Unorthodox Farming 3: Chapter 14 (Patreon)

Okay, I didn't have enough time to produce extra chapters as I hoped. It's summer here in New Zealand, and most of the country shuts down just before Christmas and starts back up in mid-January. The day after I got home, one of my cousins randomly came to visit for a few days and brought friends, which is pretty typical this time of year, but it messes with my schedule, especially when I don't have chapters ready. I'll get the extra chapters at some point, but not this week.

Chapter 14

Orlana's

Farentine had everything she needed to stabilise my condition at the testing site. However, regrowing bones and limbs required skilled chefs and perfect quality food. In Farentine's words, there was perfect-quality food, and there was perfect-quality food, and anything that had been cured or preserved wasn't the sort of perfect-quality food I needed. Which is why the moment I was stable, she scooped me up in her arms and flew me to the Capitol.

Farentine didn't waste time caring if I was comfortable as she rushed me to Orlana's. Torvac's wife's restaurant was one of only three restaurants in the Capitol certified to help champions recover from a near-death experience, and since I was already supposed to meet Torvac there for lunch, Farentine agreed to drop me off there instead of her usual place.

Frankly, I felt she wanted to get rid of me. The third time she'd returned to the tent to check on me, she'd been rather distracted, only staying as long as she had to before leaving to study my ability. She seemed almost annoyed that my condition had forced her to help me.

Cluttered streets and tightly placed buildings passed below us while the wind howled in my ears, chilling me to the bone. The cold discomfort was a small reminder of how close I'd come to death. With my constitution, only arctic winds should have bothered me.

Farentine frowned as she began her descent. "We might have a problem."

I followed her gaze and spotted Torvac lying on the roof of the building across the street from the one she was aiming for. He wore a cloak designed to make him blend in with the roof, with the backpack he'd carried from Blackwood beside his feet. He was watching the front door of what I assumed was his wife's restaurant.

"That's Torvac," I said. "I recognise the backpack."

Farentine relaxed and accelerated our descent. Torvac somehow noticed our approach despite looking down. He leapt to his feet, grabbed his backpack, and jumped across the gap between the buildings, landing with an amused grin a second before us.

No man wants his friends seeing him being princess-carried by a flying champion. His amused grin told me he knew that too.

His grin grew as Farentine placed me on my feet and checked my condition.

Torvac nodded to my missing arm. "Friend Arnold need not go to so much trouble to gain Orlana's favour."

Farentine had already warned me that the food bill for my recovery would be measured in crowns, not nobles, so I knew he was making a joke.

"You said you were going to buy me lunch, so I wanted to take full advantage."

Torvac roared with laughter.

I laughed with him and motioned to my missing shoulder. "You think it's too much?"

Torvac nodded. "Missing hand suffice. This seem excessive."

Torvac was far more aware of how robust champions were than I was, so if he wasn't concerned about my condition, then I had no reason to be either. I let myself relax. Farentine had told me I'd make a full recovery, but I'd only known her for a few days, so I didn't fully trust her.

Farentine folded her arms. "Why were you skulking around your wife's restaurant?"

Torvac took a deep breath and adjusted his massive backpack. "Would Friend Farentine like to join Torvac and Friend Arnold for lunch?"

I gave her my friendliest smile, hoping it would encourage her to agree.

"Your wife hates me."

"Orlana not hate Friend Farentine. Orlana hate Friend Farentine's job."

Farentine sensed something was wrong. "What did you do?"

"Torvac may not have told Orlana that Torvac gone so long or what Torvac doing while gone. Orlana may have learned this from newspaper."  

Farentine actually took a step back. "Any other time, I would love to take you up on that offer, but I need to return to the testing site to assess Arnold's champion ability."

Torvac's mouth dropped open. "Friend Arnold, pass test?"

"I was as surprised as you are." She paused. "Have you fought beside him?"

Torvac nodded. "Many times."

"This morning, I noticed that he could take full advantage of his movement speed buffs while running to the test site. Have you seen something similar?"

"Friend Arnold fast."

"What's his timing like?"

"Exceptional."

"So, he's fast with good timing."

"Yes, but Friend Arnold not coordinated. Never make great warrior. Maybe great wizard."

"I failed that test," I replied.

Torvac reached out to pat my shoulder, but there was nothing to pat, so he slapped my back instead. "At least Friend Arnold prettier than when Torvac last saw."

I laughed.

Farentine unfolded her arms. "Are you busy for the next thirty days?"

Torvac paused. "Torvac little busy."

"Too busy to train him for me?"

"Torvac not busy if paid."

"Good. I'll send you the training program and everything I want you to record by tomorrow morning."

