Land of Wolves: Chapters 66-70 (Patreon)

Chapter 66

My brain is numb.

I stare out the window, focusing on my every sense so I don’t have to listen to my mind. My thoughts scream at me, begging me to listen, but I ignore them.

I only want to hear the quiet whirring of the car engine and the occasional thump as we drive over a pothole on the tattered paved road. The temperature must have spiked these past few days, and the snow that once covered the ground is quickly melting.

I’m surprised the field wasn’t muddier.

Although, maybe it was. I look at the brown on my arms, debating whether or not I’d consider the field muddy. I suppose it doesn’t matter either way. Mud or no mud. It doesn’t make a difference.

My teeth grind together, and I shake my head as I force my thoughts away from the field.

I’m not thinking about that.

Gnawing at the dead skin on my bottom lip, I look back out the window. We’re driving through a thick forest of trees. I prefer evergreens, but these trees have no hint of leaves left on them. The branches are bare and sad, and some sag under the weight of the snow still left to melt.

“Evelyn,” Bells whispers, grabbing my arm.

She’s been trying to capture my attention for a few minutes now. I’m sure she’s scared, and she probably hopes to find comfort with me. I’m a human, and she probably assumes I know where we’re going and what the wolves plan to do with us when we arrive.

I offer her no comfort.

The window fogs, my breath the culprit, and I furrow my eyebrows before reaching out and wiping it away. The glass squeaks as I rub the condensation away, and I debate doing it again before dropping my hand back to my lap.

My sweatpants are wet, and I peer down at them with a frown. It’s hard to see the wetness through the black fabric, and I nervously drag my finger over a wet spot before looking at it.

Red.

My lungs shrivel, and I stare at the red stain on the tip of my finger before dropping my hand back in my lap and looking out the window again.

I’m not thinking about that.

I can’t.

I’m unsure how much time passes before I recognize the road we’re driving down. We stop for gas at the station I once made a pit stop at after my assassination attempt, and I stare at the small gas pump where Caleb found me.

He was covered in blood then, too, and my mouth grows dry as I recall the look of complete betrayal in his eye that morning. That was the day everything between us shattered, and it’s never truly been fixed.

Our driver fills the gas tank, and Bells tries to make frantic escape plans the moment he’s out of the car. I continue staring out the window, ignoring her. Adam is a good man, and he’ll speak to her soon enough.

He’ll explain everything to her.

Our driver makes brief eye contact with me as he climbs back into the car. He looks concerned but doesn’t attempt to speak to me as he starts the engine and continues our journey. I assume we’re heading back to Caleb’s pack lands.

Many more hours pass before I see the first wolf. It’s sprinting alongside the car, weaving through trees with ease I’d never be able to manage. I press my nose against the window, watching the wolf for a long moment before searching for more.

They’re impossible not to notice when you’re looking for them.

I spot at least three, and by the time we’re entering Caleb’s pack lands, I’ve counted twelve. Some are smaller with lanky bodies and an odd-looking gait. They must be teenagers.

“Ev,” Bells squeaks.

She sounds petrified.

We continue forward, and I press my lips together as the car pulls into the hospital parking lot. I gave Caleb his bright orange homemade birthday hat the last time I was here. Jan was pissed as she watched me pull it over his head, and I felt on top of the world as he grinned down at me.

The car abruptly stops in the hospital parking lot near the front doors, and Greg rushes outside with a nurse I don’t recognize. She looks young, with light brown hair and shining eyes, and I wonder if she just graduated college.

Her scrubs look big on her thin frame. Has she borrowed them from somebody else?

Greg doesn’t look like he’s shaved for a week or two, and I stare at the stubble on his jaw as he rips open my car door and peers down at me.

“Evelyn,” he breathes my name. “Are you okay?”

I blink, my mind not processing that he’s asking a question and I need to respond.

“Caleb needs help,” I say instead, repeating what I told Sash and Cole earlier. “His eye…”

Imagines of his mangled face flash in my mind, and I squeeze my eyes shut as I force them away.

I’m not thinking about that.

The nurse behind Greg holds a gurney, but when Greg sees I don’t need it, he reaches for my arms and pulls me out of the car. I allow him, my body loose.

Bells screams as her car door is pulled open, the high-pitched noise erupting from her throat and bursting my eardrums. My head still hurts, my headache splitting, but I suppose I forgot about it until she began screaming. She does that a lot.

I suppose I would too.

“Let’s get you inside,” Greg says.

I shake my head and glance toward the road we just drove in on.

“Caleb…” I mutter, pointing in that direction.

Greg pulls me into his side, his arms warm as he guides me through the hospital’s front doors. The nurse says something to him, but I don’t pay attention. The floors inside are dirty, and I have a feeling they haven’t been cleaned since I left.

I’ll have to do at least two passes with a mop to get all this caked-on dirt off.

Greg guides me back into an operating room.

“Would you mind stripping for me?” he asks.

I mindlessly tug off my clothes. The nurse who followed us into the room steps in to help when I grow tired and need a moment to rest, and she cuts my underwear and bra off before helping me sit on the bed.

Goosebumps pebble along my skin as Greg looks me over, the man lifting my limbs and checking my every crack and crevice. I’d be embarrassed if I were letting myself feel.

The nurse moves to the small counter behind Greg and begins rifling through the drawers. She pulls out a fresh needle before grabbing a tiny medicine vial. It’s got a pink top, and she unwraps the needle before sticking it through the top and pulling some into the tube.

Greg prods at my collarbone, his touch gentle as he slides his thumb over my skin. He pauses once he finds the chip. My cut from Dan helps assist him, making it easy to find. He holds his fingers over the spot before grabbing an alcohol wipe and disinfecting the area.

“I’m going to give you a numbing shot,” he warns me.

Okay.

Greg turns and takes the needle from the nurse, and I lick my lips as he turns back to me with it in hand.

I remain still, watching as he brings it to my skin and injects the liquid from the vial into my collarbone. It burns, but I hardly react to the pain. It’s a drop in the hat compared to what I’ve gone through these past few days.

Greg pulls the needle out and sticks it back in lower. The burn is less this time, the medicine acting quickly. By the time he pulls it out, I don’t feel anything.

Still, he waits a few minutes before grabbing a scalpel and bringing it to my skin.

“Does this feel sharp?” he asks, pressing in.

A small bead of blood pools underneath the sharp blade, but I feel nothing. I shake my head, confirming it doesn’t hurt, and watch as he digs the knife deeper. Blood pours down my chest, and the nurse jumps in with gauze to soak it up.

Greg doesn’t bother telling me to look away as he cuts into my skin, and I clench my hands into tight fists as he pulls my skin apart in search of the chip. It’s gory, and I can honestly say I don’t love being able to see inside myself.

Still, I continue to watch as Greg pulls out the chip.

It’s small, shaped like the grain of rice I thought it was. The nurse presses the gauze harder against my skin as she reaches for a dish for Greg to drop in. I’m sure they’re eager to get a closer look at the technology.

Guilt threatens to consume me, but I can’t bring myself to feel it. I can’t bring myself to feel anything.

The nurse leaves the room with the chip, and Greg visibly relaxes the moment it’s gone. He waits until the door has shut behind the nurse before turning to me.

“Caleb isn’t dead,” he gasps, grabbing my hands. “He isn’t dead, Evelyn.”

Blood pours down my chest, the gauze the nurse held to it falling onto my lap. I repeat Greg’s words in my mind, rolling them over and over and over. I don’t understand.

“His eye…” I say, trailing off. “He was shot in the head.”

Greg nods, not looking surprised.

“Dan had rubber bullets in his gun. They’re enough to temporarily take a wolf down if shot in the right spot, but not enough to kill,” Greg explains, looking me in the eye. “He was ‘killed’ in front of the HPAW cameras, but he’s not dead.”

