Unorthodox Farming 3: Chapter 38 (Patreon)

Chapter 38

Fish in a Barrel

My One Shot ability could kill anyone. This made the foreign kings nervous, because they could only bestow their Crown's mark in a throne room. The one place where killing them would cause me to gain their royal class. So, before I was allowed to enter the palace, their champions clapped my wrists and ankles in irons, bound my fingers together with mithril chains, jammed earplugs in my ears, and placed a hood on my head. I'd then been carried to the throne room where I'd first had an audience with the king, put me on my knees, and left me there for hours.

The actual process of receiving the Crown's marks took only a few minutes, and then someone picked me up and carried me out.

It wasn't the most dignified way of receiving Crown's marks, but the thought of how much more profitable my quarry was now kept me in a good mood.

A few minutes later, I was planted on my feet, and someone began untying the drawstring holding the hood in place. A moment later, I got my first breath of fresh air since midnight and saw the sun rising over the horizon, illuminating a clear, beautiful morning.  

The palace's entrance looked immaculate in the early morning light. It had grown more regal since the king had passed through his second threshold. It now extended for a quarter of a mile, rearranging the city during its expansion.

An army of foreign and local soldiers filled the lawn, standing between sculpted hedges and trees, watching every direction at once. There were no servants in sight, just the strongest warriors every kingdom had to offer. It looked like we were ready for war.

The place steps lead down to the carriage I'd hired. It was the only one out front and was overshadowed by the three-storey fountain behind it. Water flowed in endless cascades and patterns, giving a magical atmosphere, despite the military presence.

A champion I didn't recognise removed my earplugs and gave me a hard look. He wasn't the one who had clapped me in irons or one of the ones who had received the blessings. He was new.

He began undoing the mithril chains around my fingers. "Someone left the key for the irons at the gate. You'll have to stop on your way out."

It was a weak excuse, but I didn't bother arguing that this wasn't the terms I'd agreed to. The guy likely didn't know those terms, so arguing would be pointless.

I made my way down the marble steps to the carriage.

A soldier opened the carriage door as I approached, and Farentine gave me a bored nod as I climbed in. I took a seat beside her and gave her access to my interface before she asked. She'd never seen a Crown's Champion mark that had been enhanced by every king before, and the chance to do so was enough for me to convince her to come with me.

It was time to get to work.

Farentine opened my interface to check my Crown's Champion mark.

Heavy is the head who wears the crown but blessed is the man who helps him. The king has marked you for your services to the kingdom. Now the kingdom offers its support in return, no matter how great the cost.

Crown's Champion Mark

Level: max

Effect:

Champion's Body:

+20 stamina regeneration per second.

+20 health regeneration per second.

+20 mana regeneration per second.

+100% to stamina.

+100% to health.

+100% to mana.

Champion's Might:

+100% to base armour.

+100% to base damage.

+100% to base speed.

+20% chance to do critical damage.

Crown's Favour

+100 to all attributes.

+20% to the quality of your farm's produce.

+100% to the quantity of your farm's produce.

+100% to experience gained on your farm.

-100% to the negative effects of disease and pests on your farm.

-100% to the fertiliser requirements on your farm.

Farentine gave an appreciative whistle as the soldier closed the carriage door. "This mark is a thing of beauty."

The carriage started moving, and the clip-clop of hooves filled the interior.

I smirked at Farentine. "Do I need to leave the two of you alone?"

Gaining 50 points in all my attributes had left me in a good mood, but it was the additional bonuses the mark offered that had made that mood great, not the attribute high I was undergoing.

My charisma was now significantly higher than I ever wanted it to be, but it was also giving me the sort of emotional control necessary to shrug off an attribute high. There was a point where charisma would allow you to exist in an almost Vulcan-like state if you wanted to, and 300 charisma was the entry point. I could feel what my body wanted me to do, the impulses that were driving me, and I simply ignored them.

It also helped that the blessing I'd received had been spread out over 6 days; otherwise, suppressing the effects of my strength, dexterity, and agility surpassing 100 would be much harder.

Farentine laughed. "Don't tempt me with a good time, pretty boy."

I groaned as her comment hit the nail on the head. "How bad is it?"

"The good news is that the improvement to your other attributes has helped balance out your features, so you gained back the years you lost by increasing your constitution and endurance with blessings."

Yesterday morning, the face I'd seen in the mirror had belonged on the cover of a magazine. I was a stand-in for a teen heartthrob. If I'd told someone I was fifteen years old, there was a decent chance they'd believe me.

"And that bad news?"

"Orlana won't let you eat at her restaurant anymore."

I chuckled, but that chuckle quickly petered out when I realised she might not have been joking. While I was worrying about my taste buds, Farentine opened up a limited version of my stat page.

Name: Arnold

Class: Champion Farmer

Level: 124, 100%

STATS

Health: 15840

Stamina: 10880

Mana: 9540

ATTRIBUTES

Strength: 127

Endurance: 544

Dexterity: 114

Agility: 126

Constitution: 792

Intelligence: 477

Wisdom: 514

Charisma: 284

Luck: 200

My build was completely unbalanced and didn't make any sort of logical sense. However, that didn't matter because my attributes were insanely high for a farmer.

