My Teenage Highschool Romance Comedy Can't Be This Perverted! Chapter 118: Ticking Disaster (Patreon)

Beta read by Shigiya

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-Kuoh-

As the cicadas continued to sing as nighttime had long since descended, a dark-haired youth stepped into the large living room, his eyes wandering across the spacious villa and the various paintings his parents had collected during their travels to different countries. Several pieces decorated the walls, including one distinctly Greek painting that caught his attention for a moment — looking it over with a faint smirk before dropping his bag beside him. 

“At least they have taste.” Leaving the painting behind, he continued through the room until his reflection caught his attention in a nearby mirror. Going over, allowing him to examine the appearance he had taken on. The reflection showed a teenage boy of average height and a good build, at least. With medium-short black hair and an ahoge… a combination that could hardly be described as handsome, though neither could it be called ugly. 

Average suited him perfectly, which was exactly what he wanted from this particular appearance. Running his eyes over the reflection one more time, satisfaction crept into his expression. “Looks quite convincing. I haven't lost my touch.”

It had been quite some time since he had done anything like this. His promise to Hera had kept him from indulging in such activities for a very long period, having sworn to abstain for a century, then extending that pledge to several centuries. Fortunately, that period had finally passed, and despite everything that had happened since then, he intended to remain true to his word. There had been plenty of opportunities to break it, yet none had been worth going back on his word. Now that the agreed period had finally ended, however, he could once again move around freely without that particular restriction hanging over him.

A woman soon entered the room carrying a basket filled with laundry, and the moment her eyes landed on him, surprise briefly crossed her face. “Oh, you're back.” Her appearance immediately confirmed what his research had already told him. The black hair, beautiful features, impressive figure, and, most importantly, the distinct sensation of a devil all matched the records he had studied. There could only be one person living in this house who fit the description so perfectly, and that realization made it easy to understand why she had addressed him so naturally.

“Yes, Viser. I finished my task at school pretty early today. Thanks for helping out around the house.” 

Scratching the back of his head, he offered a grateful smile, which earned a similar expression from the woman as she adjusted the basket in her arms and gave a small nod.

“Oh, it's nothing. Your mother and your father have been very kind to me, and since they are so occupied with traveling around the world, I felt like I should take on some duties. By the way, where are the others? Did you come back alone?” 

“They had some club business to handle. I was tired, so I decided to come home early.”

A simple explanation, really, one that she visibly accepted without much thought.

“I see. You have been working hard a lot lately. I hope you aren't pushing yourself too much with your training with Sairaorg and Kuroka.” Concern touched her expression as she looked him over, clearly paying attention to whether all that training had begun taking a toll on him.

“It’s nothing. As long as I can keep everyone close to me safe, there’s nothing I won’t do for you girls.”

Those words came with such ease that the reaction they produced almost seemed amusing. A blush spread across her cheeks, and one hand lifted to fan herself as though trying to cool her face.

“Oh my, you're being quite a flirt today, aren't you?” Her embarrassed amusement made the whole exchange rather entertaining, though the boy merely maintained his smile.

"Just stating facts." He shrugged, and the woman only got more flustered.

“Okay, I have to continue doing the laundry, but you can go ahead and eat. I made some food for you, and it's on the table: your favorite tomato soup, steak, along with a side of cheesecake. Sorry it took so long to make those; I wanted to try out other recipes.” Gesturing toward the dining area, Viser’s expression softened before she turned her attention back to the basket in her arms.

The meal itself struck him as a fairly standard choice, fitting the tastes of the ordinary boy whose identity he had adopted, especially one who had only recently stumbled into a level of power that granted him the kind of life he had now despite not necessarily deserving it. Still, there was nothing wrong with it, and the fact that someone had gone through the trouble of preparing his favorites made the gesture worth appreciating. “Thank you very much. I'll make sure to return the favor soon.”

Even so, something about the situation continued to bother him. According to the records he had studied, Viser should have been little more than a servant to him after he had captured her very early on. Yet her behavior showed no hint of hatred, none of the resentment someone in her position should have felt. If anything, she behaved like someone who genuinely cared about the household and its occupants. 