I still don’t understand.

“They left him there,” I say.

Greg nods. “Wolves save the injured first, and HPAW knows that. It was a risk to leave Caleb unconscious in the field, but it was a calculated risk. The cameras were knocked over and broken shortly after you were taken away, and they pulled him out then.”

Greg grabs a fresh gauze and presses it to my chest, applying pressure to my open wound. I stare at the spot where the chip once lived inside me, struggling to comprehend what I’m hearing.

If this is true, why didn’t anybody tell me? It’s been hours.

I suppose they couldn’t tell me while I was chipped. Anything I know, HPAW knows.

“Why did Dan have rubber bullets?” He was a loyal HPAW soldier, and he would never side with the wolves. It goes against everything he believes in.

“He contacted us the day after you were taken. You were never meant to return to the facility, and he knew the moment you arrived that you’d be executed,” Greg explains. “He referred to you as his daughter, and I suppose he didn’t want to see you killed.”

That’s not true.

“I don’t believe you,” I say.

Greg peels back the gauze covering the wound on my chest. I’m still surprised it didn’t take my nipple off, and Greg evaluates the stitches before applying a new covering.

“That’s not to say Dan was on our side,” Greg admits. “He told us nothing more than the time and location of the execution. The plan was always for him to ‘kill’ Caleb with the rubber bullet—probably to advance his career—and in exchange, we’d let him live.”

That sounds more like Dan.

I clear my throat, remembering that I stabbed him in the thigh.

“I killed Dan,” I say.

Greg unwraps my hand and looks at my disfigured mark. The skin is still healing, and it’s covered in a nasty scab right now. I don’t like seeing it, and I turn away until it’s evaluated and rewrapped.

“We weren’t anticipating that,” Greg admits.

Things fall silent, and Greg begins stitching up my collarbone. I still don’t feel anything, but I’m sure if I could, the feeling of the needle and thread pulling together my skin would be excruciating.

“Are you going to ask about Caleb?” Greg eventually asks.

Am I? I probably should.

Why aren’t I?

I replay the image of his limp body and mangled face in my mind, but I quickly shut it down when raw fear I’m not ready to digest rises within me.

“I’m not thinking about that,” I whisper.

Greg frowns, gesturing for me to stand. He doesn’t seem to understand my panic, but he doesn’t question me further as he grabs a gown from a cabinet and helps me slip it on. It’s too thin to help warm me up, but I don’t mind being cold.

I sit and stare at the wall behind Greg’s head.

“Caleb is sedated for transportation, but he should be here shortly,” Greg says, breaking the silence. “Would you like to see him?”

I hesitate.

“I don’t know,” I admit.

I don’t think I can handle seeing him so torn up. I can’t take it. I just can’t.

Greg places his hand over my good one. I look down, staring at the drying blood underneath his fingernails. He didn’t wear gloves before treating me, but I suppose there wasn’t much time for that.

I imagine they were eager to get the chip out of me.

“Let me get you something to eat,” Greg says, lightly squeezing my fingers.

He leaves the room a second later, the door shutting behind him with a quiet click. I stare at the wood before lying back on the hospital bed. Something in the back of my mind is pleased that the bed is comfortable, but the emotion is shoved so deep down that it hardly registers.

Caleb’s on his way back.

They’ll probably rush him into surgery to get the bullet out of his head. Even if it was made of rubber as Greg claims, it was still lodged deep in his skull. They’ll probably need to work on his eye, too.

Will it even heal?

I don’t think Caleb would be pleased to only have one eye.

I tap my fingers against my thighs, my body tense. I should have asked where they took Bells. Adam remained behind to fight, and he’s probably not back by now.

How many wolves died today? They outnumbered the HPAW soldiers, the scene a human massacre, but I saw several wolves get shot down.

The door to the room creaks open, and Greg steps inside with a tray full of food. My stomach grumbles at the sight of the toasted white bread and sliced apples, but food is the last thing on my mind. Even if my body is starving.

Greg pulls up a chair and sits, resting the tray on his knees. I loll my head to the side to watch him rip off a piece of bread and hand it over. He wants me to take it, and I robotically grab the food before shoving it between my lips.

It doesn’t taste like anything, and I mindlessly chew and swallow before accepting the glass of water he urges me to sip on.

Caleb will be back soon.

Chapter 67

“Oh, you sad little chap,” Adam says, stepping into the room.

My tense muscles relax at the sound of his voice. He’s visited my room a few times now, but I’m relieved every time I’m met with physical proof he’s alive. Objectively, I know he is, but whenever he leaves the room, a little part of me begins to doubt it.

What if I’m imagining his last visit? What if he died out on the field with Caleb?

I stare at the wall behind Adam’s head, not wanting to meet his gaze. I know what he’s going to say, and I don’t want to hear it.

“Caleb is asking about you,” he continues.

My hands curl into tight fists, my nails digging into the sensitive flesh of my palms. I’m not ready to see Caleb. I’m not prepared to see his mangled face and broken, limp body.

I refuse.

I’m hanging on by a thread right now. A thin, barely there thread, and seeing Caleb has the potential to snap it. It has the potential to crumble everything I have and the only thing in this life I’ve ever truly cared about.

What if he’s dead?

What if I’m hallucinating everything, or the wolves are tricking me into looking at his dead body? I’m sure they were disappointed to learn I was the informant, and what if they’re using Caleb’s corpse to take out their revenge?

I don’t want to see it.

“He’s been awake for a few hours now,” Adam says, stepping further into the room.

Has he?

I’ve been told Caleb was rushed into surgery when he arrived, and Adam and Greg have been coming in frequently to give updates. I’m unsure how long I’ve been sitting in this room, but I wouldn’t have guessed hours.

It only feels like it’s been a few minutes since I was brought to the hospital.

Adam leans against the counter along the far wall of the room. He and Greg have tried to get me to leave this room several times, but I don’t see the point.

Caleb’s dead.

There’s nothing left for me.

“Ev.” Adam snaps his fingers, drawing my attention. I think he’s been talking for a few minutes now, but I haven’t been listening.

I turn, my attention captured by the scratch marks on his neck. They look human, and they travel from the center of his throat down to the top of his shirt. Bells must be giving him a hard time. Adam brings his shoulders to his ears, trying to hide the marks.

It doesn’t work.

I tap my big toes together, not enjoying the feeling of the seams on the inside of my foot. Greg came in earlier and shoved a pair of socks on my feet, but they are twisted and the seam is on the side of my foot instead of across the top.

I’ve debated reaching down and fixing them several times, but it feels like too much work.

“You can’t hide in here forever,” Adam says, kicking off the counter and approaching the bed I sit on.

At first, I was impressed by how comfortable it was, but now my ass is numb. I’m sitting directly on my tailbone, and I don’t think I’ve been able to feel my butt for a while. The realization has crossed my mind a few times, but I’m yet to move.

I’ll get to it eventually.

Adam continues forward, and I grimace as he touches my shoulder. His body heat burns me through the fabric of my hospital gown, and I lick my peeling lips as I turn and stare at the wall again.

They’re textured, and I trace the indentions with my eyes.

It’s an effective way to keep busy, preventing my thoughts from straying into dangerous territory. I only make it over my three favorite indentations before Adam steps in front of me, blocking my view.

He’s frowning, and he releases my shoulder before dragging his hands down his face. I shift my attention back to the scratches on his neck, tracing their ragged edges the same way I enjoy tracing the indentations on the wall.

“Get up.”

Adam’s voice is uncharastically rough, and I purse my lips as I realize he’s angry. He’s angry with me.

