Book 7 chapter 39 + Announcement (Patreon)

Hey folks. A relatively short chapter compared to the last release as chapter 40 isn’t quite ready. I just spent the last week doing some heavy fixin’ of the previous chapters. Nothing too much to add right now, though I did add some more to previous chapters about tensions between the Dream and the Madness and some notifications about the mercenary that Carl left in the former D’Nadia castle. A pretty significant announcement in the notes. 

Chapter 39

“Carl,” Orren said after a few moments. “Is that what you did? You helped break the AI from its containment? Did you do it deliberately?”

“What?” Donut asked. “What’s this?”

I just looked at him. I didn’t answer.

“Well,” Orren said. “I suppose whether you did it on purpose or not is irrelevant at this point.”

“Would you have rather died?” I asked.

“Would I rather die than live through the thousand cycles of chaos and death that are surely about to ensue?” He ran his gloved hand along the crack in his desk. “History is going to remember me as the one who let this happen. When I left the Knot, I said it was because I wanted to make a difference. But at the time, it was because I wanted to be an actor. I never imagined I’d find myself at the forefront of a potential apocalypse.”

Donut was about to make a snide comment, but I put my hand on her. I was tired, and I just wanted to get back to base and see what was happening. I still had boxes to open, too. If we weren’t all going to die today, and if the crawl wasn’t going to stop, then all of this outside stuff didn’t really matter. Not yet.

Orren seemed to snap out of his reverie at the same time. “It is not appropriate for you two to be here. Not that we can do anything about it at this point, but I would implore you both not to discuss this conversation with those outside this room. I know you have little regard for the universe outside your own people, Carl, but mass panic beyond what is already happening will hurt the weak and innocent before it touches those you claim to truly hate.”

I didn’t answer. Our messages had already turned back on, and Donut was currently giving a play-by-play of what had happened to anyone who would listen. The entire Syndicate council had supposedly watched all this as well. It would be impossible to keep anything that just occurred a secret.

I’d missed several very important messages in the warlord chat, and they all popped up at once.

You have lost territory! Your non-connected territory, named Former Prism castle, has been ceded to the Dream. 

Warlord Message. The Bone Clan is no longer a member of the Bloc.

Warlord Message. The Dream is no longer a member of the Bloc.

Alliance Update:

The Bloc Alliance:

·   The Blood Sultanate

·   The Madness

·   The Reavers

The Good Guys Alliance:

·   Team Retribution

·   The Princess Posse

Unaffiliated:

·   The Bone Clan.

·   The Dream.

“Wow,” Donut said. “What happened? I was expecting the orc guys to break up because of that whole ‘We’ve been spying on you’ thing. But what happened with the bald Dream guys? Do you think it was because you gave them D’Nadia’s castle?”

“I don’t know,” I said, also clicking through the menu to see if anything else had changed. “The fact everyone is making these moves now suggests they already know the failsafe ain’t going off. So someone has probably already spilled it all out to them. I got a message from Florin saying they’re picking off the fleeing soldiers, but he doesn’t think it’s safe to pursue them outside our territory. I agree. We have our own wounds to lick, and we’re pretty unorganized right now.”

Orren made a dissatisfied grunt. He, too, was clearly in his own messaging hell right now.  “It’s time for you two to take your...”

“Damascus!” Donut suddenly shouted. “Damascus Steel, get back here this instant! Do you think you can just sneak by and I wouldn’t see you?” She leapt from my lap and went into the hallway. “Carl, did you see him? He just walked by the door and didn’t say hello! Damascus, where did you go?” She returned to the room and sat on my lap with a harumph.

I hadn’t noticed him, but I hadn’t been paying attention, either. I was still in my messages, catching up.    

In addition to the public notices, there were several notifications in the warlord private chat. It was a message tree that had occurred while I was in here but before Donut had been teleported in. She had already engaged with the warlord.

“Christ, Donut,” I muttered, looking at the page-long conversation. “What is this?”

