Difficult Post (Patreon)

Thing I feel I have to post rather than being silent

As many of my more, kind of talking about life updates, I have talked about how, difficult of a time I am having, as other than taking art commissions, this patreon is my sole source of income, and it is the primary thing making it so I can pay rent every month, the thought of loosing that terrifies me with how the world currently is.

I'm currently unemployed, my two partners are unemployed, one of them had been fired from their job year before last and has been unable to land one since. It wasn't, terrible, two of us still had income but it wasn't great. And a few months ago my other partner lost hers. Despite our best efforts, none of us have been able to land any jobs.

The thing about it is, I haven't been enjoying working on Starbecue for, a while now. I go through very short phases of, finding something I small I enjoyed doing in it, but then it'd be finished and would be over. Or I'd just be, doing general maintenance and code cleanup and bug fixes but I would burn out so quickly and then not touch it for weeks.

I had been terrified making any post saying work on SBQ would stop. My partner had to sit me down and, get me to calm and understand that... most people probably aren't going to up and leave, that people want to support me for whatever I'm doing, but I can't just, not say anything.

So, what does this mean? This means that, for the time being, SBQ will solely be in, maintenance mode, I'm only going to provide bugfixes and maybe code cleanup, things that are, incomplete at the moment will likely stay that way, I'm going to provide the final 4.1 version sometime within the week. I apologize for any hopes that may have been raised. There were many things I wanted to do with it, but I just... it isn't there.

So what is happening? I'm still doing artwork, I have been enjoying doing artwork a lot lately, I'm still scared patreon will kill me for posting furries with dicks on the site itself but we'll look into that.

Some of you may remember me talking about a game years ago called Micro Management, where it would be a thing kinda like pikmin, but with furries and vore and such. That game was shelved a while ago, but may still be returned to in the future.

But I have been working on a new game since may, and I've been making considerable amount of progress. Unlike Micro Management which was using Godot as an engine, this time I'm just building a game in C# from the ground up, primary library I'm using is Raylib. Main thing is like, I kinda just do not like game engines where they have the kind of, node tree structure, it, abstracts from the actual code far too much for my brain. I had my start in programming in romhacking, my brain is wired for sequential instructions and shuffling data around and passing variables into functions. I will likely never be able to fuck with node trees because they just frustrate me.

The thing about it is, while I would love to talk about this game. I would love to show people this game, you might get a screenshot here and there as a proof I'm not lying and am actually making a game. But I honestly think I work best in secret.

I don't like too many eyes on me, too many eyes freaked me the fuck out when SBQ started getting more popular, especially when it was getting attention for reasons I didn't like, I think I have some sort of trauma response over large groups of people because of the the sheer numbers of minors that were flooding into my server during the youtuber pedo with their cult incident, and the, response of a bunch of people being incredibly toxic towards me about the ID checking, like, yeah asking people for IDs is bad! I was well aware! but what else was I supposed to do! Nobody sent me death threats iirc, but still there were, many nasty things said about me and it fucked me up as a 22 something who was moving out of their parents house! I'm still messed up seeing as I'm venting about it even now. Nobody would handle that situation well. Only time will heal that I guess. Here's hoping I'm not still scared of it in the future.

Regardless.

I need, space, and I need, secrecy, and I need trust.

Trust in y'all I'll get the support to keep on living.

If y'all can trust in me I'll come back to you with something cool that you'll enjoy eventually.

The goal is to shoot for, getting the game into a state where we can show the main mechanics before I really show anything, I have no idea how long that'll be, but I will have something.