I fist the fabric of my gown before scooting forward and placing my feet on the small footrest underneath the bed. The cold metal is biting through my socks, but it’s easy to ignore as I plant my hands into the mattress and step onto the ground.

Greg gave me pain medicine after forcing bread, apples, and water down my throat, and it’s helped numb the worst parts of my headache. I can still feel my pulse in my temples and hear the blood rushing through my ears, but it’s manageable.

He might have given me more medicine if I asked, but I don’t mind the pain.

It’s a small price to pay for having so thoroughly betrayed the wolves.

All I’ve done is betray them. Even when it’s not intentional, HPAW found ways to use me. I’ve supplied the humans with so much information. I’m probably the best spy they’ve ever had.

Dan always said I would be.

I used to strive to be.

Adam wraps a hand around my bicep, holding me steady while he presses another hand to my lower spine and guides me forward. I slide my feet along the ground, letting my toe catch in the grout before lifting just enough to get over the tiny divet.

We exit the room, and Adam nudges me to the right. I know the hospital layout like the back of my hand, and I mentally count the room numbers of each door we pass.

The flooring is in worse condition than I initially thought. Layers and layers of thick mud have been tracked inside, and there are even wheel marks from where a gurney was brought through. I’ve seen many injured wolves while working at the hospital, and never once was one ever brought in on a gurney.

Even women in the middle of labor would walk from room to room, every single one refusing so much as a wheelchair for assistance.

Was Caleb the one they had to carry in?

My feet drag against the ground, and if it weren’t for Adam’s hand pushing against my lower spine, I’m not sure if I’d even be moving. I’m not stupid. I know where he’s taking me.

What if this is a mistake?

What if I step into Caleb’s room and am met with a corpse? What if he’s alive now, only to die in the next few hours? What if he hates me for having been chipped?

“On your right,” Adam says, his voice low.

I pause, my heart fluttering as I turn and glance at the door on our right. It’s only six rooms down from the one I’ve been sitting in.

The wooden door calls to me, urging me to open up and step inside, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know what’s in there. I don’t want to know what’s in there. Not knowing leaves open the opportunity for hope.

I want to keep my hope.

Adam reaches around me and pushes open the door. My breath hitches, and I squeeze my jaw shut as the doorway opens to a bland, white room. To the very left, I just make out the end of a bed. Caleb’s in there.

He’s right there.

My hands shake as I step inside the room, my feet still dragging along the floor. It feels like my body’s being weighted down, like I’m wearing a hundred-pound vest over my shoulders. It’s how I want to feel when I’m cuddled up in bed at night, heavy and sleepy, but it’s not the ideal feeling for this particular moment.

Adam brings his hand to my lower spine again, probably preventing me from turning around and running away.

I’m debating it.

I look everywhere but at the bed as I fully enter the room. The walls are the same white as every other room, and the cabins along the far wall are cluttered with opened wrappings and dirty linens. None are covered in blood, thankfully.

Three giant bear stickers are stuck to the wall across from the bed, directly below a small TV. This is one of the rooms where children are taken. Despite what Greg believes, the friendly-looking bears don’t stop the tiny beings from screaming whenever they see a needle.

There’s movement from the bed on my left.

I hear it, the quiet shifting of sheets, and my muscles tense.

I need to look.

A few agonizingly long seconds pass before I spin in that direction, my eyes cast upward at the ceiling until they’re directly above the bed. My heart is pounding, and a cold sweat breaks out along my back as I finally lower my gaze.

Caleb’s two brown eyes meet mine. His arms shake as where they hold him in a sitting position, and I take one look at him before crumbling to the ground.

My knees hit the floor first, but the rest of my body quickly follows.

I’m unsure if the noises I’m making are even human, and I bury my face into my knees as incoherent sobs rip from my throat. My body convulses with the force of them, and I wrap my arms around my head as I anxiously rub my forehead back and forth on the tops of my knees.

I can’t breathe.

Relief as I’ve never felt before pours from me, the emotion all-encompassing and overwhelming.

Hands touch my back, and I curl further into myself with another choked cry. Drawing air into my lungs feels impossible, and my stomach clenches as my body tries to breathe.

“Ev?” Caleb’s voice is rough, and I scramble to my feet before throwing myself at him.

He pivots as I kneel on the bed, and I don’t hesitate to flop my body on top of his. He’s warm, so fucking warm, and I bury my face in his neck as my hands latch onto any piece of him I can. It’s not enough, and I throw my leg over his hip and hook it around his thigh to press him harder against me.

“Shhh,” Caleb whispers, running his hands down my head. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

His voice is enough to have another tremor shake my crumpled frame. I think I might be hurting Caleb, but when I move to pull away and give him space, he tightens his grip so I can’t leave.

“I told you not to force her here,” Caleb tells Adam.

“She was working herself into a fit, and now she’s better,” Adam says.

Caleb’s neck grows wet with my tears, and it’s possible I’m drooling on him. I don’t care, and I slide my hands from the damp curls on top of his head to his stubbly chin before finding his shoulders. They’re strong, and warm, and moving.

He’s moving.

The sparks that used to burst between us aren’t there, his skin feeling like nothing more than soft flesh as I rub my hands over it, but I don’t care. I’d be happy never to feel them again if it means Caleb is alive.

“She sure doesn’t seem better,” Caleb argues.

There are a few seconds of silence before Adam answers.

“You didn’t see her before,” he says. “This is better.”

Caleb continues to shush me, and I continue to frantically paw at whatever piece of him I can get my hands on. Embarrassing cries continue to erupt from me, and after a few seconds, I feel Caleb trying to tug the blanket between us out of the way.

I unhook my leg from his waist to help, my gaspy sobs beginning to settle as he yanks the blanket out from under me and drapes it over the both of us. I’m faintly aware the back of my hospital gown is open and I’ve been giving Adam a clear view of my asshole, but that’s a him problem.

“I’ve got a meeting with Cole in ten minutes. Do you want to come?” Adam asks.

“No.“ Caleb’s chin brushes the top of my head as he shakes his head. “You two have it covered, and you can fill me in later.”

Caleb tucks my hair behind my ears, and a second later, I hear the door to the room shut. I sniffle before working up the courage to pull back to get a good look at Caleb. He cups my face, his thumbs stroking my cheekbones.

His eyes are pushed into his head where they should be, even if his left one is surrounded by a dark, swollen bruise and the white is filled with blood. Black stitches travel from the inner corner of his eye to almost the center of his forehead.

They look painful.

Caleb does a similar evaluation, his gaze darting from the injury on the top of my head to what I’m sure are sunken, dark bags under my eyes. I haven’t truly eaten in days, and I’m sure it’s beginning to show.

“Let me see your chest,” Caleb whispers.

I plant my palms into his shoulders and lift up. Caleb reaches around me, finding the loose tie holding the back of my hospital gown together. He makes quick work undoing it, and I watch the muscle in his jaw clench as he pulls the loose fabric down my shoulders.

It falls to my waist, exposing my chest and the giant injury above my right breast. The wound is healing nicely, and Caleb carefully pulls off the bandage to peer at it. I avoid looking at the back of his hand, not wanting to see his mark.

I want to live in ignorant bliss for just a little bit longer.

He fixes the bandage before urging me to lie back down. I do, resting my cheek on his chest. He’s in a hospital gown, too, and the cheap fabric scratches my face as I cuddle with him.

So many unspoken questions and explanations are lingering in the air, the tension between us thick, but I’m not in a hurry to begin. Once we start, we won’t be able to stop, and everything will be ruined.

“Ev…” Caleb starts.

I shake my head, cutting him off.

I need another minute to pretend everything is okay before I face what I’ve done. Just one more minute.

Chapter 68

Caleb’s breathing is steady, with a deep inhale followed by a two-second pause and a slow exhale. I appreciate the pattern, and I count it when my thoughts grow too loud in my head. Too many of them are swirling around my mind, and it’s beyond overwhelming.

