Chapters 256 and 257 (Patreon)

Hey everyone! I made a small, but crucially important change to the rules earlier, and I realized I had forgotten to post my retcon message which kinda pulled the punch of the cliffhanger at the end of the previous chapter. Apologies. Here is the relevant update quote from Cascadia when she was announcing the rules of card battles regarding the loss and transfer of keys in chapter 250. Basically, if you want to give someone else a key, you can’t just hand it to them, no matter how many you have. You have to initiate a card battle and then use a Flee card to get out of the battle. The underlined passages are the changes. One last note about the key itself. You may not voluntarily drop a key no matter how many you have. You may not voluntarily transfer a key to another squad no matter how many you have. If you wish to give up one of your keys, then you gotta do it on the battlefield by initiating a battle and utilizing a Flee card, which will teleport you away and transfer a random key to your opponent.

Here we go. I would apologize for the content of this next chapter, but that would imply I'm actually sorry. 

(end of chapter 255) Warning: The door to the exit stairwell at El Capitolio Nacional de Cuba has sustained damage and will become unusable in five minutes. If the doorway crumbles, the associated key will dissipate.

And with that little notification, it ruined our hopes of getting out of this clean.

“God fucking damnit.”

Chapter 256

It was a kick to the teeth.

It took a second, but the horror flashed across Ren’s face as the implications of it all settled in.

I quickly ran through the options, and I came to the same, terrible conclusion as Ren.

My view counter was spiked, once again.

Donut now had the two keys in her inventory. One key for the door in the church, now guarded by Imani, and one key for the door here in the Capitol building. This door would only be useable for the next four and a half minutes.

We couldn’t just give Ren a key. The rules were clear, and they’d been made just for this sort of impossible situation.

In order for Ren to get that key, we would have to first get Donut here. We would have to initiate a card battle. Donut would have to use a Flee card, which meant Donut would lose one of the two keys. We wouldn’t be able to pick which key we lost.

If the system was generous, and it dropped the key to the Capitol building, we would teleport away, Ren would get the key, and she could rush into the chamber.

If the system was being a dick, and the system was always a dick, it would drop the key to the church. Ren would probably still be okay. They would still have a key, but her squad would have to make their way across town to the church where they’d have to get past Imani.

Donut and I, meanwhile, would be fucked. We’d be teleported away from the Capitol building. We’d still have the key to get out, but we’d have to get to the door in time, which would be next to impossible. It would have to be now. And since we really wanted to get that key to Imani?

It wasn’t going to happen.

And there was already only four minutes left.

In either scenario, we’d have to get Donut here. I could toss Samantha. That would take two or three minutes at least, and that was assuming my aim was true. I could get the red spider and use the Loop de Loop, but that would require a crawler other than myself to switch places with Donut. It would have to be Khulan, which would be the equivalent of killing her. Besides, she wasn’t getting up off that floor. She remained draped over the ruined body of her husband.

There was another scenario. One Donut and I could still pull off. I could have the spider rush into the room and touch Ren. They’d switch places. With Ren gone, nobody would be left to initiate a card fight. Donut and I could rush down the stairs and be safe. However, that meant Donut wouldn’t have time to pass on the second key, the one for the church exit, meaning nobody else would be able to escape. We’d be killing Imani.

Uncertainty washed over me.

If you make this decision. Be sure. Be sure it’s your only option. This is more than just a failsafe. It’s the end of everything. If there’s time to do something else, don’t be so quick. So you must be absolutely certain.

All of this whipped through my mind in a matter of seconds. I looked over my shoulder and whistled. From across the street, the little spider hopped up, dragging the memory ghost pants with it. It started moving toward me.

Carl: Donut, get ready to teleport! Make sure Mongo is put away. Fast!

If we didn’t do this now, Ren would challenge us to a fight. She didn’t have a choice. There was only one key left, and she knew if we were going to willingly give it up, it’d be to Imani and not her. What else could she do?

There were no obvious scenarios left where it wasn’t her or us.