Perhaps some form of brainwashing had been involved, or perhaps there was another explanation entirely. Either possibility deserved some consideration, but ultimately he dismissed the thought with a small shake of his head. Whatever the reason, it didn’t concern him, and she held no real interest in him beyond what her position required.

After eating, he went through the usual routine, taking his time with the meal while observing the surroundings and getting a better feel for the house. Nothing immediately stood out, though his attention eventually shifted toward Viser when she passed through the room again. “Have you seen Akeno? She left earlier than me, and I didn't get a phone call from her.” The question came after a brief glance toward the direction of the bedrooms, where he expected she would have gone if she had already returned.

“Oh, she came back and was quite tired, so she went to bed. She said that she was just waiting for you. Rias will be coming soon as well.” The information made him nod to himself, hardly surprised by any of it. Everyone familiar with the situation already knew that the boy and the Gremory heiress, along with her Queen, had been involved in a relationship for quite some time. Others had joined the harem as well, but those three remained among the most widely known.

“Thank you for the information. Well, I'll go to sleep as well, as I'm also pretty tired.” Stretching his arms, he prepared to head upstairs, and the sight earned another smile from the woman. He reached for his bag and had only taken a step toward the staircase when her voice stopped him.

“I also heard there was a dispute with the Greek faction. Please be careful. And are you sure this is a good idea?”

He looked back over his shoulder before dismissing the concern with a small shake of his head. “Oh, it's nothing that serious. Just a simple misunderstanding. I promised Rias, that's all.” There seemed little reason to explain anything further; a mere stray devil servant did not deserve such information, especially when it was clear Hikigaya Hachiman never confided in her. So why would he?

With that, he continued upstairs and found himself facing a corridor lined with several doors. For a moment, the unfamiliar arrangement made him wonder which room belonged to the identity he had taken, but the answer soon became obvious. Each door carried a small plaque with a name inscribed upon it, making it remarkably easy to locate the room assigned to Hachiman. Once he found the correct door, he opened it and stepped inside.

Creak

A small creak sounded the moment he turned the doorknob; the bedroom greeted him with darkness and an unexpectedly luxurious amount of space. After looking around, however, the luxury did little to impress him because the room itself remained sparsely decorated and almost painfully normal. There were no posters, no personal decorations, and nothing that immediately suggested the room belonged to a young boy. Everything was mundane, lacking the personality one might expect from someone living here. Setting his bag on the table, he looked around once more. ‘So this is the bedroom of the Black Dragon King. A bit disappointing.’

He walked farther into the room, finally seeing what mattered most. 

A figure rested comfortably on the bed with her back facing him, long strands of raven hair spread loosely around her shoulders and exposing the nape of her neck. Even with the drapes pulled around her, they did little to conceal her figure, revealing the graceful contours of her back and the curves of her body. Most importantly, she wore nothing at all, leaving part of her bare back exposed as she remained completely at ease beneath the covers.

A pleased smirk crossed his face. "Sorry, I was a bit late. I had to take care of some matters at school." Pulling off his shirt, he wasted little time getting ready before approaching the bed and climbing onto it. His hands settled against her shoulders. "So, are you okay?"

“...”

No response came from Akeno, leaving him uncertain about what he should do next. The lack of a reaction caught him off guard, but he pressed on with his planned words. "I understand how you must feel, and trust me, I don't blame you for what happened back there. You were only doing your duty, and he appeared out of nowhere. Thankfully, you didn't fall for his charms and stayed true to who you are. I'm a lucky man to have a woman like you."

Beautiful words followed, carefully chosen to reassure her and remind her that he stood beside her regardless of what had happened earlier. Her body seemed to grow warmer beneath his hands, and he felt the faintest tremble. Whether that reaction came from happiness, embarrassment, or something else entirely, he couldn't quite tell, but at least his words appeared to be reaching her. "I really missed you. Whatever happened before, I'll make sure you can put it behind you. You don't need to keep thinking about it." A faint blush gradually appeared along the back of her neck before creeping higher toward her face, encouraging him to continue.

Eventually, he reached around her and gently pulled her closer until they could face one another. As much as he wanted to spend a few minutes simply holding her, their time together felt too precious to waste. He expected to meet the familiar violet eyes and breathtaking features of the woman he had come to see, yet the gaze staring back at him belonged to someone entirely different. The eyes were blue, and the face had softer features than the one he had seen only yesterday, enough to make his entire expression change.

