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I Tried (almost) Every Major Cruise Line (Patreon)

Published:
2026-09-21 15:55:43
Edited:
2026-09-21 16:02:16
Imported:
2026-09

Content

edit: I somehow managed to immediately use the wrong url. Fixed!

Files

I Tested Every Cruise Line to Find the Least Evil

Watch ad-free on Nebula, plus get access to my exclusive videos that will never be on YouTube here: https://nebula.tv/lindsayellis An extremely comprehensive extremely deep extremely dive on the cruise industry as told by me sailing back-to-back across multiple cruise lines to answer one simple question: do they all suck as much as Royal Caribbean? Is Richard Branson daddy now? From flags of convenience, tax havens, exploitative crew contracts to hidden upsells, predatory drink packages, and dark legal loopholes at sea, this video essay breaks down the corporate profit machines powering the modern cruise industry. And if this feels a bit like SEO word salad, don't hate the player hate the game. FEATURING: Angelina Meehan Princess Weekes @Princess_Weekes Jessie Gender @JessieGender1 Foreign Man in a Foreign Land @ForeignManinaForeignLand The kazoo stylings of Dan Olson 0:00:00:00 … why? 0:02:57:21 Celebrity Reflection 0:21:16:17 Margaritaville at Sea Paradise 0:48:15:16 Disney Wish 1:11:14:12 Virgin Voyages Resilient Lady 1:33:36:22 Carnival ~Firenze~ 1:56:08:10 Royal Caribbean Quantum of the Seas You can support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lindsayellis BlueSky: @lindsayellis Instagram: @namebrandlindsay #RoyalCaribbean #disneycruise #videoessay

Comments

Turin Swift

2 minutes and the video already removed on YouTube?!

Corina Lake

Oooh Lindsay.. my family is going on a cruise very soon, how did you know?! 😬 *hits play*

Trevor Jones

"90 percent of the crews on these ships are fro---" from where!? WHERE?

Matt D

"a supposedly fun thing i've done half a dozen times"

Bob the Fish Productions

I note without comment that it is only marginally shorter than the one about anti-semitism and genocide and culture war

Nick S

🎉 Will this be on Nebula too?

Lindsay Ellis

it says it's still processing, dunno what's taking so long

James Rule

I have never seen the attraction to cruises, though the Disney one seemed okish adjacent.

Skulmarus

I am assuming Disney found out you know Jenny Nichols and upgraded your cruise package so you didn't give them the Star Wars treatment.

avery parkway

Thank you for giving me "Buy War Bonds" as ammunition to use as insult towards old people, I will come to appreciate it for years to come

Ryan Storey

I really, REALLY hope you can write these cruise trips off as a business expense 😭

Shepard Andrews

Listening during my zookeeper workday and wheezing at the amount of Cha-Cha Slides. Truly you're stuck in adult Christian youth group camp for a measly five figures.

Michael Wyzard

Disney cast members have brightened my children's faces many times and I am forever grateful

Kyle Franklin

my place of employment (silver dollar city) was referenced in both Dolly Parton videos. and now my brother appears at 58:48 in this video on the Disney Wish.

Evan O' Grady

Eyyyyy, I was staring at that pillow thinking why is there an And sign for more than id like to admit...then I realise its Ampersand!

Philippa K

i have never and will never regret being a patron

DAS k1ishEé

Lindsay is a travel influencer now how did this happen?

Claraby

Maybe this is a conspiracy theory, but I really agree that Lindsay's upgrade to concierge on the Disney ship seems like it was downstream of Jenny Nicholson putting the fear of god & video essayists into Disney with the star wars hotel video. Their names are in the same general cohort of YouTubers; maybe someone noticed, made the association and bumped her up just in case she was doing a similar video

S.A. Cosby

A cruise....trapped on a floating hotel where I can't escape to a museum or bar AWAY from the hotel? No thank you

Orrin Konheim

I was on a carnival cruise and the Cruise Director, who was a wonderful person offered to do a Q and a, and a couple people asked about the infamouspoop cruise, and she was like, yeah you mean that thing 12 years ago and she’s right I even saw Hassan Minaj ‘s expose, and I thought cruises is really are a very decadent unnecessary thing , then I went on one and you know what they’re great. They actually recycle their waist way better than you think they would and they got down the ratio of eaten to uneaten food to a SCIENCE, and there is vast promotion potential for your Filipino and Indonesian Crew and they do obviously go to the ports of call.

Deconstruction Interactive

This is straight up amazing. I recognize the amount of work and literal $ that went into this video, and I delight in your way of doing cultural criticism via popular video genres :) Thank you for raising issues about colonialism and climate change and reminding us that Woke 1 lives!! This is literally the video -- the breadth, the additional creators, everything -- that made me subscribe to Nebula.

William McCarthy

Jenny’s video was post mortem. It’s not like her review/essay killed it. If anything, Disney was just mad at a former cast member’s betrayal. Jenny was mad that Disney tore down her beloved petting zoo for shitty Star Wars Land.

William McCarthy

I believe Daniel Tosh’s take on cruises: “Just go eat a bowl of shrimp in a busy Walmart.” or words to that effect.

Heyoka

The video was copyright struck under my very nose 😪

Ana Geršak

Tried to watch it now and it was removed 😭

Lora Forsyth

Finally got around to committing to giving Lindsey my $4 a month mostly because this has become my comfort video.

Ashley Will

Is there a Nebula link somewhere to click on?

Stuart Gibson

Oh, dear lord… Well, this latest nonsense from YouTube was the catalyst to finally go and order a hardback copy of Axiom's End.

ivy

First off, I’ve watched this like 6 times already and I’ll probably hit 10 by next week. I think I’m so fascinated by this because it’s a peek into a world that is so completely separate from me? My parents have taken up cruises in retirement and I never really thought too much of it. Until they revealed to me that they bought some sort of “cruise package” and kept offering to book hotels for me because “they had to use them all up”. This made absolutely no sense to me until I watched this video (the drink package explanation particularly) and it suddenly all clicked into place. My parents are incredibly financially savvy immigrants who drilled responsibility into me from a young age, and even they weren’t immune to the lure of a $16k cruise package “deal” that actually takes a lot of effort to fully receive the value. (Yes, I made the exact same face upon learning how much they paid for it.) It does make me wonder what they do onboard though, as they’ve never really been into a the types of entertainment featured in this video, and would probably sooner combust than do a cha cha slide. I’m going to have to ask them next time I see them. Great work as always. The segment on the Bahamas was fantastic and sadly illuminating.

Stuart Gibson

I can't believe you RickRoll'd us before we even get to chapter one. 🤣

Adam Gerekink

Hey Lindsay, did you ask any of the employees if they would ever attend a cruise themselves as a passenger? I just attended my first cruise; Carnival.