She could kill you right now. It would put Donut at a disadvantage. Be careful.

I examined the woman who’d turned into a dog. I barely knew her, but I knew some of her back story. She’d grown up in Mongolia, and she’d been a fashion model, once upon a time. She’d left the country and moved to France. A jealous ex-boyfriend had stabbed her and her dog. She’d spent the next year in a hospital before retiring. She’d recently returned home when the collapse happened. Her entire group had all been people she’d grown up with, all from a tiny little village. Her entire circle of friends, brought down by this goddamned place, this goddamned floor, one by one.

It was terrifying how quickly, how easily everything could change.

As I watched, Ren sat down heavily on the floor. Garret made an uncertain noise and plopped down next to her. She reached up and unsnapped her flamethrower attachment, and the whole apparatus toppled onto the scorched, broken tiles.

“You know, I was really looking forward to torching some of those assholes on the next floor.” She leaned over and rested her head against the meatball.

The red spider clicked up the steps and stopped just outside the chamber. I lifted my hand, causing it to pause.

Above, the ceiling cracked ominously. Over by the exit doorway, Khulan continued to cry. She was a tiny little woman, young but with the skin of someone who worked outdoors her whole life. She clutched onto the larger form of the dead crawler.

“Khu, come,” Ren said.

“No,” she replied.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Ren raised a hand, stopping me. She continued to look at her grieving friend.

Three minutes left.

“The only thing that was keeping her together was her husband. She’s not going to want to go on, and I’m not going to make her, not anymore.” She sniffed. “It’s funny. Growing up, she was the toughest of us all.”

“We still have four days left,” I found myself saying. “There’s still one key. I have to give it to Imani, but I might have figured a way to teleport us to another area. You’ll have to train up your trap skills, but there’s time. We can do it.”

“So we can kill someone else for their key?” she asked. “By my count, there’s one key for every three or four squads. They really fucked us this floor. There’s time left, but everybody is already going down the stairs. I’m not going to do that, Carl. I don’t want to be responsible for hurting someone else.”

“Then... then... you can fight us for it. Fair and square. It’s your only chance.”

“Carl,” she said, turning to look at me. She shook her head. “I say this with love. You are an idiot. You can’t fight us. You can’t give your key to Imani. You have to save it for yourself. Do you remember when you flew that airplane to save our bubble on the fifth floor? And then when you killed all the hunters? That’s when I realized who you are. Don’t you understand? You’re more than just a person. If we lose you, we lose everything. You’re a symbol. You’re the embodiment of our hope. You and that fucking, annoying cat that everyone seems to like for some reason. You two bought a goddamned slot on Faction Wars. Everyone who remains can’t wait for the chance to fight someone real, someone actually responsible for all this. If you two don’t get down to the next floor, we all lose that. You can’t sacrifice yourself. And you know what? I know Imani thinks that, too. If you give her your key, she’s just going to try to give it back to you.”

Donut: AM I TELEPORTING IN? ARE YOU SENDING SAMANTHA TO ME? DO WE HAVE TIME? ARE YOU USING THE LOOP-DE-LOOP? WHAT’S HAPPENING?

I swallowed.

Carl: Stay put. We’re saving the Loop trap. I’m gonna toss Samantha to you in a minute.

Ren returned her head to the side of her large pet, and she stroked his strange, bumpy skin. He made a purring noise.

So much regret filled me. I should have let Ren finish Quan off. I should have used my last teleport trap as a way for Donut to get here more easily. You can only anticipate so much. You can only prepare for what you can think of, and it still won’t be everything. You can’t win every battle.

I thought of what Mordecai once told me about Drakea, that he’d been killed by one of his own traps because the showrunners had tipped the scale, had broken their own rules to make it prematurely blow.

They were exterminating us one by one, and no matter how hard I worked, someone was always going to be there, looking over my shoulder, wondering how they could make it more dramatic for the audience. How soon before they decided it was my time? Or Donut’s?

So much regret.

My view counter remained spiked, but it was starting to ease off now it was clear we weren’t going to fight. That made me unreasonably angry. Fuck you all.