"Torvac happy to help."

Farentine nodded and then turned to me. "Send where you are staying to Champions Hall so I can organise your reassessment." Without another word, she rose into the air and flew off.

Torvac slapped me on the back again. "Friend Arnold's champion ability very good, it seems."

"Testing it nearly killed me."

"Torvac never see Friend Farentine so excited."

"How can you tell?"

"Friend Farentine, leave Friend Arnold with Torvac, before Friend Arnold recovers. Friend Farentine does not do this. Friend Farentine very protective of champions."

I'd got that feeling while she was trying to save my life. "How do you know each other?"

"Torvac save Friend Farentine's daughter once. Friend Farentine teach Torvac to use sword better as thank you. Orlana get very upset, because Friend Farentine tell her Torvac can become champion. Torvac not allowed train under Friend Farentine anymore because of this."

Considering how much champions seemed to work, I could understand how that might upset her. Only seeing your spouse a few days each month would be hard.

I watched Farentine fade into a speck in the distance, then turned to Torvac. "Salem's on his way here to protect me. He believes the demon lord knows that I bear his familiar mark."

Torvac dropped any pretence of playfulness. "That worries Torvac." Torvac motioned for me to follow him to the edge of the roof and began pointing down. "See that, Friend Arnold?"

The moment I was beside him, he wrapped his arm around my waist and leapt over the edge. We were five floors up.

As we landed in the middle of the crowded street, Torvac bent his knee just right to absorb most of the impact, reducing the damage from my fall. Even with my constitution, the landing hurt. But there wasn't enough damage to trigger a notification with my settings turned down low.

I stepped away as Torvac released me and scowled. "What was that for?"

"Friend Arnold's must recover now. Jumping fastest way down."

"Are you trying to get out of buying me lunch?"

"Yes. But only do because necessary."

Torvac placed his hand on my good shoulder and began dragging me towards the restaurant door. Richly dressed men and women moved around us, walking in and out of stores which only a handful of people in Blackwood could afford. Torvac never manhandled people. He considered it rude, so I knew how concerned he had to be to do so now.

A lot of people gave us strange looks as I was marched to the door. Their looks made sense. From their perspective, a massive adventurer was shoving an anorexic amputee into a restaurant.

It looked like a public intervention.

Despite my condition, I felt fine. However, that feeling was an illusion. My body was susceptible to cold, and I felt lazy, like I wanted to lie down and spend the day reading a book. These were all warning signs that I needed to recover.

I reached for the door handle with my right hand, forgetting it wasn't there, before opening it with my left and stepping inside. Conversations and laughter filled the building as customers packed every table despite the early hour.

A short, pretty brunette in her early teens looked up from behind her podium as we entered. She wore a uniform that looked more like something you would see on a soldier than a hostess. She even had a pair of soft leather boots that you could march across the kingdom in.

The instant she spotted Torvac, her entire face lit up, and any sense of professionalism vanished. "Grandpa! What did you bring me?"

Warrior Nita

Torvac stopped beside me and nudged me with his elbow. "Do not have grandchildren, Friend Arnold. No matter how much Torvac spoils them, they always want more." Torvac turned to Nita and smiled. "Have you practised like Grandpa Torvac instructed little Nita?"

Nita nodded, grinning proudly at him. She had an infectious sort of grin. The kind that lit up a room. I saw a lot of Torvac in that grin. "I've reached expert in all the lore, weapons, and armour proficiencies you said I had to."

 Torvac grinned back and threw his arms wide, stepping forward to hug her.

Then he tripped over his own feet.

Torvac, a multi-classed adventurer who could pirouette on his big toe, fell face-first onto the restaurant floor. During the fall, his backpack flap somehow split open, sending a full-sized swordsman experience crystal flying conveniently toward his granddaughter's face.

Nita missed the fast-moving experience crystal when she tried to catch it, and she should have been seriously injured by the impact, except that, for some reason, her interface was set to automatically absorb any experience she came into contact with. The experience crystal tweaked her nose and vanished in a flash of light, before more light enveloped her body as she leveled.

Everything from Torvac's fall to the overly surprised look on Nita's face as she 'accidentally' absorbed the crystal could have been in a Three Stooges skit.  

No one would ever believe this was an accident.

Several of the diners had looked over as we entered. Two were now choking. That much experience flying through the air wasn't the sort of thing you saw every day, or any day in fact.

A third diner began choking as a second wave of light struck Nita, making her glow even brighter, revealing she had passed through her first threshold. Her name changed.

Swordswoman Nita

A second after she passed through her first threshold, she passed through her second. Her name changed again, and the room grew brighter. I'd had to get my intelligence above 100 before I could see people's advancement, and it wasn't that useful in Blackwood until recently.