Objectively, I understand I’m in a state of shock.

I slide my fingers up Caleb’s arms, trailing the tips over the curve of his elbow before traveling up the side of his bicep. His skin pebbles wherever I touch it, but there are still no shocks. I grew so used to feeling them that I hardly even noticed, but it’s incredibly apparent now that they’re gone.

I should have never taken them for granted.

A pained noise slips out of my throat, and I grimace as I hear it. I sound pathetic.

Caleb must sense my disappointment as he grabs my wrist to still my hand.

“I’m on a suppressant,” he explains. “It weakens my wolf and slows my healing, but it also numbs the mate bond.”

I press my lips together as I digest that information. I’ve never heard of such a suppressant before, and I clear my throat before pulling back to look Caleb in the eye. There’s no reason for him to lie to me about that, but I’m sure I would’ve heard about a suppressant that weakens wolves and numbs the mate bonds if one existed.

Caleb’s lips curl into an easy smile.

“HPAW doesn’t know,” he says.

HPAW doesn’t know? Why would Caleb tell me something HPAW doesn’t know? Without thinking, I bring my hand to my collarbone and press into the small bandage where Greg cut the chip from me.

“I…” I begin to say.

“Adam told me what happened,” Caleb says, interrupting my apology. “That HPAW put an audio and location tracking chip in you.”

Guilt suffocates me, weighing me down until I’m pretty sure I’m nothing more than it.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, unsure what else to say.

What else is there to say? I betrayed the wolves. Despite how hard I tried to prove I wasn’t working with HPAW, I provided them with information at every step. They heard everything I did, and the location tracking ensured I led them directly to Caleb’s pack.

They know where his home is, his office, literally everything.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Evelyn,” Caleb says, cupping my head.

He slips his fingers through my hair before guiding me forward, his gaze locked on my lips. I know exactly what he’s doing, and I shut my eyes just moments before his mouth meets mine. Adam and I were trapped in the HPAW facility for less than a week, but it feels like it’s been lifetimes since Caleb and I last kissed.

I missed it.

Caleb moans, a quiet, deep sound that emerges from his throat as he tightens his grip on the back of my head and wraps his other arm around me. He presses my chest against his, not allowing for even an inch of space between us.

I’m sure not complaining.

His lips are soft, and when he tilts his head slightly to the side, I happily follow his lead and deepen the kiss. I slide my hands to his pecs, curling my fingers into the firm muscle. I wish he weren’t wearing a hospital robe so I could feel his bare skin, but I’ll take what I can get.

“You have no idea how scared I’ve been,” Caleb whispers, pulling away.

He trails his lips to my neck, peppering my skin with soft kisses until he reaches my shoulder and makes his way back up. I shiver, my blood rushing through my ears and my heart pounding. The sparks may be suppressed, but that doesn’t change how my body reacts to his touch.

I crave him. Crave his touch, his scent, his everything.

“The moment I saw that wall explode before you and Adam, my heart fucking dropped. I tried to run to you, but HPAW soldiers surrounded you before I got there. We had to fight through them, and there were so fucking many of them. By the time we made it outside, you were already gone.” Caleb pauses and clears his throat when his voice grows shaky.

I open my mouth to speak, wanting to soothe his worries, but Caleb shakes his head and continues speaking.

“We tried to follow you, but there was a decoy truck. We followed the wrong one, baby.” Caleb buries his face in my neck and sucks in a shaky breath. “I’m so fucking sorry, Ev. You have no idea.”

He snatches up my hand, the one that once held my mark, and brings it to his lips. His eyelashes are wet as he kisses the bandage, and I clench my jaw to prevent myself from crying.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I say, horrified that he feels guilty. “It wasn’t your fault, Caleb.”

Caleb’s lips are on mine again, and he rolls me onto my back so he can hover over me. He presses into me, careful not to apply too much weight on my chest. I wouldn’t care if he did, and I whimper into his mouth as his hand travels to my hip.

I want to feel close to him, connected, and I arch my back in a silent request for him to continue.

“Oh!”

I can practically feel Caleb’s irritation as Greg’s voice travels through the room, and my lips curl as Caleb pulls away with a pouty frown. His nose scrunches up as he turns toward Greg, his black eye facing me. It’s swollen and blue, and the white of his eye is still a bloody red.

It should have healed by now, and it must be the suppressants slowing everything down.

I still can’t believe he told me about them. HPAW would go wild if they knew there was a drug that had such an effect on the wolves, and I’m surprised they haven’t discovered it yet.

Do all the wolves know about it?

Why did Caleb even tell me? After everything I’ve done, I can’t fathom why he would trust me with any secrets. I think it’s been proven that I’m not to be trusted with them, even if unintentionally.

“I’m glad to see you’ve left your room,” Greg says to me.

I press my lips together in a tight smile, embarrassed by my earlier refusal to ask about or see Caleb. I was so scared he was dead.

Greg steps further into the room before shutting the door behind him. His hair is tousled, like he’s run his hands through it a few thousand times. Given everything that’s happened today, I’m sure he has.

“How’s your shoulder feeling?” Greg asks, gesturing to my collarbone.

I glance at the bandage before shrugging. “It feels fine.”

Greg looks pleased as he nods and walks around the bed. Caleb lets out a quiet huff as he releases me, and I shift onto my side so he can lie flat on the bed. Unfortunately, there’s not enough room for us to lie side by side, and most of my body rests on Caleb’s as Greg begins to manhandle Caleb’s face.

“Ah!” Caleb hisses as Greg pokes at the puffy skin around his eye.

I grimace, hating that he’s in pain.

“Why’d you take the suppressants?” I ask.

I keep a close eye on Greg, wanting to see his reaction to me knowing about the suppressants, but he hardly has one. He’s too focused on Caleb, and he angrily swats away the hand Caleb lifts to defend himself with. I’d find their relationship endearing if the situation we’re in weren’t so tense.

“My body would’ve dislodged the bullet out of my head within minutes, and HPAW would see the healing and know I wasn’t dead,” Caleb explains, still fighting with Greg.

I prop myself up on my elbow, watching Greg push into the soft tissue of Caleb’s cheekbone before pulling a small dropper from his shirt pocket. The muscle on the side of Caleb’s jaw twitches as Greg puts a few drops of a clear liquid in the corner of his eye.

The blood in Caleb’s eye seems to grow brighter as the liquid spreads, and Caleb grimaces as a pink tear builds and drips down his cheek.

It looks painful.

“What’s that for?” I ask.

Greg caps the dropper and hands it to me, and I do my best not to look panicked as I grab and clutch it to my chest.

“Pretty boy refused to have his eye taped shut, but he’s not producing any tears and his eye keeps drying out,” Greg says, shooting Caleb an annoyed glare.

Fuck. Greg turns to me and gestures to the dropper I clutch to my chest. “Put those drops in every ten minutes,” he orders.

I nod, anxiously glancing between Caleb and the small dropper in my hands. There’s an analog clock above the door, and I check the time to ensure I know when he needs more drops.

“You should let Greg do what your eye needs,” I say, lightly scolding Caleb.

Caleb stares straight ahead, ignoring me, but I notice how his cheeks turn pink. He’s blushing, and seeing it causes me to do something similar. I tap my fingers against the eye dropper, my pulse racing.

“Cover your right eye,” Greg tells Caleb.

He takes a few steps back, and Caleb obediently lifts a hand and places it over his right eye. Caleb doesn’t look pleased to be doing this, but he hadn’t necessarily seemed happy with any of the directions Greg has given him.