Farentine gave another appreciative whistle as she looked over my stats. "Congratulations, you have more health than any champion in the world."

There was a lot of sarcasm in her tone.

"And yet, you can take hits that will kill me."

Farentine nodded. "You're a big squishy target, not an iron wall, so don't forget it." She studied me for a second and then frowned. "Have you organised private security?"

"No. Why?"

"Your charisma is over 250. You're in the territory where people can be charmed by your appearance, and you don't have the strength to protect yourself."

Charming someone with your appearance didn't come with any upsides. Your beauty literally drove people insane. This insanity appeared in different ways. Some tried to kill you, their mind unable to tolerate such a beautiful existence. Some would attempt to rape you, overcome by lust, dragging you to the ground wherever you and they were. And some would kidnap you and flee, taking you somewhere they could control you, staring at you like an obsessive fan until they starved to death.

"I wanted to talk to you about that."

Farentine shook her head. "I'm paid to be your assistant, not keep what's left of your virtue intact."

I ignored the joke. "I might need your ability to charm someone when we get back."

Farentine smirked. "Is the butcher getting a little too handsy?"

"No. But Quilly told me how much Mara's struggling with my appearance, so I would appreciate it if you were there to charm her if necessary. She's a good person, and I don't want to make this experience worse than it has to be if it goes sideways."

Farentine gave a small nod, losing her carefree attitude. "I'll help today, but you need to hire a wizard who can train Mental Resistance marks before you return to Blackwood."

"I'll get Jeric on it."

"Good. Now what did you actually want to talk to me about?"

"Isabelle, Jeric's wife, offered to purchase a Captain's mark for me when I was deputised. The mark is supposed to only function in Blackwood, but your library suggested this limitation could be overcome with my farm manor ring."

At the time, I'd turned down Isabelle's offer because development points were scarce. I'd earned so many since then that I didn't feel bad about accepting her offer now. And if today went the way I thought it would, I was even willing to argue with her about it.

Farentine gave me a befuddled look. It was the kind of look she only gave me when she truly didn't understand my thinking. I was used to it.

"What part are you struggling to understand?"

"Is the mark enough to live without bodyguards?"

As your attributes rose, you were legally required to undergo certain tests. The basic charm test came in when your strength exceeded 200, so the Captain's mark would leave me just above this threshold. I didn't know how to fight, so that might not be enough.

Farentine rolled her eyes. "Yes, I think another 199 points to your strength, dexterity, agility, endurance, and constitution will be enough for you to defend yourself from those you charm."

It was my turn to frown. "What are you talking about. It's supposed to be 100."

Farentine frowned back. "Are you joking?"

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Do you not remember how you helped Lady Emily pass through her second threshold?"

She was talking to me like I was an idiot. I was also used to that and didn't mind, because she only talked to me like this when I actually knew the answer.

"Of course I do, ohhh," A lightbulb went on in my head, reminding me of something Sasha had once said in passing. "Her boon effects guard marks."

Farentine nodded. "And now she's level 99, so those marks are 99% stronger. Hence…”

"Hence, I'll receive almost double the attribute from a Captain's mark, which will make me stronger than anyone who should be susceptible to my charisma."

"The tests aren't perfect."

The carriage slowed to a stop.

"I know. Individual preference can make those who passed susceptible under the right circumstances."

A soldier opened the carriage door and stuck his head inside. "I'm supposed to-"

I held out the cuffs.

He unlocked them and the ankle locks, taking the restraints with him as he stepped back, and closed the door.

I rubbed my wrists to warm my skin. They had been unpleasantly cold for hours.

The carriage started moving, which told me it was time to implement my plan and share the real reason I'd invited her to join me.

I gave her a friendly smile.

Farentine stared back at me. "Why do I feel like you're about to ask me to walk into a dragon's den with you?"

"Because we make a wonderful team. And you realise I may have had an ulterior motive for inviting you here this morning."

Farentine rolled her eyes. "You make it sound like you want me to do something illegal."

"No. It's a grey area of the law."

Farentine paused and gave me a more level look. "The law is fairly black and white, Arnold."

"Only for common occurrences. Uncommon occurrences happen so infrequently that the law doesn't account for them. They're usually dealt with on a case-by-case basis."

Farentine's eyes tightened. "What are you planning to do? And how much trouble will I be in for assisting you?"

"Answer this question for me first. Are there any laws in Radian which prohibit someone from expanding lore?"

"No. That would be ridiculous."

I smirked. "So, you're confirming that there are no laws against me using what I know from my world to guess the new classes the system offered the king when he leveled his class at dawn."

Class lore was as basic as lore could be. It was a description of what the class was, but discoveries related to class lore would still count toward Emily's boon and give Blackwood a few development points. The king also wouldn't have had a chance to capitalise on the discoveries yet. He was too busy explaining my Experience Reactor to the foreign kings so they could leave as soon as possible.

