Book 8, chapters 13 and 14 + Webtoon stuff + Operation Bounce House cover (Patreon)

Hello everyone! The Webtoon comes out today. I don't have a direct link, and it drops at 5 PM Pacific. I am currently in Denver for Litrpg Con and will be at SDCC next weekend. Please let me know if you're there to say hello!

Chapter 13

The door to garage number three opened, and two creatures strolled out. We just gawked.

“Carl, what am I looking at?” Donut asked.

“Uh,” I said.

The female version of these mantaur things were...different than the male version, at least at first glance. The guys were just like a large, buff dude with a second torso protruding from the neck area, giving them four arms. The women—at least these two women—had four legs, making them look much more like traditional centaurs, only somehow it looked even more fucked up. The back half was two legs, a bent-over torso, and then two more legs where a regular person’s arms would be.

Their backs were arched and rounded, swooping upward instead of down like a horse, making their gait seem uncomfortable and unnatural, like a regular person walking on all fours without bending their elbows.

The secondary torsos of both the women were as broad and as muscle-bound as that of their male counterparts. Their top arms bulged under their suits.  

The men normally wore little loincloths on the bottom half and then a shirt on the top half, leaving their lower torso bare. The guards at Club Vanquisher were the same, but they wore stripper bowties around their thick necks.

The women were dressed much different. They were both decked out in a sleek, white racing suits with a red and blue stripe down the center, going all the way up to their necks. All four legs held long, slick black boots that went up past their knees.

“Fucking weird,” I muttered as they stiff-legged toward us.

“Wait until you see the third one,” Chiyome said.

I was starting to suspect my initial impression was actually wrong.  The forward, or top, set of legs might actually be arms, not legs. Arms shoved into boots. That would explain their strange gait and posture.

One womantaur had straight, black hair, and the other had a mop of curly red hair.  

Both wore cowboy hats. Massive, gleaming white cowboy hats. Both hats had a red and blue band around the center, matching their suits.

They paused in the center of the cul-de-sac, examining us, standing in the same place the razor foxes had just performed their dance or whatever. The two women abruptly stood to their full height, arching their backs, which cracked audibly as they stood. When they stood upright, they both left their forward boots on the road, proving my initial impression was indeed incorrect, and they did have a second set of hands like the male versions. Why they’d walk around with boots on their lower hands was beyond me.

The one with black hair was named Genesis, and she was a level-95 Lady Mantaur Dominator. The freckle-covered one with the red, curly hair was named Rapture. She had the same level and class.

They did not worship Grull like every other mantaur I’d ever seen. Both worshipped a god or goddess I’d never heard of. Someone named Enyo.

“Howdy,” Genesis said, looking us up and down. “Would you look at that, Rapture?”  

She had a southern-friend American accent. Kentucky, if I had to guess.

Rapture didn’t say anything. She just grunted and then spit out the side of her mouth. A brown glob hit the ground. Chewing tobacco.

“Hello, ladies,” Donut said tentatively. “It looks like we’ll be neighbors for the next few days.”  

“Yeah, maybe,” Genesis said. She continued to stare us up and down. Rapture crossed both sets of arms. It was like they were waiting for us to do or say something.  

“Want a beer?” Radoslav asked, pulling one out of his cooler and offering it up. Next to him, Jasha let out another snore and turned over in his chair, causing the open beer on his stomach to finally fall. It hit the driveway and started to roll down toward the street, trailing beer.

Rapture’s arm shot forward, and a lance of metal appeared, shooting from her wrist just below her palm. A harpoon bolt, attached by a thin, gleaming cable. The bolt skewered the rolling beer can and retracted, pulling the half-empty can to the lower hand of the womantaur. The harpoon fully retracted back into her wrist, loudly ripping a giant hole in the can. She raised the remains of the aluminum can to her nose and sniffed. She offered it to Genesis, who also sniffed. She made a sour face.

Donut: THESE LADIES REMIND ME OF YOUR FRIEND BILLY MALONEY’S SISTERS. THE ONES THAT DID THE BODYBUILDING. WHAT DID MISS BEATRICE CALL THEM? THE WAL-MART SISTERS?  

Carl: I remember. And that was a dick thing for Bea to call them.

Donut: DIDN’T THEY GET ARRESTED AT A WAL-MART FOR FIGHTING? LIKE, FIGHTING EACH OTHER?

Carl: Sort of. It was at a Target.