This wasn't Himejima Akeno.

"Hehehehe~! Oh, Hachi-kun, you're such a smooth talker." The woman reached up and playfully booped his nose with one finger, clearly amused by how easily his carefully chosen words had fooled her. “After making some time for myself, I wanted to surprise you and get your head back in the game. From what I heard, Gabriel has gone on the offensive, and I can’t let that woman steal you from my team!”

What the hell!?

For several seconds, he could only stare, trying to force his thoughts to connect what he was seeing with what he knew. The familiar face he expected had disappeared, replaced by someone he knew but certainly hadn't expected to find in his bed. Even the woman's playful tone only made the situation more confusing. 

"Who are you!?" The confusion finally became too much. The man moved off the bed and put several feet between them, staring at the unexpected visitor with an increasingly incredulous expression. "What are you doing in my room?"

Rather than answering immediately, the woman rose from the bed, revealing the hidden lingerie underneath. The sheer material left little to the imagination, while the delicate lace emphasized her curves and the contrast between her full figure and flat, toned stomach. Tilting her head, she watched him with an expression of genuine confusion before suddenly snapping her fingers. "Ah, right."

A blue magic circle appeared beneath her feet, its glow spreading upward until it covered her entire body. In an instant, the lingerie vanished, replaced by the ridiculous magical-girl costume he had seen her wear countless times before, complete with her distinctive twin tails. Recognition finally struck him as the memories fell into place. Whenever he encountered her, she either appeared in that absurd outfit or dressed in the much more formal suit she sometimes wore.

"S-Serafall Leviathan?"

His mind immediately became even more bewildered. As far as he knew, there had never been anything resembling this kind of relationship between her and Hachiman. Their connection had always been closer to that of a supporter and ally, much like his relationship with Lucifer and the others. She had certainly been friendly toward him, but finding her lying on his bed was something else entirely.

A playful chuckle escaped her. "Why do you look so surprised?" The teasing tone made it obvious that his reaction amused her, though there remained genuine curiosity behind her expression.

He quickly pulled himself together. If something truly had been going on between them, reacting this strongly would only make his behavior look suspicious, and the last person he wanted discovering anything was her. "Ahem… n-nothing. You just surprised me. I was expecting to see someone else."

This was a risky situation.

Backing away now would bruise his pride, yet going along with the circumstances could create complications of its own. Still, if nobody found out, then perhaps there wasn't anything to worry about. He questioned why he felt nervous in the first place. What exactly did he have to fear? The whims of a crazed Maou? The idea sounded ridiculous even inside his own head.

“Hah…” Drawing a deep breath, he stepped forward again and placed both hands on her shoulders. "Sorry. We can just ignore that, and I'll make it up to you for making such a scene." His attempt at recovering the situation earned an immediate blush, and the woman brought both hands toward her cheeks with an almost delighted expression.

"Oh my, you really are very smooth today. It makes me so happy to hear you say things like that!" Her playful smile widened as she leaned into the compliment. "I just wish you could say them to Sona, too."

The mention of the Sitri heiress immediately raised another question in his mind. Just how many women did Hachiman have some kind of relationship with? Rumors concerning the two had reached him before, but nothing had ever seemed substantial enough to confirm them. Neither had displayed that sort of intimacy in public, and they rarely spent enough time together for outsiders to reasonably draw such conclusions. 

There was that Rating Game, but even Aphrodite mentioned nothing strange about the situation between the two individuals. Yet here he stood, listening to another woman casually bring her up as though there might be far more behind those rumors than he had realized.

Her fingers moved gently against his face as she regarded him with a serene smile. "Well, even if all of this is fake, I like to imagine that maybe in a different reality, or perhaps somewhere in the future, you might actually say those words to me. And even though Hachiman doesn’t see me that way, I can't say I would have said no. Even if it were only for one night, seeing Gabriel have all the fun and watching you genuinely acknowledge her like that makes me wonder what I did wrong. What was it about her that caught your attention? Perhaps you have a type, or maybe I was simply more of a big sister figure like Grayfia?” 

“—!?”