Farentine winced. "There are no laws specifically prohibiting you from doing what you suggest, but it feels illegal. You're essentially taking the king's discoveries and the development points he should be earning from passing through his second threshold."

"Discoveries he would not be able to make without my Experience Reactor."

"Are you willing to state that argument before the king at your trial?"

"Yes."

"Fine. What do you need me to do?"

"I'm going to be doing this fast to hide the extent of my discoveries, and dismissing notifications will slow me down."

Farentine scowled. "You invited me here to manage your notifications."

"You are my assistant. It's kind of your job." I phrased it that way to annoy her.

Farentine cracked her knuckles. "I can hit without killing you now."

I gave her access to my interface and started talking, before she decided to hit me.

"Engineer is a class which applies mathematics, scientific principles, and creativity to design, build, and maintain structures, machines, systems, and processes. They are fundamentally problem-solvers who turn creative ideas into practical, cost-effective solutions to improve daily life and infrastructure, often working in teams to research, test, and troubleshoot new technologies."

My body lit up with a discovery beacon. It was the weakest discovery beacon I'd ever seen, but you wouldn't be able to tell that from the shock on Farentine's face.

"You reached expert!"

"Enchanter is a class which applies mathematics, arcane principles, and creativity to design, build, and maintain structures, machines, systems, and processes. They are fundamentally problem-solvers who turn creative ideas into practical, cost-effective solutions to improve daily life and infrastructure, often working in teams to research, test, and troubleshoot new technologies."

"You reached expert again!"

The beacon grew a little brighter.

"Alchemist is a class which applies mathematic, physics, chemistry, arcane principles, and creativity to design, build, and maintain potions and materials. They are fundamentally problem-solvers who turn creative ideas into practical, cost-effective solutions to improve daily life and infrastructure, often working in teams to research, test, and troubleshoot new technologies."

The beacon didn't grow any brighter.

"You reached adept. How many more of these do you have?"

I grinned through the light. "A lot."

"You know they're going to make a law about this, right?"

I laughed in response. "Scientist is a class which-"

***

In the end, I correctly guessed nine classes: Engineer, Enchanter, Alchemist, Scientist, Arcanist, Sorcerer, Chef, Archivist, and Strategist. With a little thought, I was able to expand the class descriptions so they all reached expert, netting Blackwood another 54% for Emily's boon and the development points to go along with the discoveries.

Once I knew which classes I was going to be working with, I started tackling the new types of lore that might exist because of these classes. This was a much more promising area for discoveries and wasn't quite so shady.

I was rattling off an explanation of what science was when the carriage pulled to a stop, and Farentine opened the door beside her.

"I need a drink," she grumbled through the light.

Sitting next to a lighthouse for over an hour had soured her mood.

I squinted around and found the latch for the door. I threw it open and stepped out. Outside the carriage, the light wasn't anywhere near as bad. Two people walking their dog had stopped to stare and were giving me strange looks as I continued to explain science and the scientific method to the system.

I had a window of opportunity, and I had to take advantage of every second.

The driver turned and glared at me as I closed the door. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to drive a fucking carriage with this much light? You're lucky the streets are empty, or there would have been dozens of accidents."

I drew a silver noble from my bank purse, working by muscle memory, and tossed it to him without stopping my explanation.   

He caught the coin and shielded his eyes to look at it. "Wow, a crown. Fuck! You can be as bright as you want, friend."

If my charisma wasn't so high, I would have lost my train of thought when he said 'crown'. Tipping him a noble was already excessive. A crown was one hundred times more.

He flicked his reins, and the carriage pulled away. "Best of luck with your discoveries, you glorious bright bastard."

Farentine hadn't stuck around and waited for me, so I crossed the road and headed for the entrance of the hotel, without stopping my explanation. The staff in the lobby all turned to stare as I marched my way to the staircase. The beacon had grown brighter again, which told me I'd expanded the system's lore on science or created another new branch.

This was shooting fish in a barrel. I didn't even have to think. All I had to do was regurgitate what I'd been taught in high school, and the system rewarded me.

The door to our suite was open when I got there, and I found Farentine sitting in the sitting room with a bottle of wine.

She groaned and shielded her eyes as I sat beside her. "I asked your friends to give us space, because you're doing something so ridiculous that I've never seen anything like it. Do you know what happened when I said that? They looked up from their board game for half a moment, then went back to playing like they'd seen it all before. Which they have. Which is even more ridiculous."

No one was going to work today. It was far too much hassle. The city was on lockdown.

"Do you know how many times you have to do strange things around people to condition them to just accept it. I don't. But I have a feeling I'm going to find out the longer I work with you."

Farentine drained her wine glass and began refilling it.

I didn't stop talking to the system.

"By the way, you reached journeyman in science lore on your way up and discovered a new branch of lore related to it."

I grinned.

Today was a very good day.