Donut: YES, THAT’S RIGHT. YOU LENT BILLY THE MONEY TO BAIL THEM OUT, BUT HE ONLY BAILED OUT ONE AND THEN EVERYONE GOT MAD AT YOU AND NOT BILLY FOR SOME REASON. THE ONE STILL IN JAIL TOLD MISS BEATRICE THAT YOU WANTED TO SLEEP WITH THE OTHER SISTER. BUT EVEN MISS BEATRICE DIDN’T BELIEVE THAT ONE. I GUESS A FIGHT AT A TARGET IS A LITTLE LESS CLICHÉ THAN A FIGHT AT A WAL-MART. AT LEAST IT WASN’T AT A WAFFLE HOUSE.

Carl: They didn’t have Waffle Houses in... You know what, just focus. We need to be careful around them. All their gear appears to be really magical.

Donut: THEIR GARAGE DOOR IS STILL OPEN, AND I CAN SEE THEIR CAR. IT’S QUITE SMALL. HOW DO THEY ALL FIT IN IT?

That was a good question. I knew these guys had the muscle car with the loud engine. I was curious what specific type of car it was and how it fit three of them.  

Rapture spat again, splattering more brown goo on the ground.

“You guys just gonna stare all day or what?” Chiyome asked.

“We came over here to check out the competition, but it don’t look like there is any,” Genesis finally said. “Come on, Rapture. Let’s go get some real booze at the Hairpin. We don’t drink with roadkill.”   

Rapture spit a third time and then dropped the shredded remains of the beer can still in her hands, but it landed inside her boot still on the ground. They both lowered their hands into the boots. I heard a slight crunch as Rapture stuck her hand in the boot, and she made a slightly pained expression, but she didn’t actually remove the can. They both turned and started their weird lurch-walk toward the portal into town, Rapture trying not to put weight on the boot with the can inside. Just before the portal, Rapture stood back to her height and turned the boot upside down, shaking the pieces of aluminum out.   

“My people have a name for people like that,” Radoslav said, as we watched them go. “We call them dumbasses.”

“Don’t underestimate any enemy,” Chiyome said, her fox eyes narrowed. “They’re not as dumb as they look. They both practice domination magic.”

Carl: Mordecai, what’s domination magic?

Mordecai: Like Donut’s charm ability, but it usually saps energy or mana from the victim. Donut’s Love Vampire skill is an example. Your Mind Balance will keep you immune, and Donut’s high charm should also keep her safe. It’s not a direct threat to you, but I wouldn’t trust anyone with it.   

A few spots over, the garage door to garage number three remained open, and I realized there was a figure standing there, mostly hidden in the shadows, staring at us. He, too, was wearing a bodysuit that covered his body and his head, but it was all black. Unlike the ninja suits of the razor foxes, this suit appeared to be made of shiny vinyl. A glint of light implied there was a zipper right at the mouth.

A gimp suit.

The creature raised his top hand and waved at us just before the garage door started to lower.  

“What the shit?” I grunted as everyone else turned their attention to the other creature. “I guess that’s what a half-mantaur looks like. I should’ve known it would’ve been something stupid like this.”

I thought of Katia who’d really wanted to know.

This guy was, indeed, half of a mantaur. Half vertically. It was hard to fully see, but it appeared he was split right down the center, right between the eyes and all the way down through the groin. The creature stood upon a single leg—his right leg—with a right arm and second right arm above that. Even his suit-covered head appeared to be split in half.

“Halfsies gotta wear suits like that to keep their guts and brains from spilling out,” Chiyome the fox said, also watching the door close. She was spinning a ninja star on the tip of her fingers as she drank another beer, her fourth or fifth. “They don’t usually live long, but I heard this one has been around a while. Used to be a dancer or something.”   

“Even his head?” Donut asked, incredulous. “What about his, you know? And where’s the other half?”

Chiyome tossed the ninja star up in the air and made a chopping motion. “There is a spell, called Split Personality. Cuts you right down the middle.” She caught the star and spun it again. “Both sides can survive if the spell is cast right. Need one of those suits, though. Don’t know if this one has a living second half. If he does, they can come together and get reglued with a fleshmancer. Problem is, a lot of time, they don’t want to get back together. The right side is usually more prone to artistic endeavors and the left is much more practical, so they end up hating each other. Since this is a right side, he’ll be more apt to flights of fancy.”

“I thought that whole right brain, left brain thing was a myth,” I muttered.