I looked nervously up at the ceiling. “We have to get out of here,” I said. “The door will crumble, and then the whole building is going to collapse on top of us.”

She kicked the flamethrower attachment at me. “Take it,” she said. Several items from her inventory started appearing on the floor, one by one. Rings. Clothing items. Potions. Scrolls. “Take it all. Fast. There’s good stuff in there, including a bunch of Eye in the Sky scrolls.”

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, suddenly alarmed. I had a memory of another place. Another time. A clearing in the forest where Miriam Dom had done the same thing.

I remembered my mother.

This is my birthday present to you. I am giving you a chance at life.

“I’m donating to the war effort,” she said. “My flamethrower is named ‘Velma,’ by the way. I didn’t name it that.” She was holding it back, barely. So was I.

“We have four days left! We can figure something out!”

She ignored me. She pulled one last item from her inventory. It was a small, crystal knife. It looked like a butter knife. It glinted with red light.

“This is called the Knife of Frozen Tears, and it’s made of something called Sylvan crystal. It’s not very sharp, and it’s not all that valuable, but it can kill Garret. Each time he regenerates, he gets another weakness. He’s up to four now. Sylvan crystal is one of them.” She broke, then, at that last sentence.

“No. No, no,” Garret said. It was more a sound than actual words. I was pretty sure the thing couldn’t actually talk, but it could mimic some noises.

Tears streamed down the dog woman’s face.

The far wall sagged.

Warning: The Stairwell Exit at El Capitolio Nacional de Cuba has been rendered inaccessible. All available keys through this exit have been destroyed.

She struggled to speak. “He’s a type of pet called a tummy acher. He’s a great tank, and he’s practically immortal. It’s really hard to kill him, and if he dies, he regenerates. But every five times he dies, he resets back to level one, and you have to get him to bond with you again. They say he won’t remember, but I’m not sure. This will be the first time it happens. Each time he regenerates, he’s tougher, but he also has a new weakness, so you have to be careful.” She sniffed. She looked over at Khulan, who remained prone near the collapsed wall. “It’s just like the rest of us. We look stronger, we have tougher skin, more scars, but there’s another crack in our...” She couldn’t finish.

Garret whimpered. He pushed himself against Ren, like he couldn’t get close enough.

She was openly sobbing now as she talked directly to her pet. “I had a dog once, before all this. He died protecting me, and now I’m going to protect you. You’re going to go live with Carl. He’s going to take care of you because I can’t do it anymore. He will feed you every day, and you’re going to be a good boy for me, won’t you?”

“Uh,” I said.

She stabbed the knife directly into the side of the pet, and he immediately tumbled over, dead. Just like that. He died instantly, like she’d flipped a switch. A moment passed, and his corpse started to shrink, like he was having the air pulled from him.

Ren wiped her eyes. “It lists his weaknesses in his description, and he’s going to have a new one now, but his weaknesses so far are sylvan crystal, consuming hobgoblin sweat, the bite of a rivenwing, and consuming undead flesh. That’s what usually kills him, so be careful, because he eats everything. Each time he comes back, he risks getting a common weakness, so try to keep him alive.”

“Why did you do that? We have four days left,” I said yet again, flabbergasted. “It’s... it’s not over yet.”

Ren had her eyes on her friend. As quickly as the tears had come, they were gone. She’d given herself a moment to be emotional, and all that was left was business.

“As soon as Khu is done crying, she is going to kill herself. She’s lost everything. She lost her little girl, who was inside when it started, and she’s lost everyone else along the way. She has nothing left. Nothing. I don’t either. Except my faith that you, Carl, will make somebody regret choosing us for this.”

She was silent for a moment.

“I don’t want my friend killing herself to be the last thing I see. It has to be now. I want to go out having done something good. All I have left for this floor is to deny them a fight. I’ll take it. If I can’t help you on the next floor, I can at least give you my best gear, and I can protect Garret.”