As the impostor heard Serafall's words, his body froze. For the first time since the confrontation began, the meaning behind everything she had been saying finally sank in, turning over in his mind as one possibility after another fell into place. The realization left him staring at her in disbelief, unable to hide the confusion that crossed his face. “...What did you just say?”

Serafall raised her other arm, revealing the magical wand in her hand. A small star sat at its center, surrounded by pretty little wings, while larger white wings and devil-like wings decorated the shaft, making the weapon look far more like a child's toy than something capable of unleashing destruction. Just as she had done before, the Maou lifted it toward his face and gently booped his nose with the tip. 

A playful smile spread across her features as she leaned forward slightly. “For a second there, you almost made me believe something was about to happen between us. But I’m also angry you reminded me what you were really trying to do. Super Magical Ruby Blast~!”

In an instant, an enormous amount of demonic energy erupted around the wand. 

The power gathered faster and faster, swirling around the small weapon before compressing into a single point that contained enough destructive force to rival the power he had felt during his battle against the dragon. The air itself seemed to buckle around the spell as the gathered energy reached its limit, and then, with a deafening—Boom!

The attack fired. 

Crash!

A massive beam of pure destructive demonic energy swallowed his body and launched him across the room, blasting straight through the rooftop before shooting into the night sky. For a brief moment, the entire town lit up beneath the passing beam before the spell surrounding his body shattered completely. 

“Urgh!” 

His figure disappeared into the distance, only for a thunderous crack to erupt several moments later when he slammed into the side of a mountain range.

Rocks exploded outward from the impact as his body tore through the mountainside, carving a gigantic trench through the stone before coming to a stop. His appearance flickered repeatedly, the disguise struggling to maintain itself after taking the full force of the attack. Pieces of the false appearance broke apart like fragments of glass, revealing the true figure hidden beneath it. 

The man stood considerably larger, with long white hair and a much more muscular physique, his appearance carrying the imposing perfection expected from a divine being. Arcs of electricity danced across his body, sending sparks snapping through the surrounding air as divine power radiated from him. Before he could do anything else, a familiar figure appeared in the distance, flying toward him with bat-like wings fluttering behind her. Her hair streamed wildly in the wind as she descended toward the mountainside, wearing the same playful expression as before.

“Hey there, Zeus! It's nice to see you again after so many years!” Serafall waved at him as she approached, almost as though they had simply run into each other by chance.

The disguise had been blown, and he still could not understand how. His transformation had been perfect. It had not merely copied the physical appearance of the person he had impersonated, but also replicated the energy within the body, the surrounding field, the sensation of his presence, his energy, and even the signature of the soul itself. The mask had been refined over thousands of years, reaching a level that should have been capable of fooling even masters of Senjutsu such as Wukong. Yet she had seen through him from the beginning and had simply played along, allowing him to believe that his deception had worked until she decided to expose it.

A flash of lightning descended from above and engulfed his body. Electricity crackled around him as white ropes suddenly wrapped around his arms and torso, binding him in place. There no longer seemed to be any point in maintaining the act, so the question finally came. 

“How did you know?”

“Hehehe~!” Serafall chuckled, tilting her head as though the answer should have been obvious. “Well, for one thing, he wouldn't have been so bold or easy. Do you have any idea how many times I tried teasing him physically, only for him to instantly reject me? More times than I can count. But for some reason, he accepts when it's either Akeno or Rias, or that fallen angel girl. And now Gabriel has joined the list!? So frustrating! I can handle the others, but I refuse to lose to that cunning pigeon who pretends to be some airheaded seraph fooling everyone!”

The childish complaint came with an exaggerated stomp of her foot. Her cheeks puffed out as both arms moved around in an irritated little display, making the entire performance look almost ridiculous considering the person standing before her. Yet beneath it, the god could feel that she remained completely aware of the situation. 

After several seconds of the act, the playful expression disappeared. Her face became completely blank, and for the briefest moment, a strange light passed through her eyes before being concealed beneath that familiar playful demeanor once again. “Actually, it wasn't me.”

She reached into her pocket, pulled out her phone, and began dialing a number. The sight triggered an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu, something that felt strangely familiar, as though a similar situation had already happened recently. The call connected after a few rings, and instead of keeping the conversation private, she switched it to speaker.