“Oh, are you reading my chat with Stalwart?” she asked. “It gets quite heated there at the end.”  

War Chief Stalwart: I demand the immediate return of my family’s property. I demand my father’s signet ring, his body, and the credits you illegally stole. Return them immediately before my sister arrives at the station!  

Warlord Donut: OH, I’M SORRY. WERE WE SUPPOSED TO RETURN THAT STUFF? I’M AFRAID IT’S TOO LATE. BUT IF YOU NEED A LOAN, LET ME KNOW, AND I’LL ASK MY FRIEND ROSETTA ON YOUR BEHALF. I HEARD SHE RECENTLY CAME INTO SOME MONEY.

War Chief Stalwart: The banker’s federation will not stand for this! Return my father immediately! Allow me to bury him before this world dies!  

Warlord Donut: I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BANKERS, BUT I DO KNOW NOBODY LIKES YOU RIGHT NOW AND NOBODY IS GOING TO BE DOING YOU GUYS ANY FAVORS ANY TIME SOON. AS FOR YOUR FATHER’S BODY, I’M AFRAID I’VE ALREADY TAKEN YOUR FATHER’S SKIN AND TURNED IT INTO A POWDER ROOM RUG. IT’S QUITE WATERPROOF AND MONGO SOMETIMES MISSES HIS PEE PAD WHEN HE HAS TO GO POTTY IN THE SAFEROOM. UNFORTUNATELY, IT’S NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE SINCE IT CAME WITHOUT A HEAD, PLUS IT’S A LITTLE LARGE FOR THE RESTROOM. I’VE ALREADY PROMISED HIM THE NEXT ONE WE GATHER WILL BE OF A MUCH SMALLER ORC. SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU’RE PLANNING ON VISITING.

War Chief Stalwart: You dare? You dare with this talk? I am a king.   

Warlord Donut: I ONCE KNEW SOMEONE ELSE WHO USED TO CALL HIMSELF A KING A LOT. EVERYONE LAUGHED AT HIM JUST AS MUCH AS THEY LAUGH AT YOU AND YOUR BROTHER. ALSO, GONK IS QUITE UPSET YOU HAVEN’T ASKED AFTER HIM.

War Chief Stalwart: What? What are you talking about?

Warlord Donut: THIS IS WHY YOU’LL NEVER BE AS GOOD OF A KING AS YOUR FATHER. HE TALKED ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A DISAPPOINTMENT YOU WERE BEFORE HE DIED.

War Chief Stalwart: You are a liar.

Warlord Donut: YOU KNOW, THAT’S THE ONE THING I’M NOT LYING ABOUT, WHICH I’M SURE MAKES IT HURT EVEN MORE BECAUSE I BET YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE, TOO.

War Chief Stalwart: You’re a liar and a fool. If we survive to the next phase, I will keep you alive while I boil your fur off your skin.

Warlord Donut: I’M SORRY, BUT YOU ARE MUCH TOO POOR TO BE TALKING TO ME LIKE THIS.

“Jesus, Donut,” I muttered.  

“Honestly, I feel a little bad about that ‘poor’ line, but I do like trash talking those guys. I figured it would really rankle him. I’m not really that much of a snob. You know, as long as you don’t smell.” She looked off toward the door. “If Damascus Steel is walking around in the open, do you think Anaconda is still here, too? I thought they went off to kill their dad. Do you think they succeeded?”

“I doubt it,” I said, still distracted by the warlord chat. The two former strippers, Damascus Steel and Anaconda were brothers, and they’d gone off to hunt and kill their father, who’d somehow managed to turn into the manager for the Desperado Club. That was a mystery for another time.

“Carl,” Donut asked. “Do you think he’s right? That the orc guys are gonna get us good once the magic protection drops? The other guys all seem really scared of these war mages guys. I ended up reading that one spellbook, you know the one that was bleeding and crying, but I’m kinda scared to use it. And I’m worried it won’t be enough. Mordecai told me not to tell people what it does.”

