cheeks turn red as I admit this. “I made that list before realizing it wouldn’t work. Anything I do for you would be selfish, and I think the bond would recognize that. I’d only be doing it because I want you back.”

Caleb turns the papers in his direction as he reads down the list of items.

His lips twitch, and I fight with every cell in my body not to ask what he’s laughing at. This is an excellent list. I spent a lot of time and energy on it.

After a few seconds he cocks his head to the side, and in a flash the papers are returned to the coffee table and he’s pulling open my front door. Cole stands on the other side with a laptop in his arms.

“Thanks,” Caleb says, taking it from him.

Cole glances at me, his expression unreadable. I haven’t seen him since the library, but I have a feeling he’s been watching me.

“How’s Sash?” Caleb asks.

“Pissed.”

I look away. I’m not sure what they’re talking about, but I’m willing to bet the reason she’s upset is because of me. She’s protective over Caleb, a fact she’s made abundantly clear, and I can only imagine how pissed she is to learn that her brother and her mate lied to her about what happened between Caleb and me.

Caleb huffs, and Cole’s nostrils flare before he shifts his attention to me.

“Why do you smell like blood?”

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he almost looks concerned, but I know that’s not true. Cole hates me, and I know he was pissed when I didn’t stick to the cheating lie he and Caleb spread.

“I slipped and knocked my head against the concrete. It’s not that bad, and—“

“She has a concussion,” Caleb interjects. Why’s he keep saying it like it’s some death sentence?

Cole frowns before turning back to Caleb. The silence stretches before Cole whispers something I can’t hear and leaves. Caleb slams the door behind him and returns to me.

“You really don’t have to stay here with me,” I repeat.

Caleb shoots me a pointed glare before grabbing the blanket draped over the back of the couch and tossing it on my lap.

“I’m staying, and you’re going to rest,” he decides, his tone leaving no room for argument as he sits next to me and sets his laptop on his knees.

He unlocks it and navigates his way to his email before glancing at me over his shoulder. I take that as my cue not to lurk. Grabbing my TV remote, I navigate to the show we were watching together and put on the episode we last left off at.

I haven’t been able to work up the courage to put it on since moving here.

Caleb glances at the screen.

“Can you rewind it a bit? I fell asleep last time,” he asks.

My throat runs dry. So he hasn’t watched it, either? I force my face to remain calm as I start the episode from the beginning. I’m fully aware this is temporary and he’ll only be here for a day or two to ensure I don’t spontaneously combust, but I can’t stop the overwhelming flare of hope that being with Caleb like this brings.

I miss it, and I want it back.

____

Caleb gives me momma bird vibes. He'd be feeding Ev his chewed up food if she let him