“Hello?” a voice said from the other end. “Not a good time. I’m in the middle of surviving.”

The background carried the unmistakable sounds of a battle, with growls, explosions, and various crashes breaking through the call as whoever was speaking continued fighting whatever had him occupied.

“Oh, are you fighting? You should have called me to help you then! In any case, I have a friend here who wants to speak with you. You almost made me believe it was you, and we almost had a magical moment. It's a shame that it just wasn't you.” A wide grin spread across Serafall's face as she shot Zeus a look of pure, unadulterated mischief.

The other end immediately went quiet for several seconds before Hachiman finally responded. “Wait, really? That happened?”

“What is going on here!” Hearing how even the other side was caught off guard just further infuriated Zeus.

“Wow, you seriously tried that? Jeez, I don’t know whether to be disappointed or just offended you thought it would actually work.”

Anger immediately flashed across Zeus's face. The pieces had begun falling into place, and the realization only made the humiliation worse. “You planned for all of this, didn't you?”

“Well, duh. Do you have any idea how infamous you are? Everyone in the supernatural world knows your reputation, and it’s pretty much the same case in the mortal world. You’re the god famous for shapeshifting and seducing women.”

Hachiman sighed with both exasperation and amusement. “I honestly didn't believe that you would try this, but given that it wouldn't hurt anyone if certain precautions were taken, I decided to go along with it. I figured I could put together a small setup with Viser being the key. Every time I came to eat, she would mention that soup, and steak were your favorite meals when they actually aren't. I doubt you would go so far as to check something that small. If “I” ever accepted it or said nothing about the steak and fries comment, she was supposed to immediately contact me.”

Lightning crackled around the god as his anger surged. His humiliation at the restaurant when he had invited Akeno had already been bad enough, but apparently that entire incident had only been another part of the same problem. Now he had walked directly into another trap, and the realization infuriated him. “You! I see now! You dare fool me by putting a Satan in your bed to frame me!”

“Oh, on that point, what are you doing in my house, Serafall? I never told you about any of this…”

“Eh?” 

The question made Zeus freeze for an entirely different reason. His gaze shifted toward the woman standing nearby, confusion replacing his anger as he tried to understand what she had just been accused of. Serafall only looked back at him with a small smile, her expression carrying the unmistakable confidence of someone who had no intention of explaining herself.

“Oh, I have my ways… and I was bored.”

At that moment, the king of Olympus finally lost control of his temper.

{Break}

Rumble!

“A short-tempered guy, huh.”

I watched as lightning in the distance crackled and felt the same sensation I felt before; the guy must have been furious. I could imagine his desire to tear me limb from limb for spoiling his plan twice, and being exposed like this would also damage his pride.

‘Then again, he has thick skin; after everything he's done in the past, he still walks around so pridefully. So I doubt it's anything permanent; he'll recover.' 

“Done.”

I glanced to the side and found the Valkyrie calmly sheathing her sword after driving it through another one of the creatures scattered across the battlefield. The thing beneath her looked more like something pulled straight out of a nightmare than an ordinary wolf. Larger than a direwolf and equaling a car in sheer size, its body was covered in thick fur. Whatever kind of magical enhancement it possessed, its strength had clearly been considerable. 

Looking at the scene around us, I gazed at dozens of similar creatures lying across the ground, each one having fallen beneath the edge of her sword. At this point, I had to admit that the title of Valkyrie suited her perfectly. If these creatures had given her no trouble, then Odin certainly hadn't chosen one of his warriors at random.

My attention eventually shifted toward the creature beneath me. Compared to the others, its death looked considerably messier. I sat on the corpse because fighting this particular beast had taken far more effort than the others, requiring considerably more than a handful of attacks before it finally stopped moving.

“Hah, at least I'm not that helpless.” One of those attacks had nearly cost me a limb, too, which brought back an unpleasant memory of the days when I was still hunting stray devils — but even then I had Vritra to help me. 

Looking down at my palm, the familiar white glow of Touki slowly dissipated. “So, triple the strength, but the power cost shoots up exponentially. Not exactly a fair trade.”

That particular discovery certainly wasn't ideal. More power sounded nice until the amount of energy required started climbing far faster than the strength gained from it. It meant I couldn't simply keep increasing the output and expect the same efficiency. There had to be a limit somewhere, and finding that limit in the middle of an actual fight would probably involve losing something important.