I put a hand on Donut. The War Crime spell only cost a single point of mana, but it also cost 95% of the caster’s health. It could only be cast once a day. At level one, it could only be cast in an area of about ten meters. I shuddered thinking about it. But what was worse was the knowledge that spells like that were regular, every day spells for war mages. Both the orcs and the Madness had these guys in their employ.

“We can only fight one battle at a time, Donut.” I gave her another pat. “And luckily, we’re not doing it alone.”

I still hadn’t opened my box that had given her that spell. I would be doing that now. The Gate of the Feral Gods remained in my inventory. That, too, was a weapon of mass chaos that would soon be unleashed.

“Crawlers,” Orren said, interrupting us. He, too, was obviously distracted. “It’s time to go. I will teleport you two back to your base.” And without another word, he teleported away with a crack. A moment later, we, too, were back at base.

~ 

“The map is a mess,” Boomer was saying as he and I walked back to the castle. Donut had already bounded ahead.

The grizzled elf had a cigar back in his mouth. “Southern front is quiet for now, but Florin’s 101st is still chasing the enemy away. They’ll establish a beachhead in their old trenches if they keep moving. I got my folks looting the fallen enemy soldiers. They left a lot of loot behind. The blast looks like one of their Weepers went up.”

“So it wasn’t a fragging incident? That’s too bad. If those things are gonna blow like that, I don’t want to use the captured ones unless we have to. Ask Florin to see if he can figure out how one would go up like that. Where’s Tipid?” I asked.

“In the castle with Rosetta,” Boomer said.

“Yeah, I need to have a talk with Rosetta, too,” I said. I sent a quick note to Britney that I wanted to talk to Juice Box as well.

Boomer nodded. “The 104th Naughty Little Piggies is back to their normal castle defense positions, cleaning up after the brain worm attack, but we lost most of our mages, and it’s going to be a while before the castle’s magical defenses are back where they were unless we borrow some from the White Dragons.”

I saw Donut in the distance with Mongo dancing all around her, followed by Rend. She was introducing the dead king’s giant swamp yak to the dinosaur, who was sniffing at him suspiciously. Simoom the rhino hadn’t left Gonk’s side since we’d arrived.  

“Li Na is already understaffed,” I said absently. “And we need that Shanty Town defense up and running like yesterday.”

Boomer grunted as we stepped over a pile of yet-to-be-looted Reaver paratrooper corpses. The entire base was a mess. Across the way, Dong Quixote was now stroking the side of Gonk the swamp yak while Kamal the shark bounced and rolled all around them.

“What about the list of missing crawlers?” I asked.

“That’s Elle and Imani’s job, but it looks like we now have most of the crawlers under the Posse banner. That goat guy remains unaffiliated, and he’s also hiding his position. Same with that Lucia Mar kid. Other than that, the list hasn’t changed much. There’s a crawler named Burcu whose whole team appears to have been taken in by the Madness according to the Find Crawler skill. People who know them say they’re not answering messages, which likely means they’re conscripted. And that Osvaldo crawler you were asking about seems to be riding it out in the woods along with a large group of crawlers. Team Flamenco, I believe they call themselves. There are a few crawlers who’ve affiliated with the NPC team instead of the posse, which I suppose is better than nothing. There were several who also appear to have been conscripted by the orcs, but they’re all gone now.”

I sighed. That reminded me. Donut hadn’t really turned King Rust’s body into a rug. I had him in my inventory. I now had a second ring of Divine Suffering, and I had that damn necklace, too. He had several other magical items on him as well, but most wouldn’t work on me. I would need to sit down with the others and talk about what to do with all the stuff.

“Good news is the enemy is even more fractured than we are,” Boomer continued after a minute. “Now might be a time to move on the Operatic castle.”

That brought my attention back to the present. He didn’t say the name of the operation out loud, in case of spies. But him saying it was time to move on the Operatic castle was a code. What he was really saying was it was time to initiate Operation Snake Pit.