I looked down at the pet. He was still unconscious, and he was now level-one. His name had disappeared, too. It was like he was a completely new pet. I remembered the first tummy acher I’d ever seen, way back on the second floor. It had been in a cage near Mongo. This was the same. A tiny, little, round ball on two, stubby legs. This one’s single tooth stuck out on the outside, making it look like he had a massive underbite.

Ren produced a pet carrier, and she gently picked the unconscious meatball up. She gave him a tender kiss.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and she put him in the carrier. She paused. “His new weakness is something called Reaper Gaze. I don’t know what that is.” She slid the carrier over to me, and before I could talk myself out of it, I put it in my inventory. A host of pet-themed achievements appeared and disappeared.

“If you do figure out some miracle before this floor is done, make sure that Sister Ines doesn’t go down the stairs,” Ren said. “I’ve met Paz a few times, and he’s a good man. Don’t let her get away with keeping his card.”

“I won’t. But what are you going to do now? If the roof collapses, you probably aren’t going to die. You’re just gonna get stuck.”

She held up an arm, showing a wrist bracer. It was the only thing she still wore. That and a little, heart locket around her neck with a dog paw print on it. “You ever see the movie Predator?”

I knew what the device was. I’d seen them before, for sale at the Desperado Club. “You’re going to blow yourself up? Just like that?”

“They want us to fight. Me and Donut. This is me going out on my terms. You would’ve wiped the floor with us anyway. This is me telling them to go fuck themselves.”

This was too much. It was her choice, and I understood why she was doing it, but I hated it. I hated everything about it. I hated that my views kept going down, that people didn’t care. I hated there was nothing I could do to stop her.

This will stop it. It’s so loud, Carl. It’s so loud.

“Okay,” I finally said, standing up, trying to hold my emotion in check.

A wry smile crossed Tserendolgor’s face.

Ren: Princess Donut. I have a confession to make. Everything you’re saying is true. I was trying to steal your experience the first time we met. I did cheat at the pet show. Your Mongo is the rightful champion. I’m sorry.

Donut: I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!

Donut: CARL, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, chuckling.

She grunted with amusement.

“You know, many of my people are afraid of cats. Some think if you look into their eyes, they can steal your soul. I hope that’s true. I hope she lives up to her hype.”

Across the room, Khulan stood and shuffled to us. She wrapped her arms around Ren’s neck.

She wasn’t crying anymore, either. Her eyes were unblinking as she stared off into space.

“Garret is a good boy. Please take care of him. Bonding is easy. Feed him something a few times. Make sure it’s not undead flesh or that it’s never been touched by a hobgoblin. Try to find out what that Reaper Gaze weakness is as soon as you can.”

The ceiling cracked again. There was a ping. Quan’s body could now be looted of the rest of his gear. I still wouldn’t be able to get his cards. Hopefully we were done with that anyway. I quickly started to gather up the rest of Ren’s dropped gear, including the enchanted flamethrower, which was really part breastplate, part weapon.

Ren’s eyes flashed, and Khulan dropped several items on the ground. More rings and potions and a glowing spear, along with multiple armor items plus a few unread magical tomes. A ton of coins.

“Here,” Ren said. “I can’t give you my totems, but I just rearranged my deck and took all the other cards out. You’ll have to carry them on you until you give them to Donut, but here’s all my cards. There’s a few rare special and mystics in there in case you need them, including these two. I never got to use them.”

I blinked at the last two cards. One was a consumable Glow-Up card. The other was a consumable special card, and it featured two, large men in tights. It was called The Midnight Express.

I gathered the large pile of cards and stuck them into the waistband of my boxers. It wouldn’t let me take them into my inventory.

“You sure about this?” I asked one last time.

“Carl. Make them suffer.”

I put my hand on the dog woman’s shoulder. Her whole body trembled.

“I will kill every last one of them. Every one.” I leaned in to her ear, and I whispered, “I goddamned swear it.”