After lowering my hand, I waved toward the silver-haired woman. “It's enough. You can take a rest.”

A small nod followed before my attention returned to the conversation. 

“You don't need to worry. Apparently, Zeus tried to take my face and get into bed with Akeno.”

“What!?” The disbelief in her voice echoed across the area. “You're not messing with me!?”

“Why would I mess with you about something like that? Besides, it shouldn't be that surprising considering who we're dealing with.”

Rossweiss had been up to date on the conversation I had with Aphrodite and Zeus's prior actions. “This is unacceptable! The Greeks asked for your help, and this is what they do?!”

“You need to calm down. I already knew about it, so I spoke with Aphrodite. She made a rather interesting deal that I couldn’t exactly ignore.”

That conversation had given me another problem to think about, but it also presented an opportunity. Ignoring the yokai faction for much longer simply wasn't going to work. Sooner or later, I would have to approach them, and doing that while their ban against me remained in place would only make everything more difficult. If there had ever been a reason to finally deal with that situation, this certainly qualified.

But then again, Aphrodite did not have any strings attached and gave it as a gift. But… I did not trust that she couldn't also take it away.

Even if I stopped Zeus now, nothing prevented him from trying again later. The man had already gone far enough to steal my appearance and use it to try getting into bed with Akeno. Calling that “antics” almost felt too generous. Had anyone else pulled something like this, they probably wouldn't have been breathing afterward. Unfortunately, this particular idiot happened to be the King of Olympus, which meant I couldn't simply punch the problem until it disappeared. Politics, alliances, divine factions, and the consequences of killing someone like him all turned what should have been a simple solution into an enormous headache.

Politics, alliances, divine factions, and the consequences of killing someone like him — someone I lacked the power to kill anyway — all turned a simple solution into an enormous headache.

My fingers drifted toward my mouth before I caught myself and lowered my hand. I really needed to stop biting my nails whenever I started thinking too much. Being headstrong here would only make things worse. Challenging Zeus to a fight right now might satisfy my anger for about five minutes, but it would also give the god exactly what he wanted. Worse, I knew I couldn't win against him in a straight fight. Pretending otherwise wouldn't change that, and charging into battle simply because I was pissed off was the kind of stupid decision that left everyone else to clean up my mess.

‘I really do envy Issei, getting more overpowered with anger. Typical main character… though I'm also not exempt from such a thing. But unlike before, I would rather not bank on this.’

Instead, I looked down at the corpses surrounding me and narrowed my eyes. “Just where did he get these creatures? I don’t recall any wolves or creatures like these in Greek mythology. Unless these are children of Lycaon of Arcadia or something.” 

Aside from that, it immediately brought another possibility to mind. Could he be working with Loki? It would certainly explain a few things, although making that accusation wouldn't exactly accomplish much. Even if the evidence pointed straight toward him, he could simply deny everything. With enough authority and the right status, some people could dismiss even the most obvious accusation without offering anything resembling a proper defense. A god didn't necessarily need a logical explanation when everyone else had to consider the consequences of challenging him.

Then another thought surfaced, one that actually made sense.

If he could play dirty, who said I couldn't?

No amount of punches or powerful attacks would solve this problem. I didn't possess enough raw strength to force Zeus into submission, and even if I did, beating him senseless wouldn't address the reason he kept coming after me. What I needed wasn't another attack. I needed something that would hit him where it actually mattered, something that would irritate him enough to make him act first. If I could provoke the god into making the first move, then I could use that situation to my advantage instead of being the one who started the conflict.

My phone came out almost immediately, and I sent a message to that person and another message to Rias, Akeno, and practically half the contacts in my phone. 

[Doing something stupid. Probably dumber than usual. Akeno, stay with Rias at her old place. I'm having Grayfia watch over you. Kala and Gabriel are on the others.]

[What are you doing?] Rias wasted no time answering back. 

[Going to make sure Zeus can't think about anyone but me.]

[...]

Couldn't blame her for that reaction; it sounded quite suspicious and promised plenty of trouble. 

[Don't worry, I don't swing that way.]

[Yet. You've been hanging around my cousin for a while, and he's considered good-looking.]

