Car Accident (Patreon)

I don't like making my family worry and I usually keep things like this a secret from everyone except for the man in my life. I'm used to suffering in silence while I put on a happy face for Intelexual Media because I don't want you, my supporters, to worry either. You wouldn't believe everything that's happened in the past year that I havent told you about lol. But the water has burst through the dam. I hate feeling out of control and I hate feeling this anxious. But I don't have a therapist. These are all the thoughts floating around in my head, weighing me down. So I need to let them out. 

I got into a car accident. Im fine and so is my car. The other driver's car requires $7500 in repairs. It wasn't my fault or hers, and she was really cool about it, it was raining and I was coming out of a parking lot with low visibility. But I have tears streaming down my face right now as I type this because things are about to get really challenging. As CBS claims,

In general, the study found, drivers who make a single claim of $2,000 or more can expect their premiums to increase by 41 percent. That translates to a $335 increase for the average U.S. auto insurance premium of $815 a year. For the unfortunate souls who make two claims in one year, the increase jumps to 93 percent

My current monthly insurance is a painful $250. Im not sure how expensive my new policy will be (it renews in late June), but Im freaking out. I just wanted to give you guys a heads up for why White Supremacy and The Black Family wont be uploaded today, and to also tell you that I might be venturing back into sex work. 

You won't believe how few people are willing to pay for what I offer. Viral tweets don't always translate to dollars, and in Trump America I don't blame people for spending money on fun things instead of historical truths that are routinely depressing in nature. Book sales have been amazing, but donations and pledges have been moderate. I had a few well-paying appearances, but not enough. When you're as honest as I am, mainstream media doesn't fuck with you like that. For the past few months I have been barely making ends meet but I was *proud* of living alone and paying all my bills because I've been working on history kits for kids and the next evolution of Intelexual Media. Despite not being able to afford basic healthcare (I need new glasses and so much dental work), I was proud. I was happy with how I was doing, knowing that I'm building a solid foundation for Intelexual Media. But with an emergency like this, I know that I can't keep living to make the minimum because it not only changes my quality of life but it impacts Intelexual Media. Why? If I dont take care of myself, I can't take care of Intelexual Media. Going forward I need to be able to make enough to build a better savings account. I was already considering returning to sex work so that I could bankroll my next few projects, but I think this accident is catalyzing my return. 

There is no shame in sex work for me, but I know the stigma can affect people's desire or ability to learn from me. Im kind of afraid of that. Im also afraid of revenge porn being sent to my family or something crazy like that. Its different from before when I had a certain anonymity in college. Also, there is an embarrassment that comes from feeling like one is regressing in their profession, and relying on anything except Intelexual Media for survival feels like regression for me. But at this point I don't see another way around it. I will also be taking more freelance writing jobs and I have a few Summer projects in the works, but ultimately I know no money is faster or more abundant than the money I can make on cam. 

Regardless, I will make it through this because I have to. This letter was not a break-up. You'll still get videos and essays from me. I'm still here. Intelexual Media is still here. Love ya'll. More than anything, thanks for being a patron. You guys believe in Intelexual Media the way I do. Please know that five years from now this company will be everything and more. I promise.