Chapter 257

Quan had more crap in his inventory than I did, which was saying a lot. He carried a ton of magical weapons, from swords to spears to war hammers to more non-traditional items, like a magical chainsaw and something that appeared to be a literal sock filled with nickels, only it was one of the highest value items he had on him. Also, there was a bowler hat like that guy had in that James Bond movie, where you could throw it, and it would decapitate someone before it boomeranged back to you. Donut was going to lose her mind when she saw it. He also held almost five million gold coins, and I wondered if he’d ever actually purchased anything. He had all this stuff he never used. It was going to take forever for me to go through all of this stuff. Thankfully, I could transfer it all with one button.

The only thing I left was the single, golden ring, which remained clutched in his hand.

I kept his arm. I wasn’t sure why.

I didn’t turn back to Ren, but she warned I had to make myself clear of the building. Her magical wrist bracer was going to blow the place sky high. That was okay. The building was useless to us now.

~

“Come on, Samantha,” I said as we walked outside into the burning city. In the distance, Amayon, the demon possessing the body of the Madre de Aguas snake sat atop a tall building, raised vertical like a spire, pouring fire into the sky like it was trying to burn its way upward. I had no idea what it was doing, but demon seagulls circled it like a tornado. It was probably casting a spell. Great. Just great. Red dots were everywhere.

I scooped up the red automaton and pulled it into my inventory and started jogging west, deeper into downtown Havana as the building behind me started to crumble.

Ren: Goodbye, everyone. I did my best. At least I won’t have to listen to anyone butcher the pronunciation of my name anymore.

And with that, there was a secondary rumbling behind me. It wasn’t a huge explosion, but it was enough. The dome top of the building collapsed in on itself, like it was a controlled detonation. The blast was small by my own standards. Mixed in with everything else happening to the city, the collapse of this single building was hardly noticeable.

Donut: WAIT, WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Tserendolgor never saw the message. Her name popped into the deceased crawlers folder. It was done.

Donut: CARL, WHY IS SHE DEAD? WHAT HAPPENED?

Carl: I’ll explain it all in a minute. I’m tossing Samantha to you now, and then we’re gonna have to pick our way toward the church. I don’t have the time or the supplies to set up another teleport. We have to go the long way around so we avoid the massive demon. We gotta get to Imani, and then we’ll figure out how we’re going to proceed. But we need to get out of here before Sister Ines shows back up or before whatever that demon is doing fucks us over. Tossing Samantha now.

I pulled the extension, and Samantha hopped into the scoop. She blinked at me as I tried to judge the distance. “Are we keeping the round guy? I like him. He’s really cute. Can I name him? I want to name him.”

“I haven’t decided yet if we’re keeping him,” I said. “Probably not. Donut will be scared that he’ll eat Mongo.”

“You should keep him,” Samantha said. “That doggie died thinking you were going to take care of him. He probably won’t eat Mongo if they grow up together. I once watched a five-times resurrected one of those guys eat a dragon, though. It was great!”

I paused. “Wait, really? A dragon?”

“It was a small dragon, but yes. Now throw me, Carl. I want to bite Donut’s tail.”

~

“You didn’t have to chew on me that hard,” Donut complained as we skulked around the corner of a building.

It’d taken me three throws to get Samantha close enough to Donut, and even then, she had to travel for ten minutes before she got to her, where she promptly chomped down on Donut’s tail without warning. After teleporting her back to me, the cat had promptly yakked all over the ground, and she’d been grumbling about it ever since. Apparently that type of teleportation was even more unsettling than usual.

Donut sported a new, golden player killer skull. She hadn’t commented on it, and neither did I. That felt important, the nonchalance of it all. We were losing more of ourselves every day. I hoped we could manage to get off this damn floor without it happening again.

The zombie crabs and seals were everywhere, swarming over the city, moving away from the beach. It’d been a while since I saw a regular, non-undead crab or seal, and I wondered if any were left. I also hadn’t, thankfully, seen any of the full-power demons we’d free from their shells. Hopefully those had made their way back to Sheol, but I wasn’t sure if that kind could drag people into hell like the possessed zombies could. Mordecai wasn’t sure, either.

