Lucifer WIP (My current thoughts about art) (Patreon)

(TL;DR - My art style will change from now on and I am enjoying my vacation)

So.. where do I even begin? It's easy to think up what I want to say but it's much harder to write it down into words. But I still want to do this and be clear what is going on and what will be happening in the future regarding myself, my art and patreon.

I have been feeling very frustrated and not satisfied by how I have been drawing for a while. This started around March and over time I lost passion and motivation to draw. It took me some time to realize I have pretty much reached my peak with it. I feel I couldn't improve it nor did I feel it had any meaning.

I didn't want to disappoint anyone so kept drawing the same way, but my love for it was gone. I kept that to myself but it only got worse to the point I had thought many times to just jump ship on it all, quit patreon, quit having such a huge twitter account, quit it all. But I rely on it to much to do so, I have connections and online friends, many artists that inspire me and are inspired by me in turn, patreon is part of my income. If I do all that, I would be completely sabotaging and in a way hurt myself and confuse those around me. This may come over as me being completely dramatic and/or being ungrateful of those that supported me. And in truth it felt like it got to that point, it warped in my head and couldn't really find myself accepting any compliments or the fleeting good feeling about it was gone in a second. LIKE I MADE IT! I REACHED THE TOP WITH MY ART AND PEOPLE IT AND LOVE MY VIVIENNE AND I JUST HAVE TO CONTINUE THIS WAY AND I'D BE GOOD FOR LIFE RIGHT? But my reality is is that once I reached that peak I craved something else and what I achieved didn't matter anymore. I felt disconnected from it all.

I couldn't continue like this so it required me to take action in a different way.

I decided to take a ''vacation'' in May (I don't go anywhere really but my workload has become far less than usual) and started to draw for myself again, started to draw differently and practice again. Learning more defined shapes and angles, trying different brushes, used 3D models to help me with difficult poses, trying to bring some emotion into my art again. I didn't share them on my main but on a side account(which will stay anonymous, don't ask me for it) Lately have been reading manga and playing games much more. I wrote on my main twitter that I am taking much needed self-care and that is exactly what I have been doing. It felt good and exciting and new to draw again and to feel inspired again, like it was when I was much younger. It stopped being this ''dreadful'' activity. Work is work but this shouldn't have to be dreadful, it should feel closer to how it's like to have a hobby.

Now that I am here, I don't want to go back. I want to keep learning and improve. I want to discover an art-style that works for me and I can have complete passion for again. And let go of what has restrained me for so long. This.. will take time. My art likely will go all over the place or may not look as impressive as what I used to draw before but that to me is worth it as long as I can continue this. Loving my art, bring something meaningful with it, have fun again, feel connected again.

As for commissions they stay closed for the time being and with patreon I do want to continue it! But I do not know if I want to change it, it requires more thought. So at this moment nothing changes other than my art, if you want to keep supporting me thank you and if not then still thank you for the support you've given me!

That's all. Enjoy the Lucifer sketch I cooked up today :)