It was to be the most difficult, most crucial raid since we entered the dungeon. We still had a lot to do if we wanted to get both Donut and Katia off this floor. But we couldn’t save either if we didn’t first defeat the nagas. And not just defeat them, but wipe them out down to the last snake.  

“The orcs just gained that castle, and they’ll be expecting an attack right about now,” I said. “It has to happen when they least expect it.”

That, too, was code. Boomer was right. It was time. We needed to do this now while we had time to breathe.

Katia: Hey, we’re almost back to base.

I swallowed. If this next action failed, and that naga queen got away... 

Carl: See you soon.

~~

Hey folks. Thank you so much for all your support. We are currently at the highest number of patrons I’ve ever had, and it’s amazing. Thank you all! Next weekend, I will be at JordanCon in Atlanta and I hope to see you there. We will have a signing, a reading, and I will be on several panels along with many other litrpg authors. It’s a small, intimate con, so it will likely be a fun time.

There will be an official announcement of the following in a day or two, but I wanted to make certain you guys hear this from me first. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t go shouting it out outside of Patreon just yet. 

So, announcement time. It’s actually two announcements. 

Announcement One 

I just sold the print-only rights of Dungeon Crawler Carl books 1 - 3 to Ace, a division of Penguin Random House. As a result, effective immediately, the print versions of DCC on Amazon will be going away until they are replaced by the Ace editions. DCC will tentatively release on August 27, then October and November for Carl’s Doomsday Scenario and the Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook. These will be hardcovers at first possibly followed by a trade paperback in a year or so. These hardcovers are different than the special edition hardcovers we had on Kickstarter. The kickstarter comes with all sorts of bells and whistles (and boxers!) and full page art. We will continue to do the kickstarter editions. This will not impact the e-versions, the audio, and most importantly, the Patreon rewards. It will not impact this Patreon whatsoever, nor will it impact the release of book 7.  When I get back from Atlanta next week, we will have another round of mailings for those of you who are due books. 

My agent, Seth, and I have been trying very hard for almost two years now to find a way for me to make a deal like this. This deal is very unusual because it’s for print rights only, and I really hope it does well because it will open the door for more indie authors to make similar deals. We indies have been dominating the e-book world for a while now, but we’ve all been struggling with physical copies because book distribution and store placement  is still very much dominated by the big 5 publishers. This allows me to exploit both worlds and it will hopefully bring more readers into the fold. 

A couple of fun facts about the Ace edition. Ace is the publisher of Jim Butcher’s books. It is the publisher of Dune, along with several other amazing books. My editor is named Jessica Wade, and she is perfect for DCC as she’s a fan, and she’s also someone who understands horror. The book itself remains unchanged (minus a few typos), but it will have a new cover. It will be available in bookstores (you might have to actually ask them to get it, but it’ll be a lot easier to get). And in order to make this a little more enticing to existing readers, the Ace editions will include (in 5,000 word parts) the exclusive novella “Backstage at the Pineapple Cabaret.” I can’t tell you too much about it, but part one is from the POV of Rory the goblin shamanka from book one. It begins after Carl and Donut kill the goblin babies. 

The preorder for the books should appear on Amazon any day now.

Announcement Two. 

In addition to the DCC books one through three, I just sold a stand-alone novel to ACE for publication in 2026. Technically these were separate deals, but it all happened at the same time. The title is Operation: Bounce House. The publication of this book will not impact my DCC writing/publishing schedule whatsoever, but I can’t wait for you guys to read it. Here is the mini-blurb from the upcoming Publisher’s Marketplace announcement: 

Author of the Dungeon Crawler Carl series Matt Dinniman’s OPERATION: BOUNCE HOUSE, a novel about farmers on a planetary colony who must fight off a bloody eviction action by war machines designed and remotely piloted by Earth-based gamers. 

To expand a little on that description, just know I had to spend a lot of time playing and watching videos of angry, idiot children spewing abuse and profanity in Call of Duty and Counter-Strike in order to make the dialog authentic.