The zombies were still turning into possessed demons here and there, but those would scream and skitter off toward Amayon, who remained, ramrod straight atop the tallest building, pouring fire upward like he was a fountain.

“I need to make a tight grip,” Samantha said as she hovered between us. “It’s not my fault if I have a strong jaw game.”

“Shush, both of you,” I said, watching a zombie seal shuffle-flop down the street, chasing an oblivious memory ghost that miraculously was still fully clothed. The seal left a stream of red gore on the road. According to Mordecai, these things had a sort of communal mind, so we didn’t want any of them seeing us or they’d swarm.

Imani: No sign of the nun. Nothing has come in. There’s an out-building I can see through the door, and it’s some sort of temple. It’s a Club Vanquisher entrance. I just watched a ram NPC guy stick his head out of the door and cast a spell that killed a few zombies, but now a bunch more are milling around the entrance, so there’s a mass of them right in front of the church.

Carl: Okay. If you do see her, just go back into the saferoom. There’s no reason for you two to fight. Wait for us.

I was making a quick inventory of everything we’d looted, but it wouldn’t be until we got to a saferoom before I could truly examine it all. So far, it looked as if the best prizes were the Eye in the Sky scrolls, the magical tomes, Velma the Flame Thrower, the nickel sock, and, of course, Quan’s celestial cloak.

He’d truly had a lot of weapons on him. Even more than what I’d looted from the hunters. I wondered if his class, Sergeant-at-Arms had something to do with that. It didn’t matter now.

I hadn’t yet told Donut about the tummy acher. I asked Mordecai for his advice.

Mordecai: Keep that thing in your inventory. You couldn’t go down the stairs with Mongo before because you didn’t have a pet carrier. This guy will be fine as long as you keep him boxed up. You can try bonding with him later. He’ll be a great pet for you should you decide to keep him, but you have too much on your plate right now to deal with trying to keep a level-one pet alive, especially if it has an undead weakness. And Ren made a mistake by saying what his weaknesses are out loud. The factions guys aren’t supposed to be spying, but we both know that’s bullshit, even now.

Carl: Agreed. Also, I don’t see Sister Ines with my Find Crawler skill. Should I use one of those Eye in the Sky scrolls? Will that find her?

Mordecai: If you use it, have Donut do it. But yes, it will find her as long as she’s not in a safe room or using some advanced hiding skills or spells. Those scrolls are really rare. How many do you have?

Carl: Five.

Mordecai: It’s up to you, but I would save them if you can. Have you decided what you’re going to do about Imani yet?

Carl: I’m giving her the key. Donut and I will take our chances.

Mordecai: She’s not going to take it.

Carl: Elle will convince her.

He didn’t answer.

“Look at the fishy!” Samantha said.

A zombie fish entered the alley, flopping. It spied us, and it made a gurgling noise as red foam bubbled out its gills. It started hopping on the ground toward us. Splatch, splatch, splatch. A loud groaning noise came from down the street as more zombies turned in our direction.

“Damnit,” I said. “Come on, guys.”

~

“So, did you beat him with his arm? I promised the Posse if you ever fought Quan again, you’d beat him with his arm. I even put it in the newsletter.”

We waited in yet another alley as Samantha pied-pipered a group of zombies away from our position. We’d gotten trapped between two buildings, and I sent her out there, which she’d done eagerly. I could hear her enthusiastic shouting from almost two blocks away as the zombies shuffled after her, clearing our path.

“I didn’t get the chance,” I said. “Golden Uzi Jesus and Asojano pretty much turned him into pulp.”

“That’s a little disappointing. You carried his arm around all this time, and you didn’t get to use it. When we killed him, it gave me the key, but I never got his cards. I bet he had a bunch of good ones. At least you got the dog lady’s cards. I suppose she did redeem herself in the end.”

“Quan did have some good cards,” I agreed, choosing not to engage her about Ren. I could tell it was mostly for show, and she was pretty shaken up about the death of the crawler. Even now, Donut was leaning into the feud for the viewers. “But I don’t think his cards were better or worse than ours. He was just really good with strategy. We pretty much had to be the cheaters to beat him.”