Donut tsked. “Carl, we’re looking a half mantaur wearing a sex shop porn bodysuit that keeps himself alive. We were just fighting a giant penis the size of a city, and we gave our friend Louis emergency surgery to replace his lungs using a fish tank accessory. I think we’re a little past what is and isn’t a myth here.”    

She suddenly gasped. “So, do you think that’s Dong Quixote’s friend? The half-mantaur he’s always talking about? What was his name? Corcunda?”

“It’s gotta be him,” I said. I was already girding myself for whatever bullshit drama would come from this, especially since we were going to have to kill this poor guy as soon as possible.

“How could he be a stripper if all his guts spill out when he takes the porn suit off? That seems like it would really ruin the performance.”

“Some things are best left to the imagination, Donut.”  

“When will we tell Dong?”

“Never, if we can help it,” I said. “If it is Dong’s long-lost partner or whatever, they put him here to fuck with us and the team. The best way to deal with this sort of drama is to avoid stepping into it in the first place. If we get involved, it’s going to backfire.”

“I suppose you’re right. Just like you giving Billy Maloney the money to bail out his sisters.”

“Exactly.”

“It seems kind of mean, though, not to tell him. What if we...” She paused. “Oh uh,” she said, looking upward.

I felt a ripple to the air at the same time.

“Oh, fuck,” I said, immediately regretting having spoken out loud.  

New Quest! I have dreamed thee too long.

Part one of two.

NPC Dong Quixote’s best friend in the world, Corcunda, has been located after so long. Reunite them.

Part one is practically a freebie, though with these races, NPCs are about to start dropping like toenails. Finishing part one will automatically trigger part two which might be a little more difficult to pull off. Spoiler alert. It will require Corcunda’s second half, also named Corcunda, who is also somewhere on this floor. And after you find him, you’ll have to find one of several fleshmancers wandering about. You’ll probably want to figure all this out sooner rather than later.  

Reward: If you successfully complete this quest, two NPCs of your party’s choosing will be automatically sent to the Arena on the 11th floor along with a pair of stand-ins of your collective choosing. You don’t know what that means yet, but you will soon. That’s a very good prize. Well, actually, it kind of sucks as a prize except to a certain segment of people, those being me, who will find it hilarious; you, Carl, who will find it very satisfying; and to the blood-craving viewers who are more rapt this season than any season before this.

Jasha the bugbear grunted and shot awake, eyes wide as he looked around, eyes focusing first on the razor fox, then me and Donut. He let out a snort and shook his head.

“Where’s my beer?” he asked.

Chapter 14

Entering Hungry Eyes Vendor Village.

After taking our leave of the bugbears and razor fox, we made our way through the portal. Donut was already in the chat, talking animatedly about the quest to reunite Dong and the half-mantaur. I was also in my messages, attempting to find out everything I could about this Arena thing on the 11th floor.

We really needed to focus on this floor and the races, but the AI’s words intrigued me.

Literally two pages worth of information about the town appeared in my vision, which was not something I’d ever seen before. I was deep in my chat and gave it all a cursory glance. It was a town guide, listing all the shops, and it included warning about certain areas of town that were outside the saferoom parameters. Then it went on and on about the various food vendors.

I dismissed it for now. I would sit down and read it all as soon as I got a chance, and I made a mental note not to actually eat anything until I figured out whatever that all was about. I returned my attention back to my chat.

This was what we knew so far. When one killed certain mobs on this floor, they were given an option to take the experience or have the audience vote on something. If the audience voted one way, the creatures  would get sent to this Arena, despite getting killed. But if the people voted another way, a “stand-in” was sent. It seemed these stand-ins were people outside the dungeon ecosystem. Like, people from the resort on the 18th floor.

And now we knew this arena was on the 11th floor, not this one. That, at least, was good. It would allow crawlers to escape before whatever this was.

But what was all this about? The word “Arena” had some pretty specific connotations. And if we completed this quest with Dong, did that mean I could just pick anyone to be sent to the 11th floor? Like anyone in the dungeon? I needed to know more details before we committed.

For now, nobody really knew anything beyond that. A couple other people were reporting that they’d received quests regarding other competitors in their heats, but nothing with a prize like this. People who’d chosen the “let the audience pick” option for killed mobs were reporting that the votes were usually picking stand-ins over the monsters. But not all. Donut and I were the first to receive any sort of hint that this Arena thing was actually the 11th floor and not here on the 10th.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. If we had a choice on who to send to the 11th, what did that really mean? Who could we pick? The AI had dragged Princess Formidable from her spaceship to the Desperado Club. Could I pick someone from orbit and force them into the dungeon? Could I pick someone that was currently on the 12th? Could I pick a liaison like that Harbinger guy?  Could I pick Prime Minister Victory?