Caleb used to listen intently to Greg whenever I’d be brought in, especially when he gave instructions on caring for my broken ribs. Caleb would sit in a chair with his hands clasped obediently in his lap, and I’m surprised he never brought in a pad of paper and pen to take notes on.

It seems Caleb doesn’t care nearly as much when the concern is about him, though.

Greg holds up four fingers.

“How many fingers do I have up?” he asks.

What? I turn to Caleb, my heart dropping as I watch him squint his bad eye. After a second, he relaxes it and shrugs.

“Four?”

Greg frowns. “You’re guessing.”

Caleb presses his lips together but doesn’t argue. How badly did that rubber bullet mess up his vision? I know the suppressants make him heal slower, but I didn’t realize his injury was this bad. What if his eyesight never recovers?

Questions continue to zip through me, and it takes everything I have not to pry. I know Caleb would answer, but he’s clearly embarrassed by his eye, and I don’t want to push him to talk about it.

I used to hate when people asked me about my injuries, and I always felt humiliated when Greg told Caleb all the details when I first came to live with the wolves.

Greg checks Caleb’s stitches before walking around the bed toward me. I adjust my robe under the blanket Caleb and I are under, not wanting to startle Greg with my bare chest should he decide to pull the blankets back.

He raises a brow as he watches me awkwardly shuffle, and after a second, he gestures for me to sit up.

“I want to take a look at your stitches, too,” he says in explanation.

Caleb brings his hand to my lower back as I sit up, his fingers resting against my spine as Greg checks my head, chest, and collarbone injuries. His constant check-ins of me seem a bit excessive, but I have a feeling he’s doing this more for Caleb’s sake than mine.

Greg quietly explains all my injuries to Caleb, and I can practically feel the man beside me relax when Greg assures him I’m not going to die. The wound on my chest, where I was impaled, is by far the worst, but Greg says it looks to be healing nicely.

HPAW hires only the best doctors, so I’m not surprised.

They know what they’re doing.

“I’ve got people looking into the chip,” Caleb says, urging me to lay back down once Greg finishes my check.

My pulse races, and I clear my throat before inching down the bed and resting my head on his chest. I thought Caleb would be angry with me for the chip, but I’m not sensing any anger or frustration from him. I’m relieved, and I hope Adam told him I had no idea it was there.

“I had no idea…” I say, eager for him to know. “I never would’ve—”

Caleb interrupts me. “I know, Ev.”

Does he? I haven’t given the wolves many reasons to believe me. We both know that.

“I swear, I had no idea,” I repeat, desperate for him to understand.

Greg mumbles something about checking a few others before leaving the room. Caleb hardly seems to notice the doctor’s retreat, and I anxiously mess with the fabric of my hospital gown as he peers down at me. His eye is still watering from the eye drops, and I quickly glance at the clock above the door to make sure ten minutes haven’t passed.

Caleb’s holding back a smile as he follows my line of sight. I doubt he can read the time from this distance, but maybe he can make out the vague outline of the arms on the clock. Or maybe his good eye is pulling the weight of the bad one.

I’m not quite sure how eyesight works.

“I believe you, baby,” Caleb assures me. How?

Caleb slips his hand around mine before raising them in front of my face. I turn away, not wanting to see his mark, before forcing myself to look. I can’t put it off forever. My heart is beating so hard I can hear my blood rushing through my ears, and I prepare myself for the worst as I lock eyes with the back of his marked hand.

My vision is a bit blurred, thanks to the tears quickly building within my waterline, but I don’t need detail to see the color. The lines covering his hand are a dark pink, the color a far difference from the almost black it was before.

I suck in a ragged breath, my hand shaky as I bring my fingers to his skin.

Caleb remains silent as I stroke the lines, disbelief rendering me speechless. I thoroughly convinced myself it would be black, the distance and cheating between us darkening the color.

“I thought…” I pause and clear my throat, not wanting to mention our method of communication while I was imprisoned. “I thought what happened between Adam and me would have darkened it.”

It was enough to trigger the infidelity pain, and I read that cheating is one of the quickest ways to ruin a mark.

“It did. It got up to a light pink, but when we began that, it got a bit darker,” Caleb admits.

I would have loved to see it a light pink, but even knowing it got there gives me hope.

“What exactly is the that you were doing?” I ask, already knowing I’m not going to like the answer. “And with who?”

Caleb grimaces and curls his fingers around mine before dropping our hands back into my lap. His hand is warm, and I take comfort in knowing the sparks will return once the suppressants he’s on wears off. I can’t wait to feel them again.

“Can we push this conversation off until later?” Caleb asks. “I want to know what you and Adam did, too, but I just got you back, and I want to enjoy it a bit longer.”

I suppose that’s understandable. I’m sure I won’t be happy with whatever Caleb tells me, and I don’t want to be upset right now.

“That’s fine,” I say, clearing my throat. “Are you truly not upset with me for the chip?”

It’s hard to imagine him feeling anything but contempt for me right now. I’d be foolish not to realize that several wolves probably died during the HPAW attack and my rescue, and there’s nobody to blame but myself.

“I knew there were working on some sort of chip, but I didn’t realize it was completed and it never occurred to me that they’d have put one inside me,” I continue, needing to be honest.

I’m tired of there being lies between us.

Caleb shifts in the bed until he’s on his side facing me directly, his swollen eye roaming over my face as he cups my cheek and brushes his thumb over my skin. I lean into his touch.

“Nothing HPAW did to you is your fault, Ev,” he whispers. “It was never your fault.”

My eyes fill with tears, and I distract myself by glancing at the clock to check the time. Three more minutes before Caleb needs more eyedrops.

“Are people examining the chip now?” I ask.

Caleb nods.

“Yes. It seems it was collecting and relaying all the sound waves it picked up on, and HPAW was probably using those waves to create audio. We assume a lot of what would’ve been transmitted would’ve been muffled and hard to understand, but we’ll have a better understanding soon.”

My fingers twitch, and I curl my hands into tight fists.

“What if that’s not the only chip they put in me?” I ask.

It’s an anxiety-inducing thought I’ve been trying hard not to think about, but it’s worth mentioning. If HPAW could sneak one chip into me, what’s to stop them from adding in another? For all I know, I could have a thousand chips in me.

I could be a walking HPAW beacon.

Chapter 69

I get no less than ten scans done, all at my request, to confirm that there are no other hidden chips inside me.

Caleb remains by my side the entire time, his patience unwavering as I spend hours scouring the x-rays, searching and scanning for anything that could potentially be a chip. The only breaks I take are to place drops in his barely healing eye, and even those are brief.

“Ev,” Caleb sighs, running his hand down my back.

I lean closer to the scan of my ribcage.

My fracture healed nicely, and thankfully I don’t see anything besides bone and flesh. Just the way it should be.

“I think it’s time for us to call it a day and head home,” Caleb suggests. “We can come back and look at your scans tomorrow.”

My heart thumps, and I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I mull over his words. The question of where I’m meant to live has been lingering in the back of my mind, and I’m a bit scared to hear the answer. Does Caleb intend for me to return to my apartment or the home we once shared?

He asked me to move back in with him the day of the party, and I happily said yes, but a lot has happened since then. I’ll just plan to follow his lead.

I organize my scans and set them aside. Greg already looked at them and determined there was no other chip in me, but there’s nothing wrong with double-checking.

Caleb places a hand on the small of my back, his fingers touching the bare skin exposed between the gray sweatpants and white t-shirt I’m wearing. Adam took it upon himself to raid Caleb’s closet and bring us two changes of clothes, probably because he was tired of seeing my exposed asshole.

Caleb hardly seemed surprised or upset that the other man went into his home, and it took everything in me not to pry. Who is Adam to Caleb?

He brought Caleb a change of clothes, too, a pair of matching gray sweatpants and a black shirt.