[...Are you provoking me?]

[Maybe. Unless you want to prove me wrong? You have the key to my house, and my bedroom is always open for you.]

Oi, this redheaded princess was searching for a good spanking. I sent a few more messages to others in order to prepare my plan before climbing down from the wolf's corpse. Once down, I turned toward Rossweiss and gestured toward the remaining bodies. “We're done here. You can incinerate the rest of the bodies, but it's probably best to keep one intact, or alive if there are any left, so we can send it back for the others to see where they came from.”

Confusion crossed her face, though she didn't question the order itself. “Do you have a solution for the issue with Zeus?” Lightning rumbled somewhere in the distance, followed by another flash that briefly illuminated the horizon. Considering what had been happening earlier, there wasn't much doubt about what was causing it. 

Serafall must still have him occupied.

“Like Tiamat, she can keep him occupied for a while, but it doesn’t matter. I have a solution. It’s the only way to get this god off my back, even if it means provoking him into a war with me alone.”

“A war?” The Valkyrie's expression immediately shifted from confusion to outright shock. “Why would you do that? How would you even do that? Don't try to kill him!”

“Pft-hahaha! I’m glad you think I could actually kill him. You’re overestimating me by a mile.” Considering the difference between Zeus and me, that was putting it mildly. “But no, I won't even try to physically harm Zeus. In fact, I'm going to use a few words to make sure he can't even think about Akeno, or any other woman around me for that matter.” 

“Ha?” That only seemed to confuse her further. Her eyebrows drew together as she considered what I had just implied before finally asking, “How? Do you plan on using some kind of brainwashing spell? I don't know if it will work on a God like him.”

I shook my head. “Not every problem is solved with a fistfight. I have allies, and I know how to use them.”

As those words left my mouth, a small point of magical light appeared beside me. The glow expanded almost instantly, revealing Aphrodite stepping through it with an expression that was both embarrassed and thoroughly exasperated. 

A hand rose before she could start. “No excuses. I don’t want to hear it from you. Let’s just do what I asked in the text. Tell me it’s possible.”

The goddess sighed, “It’s not impossible. I just want to know what you’re planning before I agree to anything.” Honestly, it sounded reasonable enough considering what I had just dragged her into.

Wait, why was I sympathizing with her? 

“It’s stupid, but it’s the fastest way to make Zeus trip over his own pride. I’m not going to bed wondering if another fake ‘me’ is going to show up tomorrow to harass someone else.”

Aphrodite nodded and extended her hand toward me. “Alright then. She's waiting.”

A small smile crossed my face as I reached out and grabbed her hand. Rossweiss followed along seriously, joining us without any hesitation as the three of us prepared to move. 

Swish!

Before I could even get another word out, a brilliant light enveloped my body. The surroundings disappeared beneath the glow, and the next instant I found myself standing inside a luxurious room that looked exactly like the kind of place I'd expect from Greek gods. Greek statues stood around the room beside elegant fountains, while the floor consisted of polished marble that seemed almost too pristine to actually walk across. Exotic furniture filled the spacious interior, an extravagance  that made my own house look embarrassingly ordinary by comparison.

In the middle of the room, a woman sat comfortably in a leaning chair, her appearance impossible to overlook. Long red hair framed a face that could easily rival the beauty of the goddess beside me, while her presence came with an unusual mixture of warmth and maturity. She calmly held a flower beneath her nose, taking in its scent until her eyes finally shifted toward our group. The moment she recognized Aphrodite, her brow furrowed.

“Dite?”

My gaze moved toward the goddess of love, then back to the woman in front of us. That reaction didn't exactly match what I'd been told earlier about the other goddess waiting for me. The pieces clicked into place, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Of course. She had lied to me again.

There wasn't much point dwelling on it, though, so I walked toward the woman with my usual casual smile, one hand remaining tucked inside my pocket. “Yo, you must be Hera. It's a pleasure to see you.”

I greeted the goddess of marriage, women, family, and childbirth herself.

“...” 

Her eyes narrowed almost immediately. Judging from that reaction, the casual greeting and my complete lack of ceremony probably weren't what she expected from someone approaching a goddess of her status. Normally, I might have made more of an effort to show respect, but after everything that had happened, I was already running dangerously low on patience, and politeness had practically fallen off the list entirely.