Who could I drag to the 11th floor that would cause the most damage?

Mordecai was equally intrigued.

Mordecai: Very interesting. Nobody seems to know anything. Zev sent me a message, and reading between the lines, it seems the original plans for the 11th floor have been completely scrapped and replaced with whatever this is, and they don’t actually know what is happening. She’s not really talking, but I get the impression there’s utter chaos out there. Zev is the one who sent today’s admin update, which is usually sent by Damian. It seems like she’s juggling everything out there herself right now. But anyway, lots of floors have arena storylines to them, and frankly, it’s a little tired. All of last season was a Battle Royale, which is a winner takes all sort of thing. For the world dungeon, they aren’t allowed to whittle it down that much. At least I don’t think they are. Usually the arena fights in world dungeon seasons are more like an optional quest, a gladiatorial arc.

Carl: I’m worried that it is going to be winner take all. If it is, I’m going to force Donut to take a deal at the end of this floor, and I will try to talk everyone else into taking a deal as well. And I will go on alone.  

Mordecai: Focus on surviving this floor before you try to suicide yourself on the next. We’ll get more details soon.

Carl: I’m pretty sure that’s not the first time you’ve said that to me.

“Oi, don’t just stand there and block the portal, ass smear.”

I was brought back to the now as I was pushed aside by a group of three Bactrian camels with old-school racing helmets as they emerged from the portal. These were clearly racers from a different team. There was only one portal back to the cul-de-sac, and everybody used the same one.

“Well, excuse you,” Donut harrumphed as I closed out the chat and looked about.

“Eat my sandy ass,” one of the camels called without looking over his shoulder.

A large, bustling town filled with NPCs spread out before us with streets heading in all directions. It was dark outside, which I just realized was different than the mid-day appearance of our cul-de-sac, which was a bit disconcerting. As was the town’s appearance. Most of the towns here in the game had that faux, medieval style. Even Larracos had that grand, old timey feel.

This town was straight out of a 1980’s, neon-infused, cyberpunk fever dream.     

To my left, a group of temples spread, all covered with gaudy, flashing lights, including one right in the middle with a black X hanging over it. It took me a moment to realize the X was a game notification and not really there. It was the entrance to a Club Vanquisher, which I was now permanently banned from. Another street was full of flashing shops of all kinds with dozens and dozens of NPCs moving about. Shouting street vendors with food carts and what appeared to be glowing souvenirs littered the sidewalk.  I noted the vast majority of NPCs were gremlins with a spattering of draconians.

There were wide, paved streets, but I didn’t see a single car. Though there were some obvious mounts walking about, being led by NPCs of all kinds. A Komodo dragon thing was being ridden by a group ethereal ghosts of what I was pretty sure were hobgoblins. One of the ghosts was eating a stick of pink and blue cotton candy. A giraffe similar to the ones from the third floor picked its way down the street. It had a massive cannon thing mounted to its side.

Donut clicked her tongue. “You would think this pink and teal and purple aesthetic would be right up my alley, but it’s quite garish, don’t you think? When you lean too hard into a look, it just becomes a caricature of itself.” She gasped. “Carl, look! A hat vendor!” She jumped from my shoulder and bounded over and started chatting with the gremlin proprietor.  

Down the street with the shops, a single storefront caught my eye. It was a blank storefront with no sign, but the moment my eyes passed over it, I felt the haptic buzz of my Escape Plan skill, and even though the store was a block away, a notification popped up over it.

C&W&U Location. Illegal Modifications and More. Grand Opening Soon.

I noted the store and turned my attention to our destination, a third street which held a group of bars.

Right in the middle of that street, a massive, neon sign blazed, its shining light overpowering everything else. The sign featured a Formula 1-style racecar in pink and purple neon. The wheels on the car spun, and the car itself blinked off and on, giving the appearance it was moving. A pair of crossed checkered flags appeared over the sign, hanging limply. And under the car in blinking lights was the bar’s name. The Hairpin. And under it in smaller, neon letters it read “Desperado Club entrance in the back.”