I wonder if Caleb knows the human stereotype of men wearing gray sweatpants, but now doesn’t feel like the appropriate time to enlighten him. I’m sure he does. He went to a human college, after all.

That feat within itself is still a mystery.

“I didn’t exactly do a lot of cleaning while you were gone,” Caleb admits, sliding his fingers over my skin. “So our place might be a little messy.”

Our place.

I work my jaw side to side, doing my best not to have a physical reaction to those words. I suppose that answers my question about whether he expects me to return to my apartment.

“I don’t mind,” I say.

Caleb’s generally a pretty clean person, minus the wet bath towels he almost always leaves thrown over the bathroom sink, and I’m sure it’s not that bad.

“I hope you keep that energy when we get home,” Caleb laughs.

I smile before pulling the eye dropper out of my pocket. Caleb grimaces, but he doesn’t put up a fight as he crouches and tilts his head back. I’m pretty sure the drops burn his eye, not that he’d ever admit that, and I feel horrible guilt as I put a few in.

There’s no blood or pink tears this time, which I’m taking as a good sign, and I ensure his eye gets thoroughly covered before I cap the small bottle and shove it into my pocket.

Caleb stares at me as I pull away, his gaze unnervingly intense, and my heart races as he curls his hand around mine and guides me to the door. We’re locked away in the imaging room, Greg having abandoned us here the minute he realized I was being irrational in my concerns.

It didn’t take him long to come to that conclusion.

Caleb pulls open the door and leads me into the hallway, and I do my best not to look too nervous as I follow him. We were lucky not to run into any wolves in our short walk from Caleb’s hospital room to the imaging room, but we’re sure to encounter a few on our way to the main exit.

My pulse races, but I refuse to show fear as we turn down an empty hallway and step into a busier one.

Wolves are bustling around, primarily those related to an injured wolf. There are a few hospital staff, most of which I recognize, and I’m immensely pleased when we don’t run into Jan or Gabby.

I haven’t seen either of them today, and I couldn’t be happier.

I expect to receive dirty looks from the wolves we pass, and I’m beyond surprised when none are thrown my way. I’m not dumb, and I know Caleb’s people wouldn’t have forgiven me that easily.

One glance at Caleb confirms that.

He’s glaring daggers at every wolf we pass, and if I weren’t his mate, I’d probably be terrified of him right now.

“You don’t have to do that,” I say, my voice low so it doesn’t travel.

I’m sure all the wolves can hear me anyway, though. Caleb’s expression softens as he turns to me, and immediately I can tell he’s going to try and play dumb.

“Stop,” I continue, cutting him off.

Caleb raises a brow, his lips pursing before he gives a curt shake of his head.

“No.” He tightens his grip on my hand and returns to his glaring. “You’re my mate, and you’ll be treated as such.”

I disagree with that statement on many levels, but starting an argument in front of all these wolves isn’t the best decision to make right now.

Still, Caleb can’t just force his people to be kind to me, and he can’t expect them to overlook all the horrible things I did just because he’s decided to forgive me. Even if HPAW manipulated and practically brainwashed me, that doesn’t mean the wolves have to forget that I tried to kill their Alpha.

If I had successfully returned to HPAW that day, I would’ve told them everything I had learned about the wolves. I would’ve sat back and watched as they attacked and murdered everyone inside Caleb’s pack, even if I knew it was wrong.

I would’ve made no attempts to stop HPAW and actively worked with them to take down the wolves.

I know it, and the wolves know it.

It makes sense they don’t like me.

Caleb tightens his grip on my hand, continuing his glaring until we’re stepping out of the hospital doors. Cold hair smacks me in the face, and Caleb pulls me into his side as we make our way to the parking lot.

There are more cars here than usual, probably due to the injured, but there are still not nearly as many as you’d expect to see in a human parking lot.

“Did I tell you that HPAW ran over my car during their attack?”

I can’t help it, I really can’t, and I rip my hand from Caleb’s and slap it over my mouth as a loud, abrupt laugh bursts out of me. It’s impossible to hold it back, and I know what Caleb said wasn’t even funny, but I laugh anyway.

Caleb beams, his gaze softening as he peers down at me.

I love seeing it, and my heart thumps as Caleb gently bundles me into his arms. I’m still smiling as his mouth meets mine, and I happily tilt my chin upward and slot my lips between his as I bring my hands to his chest.

The sparks are yet to return, but I’m hoping it’s not long now. A wolf’s body typically burns through medicine quickly, but maybe the suppressants slow down how quickly his body works through it, too.

I’m not a fan.

The cold air is forgotten as Caleb kisses me, and my thoughts vanish as I enjoy it. Still, an involuntary shiver works its way down my spine, and I let out a quiet whimper when Caleb takes that as his cue to pull away.

I glance at his bad eye, checking the wetness, before looking at his face as a whole.

Caleb looks exhausted, the signs subtle but most definitely there. His cheeks are sunken like he hasn’t had a good meal or drank enough water in days, and under both his eyes are dark bags. I’m sure I don’t look much better.

“Let’s go home,” I say, loving how the words feel coming out of my mouth.

Caleb seems to enjoy it, too, if his flushed cheeks are anything to go by.

He throws an arm around my shoulder before fishing keys out of his pocket and pointing to a black SUV. It looks similar to his last car, and I don’t hesitate to walk over and climb inside.

Caleb turns it on and immediately cranks the heat, and I look away so he can’t see how flushed I get when he also turns all the vents toward me.

The drive to his house is silent, and my mouth grows dry when I notice the sheer amount of wolves lingering in the area. I count six, but I’m sure there are plenty more hidden in the woods surrounding his home.

“It’s just an extra precaution until our new place is ready,” Caleb assures me.

I lick my lips.

“Our new place?”

Caleb nods before flicking on his turn signal and turning into the driveway.

“I don’t want you living in a home HPAW knows the location of.” Caleb puts the car in park before continuing. “I won’t let them find you again.”

The silence between us is deafening as he kills the car engine, and I clear my throat as I peer through the window at the house.

It blends in with the forest it’s nestled within, and the big bushes in front and the cute cobblestone walking path make it look so homely. I remember being amazed by the floor-to-ceiling windows the first time I saw this place.

Caleb and the women in his pack did a good job decorating, turning the modern house into a cozy home I loved spending my time in.

I used to imagine what it would be like to live here forever with Caleb.

“What’re you going to do about HPAW?” I ask.

I want them gone. They’ve taken too much from us, and I’m tired of constantly living in fear of them. Of the threat they pose.

Especially now. As far as I’m aware, they’ve never launched such an aggressive attack on the wolves before. With their new weapons, the ones with the high-pitched noise that makes it hard for the wolves to concentrate and hear, I don’t even want to think about how much damage they could inflict.

Too much.

I know Caleb’s gone out of his way to avoid conflict with them in the past, hoping continued peace would encourage HPAW to back off, but even he mentioned a while ago that they were leaving him with little choice but to begin fighting back.

He can’t continue to ignore and push off the threat HPAW poses.

Caleb sits back in his seat and runs a hand through his hair, looking stressed. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be to have so many people relying on you, and I’m surprised Caleb hasn’t had a mental breakdown yet.

I like to think of myself as relatively strong-minded, but I’d be a ball of mush if I were in his position.

“I have meetings with Cole and Adam tomorrow to discuss that exact question,” he admits. “We were working on some ideas before the attack, but they went out the window when you and Adam were kidnapped.”

I press my lips together.

“Who exactly is Adam to you?” I can’t help but ask.

Caleb chuckles, and I fish the eye dropper out of my pocket when he turns in my direction and I see the crust developing on his eye. It probably wasn’t a good idea to let him drive us here, and I’m glad nobody else was on the road.

If he were a human, he’d get a ticket for impaired driving.