“Your husband tried to sleep with my lover a few minutes ago.”

“—!”

The red-haired goddess's eyes widened, and her lips parted as she prepared to respond. I raised a hand before she could get a single excuse out, just like what I did with Aphrodite.

“I don’t want excuses. Aphrodite can fill you in. He put on my face, went to my house, and tried to trick her. This was just days after he failed to do the same thing on a date.”

My gaze remained fixed on her as I continued, not bothering to soften the accusation. “I don’t know how much of the human myths about you are true, but Zeus’s actions suggest there’s something to them. If even a fraction is real, then I think you’ll like my offer.”

“An offer?”

The irritation in her voice had faded somewhat, replaced by curiosity. Whatever she had expected from my arrival, apparently it hadn't involved me walking into her room and immediately informing her that her husband had tried to sleep with someone else.

“I’m sure you’re tired of his antics. And for whatever reason, love, politics, duty — you can’t just punish the king of the gods. You would have done it years ago if you could.”

I took another step forward, keeping my expression calm as the idea continued to form into something that could actually work. “But I’m offering a solution for both of us. A way to stop his wandering eye for a few decades and wound his pride so badly he’ll be too focused on killing me to bother anyone else.”

The goddess considered my words for several moments before finally giving me the response I wanted. “Go on.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth as I lowered myself onto one knee. One of the two people behind me immediately gasped, while Aphrodite responded with an amused hum, making it clear she already understood where this was going. Extending my hand toward the goddess before me, I made the proposal as directly as possible.

“As far as I know, there are no rules stating that you can't be with others after your husband has cheated on you so many times. I understand that you represent the concept of family itself and cannot go against your nature. This way, I extend an offering. Why don't you temporarily become my lover then and make the whole world know?”

“...”

Her expression shifted subtly as she processed what I'd just proposed. For all I knew, this could end with me getting executed for the sheer arrogance of suggesting such a thing to a married goddess. Still, trusting my instincts seemed preferable to standing around waiting for Zeus to cause another problem. More importantly, I was betting on the frustration and possible desire for vengeance that had been fermenting within this woman's heart for who knew how long.

If I happened to be wrong, then I could always hide behind the three factions and use them as a shield, with the hope that Sirzechs and Azazel would clean up whatever mess I created. Losing a partnership wouldn't exactly destroy my life either. At this point, those people had been causing me more trouble than benefits anyway, and I could always deal with the yokai situation some other time if Aphrodite were to undo it somehow.

Seconds passed before Hera finally responded, a faint amusement appearing in her expression. “You really are a shameless one, Hikigaya Hachiman. I am a married woman, you know?”

“I never said that I was a saint.”

“Fufufufu~!” A chuckle escaped her, and the reaction told me I hadn't completely miscalculated. “Why do you think that he will even believe this childish act?”

“You’re right about that.“ I smacked my lips before answering, already knowing exactly what I was gambling on. “You know as well as I do, he may be wise, but he's also quite prideful and arrogant, and I'm counting on that. Even if he knows the truth, that side of him will never accept this without making sure a parasite like me is removed permanently from something he never imagined he could potentially lose, and I highly doubt he will aim for you. He will be coming after my blood instead.”

“This is not the first time, you know? Mortals and other figures did try to flirt with or seduce me. Though it almost always ends in severe punishment, what makes you any different?”

“Because I have no interest in you that way. This is business. No feelings, no infidelity. Your vows remain intact because we’d only be pretending.”

“Hahahaha!” 

The response earned a laugh from the goddess this time. Rather than looking offended, she turned her attention toward the woman who had brought me here. “I like this one, Dite.”

“He is quite entertaining. Yes.” 

That reaction left me wondering whether I'd actually managed to prove myself to her, or whether she'd simply found the whole proposal amusing enough to play along. A moment later, the goddess gently placed her hand on top of mine, her skin soft against my palm. The gamble had paid off. 

“Fine, I’ll play this game with you. I’ll treat this as a test, a chance to see if you’re as clever and audacious as they say, dear.” 

Ugh, jumping right into it, huh.

This will be hard to explain to the others… especially Gabriel, but it was my only option at the moment.