Advanced Swordswoman Nita

The teenager began to grin as her body changed. She was already reasonably fit, but her biceps toned, and she gained several inches in height. You could see the change as her health increased. Her skin grew more vibrant, and her gaze grew more intense.

I'd seen farmers gain almost as many levels as she just had, but none of those changes had been this drastic. But then Nita had gained more than 300 attributes in only a few seconds, and they had received half of that.

Torvac wriggled on the ground. "Oh, no. Grandpa Torvac has fallen, Little Nita. Help Old Grandpa Torvac find feet."

Nita rushed forward to help him up, still blinding the restaurant with a wall of light.

As the light began to fade, a tiny, attractive middle-aged woman stormed through the restaurant like a gale force wind. She was five feet nothing, with biceps even more impressive than Nita's. Her dark brown hair was streaked with grey and tied up in a bun. Wrinkles sat around her eyes, and her hands were covered in flour as she wielded a large rolling pin. Her apron, however, was spotless.

She glared at Torvac as Nita helped him to his feet. "You go away for months, only to come back and spoil my grandchild and disturb my customers! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't grab you by your ear and make you clean my dishes until you're too old and daft to remember your own name?"

Torvac backpedalled a step and pulled me in beside him, ready to throw me in front of him if needed.

"The greatest love of Torvac's life is as beautiful as the day Orlana first stabbed Torvac's heart with joy." He couldn't help but grin as he said those words. "But Torvac cannot clean dishes when Torvac must plan threshold party for Torvac's favourite granddaughter."

I blinked.

I didn't know grandparents were allowed to admit they had favourites. I mean, I knew they had them. And I knew, in my case, it had been my sister Sophie, but you still didn't say it out loud. It was against the rules.

Nita rolled her eyes at the comment but kept grinning as she watched her grandparents. She wasn't behaving like someone who thought they were going to be in trouble. She was acting like a granddaughter who was going to watch her grandpa get in trouble.

Orlana raised an eyebrow at him. "There will be dishes waiting for you after you finish planning husband."

Torvac's wife blurred.

One second, she was staring at him, and the next, she was hanging from his shoulders, kissing him. Torvac was kissing her back with the same passionate abandon. Thankfully, he was now three feet further away from me, or it would have been an even more uncomfortable situation.

Nita lost her grin. "Ewww!"

One of the diners who was choking was beginning to show distress, and the woman beating at his back was starting to panic, so I stepped away from the happy couple and proceeded to do the Heimlich. It was much harder with only one arm.

By the time the man could breathe, Torvac and Orlana had finished their reunion. I accepted the couple's thanks and made my way back over.

Torvac grinned, resting his hand on his much shorter wife's shoulder. "Friend Arnold, this is Torvac's wife Orlana, most beautiful woman in Torvac's world."

Nita's head wiped towards me. "Are you the Arnold who grandpa got the games from? Did you bring another set of Risk? Can I have it? My sister snuck away with the only set we have when she enlisted."

Torvac scowled at Nita. "Friend Arnold, not Little Nita's grandpa. Friend Arnold not have to spoil Torvac's grandchildren. That's grandpa Torvac's job."

Nita turned back to Torvac, preening. "Grandpa, will you get me my own set?"

Torvac nodded while his wife shook her head. 

Nita leapt at Torvac, arms open and began to hug his middle. "Thank you!" She squealed.

"Oof, not so hard, Little Nita, strength much greater now. Little Nita must be careful not to hurt Grandpa Torvac."

Nita took that as a challenge and squeezed harder. Torvac laughed and then leaned down and hugged her back, even more fiercely. I heard her back click several times, but she didn't let go. It became a contest of how long she could hold out.

Orlana intervened. "Stop disturbing my customers. You two are in enough trouble as it is."

The two broke apart.

"Little Nita is not to blame. Is accident."

Orlana didn't buy that for a second. "Nita. You know the rules, and you broke them anyway. You no longer work in my restaurant."

The fun and excitement vanished from her face.

"But grandma."

"Don't but grandma me. No one accidentally gains 74 levels."

"Orlana too harsh."

Orlana removed Torvac's hand from her shoulder. "Husband, you're also in trouble. You can now only eat my braised lamb when Nita comes to my restaurant as a customer and buys it for you."

The look of despair that stretched across Torvac's face made it seem as if she'd asked him for a divorce.

"Orlana-"

"Don't make a scene in my restaurant, or I will remove Nita's VIP privileges."

Torvac scooped up his backpack so quickly his arm blurred. "Come, Friend Arnold. Torvac must introduce Torvac's family."