“It’s a long story,” Caleb eventually says. “Adam is the only person with a wolf comparable to mine, which means he’s supposed to be my second in command.”

I knew he held some sort of title. I just knew it.

“We were raised together, but Adam has never been interested in politics. When I became Alpha, I allowed him to pursue other options. We’re under the agreement that he’ll step in should something ever happen to me. As far as the public is concerned, Cole has become my second.”

Caleb pokes at the dark bruise under his eye before wincing and continuing.

“Adam’s regularly briefed and kept up to date in case he’s needed, but he doesn’t take an active role.”

My jaw drops, and I shake my head before propping my elbow on the center console and leaning closer to Caleb.

“Why not just make Cole your actual second in command if he enjoys the work and Adam doesn’t?”

Caleb frowns.

“Cole’s wolf doesn’t command enough respect. The other Alphas would challenge him for the position, and they’d likely win. Adam’s wolf isn’t nearly as strong as mine, not enough to be a true Alpha of Alphas, but it would be enough to hold us together,” Caleb explains.

I shake my head, struggling to digest all this. Is that why Caleb moved me into the apartment next to Adam? Was Adam in charge of babysitting me that entire time?

I’m not sure I want to know.

I like to think that Adam and my’s friendship was genuine.

Caleb reaches across the center console and grabs my hand, his touch light.

“I love you, Evelyn,” he whispers. “And I don’t want to keep things from you anymore. I want you to be my mate in every way. I want you to be my equal.”

Chapter 70

Caleb crouches and snatches my ankle, and I jolt as he makes quick work removing my shoe. A shiver works its way down my spine as he sets my leg on the ground and reaches for my other foot, and I hold my breath as he takes his time removing my other shoe.

The house isn’t nearly as messy as he led me to believe it would be, and I peer around the familiar space as Caleb straightens back up and kicks off his own shoes.

The living room looks exactly the same as when I was last here, and the cup of water I hurriedly drank before we left for the party still sits on the coffee table. It doesn’t look like Caleb has stepped so much as a foot into the room since I left.

“Are you hungry?” Caleb asks, drawing my attention.

I turn away from the living room, my pulse racing as I loop my arm around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. His hands find my hips as his mouth meets mine, and I bury my other hand into the short hair on the back of his head to hold him close.

I don’t want to be away from him ever again.

Caleb sighs against my lips before pulling me into his chest. A second later I’m being picked up, and I wrap my legs around his hips without hesitation. I missed this, missed the feel of him in my arms, and I let myself enjoy it as Caleb spins around and carries us upstairs.

It’s only once he pushes open the bedroom door that I see the mess he was talking about, and I peer at the sheer amount of clothing scattered about as he brings me to the unmade bed. Most of the clothing looks dirty, and there’s a clear path from the bedroom door to the bathroom.

“What happened in here?” I ask.

Caleb lays me back on the mattress, his hair tickling my cheeks as it falls into my face.

“I’ve been falling asleep at my office most nights, and only stopping at home to shower and change,” he admits, peering at the fabric path. “Stripping on my way to the bathroom saved time.”

I touch Caleb’s stubble, enjoying the feeling of it against my fingertips.

“Did it actually save you time?” I ask.

Caleb turns back to me, a smile toying at the corners of his lips.

“I like to think it did.”

He blinks, and I trail my fingers to his bad eye. The skin is still so swollen, and I carefully feel the tender skin before smoothing my thumb over his eyebrow. I’ll never forget what it felt like to see him so hurt, to think he was dead, and I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I peer at the black stitches where the bullet was removed from his head.

“I hardly remember killing Dan,” I say.

I know I stabbed him in the dick and then the femoral artery in his thigh. He would have bled out within minutes, and I know he’s dead even if I didn’t watch it happen. I ran to Caleb the moment Dan fell.

He was all I could focus on.

“I heard about that,” Caleb admits, clearing his throat. “Are you okay? I understand if you’re sad.”

I lick my lips, debating, before shaking my head.

“I’m not sad.”

It’s the truth, even if I know it’s fucked up to say. Dan was the closest thing I ever had to a father—at least that I remember—but he wasn’t a good man. My body is littered with scars from injuries he gave me in the name of ‘training.’ He might have loved me in his own weird way, as evidenced by his decision to reach out to the wolves to save my life, but I didn’t feel that affection in return.

“I’m happy he’s dead,” I say. “Do you think that makes me a bad person?”

Caleb shakes his head. “No. He abused you, Ev, even if it was under the disguise of helping.”

Did he? I shut my eyes, not wanting to think too deeply about this. I’ve finally got Caleb back, and I refuse to let thoughts of Dan ruin our night.

“I love you,” I whisper.

Caleb brings his lips to my jaw, but I push him away and nudge his shoulder until he rolls onto his back. He does with a huff, and he sprawls his arms out to his sides as I plant myself on his chest and fish the eye dropper out of my pocket.

“How long until those suppressants wear off?” I ask.

Caleb shrugs. “A few hours, maybe.”

“I want to feel you again,” I pout.

I miss the tingles, and I press my palm against Caleb’s cheek with a frown. Is this how things felt for Caleb after I tried to kill him and blackened my mark? The mate bond doesn’t change my feelings, but things are different without it.

It makes our touch feel special, and it’s a reminder that we’re meant to be together.

It was a comfort.

“I was afraid I ruined our bond when I cut my mark off.” My voice cracks, and I lick my lips before continuing. “I was so scared to lose you.”

Caleb opens his mouth, a pained noise slipping from his throat, but I shake my head before he says anything. Any sweet words from his mouth would only make me cry, and I don’t want to do that right now.

Instead, I pull the cap off the dropper and gesture for Caleb to open his eye. He grimaces, and I can’t help but feel bad as I put a few in. The clear liquid spreads over his eye before pooling and dripping down the center, and I cap the dropper before wiping away the excess liquid with my thumb.

“I can do this myself,” Caleb says, reaching for the dropper.

I pull it out of his reach, refusing to let him get a hold of it. I wasn’t born yesterday, and neither was Greg. Caleb doesn’t like the drops, he’s made that painfully obvious, and when Caleb doesn’t like something, he will do whatever possible to get rid of it.

He’ll conveniently lose the dropper the second I give it to him, and that will be the end of his eye hydration.

“Greg gave it to me for a reason,” I argue. “If I give you this dropper, you’ll hide the bottle and refuse to use it.”

Caleb pulls his eyebrows together, trying to look confused, before huffing when he realizes I won’t fall for it. Not today.

Deciding to change course, he props himself up on his elbows and puckers his lips, and I can’t help but chuckle as I bend down and kiss him, finding his actions painfully endearing. Caleb doesn’t hesitate to tilt his head to the side and ease his tongue into my mouth, and I plant my hands on his shoulders as I mold my body against his.

It feels good, and I gasp as he trails his lips down the length of my neck. He smiles against my skin when he reaches my pulse point, and I know he’s getting amusement out of feeling how hard my heart is beating.

“I missed this,” he whispers. “I missed seeing how much I affect you.”

I’d think he was teasing me if it weren’t for the low moan to his words. If I had to guess, I’d say Caleb’s heart is beating as hard as mine. He’s always been easily excitable, his body responding to my every touch and movement.

I love it, and I suck in a shaky breath as he reaches for the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. We’re both careful of my bandages, and I can’t help but let out a tiny giggle when Caleb needs to help me lift my left arm.

My shirt is tossed onto Caleb’s ever-growing clothing pile.

“Oh,” Caleb mutters, pushing against my bandages so they remain stuck to my skin.

He’s beyond gentle, and I let him occupy himself with them as I grab the bottom of his shirt and tug until he lifts his arms and allows me to pull it over his head. His abs flex as he uses them to remain upright, but he quickly drops an arm back down to support his upper body once his shirt is removed.