Imani had said everyone was avoiding the Hairpin for now, as that bar was too rowdy for us all to meet up and talk, and the Desperado wasn’t open yet. Also, the saferoom protections were turned off inside most of the bars, including that one. So instead we were to meet at one next door called The Lollipop. I spotted it, almost washed out in the light of the Hairpin. The neon sign featured a gremlin waving what looked like a giant lollipop back and forth. And under it was another sign that made me groan inwardly.

Donut returned to my shoulder, grumbling. “Their selection is just abysmal. I did get a cheap trucker hat that says ‘I’d hang a Little with Chad.’ I don’t know what that means, but it’s green and yellow and is perfect for the mood wall I’m working on.”    

She gasped, seeing the sign under the bar we were approaching. “Karaoke! Carl, look! The bar Imani picked has karaoke!”

As we approached, I heard familiar shouting coming from a food vendor stall just outside the Lollipop.

“It is meat on a stick. Meat on a stick is my favorite food,” a voice called. Jurgen.

“I do not see any sort of health inspection certificate. Did you not see that warning when we entered town you bumbling imbecile? Since I was the jockey for Sweety in the first race, you must be the jockey in the next race, and I will not have you suffering from gastrointestinal distress while we race for our lives.”

“I did read it,” Jurgen said to Prepotente, handing a gold coin over to the draconian vendor, who happily handed the meat skewer to the large, bearded man. Jurgen held up a second finger and received a second skewer. “It also said some food items increase the mount’s speed, and since you insisted upon picking that thing, we need all the speed modifications we can get. I have an iron stomach, so if it’s a bad a result, we deal with it.”

“Hi Prepotente! Hi Jurgen!” Donut called, waving furiously from my shoulder. “Are you coming in to sing karaoke with me and Carl?”    

“Well met, Donut!” Prepotente called, waving back. “And Carl, hello! I am so glad to see you both. Please talk some sense into my idiotic partner, who is insisting on sabotaging our next race.”

“I have a sixth sense about these things, isn’t that right, Heidi?” Jurgen said.

“Did I hear that correctly?” Donut asked as we walked up. “Your mount is named Sweety? That’s just adorable. What is she?”

Jurgen grunted and took a bite of the meat stick. I noted that the stall he’d purchased it from simply had a sign over it that said “Meat” with no further elaboration. I tried to examine the stick, but I received an error.

No food in Hungry Eyes may be examined. Good luck.

Jurgen chewed with his mouth open. “Is a big dud is what our mount is. We should have chosen mechanical. I told him I was a mechanic before he picked, but he just doesn’t listen. Now we are stuck with the giant elephant pig. It’s slow, and it smells.”

Prepotente sniffed indignantly. “Our mount Sweety is a large, mount-sized mammal called a Perriso. It is similar to a creature called a tapir, but large enough to carry myself, this oaf standing next to me, and one or two more mercenaries, which I’m afraid we’re going to have to do once this idiot starts violently vomiting mystery meat over the sidewalk.”

Jurgen patted his stomach and then bit into his second meat stick. “If we are to be partners, then you need to learn to trust my intuition. Carl trusted me enough to make me a general on the last floor, and I don’t know why you...”

And that’s when Jurgen started violently vomiting mystery meat all over the sidewalk.

“No refunds,” the draconian said from the stall.     ~~~~~~~~~~END SPOILERSStill plugging away every day,. Thank you all for your support. If you're in SDCC next weekend, here is my schedule. Unfortunately the activation thing was sold out like 5 minutes after I got the link. Here is the signing info for next weeK SDCC Signing Line Entry Rules

For all signing lines, Matt will only sign two items per person to make sure he has time to meet as many readers as possible.

PRH Booth Signing: Purchase of THE EYE OF THE BEDLAM BRIDE at the PRH booth (#1515) is required to receive a ticket to the signing line. 90 tickets are available. Only 10 copies of THE EYE OF THE BEDLAM BRIDE will be on sale during preview night (Wednesday, 7/23), the remaining 80 copies will be on sale when the con floor opens Thursday morning.

Post-Panel Signings: These signings are un-ticketed (no book purchase required) and are on a first come, first serve basis. The webtoon drops in an hour. If you're unfamiliar with the platform, you just go to Webtoon.com or download the app. The comic is free, but it's a freemium model, so you can pay to get episodes early. People have some big opinions on the art, but it is almost 1:1 with the book story wise, and I'm pretty stoked for you guys to see it. And in one more announcement if you haven't see it already, this is coming out in February. This is already signed, sealed, and delivered, and I can't wait for you guys to read it. I will post the first chapter in the coming days. Thank you all for your support.