“Using a loophole isn’t cheating, Carl. Not when we do it. Oh, and what happened to that disgusting meatball?”

Before I was forced to tell her the truth, we were both interrupted by a new message.

Sister Ines: Carl and Donut. Are you there?

I exchanged a look with Donut.

Carl: Hello, Sister. How are you feeling?

Sister Ines: I know you have the last key. The door you seek is in the Iglesia de Jesús de Miramar. It is a holy place. I’ve prayed on it, and I know what I must do. I can’t let you in. If you open that door, it will be the end of everything. They told me so. This hell you see is only a sampling of what awaits us because of our sins.

Donut: JUST TRY TO STOP US YOU HALF-BREED BITCH.

Donut turned to me. “Wow. That came out way more racist sounding than I intended.”

Carl: Sister... what is going on? Who is ‘They?’ I thought we were friends. Tell us what’s happening.

Sister Ines: I am filled with power, Carl. With each demon who appears, I grow stronger. They come, they keep coming, and I am the last rampart protecting us all. It is because of my faith. I can save you. I must free you from this place before your soul is dragged into hell. I can’t save the cat, of course, as she is nothing but a rank beast.

Donut: HEY!

Sister Ines: But I can save you, Carl. Come to me, and I will show you the way. I showed my sisters, and I can show you. It’s not too late. But if you try to enter that church, there will be nothing I can do for you. I will be forced to stop you.

“Carl, she’s gone completely whackadoodle! I think her medication finally wore off!”

I shook my head. “It’s more than that. Whatever imbalance she had, it’s been deliberately kicked back into place. I think it’s one of her sponsors. During the last battle, the announcer guys said she was sponsored by the Nebulars. I think they gave her something that sent her back over the edge.”

“What? Why would they do that? Those are the hunter guys with the hats, right?”

“Yes. They’re not a single race, but a cult. They worship the thing that runs the center system, and they have some pretty weird beliefs.” The strange, religious cult had been gunning for Prepotente on the last floor during the Hunting Grounds before I’d been forced to fight them and Vrah’s crew at the same time. It seemed they were still sore about me and Donut helping to wipe all of them out. I still didn’t know what their deal was in terms of their actual beliefs, but a picture was starting to form in my mind. “We need to be careful. I’ll try to keep her pacified until we can get the hell out of here.”

Carl: Okay. We can meet somewhere. We’ll talk. Where do you want us to go?

“We’re not really gonna meet her, right?”

“Hell no. We just gotta keep her distracted.”

Sister Ines: Good, good. You won’t regret this, Carl. Come to the Fosca building.

Carl: I don’t know where that is.

Imani: Carl, three demons just walked into the church. They’re huge! They’re not the possessed zombies. They’re the level 140 pleasure demons. Carl, it says they’re minions of Sister Ines. How is that possible?

In the distance, the massive, demon-possessed snake stopped throwing fire into the sky.

“Here, Carl,” the giant snake bellowed. His voice echoed, shaking the ground. Glass shattered all around. It was clearly fighting the words, like it was being forced to talk. “Come here.”

“What the shit?” I asked.

“Carl... is she controlling the giant demon?” Donut asked. “I thought he was like a god! How can she do that?”

“Fuck me,” I said, looking off into the distance. Uh-oh.

Sister Ines: Come now, Carl. Come or I will make the demons under my control destroy that church. I don’t want to smash such a holy place, but I will. I will destroy it all if it will prevent you from opening that door.

“Carl, this is what you get for not letting Mongo eat her when we had the chance,” Donut said.

“Well, shit,” I said.

~~

~

One last, epic clusterfuck of a battle left. I hope it doesn’t go the way you’ll think it will, but the pieces are all on the board. Thank you all for your continued support. We’re almost at the finish line. Oh, and I’m also going to do a poll where we pick a name for you-know-who. Put your suggestions in the comments. I’ll pick my favorites and make a poll.