I know he’s feeling weak from the attack, and I place my palms against his bare chest and gently push him flat on his back. I probably shouldn’t have let him carry me upstairs, either, but it’s too late for that now.

Besides, I’m sure he’d have thrown a fit if I tried to walk myself.

“We should wait until we’re healed,” Caleb says, still eyeing the cut on my chest. “Greg told me you’re probably concussed.”

I shake my head. “No, he didn’t.”

Greg told me himself that my head was fine. Most of my headache resulted from dehydration, and it’s feeling much better after getting an IV drip. Caleb’s lying, and not very well.

He’s always been weird about my head, though, and I can’t count the number of times he’s ignored Greg’s evaluation and decided on his own that I’m concussed. It’s a cute trait of his, even if it does drive me crazy some of the time.

“My head is fine, Caleb,” I chuckle.

He pouts, and I settle on his hips before leaning down and bringing my lips to his neck. This always works to shut him up, and I grin as he shifts underneath me and slides his fingers up my bare back. I’m not wearing a bra, and he takes advantage of that as he slips his hands to my front and cups my breasts.

His pulse thunders against my lips, just as I thought it would, as I leisurely grind against him. He’s straining against his sweatpants, and I feel the hardness pressing between my thighs as I work myself over him.

“You’re mine,” I say, rolling my hips.

Caleb moans, his breath hitting my ear as he thrusts upward to meet my movements.

“It’s not happening, baby,” he whispers. We’ll see about that. “Not until the suppressants have worn off.”

Those words are enough to still me, and I press my forehead against his cheek before planting my hands into the mattress and pushing back to hover over him.

“You’re the only woman I’ve ever been with,” he continues.

I cock my head to the side, waiting for him to finish, but he doesn’t. What’s me being the only woman he’s been with have to do with the suppressants? It’s not like our bond has died. It’s just taking a nap, and that doesn’t mean we can’t have this for ourselves.

I want to feel him, feel all of him.

“Does the bond make sex feel more special?” I ask.

Sex with Caleb is always special to me, with or without the bond. The bond is pleasurable, but it’s the fact that I’m with Caleb that I care about. He’s what matters, not some magic tingles.

“That’s not it,” Caleb says. “It’s just… I don’t have a lot of experience.” Caleb’s cheeks turn red, and I smile as I realize where he’s going with this. “And the bond makes it better for you.”

I love my wolf.

“The bond isn’t why I enjoy having sex with you,” I chuckle, sliding my hands up his torso. “I enjoy having sex with you because you’re sexy, you know where my clit is and when to touch it, and your cock is fucking huge.”

Caleb snorts. “So it has nothing to do with loving me?” he teases. “Nothing to do with how you enjoy feeling connected to me?”

I shrug. “That’s an added bonus.”

Caleb laughs, and I enjoy seeing how his face lights up. I missed our light banter, and I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I trail my finger down Caleb’s chest. He twitches between my thighs, clearly trying to hold himself back as I pull the front of his sweatpants down just enough to expose the head of his cock.

He’s already leaking for me, and I fucking love it.

“Do you miss being inside me?” I ask.

Caleb grunts, and I take that as a yes as I slide my finger over the tip of his cock. He’s always in charge, and I quite like the control he’s giving me right now.

“Do you miss seeing me stretch around—”

My sentence is cut short as Caleb abruptly flips us over. He’s pulling my sweatpants down my legs the moment I land on my back, and I happily kick them off my ankles as Caleb removes his.

His cock smacks against his stomach as he rids himself of his underwear, and I lick my lips as I admire his thickness. It’s been so long since we’ve had sex, and I spread my thighs as he climbs on the bed and slots himself between them.

Caleb peers at my slit, and my cheeks warm as he uses his fingers to spread them and get a better look at my entrance. Caleb and I took quick showers at the hospital when we were brought our change of clothes, but I wasn’t given a razor or anything.

I have a feeling that Caleb doesn’t even notice my body hair, though, as he slides his other hand up my calf and around my knee. He settles on my thigh, tightly gripping the skin before pushing it back to spread my legs even further for him.

“I love how your body knows, even without the bond, that it belongs to me,” he says, running his pointer finger through my wetness.

Fuck.

I drop my head against the mattress, my hips twitching as he lazily trails his finger up and down, teasing me. He avoids my clit, pointedly making his way around it before sliding back to my entrance. I clench around his finger when he dips it inside.

“Please,” I beg.

Caleb releases my thigh so he can grab my chin, and he forces me to look him in the eye as he fucks me with his finger. He looks desperate as he feels me, and I cry out when he curls two inside me and brings his thumb down on my clit.

It feels so good, and I arch my back as he brings his lips to my chest and sucks a nipple into his mouth. There’s a sharp sting as he bites down, and he smooths his tongue over it as he works his fingers in and out.

It’s not enough.

“I want you,” I say, raising my hips. I want him to fuck me.

Caleb pulls off my nipple with a wet pop, and he licks over his bottom lip before removing his fingers.

“I can tell, baby girl,” he chuckles. “You’re fucking desperate for it.”

I lift my hips with a whine, and Caleb shakes his head before grabbing his cock and bringing himself between my thighs. He can make fun of me all he wants, but I’m getting what I want.

Caleb slides his tip up and down the length of my slit, the thick head of his cock catching on my entrance before smacking against my clit. I run my hands through my hair with a low cry, seconds away from begging when he finally lines himself up.

“Yes,” I gasp, staring down at where we connect.

Caleb sinks the first inch of himself in me, and I moan as I stretch around him. I grab his bicep as he presses his palms into the mattress and pushes the rest of the way inside, and he doesn’t waste any time rolling his hips back before sliding back in.

I love the wet drag of him whenever he pulls out, but it’s nowhere near as good as the fullness when he pushes back in.

“Fuck, Ev,” Caleb pants. He drops to his elbows, bringing our bodies closer together as he fucks me. “You were made for my cock.”

His hips press against my thighs with each thrust, and I wrap my legs around his waist with a needy moan. My nerve endings are on fire, and I press as much of myself against him as I can. I want every piece of him on me.

Caleb lifts his chest and works a hand between us, careful not to touch my injuries or bruises as he presses his palm into my belly and brings his thumb to my clit. I jolt, an orgasm already coiling in my lower abdomen. Caleb continues to rub me as it builds, and I open my mouth with a silent cry when it becomes too much.

I writhe underneath him, but he easily follows my movements until I tumble over the edge. My orgasm rushes through me like a wave, leaving me shattered and limp and so fucking sated.

Caleb throws his head back with a loud grunt, the muscles in his neck flexing as he gulps and clenches his jaw. I squeeze around him, knowing that drives him wild, and I take great pleasure in the glare he shoots in my direction afterward.

“Cum,” I whisper.

He removes his hand from my clit and plants it into the mattress, using it as leverage for harder thrusts. I love it, love how he uses me for his own pleasure, and I spread my thighs as wide as I can as he buries himself deep into me.

He remains inside me for a brief moment before pulling out, and I quickly reach down and curl a hand around him.

“F-fuck,” he moans, jerking into my hand. “I’m going to cum for you, baby. I’m so close.”

He thrusts forward twice before spilling, his cum seeping onto my stomach. I continue working my fist over him, eagerly working out as much of his cum as possible. I want him to cover me with it, and I continue stroking until he’s pulling away with a quiet hiss.

“We made a mess,” I joke.

Caleb brings his forehead to mine as he catches his breath.

“It’s well worth it,” he says, pressing a chaste kiss to my cheek. “Let’s take a shower and go to bed.”

____

I almost wasn't going to have them have sex, but it's been like a kajillion chapters and I was going through smut withdrawal